The Forsaken (15 page)

“Never. You are mine. Or maybe you would rather a human?”

“I want no one.”

“You are saying, all these years on Earth, you didn’t think about giving yourself to a man?”

She sucked in her breath, wondering for a second if Meredith had mentioned her role with Gareth. Quickly, she dismissed that. Meredith would never reveal what existed between Gareth because she knew how Izzy felt about him. But what Nathanael questioned was true. She had thought to give herself to Gareth to help him—not for love, passion, or anything else.

Nathanael went completely still. He pushed her down on the bed and knelt over her, keeping her pinned underneath him.

“Who? Who was it?”

The hurt and anger Izzy saw fly across his normally controlled face shamed her.

“It’s not like you think,” she said.

“You do not want to know what I think, Isabella.” His voice, a measure of complete control made her gulp.

Tears welled in the corners of her eyes and she hated herself. His lips moved to her face and he kissed each drop that dared to escape. “You think I don’t know what you were contemplating, but let me be clear. You, Isabella are mine. Only mine. From now on the only person with the right to touch you is me. Any others will meet with death. Am I clear?”

Such vicious controlled words, said with tender passion while he kissed away the evidence of her weakness—her tears—made Izzy want to bury her head in her pillow and cry for hours. But that wouldn’t do.

Izzy fought to regain a semblance of her dignity. “You are correct. I had thought it.”

“And do you understand what I just said?”

“Nathanael, I don’t want anyone.”

He kissed her nose and rolled off her, but brought her body up close with his so they could snuggle. “But you have someone—me. I’m in your life, and don’t ever plan to leave it.”

“I don’t want a Cherub life.”

“You misunderstand, and I think, on purpose. You, Isabella are my Cherub. We will be together, one way or another.”

Izzy looked up at him. She raised herself up on her knees and leaned into him. Her hands cupped his face and she kissed him, startling him into silence. He tensed but then he gently kissed her back. As quick as the kiss happened, she ended things.

Turning her back to him, she said, “You’re right. I’m tired. Leave me.”

She heard his feet move and then the door shut, and for that, she said a prayer of thanks. What by the blessed scribes had come over her? Kissing Nathanael hadn’t been wise. She thought she’d hate it. She’d been wrong.

* * *

Nat knew he’d pushed Isabella but his gut twisted with the knowledge he was right. She had thought to give her body to another. When he found out who that person was, he was going to kill them. He couldn’t let that on to Izzy. She was suffering enough and taking too much upon her beautiful shoulders. A part of him wanted to throttle her for disobeying him, but her kissing him had made him speechless. He smiled as he walked down the stairs, realizing he liked her fierce independent streak. Maybe he’d do better to ask for her help instead of ordering her about. That’s how his father got things done when it came to Council decisions and Nat knew as stubborn as his father was he also worked for the greater good.

Knowing how prevalent demons were in this realm was something his brethren needed to know. Nat had to make Izzy understand that she couldn’t place herself in harm’s way. He was not about to let her continue to fight demons. It was his role. She was endangering her life, and if he had to continually remind her that her death would leave her sisters alone to the sins of mankind, he would. Not playing fair when at war was a strategy he’d willingly use.

But tears, those he had not anticipated. She was tired but she fought him every way she could. He didn’t want their relationship to consist always of fight. He wanted more and that surprised him. Maybe his mother’s advice had rubbed more deeply into his wings. She had not voiced the lack of a relationship with his father but he now understood her silence had spoken volumes. More than anything he wanted Isabella to admire him, maybe even like him a bit. Maybe her kissing him meant she did like him. He thought that over and almost tripped on the stairs. If he knew Isabella, the kiss had been a test. He just wasn’t sure if he passed and that feeling didn’t sit well with him.

The thought of any other Seraphim, or human male for that matter, daring to touch her perfection caused a fury of anger to rush through his veins. Isabella was special and in a way he least expected. He even admired the ridged bones of flesh that protruded from her back. She wore her scars with pride, a true warrior. They weren’t Cherub qualities but maybe she was right. Maybe she did deserve more than the life she’d been born into?

“Is everything okay, Nathanael?” asked Meredith when he got to the first floor.

Nathanael looked around. Meredith’s room was at the end of the corridor. He found it odd that of all the Cherubs she was the one who didn’t seem to like heights.

“I’ve put her to bed. She needs to rest. She’s so stubborn.”

“That she is. But, always she means well,” said Meredith.

Out of the corner of his eye, Nathanael caught site of a glint of steel.

“Just where are you going?”

Meredith smiled and moved her Kita in front of her. “I couldn’t sleep. I like to practice. The routine of the ritual helps ease my mind.”

He highly suspected it eased her heart. “You’re not going outside with that, are you?”

She chuckled. “The only place I’m going is to the recreational center. Mike lets me use it when it’s closed.”

Nathanael didn’t like the idea of Meredith—or any of them, for that matter—practicing weapons but he knew that like Izzy, Meredith wouldn’t appreciate his thoughts. And what did it matter? They were already exiled.

“Be safe, Meredith,” said Nathanael.

“And thee,” answered Meredith.

Nathanael slipped from the safety of their makeshift home into the dark of the night, wishing with all his might he could stay with them. Their place was a home. He might be welcome at the Seraphim safe house, but a home it was not.

Chapter Eleven

Mike ran the recreational center efficiently, and just as efficiently, he was avoiding Izzy. Not that she blamed him. He’d hired two local bands that had come in a few months ago showcasing their talents on homemade CDs. The bands helped fill in the gap. For now, everyone assumed Angel Minstrels was on vacation. That suited Izzy fine. With forced time off, she used the opportunity to go over the accounts. That suited her okay too, or so she told herself.

Dreading closing her eyes, she lived on caffeine, catching only a few hours of restless sleep each night. Almost a week had passed since Shea had been brought back to them and seven full days without Nathanael. Shea was on the mend, slowly, and that pleased Izzy.

Noticing how long Nathanael stayed away just made her mood foul. The memory of his lips made her hate herself. What had come over her? She didn’t need his distraction.

“Are we rich yet?”

Meredith’s tone said she, like the rest of her sisters, was still annoyed with her. They thought to baby her and keep her in bed. Izzy had enough of that by day two.

“In another year or so, we’ll have enough money for a place of our own. We are on target.” Izzy didn’t bother to look up from the accounts book.

“Great. That’s truly wonderful.”

Izzy smirked and raised her eyes to Meredith. “Really? You don’t sound great, and it certainly doesn’t sound wonderful to you.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.”

Izzy attempted to stifle a yawn and failed. “Never mind. I’m tired. How is Shea doing today?”

Meredith’s eyes dropped to the floor. “What was done to her was the worst of demon crimes. Her soul was taken.”

What is done is done. And what had Shea been thinking to be out alone so far from the house?
“She’s alive, and that’s all that matters.” Izzy’s voice filled with hatred. Every time she thought of what had happened to Shea, to one of her own, one she had been in charge of, her gut twisted and the feeling of bile rose sharp in her throat.
What I feel is nothing to how Shea must feel. This should have been my punishment. I failed her.

“I fear there is more being unsaid, but Shea will not speak of it.”

“Meredith, we can’t force her to talk about this. The unholiest of crimes has befallen an innocent sister. We must be patient with her.”

“I am not sure patience is what’s needed,” said Meredith.

What are you trying to tell me, but won’t dare speak?
Izzy took a full minute to digest Meredith’s words and to look at her best friend. Righteous anger greeted her. Izzy nodded.
We feel the same way.
“Will she mend?”

Meredith sighed. “I do not know. She…there is trauma. We have healed her as much as physically possible. The rest is up to her. I-I should warn you.”

Izzy closed the books and gave Meredith her full attention. Meredith’s eyes shifted from the floor to the walls. Izzy clocked the silence. “Say it, Meredith. What have you come to say to me? I need to hear it. I need to know.”

“You will not like it.”

Izzy huffed, swiping her damp hair off her face. She tried to recall when last she’d bathed, calculating from her hair’s obvious state of distress she had best attend to that today. “There is not much these days that I
do
like. Tell me.”

Meredith’s answered in a heavy sigh. “I fear…I fear she will attempt to end her life.”

Izzy flew out of the chair. “You can’t be serious.”

“I fear such.”

“Why?”
Because we are taught as Cherubs to value the power of our soul more than anything else,
she thought, biting her lip. Izzy barely refrained from launching into a tirade about Cherub culture. She could tell Meredith wasn’t in the mood.

“Izzy, she is more than dishonored.”

Izzy harrumphed in annoyance. “Meredith, we’ve been exiled. I’ve had my wings cut off. In case you haven’t noticed. We are all
dishonored
.”

“No,” said Meredith, her tone serious.

“The gravest of crimes happened to Shea. The power of her soul forced from her by…by a demon. She is unclean.”

And just how was her soul forced from her?
Izzy didn’t like to think too long about the how of it, and really it didn’t matter. The worst of crimes had befallen her sister. She was at fault for failing her. “Bull!” shouted Izzy.

“That is Cherub way.”

Izzy got in Meredith’s face. “Don’t say that again. She’s innocent.”

Meredith attempted to place a calming hand on Izzy’s arm. Izzy shook her off.

“Isabella, I know that. You know that. But Cherub teachings preach—”

“They preach a lot of bull. I will not allow her to think that of herself. I order her not to.”

Meredith gave a sad chuckle. “If only it were that simple. Do you honestly think the power of your order will make her feel worthy? Will make her feel whole? This order is not one she can obey yet. And before you say another thing, you need to know, that there are marks on her wrists…she tried to end her life after what happened. I think she tried to use a piece of glass to slice…”

“Meredith, enough. This is our fault.”
My fault.
“We must work hard to make her feel worthy. She did not ask for this. We will protect her. Place a sister in the room with her at all times.”

“Shea will know the why?”

“I don’t care. She is not herself at the moment and not thinking clearly.”

“Isabella, to her, the way is clear. No Seraphim will ever have her. Your Nathanael came to Earth to seek you out. She saw that as hope.”

“Hope,” spat Izzy. “He is not hope. Certainly not mine or ours.”

“You are wrong,” said Meredith, moving toward the window. Izzy followed her, wishing it poured and hating the sunlight that streamed into the room when all her thoughts were dark.

“Nathanael is your salvation. Shea knows there is no hope for her to return after what befell her.”

“Meredith, I’ve been over this a hundred times with you. None of us, least of all me—the Forsaken One, the mutilated one—will ever go home. Like it or not, we are on Earth for eternity.”

Still looking out the window, Meredith answered in a tired voice. “You’re wrong, Izzy. You and I both know Nathanael only has to say the words—bind you to him—then you will be allowed back. A penance served.”

Izzy grasped Meredith’s shoulders turning her to face her. “Never. I will never allow that to happen.”

“Allow what to happen?”

Nathanael’s voice, the last one Izzy expected to hear, soared through her, catching her off guard.
Well, what did I expect? A week. Not one word. I thought he’d left. Should have known he’d sneak back into my life.
“Nothing,” she muttered.

He didn’t say anything. He simply stared at her, unnerving her, and that annoyed Izzy.

“It is good to see you, Nathanael. Fare thee well?”

Nathanael nodded at Meredith. “By my blessed heart, I am well. How fares Shea?”

“Cut the formal speak. After years here, I’ve discovered I hate it. Actually, I hated it then, but at least now I have the freedom to say what I truly think,” said Izzy, moving from the window back toward her chair. Nerves on edge, she couldn’t sit. Instead she started to pace around the office room.

Nathanael crossed his arms and watched her. “There is much of Cherub culture I think thee hate, Isabella.”

Izzy groaned and rolled her eyes.

“Shea is mending,” interrupted Meredith.

“I have prayed diligently for her.”

Izzy froze in place. Meredith gasped.
Or did I?
Izzy’s heart fluttered with the adrenaline of his admission. A Seraphim praying diligence meant he’d asked for a good whipping. He’d prayed all day and night and only on the third day of penance would his fast be broken with bread and water. Nathanael’s head hung. His show of subservience quickened Izzy’s heart.
I failed her. By rights I should have protected her or taken on diligence. Instead I did none.