The Forbidden Room 01 - The Forbidden Room (31 page)

My mother had been shot in the head. Oh, Jesus.

“Jayden?” Ethan asked from some distance, his voice full of concern. My ears were ringing, and I felt so disconnected from everything, but I knew I had to make my voice work, so I started with nodding my head, either to tell him that I was okay, or to tell him that it was them, I wasn’t sure.

“That’s them,” I choked out in a whisper.

“Okay, Mr. Carter, why don’t we go talk now.” Detective Sanders led us away from the horror behind the curtain.

* * *

Once we got back to the hotel, I listened dully as Ethan relayed our conversation with Detective Sanders to Lexi. I merely listened to the ghostly narrative of the events that had changed my life.

“After the identification was made, Jayden and I went to an interview room with the officer and he told us what they know so far. Mr.…They were leaving the theater when a couple of street thugs approached them, asking for his wallet, her purse, and their jewelry. Mr. Carter refused, and they shot him. He had been standing in front of his wife in an effort to protect her, but the bullet went through him and into her. They were both shot again before the two individuals escaped. The couple was pronounced dead on the scene.” He finished in an even monotone. Even though he’d tried so hard to refrain from using their names, I still could feel the pain building just having to listen to it again. Why the hell hadn’t my father just give them what they asked for? Everything was replaceable! Everything…but them.

Not able to listen anymore, I got up and went to the bed, my face into the pillow. I barely had time to take a breath before I started screaming.

* * *

I sat in the small quiet room for hours after the funeral, until Lexi and Ethan told me that we should go. Josh and Kim had left right afterwards, Kimberly just couldn’t take being there. She and I had been cordial during the whole process, our grief outweighing the animosity, both too shocked and devastated by our parents’ brutal deaths to really put any energy into fighting. We were both thoroughly defeated, it didn’t matter who was right anymore.

After our flight landed in Washington, and on the way to the house, I sat in the back of the back of Ethan’s Toyota. The silence on the drive home was absolute. There was no talking, no music; I didn’t even hear the purr of the engine as we made our way down the highway. I gazed out the window, watching the scenery pass trying desperately to contain the screaming that was inside my head, drowning everything else out.

When we pulled up to the house, I got out without a word and walked directly up to the room, leaving the door open, knowing Ethan and Lexi would follow soon. I removed all of my clothing and went to the grid work of bars on the wall, grabbing four cuffs as I went, buckling them tightly onto my wrists and ankles, just as Ethan had taught me during our training. I saw the special pins in the cuffs that attached to points in the grid, and I walked over to the wall and locked first my ankles, and then my wrists to points on the grid that caused me to be spread wide. Then, I waited.

It took a while for Ethan and Lexi to come into the room. Ethan walked up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder.

“Jayden….”

“Whip me,” I said in a low but surprisingly calm voice, even though I was anything but calm and could still clearly hear the screaming in my head.

He sighed. “Jayden, I don’t think....” he started, but I cut him off, my forehead was pressed against the metal, so I was speaking to the wall. My eyes were closed and I didn’t turn my head, I didn’t want to see his pity.

“Please…” I nearly sobbed, whispering now. “I need the pain.” He started to protest and I turned my head to look at him, my voice rising exponentially with every word. “My parents died thinking I fuck strange men for money. I can’t think about it!” I was almost screaming. “I can’t feel what I’m feeling right now. PLEASE…Mas…Ethan, please.” I finished and turned back to the wall as I heard him walking to the back wall to pick something out, I didn’t even care what it he was retrieving. Lexi kissed my shoulder softly.

“Please don’t do this,” she said quietly. I turned my head away from her, I couldn’t face her. I felt like such a coward, such a fucking failure. Moving away, she sat on the floor. I didn’t want her to see this, but I knew she’d never leave.

“Are you sure, Jayden?” he asked, and the conflict in his voice over what he was about to do was evident. I nodded and he stepped back before I heard a whistle through the air and felt the sharp sting on my back.

“Harder!” I said through my teeth. He didn’t say anything but swung his instrument with slightly more force, and I grunted as it swiped across my skin just under the first strike.

“Harder!” I said again, my voice breaking, grunting and panting through my teeth. The next blow burned my skin. I tensed and then let out a low moan. “Yes…”

He continued to work over my increasingly sensitive skin in harder strokes. After a few minutes, I felt the screams start to tear out of my throat, screams of pain, frustration, and loss. I couldn’t scream loud enough to purge my overwhelming grief.

My throat was sore from the screams and the sobs when Ethan finally said, “Enough,” and tossed something onto the floor. My legs had given out, and I was hanging by my arms. In the resulting silence, I heard Lexi crying quietly on the floor next to me, she had never left me. They were both here for me as no one else has ever been.

“Lexi, honey, release his cuffs,” Ethan instructed her. I felt his arms go around my waist to hold me up. As he took the strain off my arms, I felt them burning and starting to cramp from the exertion. When the cuffs were finally off, I was shaking all over and found that I could not stand. Ethan and Lexi half carried me to my room and lay me face down on my bed.

“Lexi, get a cool wash cloth, I’m going to get my bag.” Ethan told her quietly, and then left the room. She was back in a minute and I felt her cool hands on my fiery skin. I knew what it must look like; I’d seen the pictures - angry red lines, raised welts, bruising that would probably cover my skin from my shoulders to my knees. Perfectly straight, perfectly formed lines as only an experienced Master like Ethan could deliver

“Thank you,” I said in a broken whisper. Her breathing hitched just once, and the wash cloth paused, but then she resumed. Ethan came back a few minutes later and began to rub something on my back, buttocks, and legs, never saying a word. His touch was gentle and affectionate. Lexi sat at the head of the bed and stroked my hair.

“What’s that?” Lexi asked in a whisper. I felt a sharp pinch in my arm as he answered.

“A sedative,” Ethan answered after a minute or so and his voice sounded distant and slow. “He needs to rest.…” he finished as the curtain was pulled over my consciousness. The last thing I heard was Ethan’s anguished voice, a bit muffled as he said “I didn’t want to hurt him, Lexi. But I understand what he meant about the pain….”

* * *

The yelling woke me up. I was still lying on my stomach, naked under the sheet covering up to my waist. Turning my head slowly towards the sound, I moved before I remembered the searing pain in my back. I hissed at the burning still torturing my skin and then noticed that the sun had set. I don’t know how long I had slept, but Ethan had been right, I felt better after resting. I hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep since the policemen showed up at the door with their news. Once fully awake, I could hear the voices more clearly. It sounded like they were in the hall outside my partially open door.

“How could you do that to him – no matter what your fucking ‘title’?” A sneering voice accused in a low tone. I recognized that voice as my sister’s. Hadn’t she done enough to me? Now she was tormenting the only people who truly cared about me. If I could have moved, I would have picked her up and thrown her out.

“You have inflicted more pain on him than I ever could,” Ethan snarled back, the venom in his voice was unmistakable. As my friend, as well as my Master, he was furious with Kimberly for the damage she had caused.

“Stop. Please.” My voice rough and cracking because of the soreness in my throat. Kimberly threw open the door and ran to my bedside, while Ethan stood looking at me from just inside the doorway. I nodded and he left the room. It was time to talk to her; there was nothing else she could really do to me now.

“Oh Jay….” Kimberly said, and I could tell by the thickness of her voice and the soft sniffles that she was crying. I opened my eyes and looked at her, and she turned on the bedside lamp. “Honey, why did you let him do this to you? Please…Please come and stay with Josh and me.” She ran her fingers through my hair, and I relaxed into her touch.

Then I heard Lexi’s, screaming, almost hysterical, voice in the hall. “Why? Why would you let her in there with him? Hasn’t she tortured him enough? Ethan, let go of me! Please! P...please,” she whimpered, crying. “I can’t stand to see it again, Ethan. I can’t listen to his screams, his anguish. It broke my fucking heart!” I could hear her still struggling against him and it sounded as though Ethan carried her down the hall and then down the stairs. It warmed me to know that Lexi was ready to fight for me. The fact that she cared so much about me gave me the strength to face my sister.

“I didn’t let him do anything, Kimberly. I asked him … no, begged him really, to do it.”

“Why would you do that, Jayden?” she growled her voice angry now. I turned my head away from her and faced the wall, still too sore to move. Unsure how to explain it to her, I still wanted to tell her the truth, because in this case, the truth may actually set me free. I wanted to be free from the guilt, and the secrets.

“Because the physical pain is easier to deal with,” I said in a flat, expressionless voice. “My parents are dead. Worse, they died believing that I had sex with men for money. I’m sure they hated, and were disgusted by, me.” She gasped. “I don’t even have the energy to feel the revulsion and self-loathing anymore. All I can focus on now is the scorching pain. That’s why I begged him to do it.”

“Oh Jay, why would you think that they believed that? Did they say something?”

“They gave me a huge check at graduation and told me that you had told them that I was in trouble. Dad wouldn’t even look me in the eye the last time I saw him. You have never in your life been able to keep a secret. Why would I think you’d kept one that made you disgusted with me? Josh knows. God only knows how many other people you told about your sick freak of a brother - anything to make Kimberly the victim in need of sympathy.”

“Oh honey, I did tell them that I was worried about you, but I would never…I’m sure they assumed because you refused their help for college that it was about money,” she said with a sigh. “And I may not understand what goes on here, but….” She ran her fingers through my hair. “You are my brother, Jay. I love you. I would never do that to you. And…and…” She began to sob. “And I’m so sorry. Please, Jay, you’re all I have left. Please don’t hate me. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t lose you too, please…please…” I turned my head to look at her; she had her head in her hands. And with that, the wall between us fell. She really hadn’t betrayed me to our parents, she would get past our differences and we would be us again. I had missed her so much.

“Kimmy….” I said, using my nickname for her for the first time since she walked in on Ethan and me. “Kim, of course I don’t hate you. You just have to understand that this is what I want, not some perversion that your sweet, innocent brother was forced into. Okay?” She nodded. “Now, I’m really tired and not all that comfortable talking to you with just a sheet on. I’ll come by in a few days, okay?”

“Okay, Jay,” she sniffled and giggling a little. “I love you.” She said softly, and stroked my hair again. I told her I loved her too and my eyes closed slowly, hearing her leave just as I fell back to sleep. The past few days had just drained everything from me, and the sedative Ethan had given was still in my system.

I wasn’t used to sleeping for such a long time in one position, especially on my stomach, so when I finally woke up, I was stiff. Someone was playing with my hair, and I opened my eyes slowly to see Lexi watching me.

“Hey…” she said softly, smiling.

“Hi.” Her hand moved from my hair to my face.

“You okay?” Her eyes searched my face, and I nodded. Then, I pressed my cheek into her palm as she stroked it gently with her thumb and we stayed just like that.

No more words were necessary.

Chapter 14

It was a moment that I had been thinking about for over a year; sitting on my sister’s couch with her leaning back into me, her head rested on my chest, and we were comfortable with each other. Kimberly had even made peace with Lexi before I drove her to the airport this morning. Deep down, Kimberly knew that Lexi was someone that I truly cared about, and someone that cared about me. She felt compelled to, if not befriend her, at least tolerate her. Though, I’m sure tolerating Ethan was going to take a little more work.

“Hey J? Can we….” Kimberly asked just as my cell phone rang. It wasn’t a number that I recognized. Worse than that, it was a three-one-two area code – Chicago.

“Hello?” I answered cautiously. After having listened to enough sympathetic callers, I had grown frustrated with hearing their ‘I’m so sorry, Jason’ – because of course they couldn’t get my name right.