The First Last Kiss (37 page)

‘No, you were too busy with your
next
boyfriend,’ I interject. I don’t want Ryan going back and giving his mate some big ego trip about how she’s still in love with him. I know what blokes are like.

‘How are you anyway, babe? I haven’t seen you around Leigh much.’

Was she looking?

‘I’ve been busy studying,’ Ryan smiles.

‘Oh, not another one,’ she rolls her eyes good-humouredly. ‘You’re just too clever for your own good. Is
he
here?’ Ryan and I look at each other warily. Presumably she means Alex. ‘Does he know I’m here?’ Casey asks, not even attempting to be blasé.

‘Yep, he’s here,’ Ryan says uncertainly, his eyes flickering back to mine. ‘We all are actually. My brother Carl, Gaz and a couple of other guys,’ Ryan replies, shading his eyes from the sun so he can try to spot his mates further down the beach. ‘They’re all over there somewhere. They probably think I’ve abandoned ’em.’

‘Or pulled,’ I offer sweetly. ‘Surely that’s the most likely when one of you disappears. Don’t you have a code for that sort of thing? Or a chart? No, wait, I’ve got it! Score cards. That’s what most guys have in Ibiza, don’t they?’

Ryan raises a thick eyebrow at me and shakes his head. ‘You are way too cynical for your own good. HEY! LADS!’ he cups his mouth with his hands and waves to them, which makes his stomach contract and curved dents like wishbones appear on his torso.

Mia, Casey and I can’t help but giggle as we see the lads in the distance clock that their mate is with a group of girls. They scramble up off the sand really quickly, before trying to strut over as nonchalantly as they can. Unfortunately, in their haste to get to us before each other, they end up looking more like The Monkees.

‘Alright Ryan, what have we got here?’ Alex breaks away from the group, his long legs and pure determination making him get to us first. His sentence – and his broad smile – trails off as he takes in a grinning, scantily clad Casey who is pouting provocatively at them all. She squints at him into the sunlight and juts out her bikini-clad hip as she suggestively puts one hand on it.

‘Hiya, Alex, I’m so glad you’re here,’ she says. I’m sure she doesn’t intend to sound stalkerish but somehow she does. I notice Alex giving Ryan an alarmed look and Ryan quickly intervenes.

‘Alrigh’ lads,’ he pipes up, gesturing them into the conversation, ‘I just bumped into some old friends. Alex, obviously you already know Casey, but do you remember her best mate, Molly?’ Alex grins at me and then punches Ryan on the shoulder.

‘Ryan Shit Snog Cooper!’ chorus the boys and they fall about laughing.

I see that Ryan’s tanned face has turned an interesting shade of lobster. And it’s not sunburn. I find it surprisingly sweet.

‘I suppose that’s usually Ryan’s trick, eh – the hit-
on
and run?’ I say drolly, and Alex laughs and throws his arm around Ryan’s neck, before rubbing his knuckles on his head.

‘She’s got you there, mate,’ he laughs, and Ryan and I join in. I glance up at Alex. He looks just as I remember, devilishly good-looking, if you like that sort of thing, which Casey clearly does. Gaz turns to Mia, who is sitting on her beach towel, sunhat tilted over one eye, make-up perfectly applied and looking for all the world like she’s modelling for an upmarket beach catalogue.

‘And what’s your name?’ Gaz asks chirpily, bouncing down on his knees so his brightly coloured board shorts are at her eye level.

She looks up imperiously under the rim of her hat and then looks away as if she just can’t be bothered to answer. I can’t
think
why men have called her ‘aloof’ before.

‘It’s Mia,’ I answer for her, nudging her with my foot and giving her a ‘be nice’ face. Which is rich coming from me. I don’t know why but I actually like these boys; they seem sweet.

‘Mia LIKE-A!’ Gaz says with a guffaw. Mia looks at me, looks at him, then rolls her eyes and rolls onto her front gracefully, resting her cheek on her hands, in the opposite direction. Gaz walks round to the other side and continues to bamboozle her with chatter.

Carl steps forward next and lifts his hand in a laid-back salute. ‘I’m Carl, Ryan’s bigger, better-looking, more successful brother.’

Ryan looks at me, looks at Carl, and then rugby tackles him into the sand. At which point, Carl, who is a foot taller and at least a stone heavier than Ryan, lifts him cleanly over his shoulder, runs down to the shore and throws him into the sea.

We all crack up laughing.

‘Hey,’ Carl grins when he returns with Ryan close behind. ‘Where are you girls going tonight? Do you fancy all meeting up at a bar later?’

‘Well, we’ve got plans for a quiet dinner actually . . . ’ I begin but I’m drowned out.

‘We’d love to!’ Casey pulls my ear to her mouth and whispers, ‘We didn’t come here to have quiet dinners!’ and she raises her eyebrow suggestively.

‘Mia?’ I ask, not wanting to agree to anything on the girls’ holiday without everyone’s consent.

She slowly looks at each of the boys in turn from under the rim of her hat, taking her time to slowly and unashamedly appraise them. Then she lies back down slowly. ‘If we must.’

‘Looks like I’m outvoted,’ I laugh. Ryan smiles at me and as the sun beams down on us, suddenly it feels like all my summers have come at once.

It’s the last night of our holiday and Casey, Mia and I are sitting in the Café del Mar, gazing contentedly across the beach at the horizon beyond. The sun is a ball of burning amber high up in the sky – we got here early and managed to get a table so we can enjoy the sun setting on our last day. We’ve had a brilliant week. Ryan and his mates are the only people we’ve hung around with since I bumped into him on my lilo. It’s become our nightly ritual to meet up with them. And clearly bored of Spanish men, Casey soon turned her attentions to someone closer to home – Carl. He resisted for a while, but like most men, the offer of a no-strings night with a girl like Casey was just too hard to turn down. Not that she believed it was that. She even said we could end up being sisters-in-law.

‘Wouldn’t that be amazing, Molly?’ She’d giggled one night in the hotel room after we’d spent the evening with them all. ‘Imagine us married to the Cooper boys! We’d have the same surname – Casey Cooper does kind of have a ring to it, dontcha think?’

I didn’t like to point out that Carl has avoided her all day and Ryan hadn’t actually even made a move on me. I don’t know why. I mean, it’s not like there haven’t been opportunities. I’m beginning to wonder if he’s been playing me all week. Or if he’s interested in someone else entirely. I make this point to Casey and she swivels her head towards me.

‘Do you think? Well, I guess it’s possible, I mean, Ibiza is full of pretty girls, but I presumed . . . ’ Her sentence tails off, I’m not sure if she’s just lost interest in the subject, or she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings.

‘I can’t believe it’s our last night,’ Mia says, lifting her margarita glass to her lips and taking a long sip. She looks beautiful in white jeans and a barely-there, bright-pink handkerchief top with little mirrored sequins sewn on that shows off her newly acquired belly-button piercing, which Casey convinced her to get done. After a rocky start, by approximately day three Mia and Casey had called a cease-fire on their snarking at each other and had bonded over their mutual desire for male attention. They were the wild girls and I was the prude who cramped their style. I didn’t mind. At least it meant they were getting on.

‘Back to reality soon,’ Casey sighs.

‘Not for Mia,’ I say enviously. ‘She’s about to jet across the world.’

Mia smiles at me. ‘I’ve said you could always come with me.’

I think back regretfully to the grand plans we made whilst at uni. Our Life Lists. Our plans to travel the world together, to live in Sydney . . . but I realize it was just a pipe dream. When push comes to shove, I’m not the rebel who’ll take a risk. When I told Mia that I wouldn’t be coming, she was gutted. But it didn’t change her mind about going as I suppose I’d hoped it would. I’m going to miss her beyond belief. I can’t imagine living in London without her, but I know she’s made the right decision. I’m just not sure if I have. Too late now though.

I smile sadly. ‘You know I’d love to, but I’ve got the Holy Grail for a student with debts to pay off – an actual
job
! I’d be crazy to turn it down.’

‘Yeah well,’ Casey says defensively as if trying to compete with our circumstances. ‘You can keep your fancy Australia travels, I don’t reckon anywhere is better than Leigh-on-Sea anyway. I won’t ever leave.’

And the sad thing is I know she won’t, but not because she doesn’t want to, because she’s too scared. I’m just determined that the same doesn’t happen to me.

I spot the boys walking towards us. Casey flaps manically at them and Mia raises a perfectly manicured hand. I take a sharp intake of breath as I see Ryan walking towards me. He’s wearing a white shirt with the last couple of buttons left undone above his belt. The breeze lifts and parts the shirt slightly to reveal a hint of bronzed stomach. I gulp.

‘Alright Princess,’ Gaz says, giving Mia a wink as he slides into a seat next to her and plants a kiss on her neck. Mia rolls her eyes, but kisses him back anyway. They got togehter on the first night we went out. He looks around the table. ‘You all look
blinding
.’

‘Thanks Gaz,’ I smile as I look at the rest of the guys, avoiding eye contact with Ryan as I know I’ll blush, but he leans over anyway and I feel the hairs prickle on my neck as he comes closer.

‘He’s right, you really do,’ he whispers. I don’t want to tell him that I’ve taken extra special care over my appearance. My long, yellow silk sundress slides over my body perfectly, the delicate straps showing off my tanned shoulders, and my hair has turned golden in the sun. For the first time I feel beautiful and I know that’s down to Ryan. The frisson between us has been building all week but neither one of us has made a move. There have been meaningful looks and hands brushing as we walk, but nothing else. I don’t know if it’s our past history stopping us, or circumstance, but it’s like we’re scared of what might happen if we do actually kiss again. It could either be amazing – or awful, and neither of us seems to be willing to take that chance. I don’t know about him, but from the moment I met Ryan he got under my skin in a way I never thought possible. Seeing him here and spending the last week with him has only made it worse. He makes me feel sick with excitement and sick with uncertainty. A big part of me wants to run as far away as I can because I’m not ready to find him. I’m only just beginning my life plan. But at the same time I’m utterly paralysed by him. When I’m with him I can’t imagine wanting anything other than him, forever.

When the sun finally disappears and the sky turns a deep purple, Ryan leans in towards me.

‘Do you fancy going for a walk?’ he whispers. Everyone else is still facing the horizon, drinking and chatting and enjoying the ambience. I smile and nod as he takes my hand under the table. Only Casey turns and spots us. She raises her eyebrow at me and I cock my head and shrug, biting my lip and smiling to show my nerves and pleasure before turning our backs on them.

‘I want to take you to this little place I found, a beach that isn’t as hectic as here,’ Ryan says, still holding my hand. ‘It’s about a fifteen-minute walk away, is that OK?’

I nod. At this point in time I feel like if he said it’d take fifteen days, I’d walk it with him.

‘What a crazy week it’s been, eh,’ he laughs as we stroll comfortably alongside each other. Well, comfortably apart from the ringing in my ears, the pounding of my heart, the shaking of my hands and legs. Other than that, I’m completely relaxed in his presence. ‘I still can’t believe I bumped into you on that lilo.’

He turns to face me. I don’t know what to say, all knowledge of words and speech seems to have disappeared. The balmy island air – and perhaps something else – wraps us in what feels like an impenetrable bubble of heat. We finally arrive at a tranquil little bay, nestled into the craggy cliffs that couldn’t be more different to the bustling hubbub of Calo des Moro.

‘Are we here?’ I say, looking around in delight.

Ryan nods. ‘This is called Cala Gracio,’ he replies. ‘It’s one of a pair of bays that I found when I was windsurfing today. The other one’s just round there.’

‘What are you waiting for, slowcoach!’ I duck under his arms and run across the beach towards the shoreline, squealing as he chases me. Just as I reach the edge of the glistening, moon-kissed water, I turn and he lifts me clean off my feet and into his arms and gazes up at me, his blue eyes fixed determinedly on mine. He slides me back down through his arms so my feet are back on solid ground, but I still feel like I am floating.

He bends down suddenly and picks something up. He opens my hand and places it in my palm.

‘This is the first precious thing I’m going to give you,’ Ryan says solemnly. ‘I promise it won’t be the last.’

I look at the beautifully fragile shell shimmering in my hand and close my fingers around it. Then he wraps his arms around me. He pulls away and I open my eyes. He strokes my cheek, his fingers softly tracing my jawline and he leads me along the shore of the bay, clambering over rocks together, our feet leaving footprints that glisten like diamonds until we get to a second, smaller bay. There’s no one here.

‘I’m going to kiss you now, Molly Carter,’ he says. And as his soft, warm lips melt into mine, his tongue flickering gently like the waves that lap melodically at my feet, I feel like the world has stopped turning and that it is we who are swirling around and around, totally at one with each other and the sea that encompasses us. I feel like I am drowning but I’m not scared.

3.09 p.m.

I’m sitting in the kitchen, silently turning the shell over and over in my hand. I look at it, then over at the TV that is still paused on the final frame of the DVD. I fold my hand around the shell, go into the lounge and eject the film from the player. I unplug it all so Bob can put it in the remaining box, marked ‘Storage’. I go to put the DVD back in its box then take it into the kitchen, where my laptop still sits. I slide it in the hard drive. I know I should pack this away now, it’s getting close to that time but I think I just need one more little fix. Then I’ll be done. I’m about to press play when the doorbell rings and I jump guiltily. Mum. Gazing wildly around, I realize that the place is actually looking pretty sorted and it’s with some relief that I head to the front door. Thirty-three and that woman can still make me feel thirteen. That’s power.