The Fireman's Secret (7 page)

She blinked back tears. “You know I can’t wear something like that. Didn’t you hear me? I just said I don’t want people to see.”

“You could,” Paige’s voice grew soft.

Shelby whipped around. “My scars would show.” She dashed the hot tears off her cheeks.

Paige spoke gently, “Caleb’s said it to you time and time again, and I’ll say it, too. You’re the only one letting that hold you back from life. We don’t even see them. We just see beautiful, sweet and kindhearted Shelby, and that’s all anyone would see if you’d let them.”

Easy for Caleb and Paige to say. For starters, Paige was a gorgeous blonde. In Shelby’s opinion, her brother’s fiancée could secure a job tomorrow as a runway model if she decided not to be a teacher anymore. But more than that, Paige hadn’t lived with the stares and people stepping away from her once they saw her skin. There was a good reason Shelby hadn’t let anyone see the marks in almost fourteen years.

Paige hadn’t had to break up with two great guys before the relationship became too close. Each time, Shelby had cut it off before she had to tell them. What was the use? There wasn’t a reason to date any longer—not once she’d realized no man would want her when they could have a wife whose skin glowed in a cute sundress.

“You guys don’t get it,” Shelby mumbled, shuffling over to the changing room. She closed the door and tried to keep the rest of her tears from falling. She fanned her face for a minute and then peeled out of the coat and dress, sucking in deep breaths to try to calm down. The wedding was only one day. For one day, she’d have to stand in front of a large crowd with everyone wondering why she was dressed like a grandma. She could do it for Caleb and Paige. She had to.

As she hung the dress on the hanger, she caught sight of the large scar on her back. It was the size of a dessert plate, located almost in the center of her back, but a little to the left. It marked the exact spot where the ceiling beam had pinned her to the ground. Another scar, as long as an unsharpened pencil but three fingers thick, ran from wrist to elbow on her right arm. The left arm had faired a bit better with only two small patches—one on her forearm and one small spot on her biceps. She looked away before assessing the backs of her legs.

Shelby finished dressing quickly and then left the changing room, matronly dress in hand.

Paige waited for her on a plush couch near the front of the small store. “What did you decide?”

“You don’t really need me to stand up in your wedding.” Shelby dangled the dress behind her by hooking the hanger on her fingers and resting the back of her hand on her shoulder.

“Of course I do. You’re my new sister. Besides, I already paid the clerk for it.” Paige stood and held the front door open for Shelby.

Another cloudless blue sky met them outside. It was going to be a hotter than normal summer.

Shelby walked beside Paige to where Paige’s car was parked. “But doesn’t Caleb still only have Miles standing up in the wedding? It would look better if just Maggie and Miles walked down together. I’ll be this awkward third wheel in front of everyone.”

“You’re not getting out of this, missy. We’ll just have to double our efforts to convince Caleb to ask another guy to stand up.” Paige’s car chirped. “Hey, what about this Joel guy?”

Shelby thought of him and smiled. “Joel would definitely look great in a suit, and he and Caleb were best friends when they were teens.”

“And you wouldn’t mind walking down the aisle with him—not one bit, would you?” Paige’s hand shot out and squeezed Shelby’s free one. “He’s cute, am I right? I can tell by how you said his name. And a fireman. That’s perfect. Everyone loves a fireman. I can’t wait to meet him.”

“I’m actually going to the firehouse now to see him.” It was only a short walk from the bridal shop, and then she’d double back to her apartment and pick up her bicycle.

“Are you now?” Paige’s voice rose and she waggled her eyebrows.

“Yeah, I need to pick up his house key.”

“Shelby, I don’t know if you should—”

“Wow. My overprotective brother has already rubbed off on you. Relax, okay? Joel’s giving me a key so I can check on his dog when he’s on shift at the firehouse.”

“So, do tell.” Paige grinned. “You two seem to have clicked right away. Are you thinking romance? I’ll definitely have to meet this man and see if he’s good enough for my Shelby.”

“Paaaige.” Shelby drew out her name. “Don’t embarrass me. And it’s not like that. At all. He’s just a friend. Less than that. He was Caleb’s friend and I was just the little sister.”

“Ah, but you’re all grown up and wonderful now. He’d be a fool not to see that.”

“We’re both better off just staying friends.” Shelby hugged the dress to her stomach.

“Shelby, you’ve got to start letting people love you.”

“I do.”

“More than just family.”

“A lot of people in town love me.”

Paige rolled her eyes. “Okay, I mean a man—romantically.”

“That’s not for me.”

Paige leaned against the side of her car. “Why not?”

“Let’s not get on that topic again.” Shelby turned to leave. She wouldn’t go through this conversational loop again. Paige was a sweetheart, but she could be like a bloodhound stuck on a scent trail when she wanted to prove a point. Yet another reason she and Caleb were perfect for each other.

“Because of the burns? Shelby...” Paige caught her arm and stopped her from walking away. “Someday you’ll have to let someone in. Why not now? A man—the right man—won’t care one bit about your scars.”

“That’s not true. Even
I
think they’re ugly. How can I expect someone else not to?” She held up her hand. “I know you’ve seen pictures of my mother. She was so beautiful, probably the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen in real life. But what did that get her? Even being that beautiful, my dad still left her. What chance do I have, if she couldn’t convince a man to be faithful to her when she didn’t have anything wrong with her?”

“That’s not a fair comparison, Shelby, I—”

She stepped back. “I need to get going.”

“Me, too.” Paige checked her watch. “I’m supposed to meet with the florist in half an hour.” She pointed at Shelby. “This conversation isn’t over. There are still some things I want to say and some things I think you’re wrong about.”

Shelby waved goodbye and started down the sidewalk.

The conversation was over. Forever.

Chapter Five

J
oel twisted the faucet and warm water rushed into his cupped hands. He splashed his face. No matter how many fires he responded to, he’d never get used to reeking of smoke afterward. He had been in the house for only a few minutes, and in full gear, but the smell had leeched into his hair and seeped into every pore. Prior experience had taught him he could scrub with industrial soap, but he would always smell smoke and ashes days later.

Chief Wheeler opened the cabinet near Joel’s head. He grabbed a mug with an advertisement for an insurance company plastered on the side. “Everything good at the Amsted residence?”

Joel grabbed the kitchen dish towel and scrubbed it over his wet face and hair. He’d replace it with a fresh one. As the newbie, he’d been assigned laundry duty on his first shift. “If by good you mean their kitchen is charred and their house is no longer structurally sound, then sure.”

“You know what I mean.” Wheeler groaned when he found the coffeepot empty. “These guys act like they think their moms live here.” Yanking open a large drawer, he dug out a packet of coffee and dumped it on top of the used filter and grounds already in the machine. Joel grimaced. That explained why the coffee this morning tasted like tar.

Wheeler jabbed the orange “on” button and then turned around and leaned against the counter so he faced Joel. “Tell me about the fire.”

Why wasn’t the chief seeking out the on-duty lieutenant and asking him?

Joel tossed the dirty towel into the hamper near the doorway. “Mrs. Amsted and the baby were both in the house. It was the usual—she put something in the oven and forgot about it. The baby’s a newborn, so Mrs. Amsted is understandably tired and she’d fallen asleep while the baby was napping. She said they’d yanked the batteries out of their smoke detectors a few weeks ago when she burned dinner. Good thing their neighbor saw the smoke.”

“But everyone’s okay?” He pinned Joel with an intense stare and crossed his arms over his wide chest.

Joel shifted his weight between his feet. He felt like a bug under a microscope. Why the inquisition? “We took them to the hospital to get checked over. They’ll be fine. Some of the windows were open, so the smoke hadn’t gathered in their rooms as much as we often see.”

“Know what I like about fires?” Wheeler spun back to the coffee machine and filled up his cup.

There was nothing to like about fires. Okay, controlled fires were a different story, but they weren’t talking about that kind. “They give us a job?”

“Good point, but no.” He turned back around and took a swig from his steaming mug. “I like that every fire is a chance to start over. A fire offers a unique opportunity to have a new beginning.”

Joel thought back to the empty lot he’d stood in just this morning. New beginning? The church lot had sat untouched for almost fourteen years. Not much of a new start. “I doubt the Amsteds feel the same way right now.”

The chief waved his hand in a dismissive manner. “Mrs. Amsted has been bugging her husband for years about remodeling that kitchen. Now she’ll get a brand-new one.”

“A new kitchen?” Joel fought the edge in his voice. During his years working in Indy and then doing a tour with a hotshot forest fire team, he’d seen too much destruction caused by fires. Too many lives lost and ruined. He couldn’t be flippant about that suffering, and it bothered him that his chief would talk in such a way. “No disrespect meant, sir, but I feel like you’re making light of their pain.”

“Not at all.” The chief’s voice grew softer, kinder. “I know the Amsteds well—just as I’ve known most everything that’s happened and everyone in this town for the past twenty years.” He paused for a moment, made eye contact, then continued. “They’re thankful and praising God their family is safe today. Tomorrow, they’ll rebuild and be stronger, closer, because of the fire. Coming out the other side of a tragedy has a way of teaching you what’s important in this life.”

“Sounds like you’re saying a fire is a blessing, and I can’t agree with you there.” Joel couldn’t look at the chief. He couldn’t make eye contact or he would say something that could get him in trouble. Still, he had to add something so Wheeler would knock off the talk about fire being wonderful. “At all.”

“You’re a firefighter.”

“Right.” On the other hand, perhaps it was best to state a logical case. “So I know how damaging a fire can be. Maybe I’ve pulled one too many...” Stop. Talking about the people he’d failed in the line of duty only brought their images back to his mind. “My job—our job—is to minimize destruction and to rescue people so they don’t get hurt. Not to celebrate when fires happen.”

“Have you ever seen a field the year after a grass fire?”

Joel shrugged.

“It’s healthier. The soil has more nutrients and more animals can thrive off the same piece of land than before.”

“Yeah, and some animals died in the original fire.” Joel grabbed the hamper. He might as well get on the laundry. At the very least, it would give him a reason to bow out of the conversation.

“True. I’m not minimizing the fact that fire causes pain and sometimes has lifelong ramifications. I guess my point, for you to ponder specifically, is that sometimes the rebuilding after a fire—well, you see, that’s when the real rescue comes.”

“If you say so.” Joel stood in the doorway with the laundry basket.

“Just promise me you’ll think about that.”

“Will do.” Joel nodded and headed down the hall, but halted because Shelby Beck waited a couple of feet away. When she smiled, it made him forget about fires and smelling like smoke. He just wanted to stand there, stare at her and forget about everything.

She tilted her head. “He’s right, you know.”

“Who?” What was she talking about?

“Chief Wheeler.” She jutted her thumb to indicate the kitchen Joel had just left. So she’d overheard the conversation. “Rebuilding after a fire can be a really good thing. It can be healing. Like it’ll be with the church.”

He scrubbed his free hand across his jaw. How come the church had to come up every time he talked to Shelby? “The church doesn’t count. No one was hurt by the church fire.” Not that anyone was hurt today, either, but they could have been. A child could have been injured, which hadn’t been the case with the church.

Shelby’s mouth opened. Then closed. Then opened again. She looked down at the ground and her voice came out very small. “A...a lot of people were hurt by that fire.” She looked back up at him and her eyes brimmed with unshed tears. “Lives were ruined.”

Ruined?
A queasy feeling washed over his gut. Now it was his turn to stall for time. Joel glanced at the dirty laundry and studied a washcloth with a spaghetti stain shaped like Australia. “What do you mean?”

“I mean...that was the community’s church home.” She studied the floor again. “That’s all.”

He stared at her face. Something about the fire was very personal to Shelby, and for that he was sorry. He wished he could tell her it was his fault. Maybe it would help if she could blame someone. But that wasn’t going to happen.

* * *

That was close. She’d almost blurted out about being in the church. About how personal the rebuild project was to her. Someday maybe she’d share it with him. Joel seemed like the type of person who would be compassionate, but—no, she didn’t want his pity. And that was all it would be. He’d feel bad for the marred girl and then pull away.

Change the topic.

He was watching her closely. With his messy head of black hair, he was an attractive man. It gave him a bad-boy quality that didn’t quite fit the usual firefighter persona. Maybe it was because she knew he rode a motorcycle, and the first time she saw him he’d worn a leather jacket.