The Fall (7 page)

“I figured I had some time, but you turned into such a hoe.”

I laughed again and so did he.

“One guy. I slept with
one
guy in high school. Let it go. God, you are such a hypocrite, and if it makes you feel any better, Reiner was a disaster.”

I looked at the man across from me, replaying the night I had boldly put the moves on him at his frat party. It had been incredible. All those years of pent up sexual frustration unraveled around us as we explored each other, repeatedly. I had replayed that night over and over in my head throughout the years. That night had changed everything.

I looked at Dean now across from me at Chantilly and saw a sadness I hadn’t noticed until now.

I felt the guilt of what I had done to him that night hover over me. I realized long after our first time together I had been so concerned with my agenda to get him in bed that I didn’t even realize what he was trying to tell me. He thought I was special. I wondered if I would ever think that way about myself. Then again, he was the only man truly capable of making me feel that way.

And taking it away too easily.

Pain ripped through me as I recalled the day it stopped. Dean saw the memory surface on my face and started to speak when I stood to excuse myself for the restroom, and to my absolute horror, I saw Josh standing a few feet away. He had his arm around an older woman who I recognized as his mother. I quickly made my way over and hugged her in greeting, wishing her a happy birthday. Josh was far from civil as he spoke.

“An old friend, Jesus, Dallas,” he whispered harshly and only for me.

“Josh it’s not like that, not at all. Please come outside with me.”

“Dallas, how are you?” His mother, clearly embarrassed by hearing our unpleasant word exchange, did her best to make conversation. “I’m fine, Mrs. Stephenson,” I piped in happily. “It’s so good to see you. Happy birthday.”

“What the hell is going on?” he hissed as Mrs. Stephenson was whisked away by the hostess. I glanced over my shoulder to see Dean behind me. “Dean, this is Josh. Josh, this is Dean. I ran into him yesterday at my OB. We went to college together.” They shook hands and I begged Dean with my eyes to give us a minute, and he quickly conceded. He walked over to the table, laying his card down, waiting on the server to pick it up and check us out.

Josh eyed Dean then quickly turned to glare at me. “I really don’t care how good of friends you are, that dress is not for a friendly dinner, Dallas.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I just...it was a bad call. I’m under a lot of stress lately and you don’t want to hear about work—”

He roughly grabbed my arm and led me outside. Once we were far enough away, he tore into me.

“So you dress like a total whore and go on a date with an old boyfriend who wanted to pop your cherry! My mother heard that disgusting shit!”

“Oh, God.” I wanted a blanket, no a tarp, no a nun’s habit. I was thoroughly ashamed and hated myself.

“Whore, it’s all I can think about looking at you right now and I don’t want to say it again.”

“Don’t talk to me like that. I haven’t done anything wrong!” I felt my cheeks grow hot as he berated me in front of the valet.

“Then don’t act like one,” he hissed as his gaze covered my body possessively.

“I’m sorry, all right, but you’re overreacting,” I reasoned.

“I saw the way he was looking at you, Dallas. How fucking stupid do you think I am? Now I have to go to explain to my mother why my girlfriend is out in a fuck me dress with another man!”

“Watch your mouth,” I snapped, ready to stand my ground.

“Really, and I suppose you are the voice for the morally sound, Dallas?”

“That’s enough! I swear to you, you keep talking to me like that you will be in for a fight! Who the hell do you think you—”

“I’m jealous!” he admitted, raking his hands through his hair. He looked at me in defeat, and I felt tears threaten. “God, I’m sorry, Dallas. You look so fucking beautiful. I really can’t take this!” He looked over my shoulder and nodded. “Enjoy your date.”

“It’s not like that, Josh!”

“It’s exactly like that, Dallas,” he snapped, turning abruptly and leaving me as Dean approached.

“Sorry, that was...unexpected,” I offered as he looked behind him at a retreating Josh. “This does look rather suspicious,” I said, looking down at my filthy fucking dress. I would burn it. I was guilty for more reasons than one: the way I was dressed, and the fact that a few minutes ago I had been replaying one of the most amazing sexual experiences of my life with Dean.

“That’s what you do to men, Dallas,” he chuckled.

“Thanks for siding with him. It’s been years, Dean. You don’t know me anymore!”

“I just remember how badly it hurt when you threw me in the garbage,” he remarked, unlocking his car.

“I most certainly did not!” I huffed, refusing to let him get my door for me.

“Yes, you did.” He started the car and we made it back to the hospital garage within a few minutes. He walked me to my car door, though I told him it wasn’t necessary.

“Welcome home, Dean.”

He didn’t say a word as I stood facing him, my back to my door. He grabbed my hand after a moment then kissed the back of it. The years melted away one by one as we watched each other. We were on dangerous ground. The pull was impossible and if I stood staring into his crystal depths much longer, I wouldn’t be able to resist him.

“Maybe I don’t know you anymore, but I knew you Dallas and I made damn sure you knew me.” He leaned in close, leaving me breathless at his scent alone. He smelled like a mix of wood and sea and it consumed my senses. In an inescapable fog, he inched closer, and I was in sensory overload with the bright blue of his eyes beckoning me like they always had. I whimpered and wet my lips as his came closer and—
He was engaged. Engaged. Engaged!

“Engaged!” We both jumped at the sound of my voice, breaking our daze.

He didn’t say a word as I opened my car door. I sat in my seat fuming, mad at myself and at him. “I’m with Josh and you are getting married. Go home, Dean.”

I shut my door then started my car. He stood near my door briefly, brought his hand up, pressed two fingers to his lips and then to the glass on my door before he turned and walked away. The recognition of that gesture had my chest burning in seconds.

I watched him drive away and sank in my seat as more memories of Dean came flooding back. I thought I had closed that door, sealed it, and he had blown it all to hell in a matter of days.

“Did you meet her at Columbia?”

“Yes, my first year.”

For years, I had waited for the answer to that question. I hated my answer.

I had to stay away from him, especially if he was inclined to make our past more present. I had come too far, gone through far too much when it came to him. I was a fool to think I could play civil when my heart had waged war on him so long ago.

I couldn’t believe he had almost just kissed me. I also couldn’t believe how bad I wished I had let him. What the hell was he thinking? And what did he really think of me to try something like that? How the hell could I possibly entertain him after what happened? I needed a man with a solid foundation, preferably without Helena, and who hadn’t torn my heart to shreds.

Dean was a liar.

I needed someone more like...Josh.

You don’t love Josh, Dallas.

But I did love him, maybe not in the way that felt like forever, but in a way that was
far healthier
than what I had experienced when I thought I had had that forever kind of love.

Josh was
exactly
the type of man I needed.

I was hit again with the look on his face when he saw me with Dean. I would have been equally just as hurt if the tables were turned.

I dialed his number, knowing he wouldn’t answer, and left him a message.

“Josh, you were right about tonight. Please forgive me and know I’m sorry.” I had never been good at anything personal in my life. He deserved so much more than the hurt I had just put him through. I had never given him any reason to not trust me...until now. He deserved better than me and the small piece of my heart that I had given him.

The only part left that Dean didn’t own, and he was doing a damn good job of trying to claim it. Only one thought raced through my head as I drove home: I had to stay the hell away from Dean Martin.

DEAN

• Then
  

“Get the lead out, Martin. You’re off by a full second!” Dallas roared at me as I pushed through the last quarter mile.

“Time,” she shouted as I crossed the finish, but not before handing my ass to me. “This won’t cut it Saturday.”

“Let’s see you do better, Whitaker,” I snapped, covered in Texas heat and gasping for breath.

“I didn’t sign up for this crap. If you are going to compete, do it to win,” she scolded, recording my time.

We were constantly at the track and she timed me and kept up with the best times of the runners I would compete against. Dallas fueled me, motivated me to push myself harder than I ever thought possible. She never cut me any slack and would often ride me harder on my off days, bringing out the angry Spaniard in me.

“Would it kill you to throw in an encouraging word once in a while or maybe a ‘Way to go, Martin’ when I’ve done well?” She ignored me as I went on. “Shouldn’t I be enjoying myself and in it for the sport?” I mused as I approached her. Her demeanor was all business as she looked over my time sheet for the last few meets.

“If you want a pep talk then go talk to your groupies. I’m here to make sure you smoke Derek Watson. Your time today was shit.”

“Jesus, you have a mouth on you,” I said, standing above her while she took it as a compliment and smiled up at me.

“You are the best, Dean, and you are the fastest. I’ve seen what you can do, even when you aren’t competing. Dean, you can win this one.”

“Only if I have you around to push me.”

“You don’t need me. You just need to know you can do it.”

“I do need you, Dallas. I absolutely fucking do.”

It was an acknowledgement I had refused to give her until that day. There was so much between us, too much, and even if I could not do anything about it, I could tell her how important she was to me. I could give her that.

“So you all set for the science fair?” She peered at me for a moment with those green eyes as if I was asking her a trick question.

“Yep, I think I have a good shot at winning.”

“Need any help?”

“From you? No,” she scoffed, as if the idea was ridiculous.

“Look, if you need help—”

“I’m fine, really.” Her cheeks flushed. She seemed embarrassed to be an academic, though it was a large part of who she was.

“Well, I don’t ever see you with any friends around. I mean, why aren’t you hanging out with other girls?”

She avoided my question completely and handed me my stopwatch.

“I’ve gotta go. My mom’s waiting.”

“Dallas, why—”

She turned on me with an eye roll. “Because they have motives, Dean, and it’s not to get to know me better, okay? I mean, it’s no big secret who my best friend is. I have you and the guys. I’m good.”

She was referring to my crew who had taken her in under strict guidelines to keep their fucking hands off. They all had a soft spot for her and looked out for her like I did.

“You want to do something for me, Martin?” she asked, turning to face me in front of her mother’s SUV her hands on her hips. “Teach me to drive.”

“Done.” I beamed at her as she lifted a brow, incredulous. “Seriously, I want to.”

“Sure you have time with your social calendar and all?”

“Think you can set down your beaker and escape your mad lab long enough?”

She gave me the smile that only Dallas could give that said everything in just a few precious seconds.

And in those seconds, I knew I was in love with her.

And for her I smoked Derek Watson.