The Face In The Mirror (31 page)

“Mitchell Donovan, I love you like crazy,” I said, after they’d gone.
We closed up early and headed home to the beach.

After we got home, Mitchell disappeared. When he came back to the living
room, he dropped my pink swimsuit on my lap.
“Really?” I asked sarcastically.
“Come on, it’s a beautiful afternoon. The sun is good for the soul.”
We swam a bit, and later, as we lay on the lounge chairs, I realized how
much I loved doing nothing with Mitchell and how fortunate and truly happy I
felt.
When we were ready for something to eat, Mitchell called Two Wrong
Fools. We curled up on the sofa with the journal, and I started to read.

We left the restaurant, and I wondered where we would go. He looked at my
feet and said “good,” and I laughed, wondering what he meant.
There was a boardwalk and he led me there. He slipped his shoes off and I
did the same. He tucked them under a bush. Taking my hand, we made our
way to the shoreline. We walked for a while and finally, Robert stopped and
turned to me.
“I want to take you to my room, Mona.”
I just looked at him; my mind was racing.
He smiled at me and continued, “That you came today tells me you want to
take a leap, but I want it to be right. You need to figure out a path that will
work for you. I can only hope that might include me. Think about what you
want. I know what I want.”
He pulled me into his arms, and kissed me. It was passionate and I fell into
his embrace. I felt myself kissing him back. As I did, my thoughts were
buzzing through my head like a busy bee in a flower garden. The kiss was
sensuous. I felt desirous and hopeful. I felt beautiful for the first time in years. I
wanted this man, and I thought of your father and his cheating ways. I
wondered what it would be like to make love with Robert. And then the kiss
ended and his eyes locked on mine, looking at me soulfully.
“Think about that when you leave me.”
“Robert, you do make me think,” I told him. “I want to go with you.”
“Not this time, Mona. I want you to be sure. When you are, you know how
to reach me.”

“He’s trying to make her realize that what she has, isn’t good enough,” I
said as the doorbell rang. I put the book aside and Mitchell went to the door to
get our dinner.

“What do you reckon is going on at your dad’s house this evening?” he
asked as we ate.
“Wow, Mitchell,” I sighed. “I can’t even imagine.”
“I’m bettin’ Roxy’s already packed up,” he said.
“Yeah, but do you think she would really leave ‘The Manor’? I think she’s
packing
him
up.” I said, more to myself than him. “It’ll be interesting to see
what unfolds, but I don’t think I care.”
Mitchell pulled me close nuzzling my neck, and whispered in my ear. “You
do care. You’re just still hurting over all of it.”
I turned into him and he wrapped me tighter. “I just don’t know if I can
ever forgive him. I know I can’t respect him. I don’t know if I can even
like
him, Mitchell.”
“You don’t have to like him, but he’s always going to be your father.”

Later, as we read, I realized that we were getting close to Granny’s passing
and I closed the book. “I’m not ready for this tonight, this weekend, maybe,
but not tonight. “

n

When we woke Saturday, it was a stormy morning. We needed to run
errands, but I wasn’t ready to tackle the rain. It was coming in sheets onto the
porch and I decided no one needed to be out in that mess.

After breakfast, we decided to read some more from the journals. I tried to
brace myself for what was ahead. Mitchell saw my turmoil and decided he
would read.

I don’t know if I was relieved or disappointed when Robert left. I drove
home with the windows open, trying to rejuvenate my spirits. So much to think
about… It all came down to my conscience.

The phone rang at eight o’clock yesterday morning. It was Mrs. Marston,
Granny’s neighbor. She’d gone out to get the paper and grabbed Granny’s to
take to her. She noticed that she didn’t appear to be up yet. ‘Unusual for
Ella’, she told me when she called. She said she knocked and there was no
answer. So I dialed Granny’s number and it rang and rang. My head was
racing as I dressed and got in the car to drive there. You know the rest because
I called you, and I hated that it was you who discovered her, cold in her bed.
Renee, what ever will we do without Granny?

I couldn’t bring myself to call Robert. I was hurting so badly and I didn’t
want to share my pain with him – plus, I wasn’t sure I should be reaching out
to him anyway. I was a mess of emotions.

Mitchell stopped reading because I was blubbering by now. How
appropriate the weather was. It was, so dark and dreary. I curled into the
pillows of the sofa and grieved her death all over again.

“Renie, I didn’t know the details,” he said after a while.
“Mom called and said she was scared. I was on my way out the door to go
to work, but I met her at Granny’s. I went in first and called out to Granny, but
she didn’t reply. I walked to her room and called out again, and there was still
no response. I looked at her tiny frame curled in the bed, on her side, and I
knew. Mom knew, too. I called 911, and told them she wasn’t breathing and
that her body was cold to the touch. A little later, the police and EMS arrived
and pronounced her dead. Mitchell, it was so sad,” I told him.
“I was in Portland, Oregon at a conference when she died. Mom called me,
and I wanted to come home. I wanted to be there for you, Renie, but I couldn’t
get back in time,” Mitchell said and then in a sad voice added, “and I wasn’t
sure that you would have wanted me there.”
“Mitchell, I knew you would have been there if you could. I knew how
much you loved Granny. Your mom told me that you wanted to be. I didn’t
want to be there myself, thinking about her being gone, thinking that I would
never be able to sit and talk to her again… I kept feeling like if I went, it made
it all, final - real. I didn’t want it to be real. Mom and I were both walking in a
fog, like go-bots, doing what we had to do. I know why she didn’t call him,
now I need to know if she called him later.”
Quiet a moment, both of us thinking about the past, I’m sure. Mitchell
started to read again. There were details of the funeral, the days after, and her
joy over my purchase of Granny’s home. There was no mention of Robert for
several pages.

Midge and I cancelled the cruise. Nothing about it seemed right, and I
didn’t even call Robert to tell him. I’ve had many messages from him in the last
few weeks asking why we weren’t there, but I didn’t have the energy to talk to
him. I’m at such a loss over Granny that I can’t talk to him. My heart is so
full of sadness.

I don’t want to trouble you with my thoughts and fears, Renee, so here I put
the pen to paper… Your father hardly comes to the house at all. I suspect that
he is keeping company with another woman, I feel certain that it’s Roxanne. I
feel more lost than ever without Granny. She had her own thoughts about
Wayne, so I knew I could share mine with her.

“She knew, Mitchell. Why? Why didn’t she leave him? That friggin’ gold
digger! The deviant in me hopes that my dad was stupid enough to go into this
without a pre-nup…”

“You know he didn’t,” he interrupted me. “You know he covered his ass
to ensure he didn’t get screwed, but there
is
Rowena. I’m sure if Roxy does
leave, she’ll get what she wants by using Rowena as a means for more.”

We read on, and with each word we read my heart broke a little more. And
with each tear, Mitchell became the caregiver in our relationship. He let me cry,
coddled me, and showed me love. I realized that he really was my other half,
and I heard the song in my head as he held me.

I’m lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold

Several weeks passed in her words and then finally, another entry about the
Captain.

I called Robert today, but of course it went to voicemail. I’d avoided his calls
for weeks, but when his message began I realized that I’d missed the sound of
his voice. I told him about Granny and all that had been going on and why I
hadn’t returned his calls. I talked until time ran out and it was no longer
recording. I hope he will call back.

I realized as I read those last words, “I hope he will call back,” that she was
ready to move on, really explore something with the Captain.

The entry one week later was about my dad and Roxanne. She talked about
knowing, and that she was somehow relieved, yet sad over the whole ordeal. As
we read her words, I thought again about Derek knowing and his part in her
sadness.

“Mitchell, I’m afraid to read these last pages.”

“Because it’s getting close to the end. I know, me too. There are probably
only twenty pages left. Do you want me to stop?” he asked.
“I don’t want it to end. We’ll read some more tomorrow.” And then
suddenly, I sprang up off the sofa. “Mitchell! There’s a phone! Why didn’t it hit
me before?” I ran to the spare room where we’d stashed the last of mom’s
boxes.
“What phone?” he yelled, running down the hall behind me.
“In the box… it was in the desk…” I mumbled. “I had her other phone, so
I thought it was an old one, and I just chucked it in the box to deal with later.”
I pulled a box from the corner and spilled the contents on the floor.
Frantically, I started rifling through the items until I found it. I tried to turn it
on, but it was dead. Like a crazy woman, I shuffled through the other items
looking for the charger. Nothing.
“Dammit!” I yelled.
“Wait, there’s another box,” he said as he started going through the
contents, but we found nothing.
I ran to the office and went through desk drawers looking for something
we might have missed, but again came up empty. Trying to think where else it
could be, I became to cry in frustration.
“Listen to me, Renie. It’s almost midnight. It’s been a long, emotional day,
let’s go to bed. I’ll go out in the morning and buy one. Come on, we can’t do
anything about this now. Come to bed with me.”
Reluctantly, I went. After we snuggled in, I asked Mitchell, “Do you think
there will be anything on there?”
“Stop thinking about it,” he said soothingly and covered my eyes with his
hand. “You’re getting sleepy, very sleepy…”

n

The next morning when I woke, Mitchell wasn’t in the bed. Wondering, I
went to the kitchen and found a note.
Make coffee. I’ll bring breakfast. I love you, M.”
I started the coffee and did a quick dash through the shower. When I
returned to the kitchen there was a message on my phone.
“If you’re hungry, eat. I’m not having much luck. I’ll call back in a few.”
I dialed and he answered. “Good morning. I missed you when I rolled
over.”
“I wanted to surprise you, but I’m not finding what I’m looking for.”
“The charger,” I said, trying to hide my disappointment.
“The guy here at the phone store says he can order one, but we won’t have
it until Monday.”
“It’s all right, we didn’t know about it until last night anyway. Just come
home, I’m hungry.”
When he arrived, he had donuts and we had coffee. After we ate, Mitchell
went to the counter where he always laid his keys. He returned with a bag. It
had the phone store logo on it, and he handed it to me
“But I thought…” I began and then started to freak out over the prospect.
“The guy was rooting in the back and a gal who worked there asked what
he was looking for. Turns out she had the same phone and had the car charger
in the car. She loaned it to us for the day. I have to have it back by six. Come
on, we’re going for a ride.”
I grabbed my purse and we went out the door and got in Mitchell’s truck. I
knew we could access the messages as soon as we plugged the phone into the
charger, but I didn’t want to listen to whatever we might find, in the truck. This
was kind of personal and significant. I wanted to be home and able to give it
my full attention.
We drove to town and I ran into Granny’s and grabbed some paperwork
that I should’ve taken yesterday, but my mind wasn’t wrapped around it. We
drove back to the beach, and by the time we got close the phone had a full
charge so we swung by and dropped off the charger.
I could hardly wait to get home and turn it on! Another piece of my
mother revealed…
Mitchell turned it on, handed it to me, and said, “Adventure awaits!”
“Oh, Mitchell, I’m excited and terrified all at the same time.” With
trembling hands, I turned it on. It was a flip-phone and when I opened it there
were thirty missed calls, but when I tried to retrieve any messages, I found it
was password protected. I tried her birthday, my birthday, the last four of her
social security number – nothing worked!
Frustrated, I started pacing. “How will we ever figure it out?”
“It’ll come to us, Let me have a look,” Mitchell said and I handed him the
phone. The phone allowed access to the contacts, and he found there was only
one number for all calls in or out. He tried the last four digits of the phone
number with no success.
“She’s going to make me work,” I said in a half laugh, but I was
determined to figure it out. “I’m not going to call him. Not yet, anyway.”
“I agree.”

n

A week passed with us trying every four number combination we could
think of, and still we had no luck. By Friday evening my brain was fried. I
worried that Mitchell would get tired of the whole thing. I was feeling defeated,
and I didn’t want to read anymore until we figured this out. I tried to focus on
all the good of this past year and what I’d found with Mitchell, again, and then
it hit me.

“Mitchell,” I shouted, “1-2-1-8! I know that’s it!”
He looked at me, confused.
“Our anniversary… our wedding date… the first time!” I explained with

excitement.

He entered the numbers and it unlocked. We screamed with glee as the
screen lit up. I sat back on the sofa, holding the phone in my lap, and held my
breath. There were two hang-ups and then, I found the first message. I heard a
man’s voice, with a hint of an accent.
Irish, maybe?
I thought.