The Face In The Mirror (11 page)

“I’m getting kind of hungry,” Mitchell said, after a while.
“Oh my, it’s 7:30 already!”
“It is, but it’s good. I’m enjoying this,” he said as he tenderly caressed my

cheek.
He went to the kitchen and heated up our pizza from the night before and
I put the book aside.
Mitchell made another batch of margaritas and after we finished eating, we
continued reading. An hour later, he closed the book. “Do you find it odd at all
that there is so little mention of your dad?”
I thought a moment. “No, not really, I guess. Thinking back, even in my
earliest memories I don’t remember him being home much. I guess his job was
more important. Mom stayed home with us until I started school.
“Actually,” I said, after I thought a minute longer, “there’s little mention of
Derek in there, either. I must have been special,” I laughed, but it did make me
wonder.
“I’m exhausted and ready to go to bed,” I said, rising from the sofa. I
looked around, thinking about how much I didn’t accomplish, but how
absolutely wonderful it felt to have uncovered a piece of my mom’s heart.
“Want something sweet?”
“Oh no,” I replied. “Too full of pizza.”
“I meant me,” he said, stepping closer to me. “Do you miss Bob?”
“Bob, who? Now I have Richard,” I laughed grabbing his crotch. “I need
nothing more.”
“Richard? Dick!” he roared.

Sunday morning, after I made breakfast, I told Mitchell I had to
accomplish at least something from my list of chores before we reopened
Volume One. We’d spent the whole day Saturday with the first book, and as
badly as I wanted to dive in, I knew I had to get some of this behind me. We
went in the office and tore through some more desk drawers. Later, we had
another load of stuff ready to put in the truck to take home so I could go
through it there.

“Finding these has been a lovely surprise,” I said once we got back to the
book. We discovered that the end of Volume One was full of reflections. As we
prepared to head back home, I just had to finish the first book. We curled
together on the sofa to read together.

As the pages of this book come to an end, I think forward to all the new
beginnings and adventures that will fill the pages to come. Renee, you have so
much ahead of you and I’m going to try my best to keep it all in the pages of
these books so that if you ever wonder about something, you can find it here.
Others take pictures, and I have those as well, but my heart shares better with
words. I hope you feel my love in each word I write.

Sometimes this book has been an escape for me. It saddens me greatly that
your father chooses to spend his time at work. He’s missing so much of you, my
precious child. I wonder at times about Wayne’s time away from us, but I
don’t dwell on it. I know he wants to be a hotshot attorney, and I see that he is
well on his way. But he will miss this someday. He will wake up and realize
what a precious jewel he missed.

As I thought about it, I realized that my dad really
wasn’t
around very much.
I remembered him being at all of Derek’s functions – mostly sports – and
suddenly I felt left out, wondering ‘why’. I felt tears trickle down my cheeks.
Mitchell must have read my mind because he pulled me close and held me.

I admit to myself that I’m having a hard time trying to figure out exactly
what’s going on between Mitchell and me, but I really just don’t care. Mitchell
being with me these last few weeks has given me great comfort. I’m so happy
that fate placed him back in my life that I just decided to roll with it.

I woke and noticed a light was on. Curiously, I went down the hall toward
your room. When I rounded the corner, I found you sitting on top of the dresser
with the Cinderella snow-globe we got for you at Disney World! The drawers
looked as though you’d pulled them out to use as steps to get where you were. I
was paralyzed with ‘what ifs?’ - ‘What if you’d fallen,’ ‘what if the dresser fell
forward…’ I looked at you – stunned, and then I saw that sweet face, smiling,
and full of pride over your accomplishment.

You looked at me and delightedly said, “Hi.” I picked you up and we
snuggled in the bed, me talking to you about the dangers of climbing, and
knowing it would hold no bearing, but it made me feel better saying it.

“Want me to pack the books up to take home?” Mitchell asked.
“No. I’d like to read them only when we are here.”
“We and we’ll.” he repeated, and smiled. “I like those words, Renie.”

It was two more weeks before we were able to go back. The summer was
fading away rapidly. Time seemed to be passing quickly and I wanted the days
to last forever. Going to the condo was a challenge, but going with Mitchell
made it an enjoyable challenge. I thought about his comment a few weeks ago
that even McDonald’s would be a special date if I planned it.

“Before we get there, will you please make a stop?”
“Two Wrong Fools?” he laughed.
“No, it’s a surprise.” He looked at me questioningly. “It’s that special date

we talked about.” Quickly, a smile so big that it beamed like a beacon, spread
across his face, and I was happy.
“Go up here and make a left and then the first right. Stop here.”
“McDonald’s,” he grinned.
“I’ll be right back,” I said as I jumped out of the truck and ran inside.
I came back out with a large bag and turned to Mitchell, “Let’s go.”

When we arrived, Mitchell grabbed our bags for the weekend, and I
grabbed the bag from McDonald’s. I took the food to the kitchen. Grabbing
candles, I put them on the dining room table, lit them, and returned to the
kitchen. Mitchell pulled a couple of bottles of wine from a bag that he’d
brought and I nodded at the bottle of Pinot Grigio. He opened the wine, got
glasses and silverware and went to set the table. I grabbed plates and slipped
the salad into two bowls. Chicken Nuggets and various dipping sauces were
placed on a platter along with the fries. I smiled, proud of my idea.

I carried the food to the dining room table, and then went to start some
soft music.
“What are we doing?”
“We’re having a date,” I said.
“What kind of date, Renie?”
“A romantic date.”

She’d lit candles, and then soft music filled the room. As she came back to
the table to join me, she turned out lights. She’d used the word, ‘romantic,’ so I
rose from my seat to pull her chair out for her.

I looked in her eyes and the flame from the candlelight sparkled back at
me. I swear, I thought I would cry.
We enjoyed the meal and light conversation.
Finally, picking up her wine glass, she paused and bowed her head in
silence a moment, and then lifted her glass as a toast.
“I read this recently and I’ve thought about it a lot. I can’t imagine a more
appropriate sentiment. I don’t know who said it, but it moved my soul. ‘We
never live so intensely as when we love strongly. We never realize ourselves so
vividly as when we are in full glow of love for others’.”
She touched her glass to mine and looked at me, that sparkle more vivid,
the gaze more intense. “I know who I am now, Mitchell.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I was lost. I was nothing, no one, without you. I am Renie, a woman who
is in love and hopeful that your future has a place for me.”
“Say it, Renie. I need you to say it. I need to hear it,” and the tears that I’d
been fighting streamed down my cheeks.
“I love you, Mitchell.”
“More beautiful words have never been spoken.” I pushed my plate aside
and rose from my seat. I went to her, and pulled her to her feet. I couldn’t stop
myself from smothering her with kisses.
My hands caressed her cheeks, as I said, “I’ve waited for this day an
eternity.”

After our dinner, Mitchell took my hand and led me down the hall to the
bedroom we were sharing. He slowly unbuttoned my blouse. Kissing my newly
uncovered skin, before moving to the next button.

I reached for him. “No,” he whispered. “No, not yet.”
When my blouse was open, his hands moved to my back and slid down the
zipper on my skirt. As it fell away I kicked it aside. He opened the closure on
my bra and pushed it away as his hands caressed and appreciated. I held my
breath.
“Stay right here. Don’t move,” he said softly, and began to remove his
clothing. Nothing was hurried or frantic. It was as though he wanted every
second to last a lifetime. I saw tears pooling in the corners of his eyes and I
pulled him to me to kiss them away.

He tenderly placed his hands on my face, drawing me close to place the
sweetest kiss on my lips. It stirred passion I hadn’t felt in a very long time. In
the short time since he’d come back into my life our lovemaking had been
sensual, even earth shattering at times. It had been hot and incredible, but
nothing had come close to the passion I felt at that moment.

I felt my arms circle his waist, stepping even closer, allowing my body to
press against his everywhere I could. His hands dropped to my hips, finally
placing them on my bottom, his fingers dug into the cheeks of my butt, pulling
me even closer. As he did, I felt him hard and ready – his body anticipating
what came next.

I gazed at his face, knowing every line, because I’d embedded each feature
into my heart so long ago. The way his lips looked as they parted to ready for
the kiss I was waiting for. The way his jawbones drifted to a strong square chin,
and the single dimple that graced only his left cheek.

I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I looked deep into those warm, alluring,
sexy, chestnut eyes - the same ones that captivated me and made me fall in love
twenty years ago. As he drew me even closer, I watched him. I couldn’t look
away; I was afraid if I did, the spell would be broken.

The kiss became more passionate. His hands still holding my bottom, he
walked me backwards to the bed. I stood, mesmerized by this man, as he slowly
finished undressing me. I shivered with every touch, and I felt something
exciting… love.

Finally, we fell together, naked, on the bed. It was slow and heated. This is
what I longed for – his touch. He touched me in places and ways that I didn’t
know I’d missed until this moment. It seemed an eternity had passed, and in a
way, I guess it had. ‘We’ were a lifetime ago. I knew that I’d missed him, missed
this, but I hadn’t realized the depth until just now. There was nothing quick
about Mitchell’s seduction. It was exciting and I never wanted it to end. Him
being there, making love to me, took my breath away - literally.

Later, satiated and still breathless, those hands - those big warm hands -
framed my face, pushing my hair away, and we shared another passionate kiss.
He rolled away to lie beside me to catch his breath, but he never let me go.

I rolled on my side to face him, and suddenly I was fighting tears.
“Mitchell, what are we doing?”
“I’m not sure what you missed, but it was pretty obvious to me,” he said
with a smile, reaching to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear.
“I was there. I participated. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and I’ll be honest and
tell you that I’m not ready for it to end. I want more, but that’s not what I
meant, and you know it.”
Leaning up on his elbow, he looked at me intently. “I don’t know about
you, Renie, but I’m making love, making up for lost time. My heart is in this.
To me, this isn’t just sex. I could have sex with anyone, but I can’t make love to
someone I’m not in love with. It’s more than getting naked; it’s sharing
everything – your thoughts and fears, your heart, and spirit, your soul - that’s
what I’m doing, Renie.”
As he said those words, I could feel every emotion inside me showing on
my face right there for him to see; there was no place to hide. I had to say
something, but I couldn’t put the words together to say what I really wanted.
“You love me?” I asked finally, in the softest voice. He hadn’t said the
words back when I’d said them to him earlier. He acknowledged what I’d said,
but he hadn’t replied the way I’d hoped.
He wrapped me tightly in his arms, and with my head on his chest I could
feel his reply before he said a word. I felt the soft beat of his heart and the
warmth of his touch as he held me. “I love you, Renie. I never stopped,” he
said in a warm, soft whisper in my ear.
“I don’t want to rush or push you… well, maybe a good push now and
then,” he chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. “I want you to know how I feel.
Too much time has passed without you. What I mean, Renie, is this. Whatever
you’re ready for, whatever pace you’re comfortable with… I can wait. I’m not
going anywhere. I love you, and I’m not gonna let you leave me, ever again.”
He loved me. It was the epiphany of all epiphanies. And I too realized what
had been missing all these years. His words, once more had me a blubbering
idiot, blubbering-idiot-cry-snot and all, and I knew right then that if a man can
hold you so tenderly while you cry in such a ridiculous manner, it must be true
love. Finally, he reached to the floor and picked up the t-shirt that he’d
dropped earlier and held it to my nose. “This is becoming a habit,” he laughed.
“Blow…”
And a man who let’s you blow snot into his shirt is even better. I closed my
eyes and thanked God for my blessings.
The following weekend was another long one to celebrate the Labor Day
holiday. We headed for the beach again, on a mission to get through the rest of
the office and then finish up in Mom’s bedroom.
“I have to get through this,” I said when we began the purging and
shredding process again. Once we’d packed the boxes up that we weren’t sure
what to do with, we stashed them in the empty room. I felt such a sense of
accomplishment because the office was almost empty now. Each afternoon,
Mitchell’s watch alarm would sound, alerting us to stop and go for a swim and
get away from it all for a little while.
Mom’s room was next. I had to force myself to dig through everything that
remained and make decisions on what to do with it. There was furniture to sell,
but I knew that once we were done the chaise would go home with me. I can’t
really explain it, but when I’d napped there, I felt her so strongly. We spent the
day in there sorting through, and finding more clothing to donate, more
pictures to pack, and more memories.
When we quit for the evening, we curled on the sofa to read from Mom’s
journals.