The Executioner's Song (120 page)

Sitting on a bench, trying to .keep his thoughts above the pain in his knee, taking it all in with sorrow and fatigue and considerable churning at the core of his stomach, Vern was feeling pretty emotional. He knew his face was set like stone but it was getting hard to hold up. He almost busted out once — didn’t know if it was to cry or laugh — when Gary said over the phone, “Is this the real Johnny Cash?” That was as crazy as you would want.

Now, Gary was going around in the hat Vern had bought for him at Albertson’s food store, a Robin Hood type of archer’s hat, way too big. It had been the last one left. Vern had looked at Ida and said, “He wears funny things anyway, so I’ll buy it.” How could you love a guy because he wanted to wear a crazy hat? Ah, Gary was so full of love this night. Vern had never seen him this rich. The only thing in the world he could still get mad about was the prison, and he even had a funny attitude there. “My last night,” he kept saying with his grin, “so they can’t punish me anymore,” and Vern came near again to that feeling he was going to cry. He remembered that day so many visits ago that Gary had said, “Veto, there’s no use talking about the situation. I killed those men, and they’re dead. I can’t bring them back, or I would.”

A little later, Stanger was feeling restless, Talking of escape with Gary hadn’t exactly calmed him down, so he said, “Hey, let’s get some pizza,” and asked Lieutenant Fagan, “Can we get cleared?” Everybody liked the idea. Stanger Only had six bucks on him, so Father Meersman kicked in a little and Fagan was good for two, and some of the guards pitched in. Then Vern came up out of a reverie and said, “Nobody contributes. I’m buying the pizzas. You just take care of getting them,”

Fagan volunteered a car with a man to drive them, and then Ron and Bob and the guard went out and stopped in the parking lot long enough for Stanger to slip out of the car, walk around, find Larry, and tell him, “Gary wants to call you around one-thirty in the morning,” Schiller said, “Okay, I’ll go with you.”

By now, the press wasn’t on Schiller’s ear and elbow anymore. The cold had gotten to everybody. People stayed in their vans drinking, and Schiller was able to stroll around the perimeter and get to the police car unobserved. The guard in the front seat said, “Who are you?” but Schiller only replied, “I’m supposed to be going out with

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you,” and got in, and lay down in the back. Stanger, in the mean while, had gotten waylaid by a reporter. It took five minutes before he and Moody could return. Then they went up the road, and the outer gate swung open and they were out of the prison grounds. Schiller got off the floor and everybody started laughing.

If they drove Larry all the way back to Orem, the prison would wonder why the car had been gone so long. It was better they head north to the near outskirts of Salt Lake. From there, Schiller called his driver. With it all, he still got back to the motel before midnight, there to wait for Gary’s call.

The Pizza Hut was the only place open, and they were the last customers, and ordered the stuff with ham, salami and pepperonl, Bob Moody thinking he’d hit everybody with the selection, and picked up some beer in a grocery. Back at the prison, their car was searched, and the beer confiscated. It made them mad, but the examining them was a stiff, and said alcohol would not be on prison grounds. The irony was that he didn’t even look at the pizza boxes. They could have hidden five pistols in there. Then proceeded from the outer gate down the entrance road to the front Administration and the guard at the top of the tower spoke down them like God’s voice coming out of a dark cloud to say there been a ruling against the pizza. Not acceptable.

While they were still disputing that, new word came. They walk in with the pizzas after all. It was just that Gary wouldn’t able to have any. He had not put it on the list for his last supper.

Moody could conceive of the scene in the Warden’s office. big heavy meeting. What? Food brought in from outside? Stop the time they arrived at the door to Maximum, Bob and Ron angry they stood out there to eat their pizza in the cold, and by time they went in, Lieutenant Fagan was very embarrassed ovel situation, very. He was a small man, with white hair, a mustache, a lean build, usually a crisp and pleasant man, but hangdog now the way his superiors had reacted. After a while a guard said Gary could have a piece, too. Of course, Gary wouldn’t go the stuff by then. Gave a look to blister paint, and said, “I everybody’s enjoying my last meal.”

AN EVENING OF DANCING AND LIGHT REFRESHMENT

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Meanwhile, Father Meersman kept entering and going out again. He kept them posted with what was going on in the Adminis tration Building and, presumably, thought Bob, kept the admin istration posted on what was going on with them.

After this episode, there was a feeling of humiliation all over. Last night, Gary could have requested any of a hundred dishes. The Warden would have initialed the form and he could have had it to night. Now, it was too late. A couple of pharmacists, however, came to give him more pills. He couldn’t eat pizza, but they would feed him speed. Stanger decided the best word for the prison administration was “beautiful.”

They also heard that Sterling and Ruth Ann Baker were not being let in to visit. The prison had run a check on Sterling and he had a record. Two traffic citations. A real big criminal record. Gro tesque, Moody was muttering to himself. Stupid. Idiotic. Asinine.

At Toni’s birthday party, there were dozens of phone calls from friends, so Toni didn’t have to think about Gary. All the same, she kept saying to her mother, “I want to go back up,” and Ida would reply, “Oh, hon, all those reporters know who you are now.” Toni thought, “All right, I’ll get up at five.”

Her in-laws left early, and she and Howard just sat there talking. She knew he could feel how she wanted to be with Gary again. Of course, she also didn’t want to leave Howard. Besides, that press! The lights in your eyes were frightening, and you could hear reporters’ nerves snapping on every question. It was the first time she had ever felt like an animal in a cage with other animals.

Howard must have been reading her thoughts because he said, “Come on, honey, I’ll get you through the reporters.” So, they left a note for Ida, and took off. It was close to ten by the time they reached the prison and they must have used up forty-five minutes getting

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through the gate. Security was tight by then. They were accustomed to her face, but Howard was new, and they wouldn’t clear him. She had to go and talk to the Warden, and that did mean pushing through the reporters outside Administration by herself.

Sam Smith wouldn’t let Howard in. Toni had the feeling the Warden would relent if she kept pushing, but Howard didn’t want to. He just kept saying, “How can you sit and talk to someone who is going to die in a few hours?”

When they opened the double gate, there was Daddy and Gary itting together on a cot. Vern was sleepy, and Gary was uptight, but they must have been used to people going in and out, because the first gate slammed behind her and they didn’t even look up when the second gate opened. She was actually in the room before Gary saw her and jumped to his feet and held her in the air. He said, “I knew you’d come back. Thank God you came back.”

He whirled her around and hugged her and gave her another big kiss. Vern said, “What are you doing back here? It’s a long way from morning,” but he left them alone,

They sat down and started to talk, and Gary just held on to hands. He said, “I wish we had more time together.” “I’m sorry said Toni. i

“Well,” he said, “maybe it’s for a reason. Maybe if we’d

a relationship earlier, tonight wouldn’t mean so much.” Then asked if she wanted to see some pictures of Nicole, and got out a ton he had taped, and carefully unwrapped it, and showed Nicole as child. “These,” he added, “you don’t have to look at, if you don’t to,” but pulled out a couple of beautiful drawings of Nicole Then a whole series of pictures taken on photo machines where would get four shots for half a dollar. Nicole was showing

It was obvious these pictures meant a lot to Gary, and Toni thou they weren’t foul. Really kind of meaningful. All the while, Gary bringing up more snapshots of Nicole when she was five, eight, and ten, saying what a beautiful child she was.

Toni said, “She’s a beautiful woman now.” What was all carrying on about how she looked as a child?

“I wish,” said Gary, “I could have seen her one more time.”

AN EVENING OF DANCING AND LIGHT REFRESHMENT

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Then he taped up the carton again, and opened another box full of photographs of prison friends, and told her which institution they’d been in. Some officials came in with medication, and handed him the cup and said, “Take them now,” and Gary said, “You sure don’t trust me, do you?” When they left, Toni was still alone with Gary. He took the plaque that Annette had given him that long time ago, and said, “I want this given to Nicole.” That was when Tni decided Gary must truly have been innocent. Otherwise, he would hardly leave it to Nicole.

The record player was going and Gary said, “Come on, I haven’t danced in years.” So, they got up. She had heard him sing once and he was a terrible singer, but she could see he was going to be even worse as a dancer. Yet, she enjoyed it. Sitting on the floor, looking through his things, she had felt so close. Like Brenda, Toni had been married four times, twice for only a few months. Her fourth marriage had been with Howard and that had lasted nine years. In less trouble now than ever, it was a good marriage, but Toni had never exactly felt the kind of special feeling she had now. It was like she’d known Gary for a lifetime in these couple of hours.

The music was fast. Gary put his funny hat on Toni, fluffed her hair, and they danced. She did her best to follow. When they finished, Gary said, “I never really was very good, but I haven’t had much chance to go to dances,” and they laughed, and he told her that he had talked to Johnny Cash on the phone but it was a bad connection. Still he had asked, “Are you the real Johnny Cash?” and right after the answer, hollered back, “Well, this is the real Gary Gilmore.”

They sat down again, Gary said, “I have found something with you tonight that I knew with Brenda through all these years, and I wish I’d made things more equal between you and your sister.” When Toni looked puzzled, he said, “I gave three thousand dollars for you and Howard, and five thousand to Brenda and Johnny I’m sorry I did not make it equal. I never really knew you.” She told him the money didn’t mean anything.

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He said, “You’re so many people to me tonight. You’re Nicole, and you’re Brenda, and in a way, you’re like my mother in the way I remember when she was young.” Toni didn’t know if she was reading his mind, but she thought he was feeling a strong urge to put his arms once more around his mother, and Toni thought of Brenda who had wanted to be with him so bad tonight and was now in the hospital, and Toni felt as odd as if she were both Brenda and herself, both of them there, danch’g and holding his arms.

Every now and then a couple of guards would come in to shake hands with Gary, and he would say, “Do you want my

“Sure, Gary,” they would tell him. So, he would borrow a pen sign the pocket of their shirt or their cuffs and Toni thought they acted like they really liked him. When the pharmacist came Gary said, “Here’s this old boy who takes care of me,” and the macist grunted and said, “Yeah, you keep me pretty busy your shenanigans.”

All the while, Toni was reminding herself that Howard was there shivering in the parking lot. Finally, she told Gary, “Look, bring Mother back by five,” and Gary said, “I want you here in morning with me,” and put his arms around her to give hug and said, “Thank you, for tonight.” He held her one more and said, “A cool, peaceful summer evening, a love-filled room. just brightened my whole night, Toni, and filled it with love,” cuddled her face in his hands, putting one hand on each cheek gave her a kiss on the forehead. “You brought my Nicole back to tonight,” he said. Then he gave her a big hug, and Toni said, going to have to go.”

Gary walked her toward the gate. “I’ll see you in the

he said. “Go home and take care of Ida.” Then he added, “Tell ard hello. It’s so great that Howard came to try to see me.” Toni out letting him think that the only reason Howard had not been was that the Warden would not let him. When the first gate behind her, Gary held the bars to watch until they opened the gate and when that closed behind her, she put her coat on, and She never got to see him again.

AN EVENING OF DANCING AND LIGHT REFRESHMENT

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Up till then, despite the pizza, it had really been a party and everybody was feeling good, and there were no problems, except one so large it removed all sense of the others. But, now, after Toni was gone, Gary started to get mad about the pizza all over again. He became very solemn, very upset. Ron remembered how Gary always said, “I don’t want a last meal, because they’ll play games with me.” Ron knew he didn’t want to talk to Gary now.

Nor did Moody. A sense of death had come into the visitors’ room. It had been there before, but it gave everyone strength. Now it was as if it came creeping like smoke beneath the door. It was getting late. Things had quieted. The record player was not going, and Vern had gone to sleep. Dick and Evelyn Gray were snoozing. Ron went to the kitchen to talk to the guards. It was then that Gary came over to Bob.

“You wouldn’t change clothes with me, would you?” he said, and Bob answered, “No, I wouldn’t.” Gary began to describe how he could get out, if Bob would just give him the clothes. The guards were paying no attention. He could walk through those twin gates as Bob Moody, be out the door of Maximum and over that barbed-wire fence faster than you could ever believe. He would just climb up the wre, then do a forward roll over the roll of barbed wire at the top, pick up a hole or two in his skin, nothing, and be running, man. They would not find him. It was a somber moment. “I know,” said Gary, “that I can get out of here if you will do it.” Bob just had to get his clothing from the locker and put it over in the corner. If Bob wanted, it would also help if he took Gary’s crazy Robin Hood hat and wore it for a while. That would be about all a sleepy guard would look for in the way of Gary Gilmore. “No,” said Bob Moody, “I can’t do it, Gary, and I won’t do it.”