The Everafter War (19 page)

Puck’s Pegasus let out a tremendous fart and then whined uncomfortably.

The horror of Puck’s plan began to sink in and Sabrina started to panic. As she looked up at the fleet of horses she wondered what she could do to save herself. She decided a threat might be her best approach. “You’ll regret this, fairy boy,” Sabrina said. It sounded hollow and pathetic even to her.

Sabrina heard a splat on the floor several yards away. She knew if she looked at it she’d be sorry, so she averted her eyes, but there was no protection from the smell. It invaded Sabrina’s nose like an unwanted house guest. She feared it might never go away.

A second splat followed and Sabrina scampered to her feet. Her only strategy, she realized, was to stay mobile. She leaped out of the way just before a third horrible brown bomb crashed near her foot. Sadly, she found herself directly below another Pegasus suffering a similar gastrointestinal crisis. She rolled out of the way and collided with her sister.

“What’s the big idea?” Daphne groaned. A second later she was pinching her nose. “Geez, Sabrina. You should really lay off the beef stew in the mess tent tonight.”

“That’s not me!” she cried. “We’re under attack. Get up if you want to save yourself.”

Daphne gaped for a second, unsure of what was happening, but when her sleeping bag suffered a direct hit she cringed and dove to safety. In her efforts to escape the next attack she knocked Sabrina down and the two flailed like a couple of desperate fish in the bottom of a boat.

“There’s no escape,” Puck shouted to the girls. “And just so you know, I’m not taking any hostages.” He laughed so hard it echoed off the ceiling of the Hall of Wonders.

Another bomb fell with a splat.

“Is it on me?” Daphne cried, flipping her head back and forth. She calmed down when Sabrina assured her she had not caught any shrapnel.

The commotion finally roused Granny Relda. “Puck! You cut this nonsense out at once,” she demanded, her shouts waking Henry and Veronica.

“Forget it, old lady. I’m done doing what I’m told. The Trickster King has returned,” he shouted, steering his horse so that it flew uncomfortably close to Granny Relda. A splat landed mere inches from her feet and she gasped in horror. She turned to Sabrina and gave her an impatient look.

“What did you say to him?” she asked.

Sabrina was shocked. “Why is it always me!”

“Because you’re the only one that can get under his skin,” Granny said. “You’ve obviously hurt his feelings. He’s very sensitive.”

“Sensitive? This kid hasn’t brushed his teeth since the Civil War and suddenly he cares about someone’s opinion?” Sabrina asked.

“Not someone’s opinion,” Daphne said. “Yours.”

“Why does he care so much what Sabrina thinks?” Henry asked suspiciously.

Sabrina could feel her cheeks blush and she looked to the floor.

“You’ve got your first boyfriend!” Veronica exclaimed, clapping her hands happily.

“Ugh!” Henry complained. “I’m so not ready for this. Couldn’t you have at least picked a boy who doesn’t smell like a broken sump pump?”

“I didn’t pick anyone, Dad. I don’t like him!” she cried.

Daphne grinned. “Whatever.”

“Sabrina, apologize to him before this gets out of hand,” Granny begged.

“Mom, this is already out of hand,” Henry said, holding his sleeping bag over himself and his wife. Henry turned to Puck and shook a commanding finger at him. “Now you listen to me, boy. This is unacceptable behavior. You get off that Pegasus and come down here and start acting your age!”

“Honey, he’s over four thousand years old,” Veronica said, cowering under the sleeping bag.

“Well, then this is even more immature,” Henry said.

Puck sailed over Sabrina’s head. “Hey, ugly. I want to thank you. You actually did me a favor.”

“Oh yeah?” Sabrina said suspiciously.

“I’ve gotten too comfortable living in the old lady’s house, eating the old lady’s food, acting like a human. I am the Trickster King. The Crown Prince of Snips and Snails and Puppy-Dog Tails, the ruler of Gremlins, Rascals, and Miscreants, the guiding light of every instigator, agitator, and knave from here to Wonderland. I shouldn’t be living with a bunch of heroes like you and your family. I should be causing the chaos you are trying to prevent. I am, after all, a villain of the first rate.”

“Fine, go be a villain. But don’t you think this is all a little overdramatic? Flying horses? Poop bombs?”

“Actually, I think it’s just dramatic enough,” Puck said. “Charge!”

There was little the Grimm clan could do. They ran about the Hall of Wonders like escapees from a mental hospital, shrieking and racing around in circles. Eventually Mirror appeared, and despite his desperate cries and a very rich bribe, the boy and his chili dog–eating horses would not relent. Puck chased Sabrina until she tumbled over her own feet and fell. Helpless, she lay on the floor as the Pegasi drifted directly above her.

“Would saying I’m sorry make a difference?” Sabrina asked.

“Not in the least,” Puck crowed.

Like a lot of people who have experienced horrible, nightmarish events, Sabrina’s brain blocked what happened next from her memory. She wouldn’t remember being carried out to the fort where dozens of soldiers, all safely far away, tossed bucket after bucket of soapy water on her until she was clean. She wouldn’t remember how her family wrapped her in towels and carried her to a cot where an elf sprayed her with several cans of air freshener. She wouldn’t remember how her mother sang to her and fed her soup or that she slept for nearly twenty-three hours after the ordeal. It was good that she didn’t remember, but those who witnessed it would be haunted by it for the rest of their lives. Daphne said she would never look at ponies—or chili dogs, for that matter—the same way again.

Unfortunately, that was not the end of Puck’s pranks. By the time Sabrina had recovered, she found snakes in her sleeping bag, stinky cheese sewn into her socks, and the word “fat head” spray-painted on her jacket. Granny promised to have a talk with the boy but Sabrina didn’t have a lot of hope that his pranks would end. The old woman’s efforts to discipline Puck in the past had been slightly less than successful.

Sabrina had missed a day of training, and in that time the troops had become near experts on many of the magical items, including mounting the unicorns and riding the flying carpet. Mr. Boarman and Mr. Swineheart had been busy, too, designing and building a new water tower and various upgrades to the fort, including a trench around the perimeter, a new medical clinic, and two massive catapults, each loaded with boulders as big as a family car. But the two little pigs in disguise were most proud of the high-pressure water cannons they had attached to the watchtowers. Mr. Boarman said they were the best weapons for fending off dragons if any happened to attack the fort.

The biggest change, however, wasn’t in the soldiers or the fort but in the mood of its inhabitants. Gone were the frightened Everafter refugees resisting confrontation. They were replaced by an eager team of fighters determined to be the best they could be. It seemed to Sabrina that they were all itching for a fight with the Master’s Scarlet Hand army. With each hour they became more of a real army, and the fort became an imposing structure. She should have been happy and proud of the community, but everything seemed eerily familiar to the camp she had visited in Ferryport Landing’s dark future. There were things that were different; for example, Snow White was still alive and Granny Relda hadn’t taken over the military planning. Sabrina hoped the differences would be enough to change the town’s destiny.

The family sat down in the mess tent for a breakfast of oatmeal and wild berries, along with bread, eggs, and juice. Sabrina took her seat and glanced at the people around her. Her mother and father were there, as was Granny Relda. Uncle Jake sat on the other side of the table, picking at his food. Mr. Canis and Red sat together, though the little girl still looked haunted by her memories. Puck was nowhere in sight, which meant he couldn’t ruin her breakfast with some disgusting noise or smell. She smiled and ate a big spoonful of oatmeal, only to feel something pop inside her mouth. She didn’t think much of it until she noticed her mother staring at her in surprise.

“What?”

“Sabrina! What are you eating?”

Sabrina looked back down at her food but there was nothing unusual in the bowl. But when she looked at her hand she noticed it had turned a murky shade of green.

“Granny, is this one of your recipes?” Sabrina asked.

The old woman shook her head. “Oh,
liebling
, I think Puck has pulled another prank.”

Sabrina ran into Charming’s cabin and peeked into one of the two mirrors hanging on the wall. Then she shrieked. Her face, hands, feet, and even her ears were swampy green.

Reggie’s face appeared. “Girl, you look like you were attacked by a mob of broccoli.”

Behind her she heard Harry. “Let me see,” he said from inside his mirror.

Sabrina turned. “Kids,” Harry said as he shook his head disapprovingly. “They jump on the latest fad no matter how ridiculous they look.”

“This isn’t a fashion statement,” Sabrina cried as she stomped back to the mess tent. She found Puck sitting in her seat, finishing her breakfast. He smirked when she entered.

“Puck! What did you do to me?” she asked.

“Don’t get all freaked out. It’ll wear off by the time you start college,” Puck said, stealing a handful of eggs from Red Riding Hood’s plate.

“Looks like he slipped you a water toadie egg,” Uncle Jake said. “Relax. It’s not harmful and I have a remedy somewhere, but—”

“But what?”

“Well, the remedy has side effects,” Uncle Jake explained.

“What kind of side effects?”

“You’ll grow a tail,” he answered.

“Gravy,” Daphne said. “Can I take it?”

Before Sabrina could strangle Puck, Prince Charming stormed into the mess tent demanding that someone do something about Goldilocks.

“She’s running around here moving things.”

The blond beauty followed close behind. “Things are very out of balance in this fort. You can’t have the catapult near the water tower. Water has a calming effect on people. You should put the catapult somewhere that people have their blood up—like the fire pit.”

“See, she talks nonsense!”

“It’s feng shui! It’s thousands of years old,” Goldilocks said.

“And I would presume painfully annoying for every year!” Charming shouted. “This is a military complex. It’s not supposed to flow harmoniously.”

“You asked me for my help,” the blond woman said stubbornly.

“This is not what I had in mind, Goldilocks. I need fighters, especially ones with unique abilities. You can command an animal army, but instead you’re moving the ammunition and the horses so they are one with the universe. Woman, we’re launching an attack tonight!”

“Launching an attack!” Henry cried as he leaped from his seat. “What are you talking about?”

Charming looked Sabrina up and down. “You are a strange child,” he said, then turned his attention back to Henry. “The Merry Men only managed to track down one of the hobgoblins you let get away. That one has most assuredly returned to the Hand to report where we are located. We’ll be under attack any day now. I have no intention of sitting and waiting for it to happen. We’re going to strike first and let them know we mean business. It may be our only opportunity to surprise them.”

When Charming strolled off Goldilocks sighed. “I’m just trying to be useful.”

“You have other talents,” Henry reminded her.

She walked away, frowning.

When they were finished with breakfast, Uncle Jake retrieved the toadie egg antidote and gave it to Sabrina. It was a little glass vial with a cork stopper. Inside was a strange yellow liquid. She stared at the bottle uncertainly.

“A tail, huh?”

Uncle Jake nodded. “A really long one.”

Sabrina shook her head. “No way. I am not going to have a monkey tail.”

“It will disappear after a day or two, but without this antidote you’re going to be green for a very long time.”

Sabrina sighed. She wouldn’t be able to hide green skin. She’d look like a blond-haired crocodile. She could at least hide a tail. She took the top off the bottle and drank the liquid. It tasted like soda pop and cabbage.

“How long before it takes effect?” Sabrina asked.

“Your skin is changing back to normal now. The tail, who knows? It could happen any minute or it could take a couple days.”

Henry shook his head in disgust. “Magic,” he muttered. “There’s always a side effect.”

Sabrina knew if she sat and worried about when the tail might appear she would go crazy, so she plunged into training to keep herself occupied. It was a busy day as everyone prepared for the battle ahead. Each minute that ticked by caused tension to grow amongst the soldiers. Their eyes changed from those of eager students to those of an animal who knows the zookeeper is unlocking its cage. They were loud and full of bravado. Raucous versions of ancient Irish war songs filled the fortress. Whether their bravery was real or manufactured had yet to be seen.