The Evensong (43 page)

But he was patient with me. “All right, I’m sure it will ring a bell. Everyone—including Elementals—naturally have the logos, thymes, and eros. This makes up our being. The auctorita is the fourth piece that no one has. Not naturally, at least.”

He was right, this all did ring some kind of bell, but I didn’t dare interrupt.

“Auctorita used to be thought of as myth much like everything else. It means power or authority, and that’s all it entails. Sounds easy, right? But once you have it, it can be too much for the physical body as well as the rest of the soul. It can enhance the other three parts, tipping the scales into excess.” He paused to see if I understood. “Logos is your logic—that doesn’t seem so bad if it were better. Thymos is your emotional drive. If this becomes unbalanced, hubris sets in.”

I frowned. “Hubris?” I remembered that word from all of the Greek plays Rene had us read.

“Yes, you’ve heard of it?” Rhys asked, seeming surprised.

“It’s the most fatal flaw, isn’t it? Too much pride and arrogance that can lead to violence.”

“Yes,” he replied, pleased. “And eros is desire. Normally it would be what drives us to our bodily needs. Give it auctorita and passion comes into control. I don’t mean a good sort of passion, but the feral kind that can push someone over the edge.”

He paused to let me absorb that, and I repeated what I thought was the gist of it. “So auctorita will enhance all of these . . . too much? The body can’t handle it and the person could become—”

“Lost, really. They can become a total slave to auctorita; the amount of power it brings leads most to act irrationally and dangerously.”

I swallowed back my fear. “And this—this could be what’s happening to Linden?”

Rhys nodded slowly. “It happened to his father. It’s very coincidental that both of them should have obtained it. But as I was telling him, he has to be careful. Everyone reacts differently to this, but his father was one who lost himself in the thing. Linden is very much like his father used to be, so he could be prone to becoming the same: too powerful, self-absorbed, a rogue, merciless, evil—well, that could be a stretch of the word,” he admitted, “but I really have no respect for the man.”

I nodded, going numb with the information. “But how . . . how did this all start?”

Rhys took a deep breath and leaned towards me. “Well, now that’s where you come in.”

My mouth opened slightly in shock. “I did this?”

“It’s nothing like that, Riley,” he said quickly. “This is
not
your fault. No one is really clear on how these things happen but—”

“But somehow I triggered it,” I said, my voice shaking.

Rhys smiled sadly. “I don’t believe that you caused the auctorita directly, but somehow being with him seemed to have started it.”

Because we slept together,
my brain translated for me. I closed my eyes and squeezed my hands together, concentrating on the lingering pain in my scraped palm. So that’s why Linden had stopped that one night; he was afraid of this. Then he must have talked to Rhys about it, who assured him that everything was myth and it was okay. Now it looked like myth couldn’t be put off anymore.

“If he had told me I wouldn’t have—”

“There is no way to predict this,” Rhys said, standing to sit in the chair beside me. “Myth is myth, right? Just stories . . . it hasn’t been taken with much seriousness until now. That’s everyone’s mistake.”

What an awful word: mistake. This whole thing had been a mistake. I should have avoided him from the beginning and left him as Stranger in my head. Maybe I shouldn’t think that far . . . I should have let him keep his distance or pried the truth from somebody.

Rhys seemed to know everything I was thinking and put a hand to my shoulder. “It’s only fair that you know all of this. He shouldn’t have kept it a secret. But people do irrational things when other emotions get in the way.”

I turned away to hide my face. My emotions were definitely in the way of everything right now, and I couldn’t help crying.

“He’s not going to . . . to die, is he?” I asked. I could hardly say it.

“No, why would you think that?” he replied immediately, gently turning my chin towards him.

“You said he’d be lucky to make it out of this.”

His face darkened a little. “Oh yes, that. I didn’t mean he was going to die, but if this auctorita gets the better of him, he could lose what he remembers of himself.”

I frowned and looked up at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

“He really hasn’t told you enough, has he?” He shook his head and rolled his eyes a little. “All right, well this—” he gestured to his body, “is one way of seeing me. This is the way a human recognizes a human. On the astral plane, Elementals don’t look the same. It’s like a true form, per se. It is the same person, though different. I can’t explain to you exactly the differences, but you get what I’m saying, don’t you?”

I shook my head slowly. “No, not really. Is a true form like a true name?”

“Almost!” he said, excited I could relate it to something. “Explain to me the true name.”

“I guess it would be similar,” I started. “Only you are supposed to know it because if anyone else does, they can use it against you. It’s a powerful thing, and on other planes we’re supposed to embody it. I don’t even know what that means exactly, so I couldn’t really explain it in detail.”

“That sounds very similar to the true form,” Rhys mused. “So you see it then? Our true form is on the other side, and we become them when we are there; when we ascend.” Ah, so that’s what it meant. “If auctorita damages Linden too much, he might lose this form. It’s not death, but it can be devastating.”

I cringed at the ideas my mind came up with for this explanation. If it wasn’t death but he lost this form, what was left?

“I wish I could explain more clearly, but it’s difficult for someone who doesn’t know absolutely everything. And I doubt you could take anymore explanations at this point,” Rhys said, eyes swooping over my face. I just nodded and hastily wiped the trail of tears off my cheeks.

“Right. But thank you for telling me this,” I replied. “I don’t know what else I would think.”

He smiled slightly. “No use having you jump to conclusions. I admire your understanding after all of this. But loving someone graces you with that, doesn’t it?”

I was a little stunned by what he said, but he just grinned as he stood. He said I should try to get some sleep and not worry about Linden if I could. Nothing would happen to him yet; he would be fine in the morning. I took his word for it and thanked him again. I was surprised when he hugged me a moment before I went upstairs, but it was a little bit of comfort that I needed. I walked right past Linden’s room and up to mine, dreading the empty bed that felt ten times too big.

It was impossible for me to sleep. Everything Rhys had told me kept going through my mind as I tried to process it all again. I wrestled with my own hopeless alternatives as to what was happening, but none of it made any sense. What Rhys had said had to be true.

Finally, I couldn’t stand the huge white bed anymore. I got up and went to the window, looking out at the ocean. It was the normal peaceful scene only punctured by one black mark in the sand. Someone was sitting in the waves, letting the water wash over them. I had completely forgotten about the panicked run Calder and I had earlier, and I rushed out of the house.

It was almost cold outside, but I ignored it and made a beeline for my goal. There were no shoes or discarded clothes on the sand as I approached, and I felt a swelling of relief and something else when I recognized Linden. Even with his back to me, I knew it was him. He might have heard me already, but I approached slowly. I stared at his slightly hunched shoulders and the way his head hung towards the water. He wasn’t wearing anything and the water leveled out at his navel after each wave.

I sat next to him, not caring that my pajamas were getting soaked. He looked no different as he stared at the water and I was relieved to see his muscles weren’t in a constant tremor under his skin.

“Rhys told me everything,” I said quietly. I could barely hear my voice over the waves, but I was sure he could.

Linden lifted his head slightly and parted his lips to speak. He didn’t say anything for a long time. “So are you leaving then?”

“
No,
” I said, louder this time. I reached out and moved his hair away from the side of his face. “No, I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here.”

“Riley, you don’t have to—”

“Linden, listen to me!” I jerked his arm towards me, surprised at how limply he moved. “I’m staying, and you can’t say or do anything that’s going to make me leave. Are you listening?
Nothing
can make me leave now.”

He shook his head very slowly, his body shifting with the next wave. “What if I hurt you?” he barely mumbled. “I could. Easily. This thing is insane . . .”

“You couldn’t. Why? I—I’m in love with you.”

His eyes darted up from the water to my face. He looked like he didn’t believe it.

“I don’t know when,” I went on, hating his silence. “Maybe when you showed me Rhys’ garden on the roof or when you said you always knew I was a witch. I wouldn’t have hid my aura and rode in your trunk if I didn’t.”

He was still only looking at me. Now his eyes stood out almost too bright from his face, the gold picking up silver light from the sky. This was unnerving, and I looked away, about to stand up. His hand lashed out from the water and gripped my wrist tightly.

“Since the swamp,” he said. “The very first time.”

That was all I needed to hear. I waivered every warning I had heard before and fell against him, tasting salt on his lips. He buried his hands in my hair and held me to him so I could barely move.

To think I loved him was one thing, to say it was another, and to hear him say he felt the same was so unreal, I thought I might snap out of it at any second. But the cold water and his warm body kept me in check, and I never wanted to go back.

CONFRONTATION

I awoke early the next morning as Linden sat up, moving the bed slightly. I turned to look at him, noticing he still looked as sick as the day before if not a little worse.

“I need to go to the other room,” he whispered. He was almost still half asleep.

I nodded and reached up to touch his face. “Okay. See you later?”

He mumbled a reply and bent down to kiss me before he stumbled out. I sighed and just lay there for a second. My hair was still slightly damp and the ends were crispy from the ocean. We hadn’t come back inside for a long time, but when we did Linden insisted on staying with me. I wasn’t worried at all; he seemed very clear-headed.

I sat up slowly, realizing my body felt sore all over. I moved my head in a circle, trying to loosen the muscles in my neck. Since the hall was quiet, I thought it would be safe to grab my clothes and head for the shower.

I let the water run for a minute while I waited, looking over my reflection. I was surprised to see the reddish marks on my neck and I tried to pull my hair over them. It wasn’t very effective, so I’d have to be cautious all day. Rhys probably wouldn’t like to know that neither of us was heeding his warnings.

I pulled my hair around the sides of my neck as I went downstairs. Everyone was home and Nerio’s thundering voice carried through the halls. He and Tally were in the living room, and I smiled meekly as I walked by to see Rhys and Calder in the kitchen.

“Hi,” I said, feeling like they could see right through my casual attitude.

“Morning,” Calder said, watching me closely. “Still feel like living here after all you heard?”

I laughed as I sat down. “Yeah, I guess so. I’m mostly worried, not really scared.”

“He’s still asleep,” Rhys said, pulling out a chair. “Either he didn’t sleep well or he’s actually getting better.”

I just nodded, trying to act like I didn’t know where he’d been all night.

“I can’t believe you forgot to mention that guy from last night,” Calder piped up, looking at me pointedly.

For a minute I didn’t know what he was talking about, and then I remembered. “Oh—Omar. Sorry, I just forgot with all that was going on.”

“Yeah well I told everyone about it.”

Rhys nodded. “I wanted to talk to you about that. Who is he anyway?”

I gave him a brief explanation of everything, leaving out some of the more personal details until he understood what I thought might be going on.

“So he’s just out for himself,” Rhys nodded thoughtfully. “Like Calder said, I’m also surprised he would come here. Perhaps the vulcani sent him instead of risking coming here himself.”

“Maybe. I’m sorry I can’t tell you more, but I don’t even know why they’re doing this,” I said, glancing outside, half expecting to see Omar somewhere.

“It’s all right,” Rhys said as he stood. “We’re all in the same boat. I need to make a few phone calls. Everyone leave Linden alone, all right?” He looked at both Calder and I pointedly, and we both nodded.

“Sorry I forgot about that,” I said when he was gone. I looked down at my hand and rubbed the raw skin from my fall.