The Evensong (14 page)

I rushed along the track, hearing Omar clambering after me. I didn’t wait for him, and he didn’t strive to catch up.

This was so sudden, though not nearly random enough. I remembered the night I had fallen asleep in his room and woken up to find him dozing beside me. He’d kissed my cheek before he left the room. Then, I’d dismissed it as pure affection, but it appeared I was incredibly naïve. He always seemed so against Linden since he found out what he was . . . but was it not the fact that he was an Elemental, but because I had grown attached him?

I felt stupid as I walked on in the dark towards home. I’d been so wrapped up in my own troubles, I’d hardly given any thought to others. How selfish; I’d have to work on that. Still, I was slightly angry at Omar for what he’d done. Couldn’t I have a little warning? Could he have asked to kiss me first? That felt old-fashioned, but I still wanted that from him: respect.

No, I didn’t want anything from him. I wanted our friendship, the simple relationship we had before. That seemed to be completely shattered now as I trudged up the slight incline of dirt road towards home. Omar still walked behind me, silent, and that’s how I preferred it. I didn’t turn around once the entire walk, and closed the door behind me when I finally stepped into the house.

RECALL
AVOIDANCE

I avoided Omar at all costs as the next week passed. I couldn’t even meet his eyes, let alone think of anything to say to him. He’d tried to talk to me on a few occasions, but I walked away or talked to the nearest person. It seemed cruel, but I wasn’t up to facing the subject yet. Call it cowardice, but things were circling my mind and completely skewering my judgment.

I didn’t tell Alysana what had happened at the railyard. Instead, I let her gush to me about her ‘friend’ from the college, a guy named William. I had yet to meet him, but she was absolutely smitten. She didn’t quite admit it, but you could tell by just looking at her when she talked about him.

I let her distraction be mine. I let her talk about him all she wanted, speculate on this and that, until I felt like I was an extension of her head. I knew why I was doing this—to forget a certain someone—but it wasn’t working very well. It seemed to backfire on me and cause more time to realize I was trying not to think.

All of this could never go unnoticed, not in a house like mine. Hank was the first to innocently ask if Omar and I weren’t friends anymore; I assured him we were still friends. Rene shot suspicious looks, but Alysana was the most prying of all.

“So, are you going to tell me why you and Omar don’t talk anymore?” she asked one evening as we stood in the greenhouse. I paused in my work, glancing at her with an innocent shrug.

“I don’t know, we had an argument, that’s it,” I replied, going back to digging small holes for seeds. Even though I wasn’t looking at her, I could tell she was glaring.

“You are the worst liar, Riley,” she said as she began dropping seeds into the holes I’d made.

I shook my head. “It’s stupid, all right? He was trying to convince me to go to school with him so I wouldn’t be miserable, and I told him no.”

I said it with force as if I was trying to convince myself it was true, too. Alysana shrugged and finally sighed.

“You guys are both so stubborn,” she said. “Why not just drop the Elemental and go with Omar?”

I stopped what I was doing and stood. This was the last thing I wanted to hear. “Yeah, why not right?” I mumbled.

Alysana called after me in confusion as I stormed out. I just waved a hand in her direction and took off towards the road.

It was stupid not to grab a light jacket before I took off. It was a little chilly, and I clutched my arms as I walked to the right, in the direction of the swamps. No, I wasn’t going to see Linden; I wanted to be in the swamps. I missed it so much, and I’d forced myself to stay away after the final time I’d seen Linden. Now, I wouldn’t deprive myself anymore.

The cool air started to smell particularly damp and still. This put an instant smile on my face, and I started jogging towards the dark smudge that was the trees against the inky sky.

I wasn’t afraid as I rushed into the absolutely darkness of the swamps. There were so many noises here: bugs, some lone bird, the water, the trees. I loved it all over again, and I touched the trees as I passed, staring up at the lightning bugs until I found my spot. It was remotely dry as I sat down, hugging my arms in close to my body. My eyes were slowly adjusting, but I could see the outlines of things clearer now.

I barely realized I was beginning to project. It was like my body just did it on its own in this environment. And it was one of the best times I’d had. I sailed through everything in big, gracious swoops, absorbing all of the feeling of each. I don’t think I’d ever been so careless in expelling my energy, but at the moment I didn’t care. I was greedy in the expanse of space I covered, and I wasn’t even sure how long I was gone.

When I returned to my body, my limps were cold and my fingers tingled with slight numbness. My teeth started chattering as I sat up, but I was smiling nonetheless. It had all felt so good, and I felt cumbersome and weak being grounded again.

I stumbled when I stood, which told me I’d used way too much energy in that sitting. It worried me a little as I tried to make my way back to the edge of the trees, but it had happened before. Not to mention Alysana had to heal me afterwards, but I was sure it wasn’t that serious this time.

Though I’d been walking, I was still slightly out of breath when I reached the road.
Damn,
I thought grudgingly as I put my hands over my head. Walking home was going to take so much longer than usual, and I felt much colder than before.

My hands began to tremble as I walked, and I clenched them together when I heard a car in the distance. I’m sure I looked great, shoulders hunched and stumbling slightly along the side of the road. I tried to straighten, but it was just too cold. I grasped my shoulders and watched the road as headlights approached from behind. If it was anyone who lived in town, they would probably regard me as more of the ‘freak’ they thought I was anyway.

My heart sped up a little as I heard the car come to an abrupt stop. A handful of ideas flit through my mind in a panic, and I kept walking, even when I heard a car door open.

“Riley?”

My heart must have dropped into my stomach. I recognized that voice, even before I turned on instinct, blinded by the headlights. My hand went up to shield my eyes, and I could barely make out a silhouette coming around the front of the car. I didn’t need to see his face to know it was him.

He stopped a good five feet away. “Are you okay?”

Lowering my hand—which was shaking—I stared at Linden, not quite believing he was there. Of course he was; I wasn’t completely out of it.

“I’m fine,” I said, whispering.

He looked me up and down for a second. “You don’t look okay.”

“I was just in the swamp,” I said, taking a step back. It felt like magnet opposition, like I should be going the other way.

“Wait,” Linden said quickly, taking a step forward. “Let me drive you home, at least.”

It’s fine, I can walk.
I heard the words in my head, but I couldn’t make my voice or lips cooperate with what I knew was right.

He seemed to see my hesitation and went to the car, getting inside to unlock the passenger door. He stayed in the car, watching me. I barely managed to swallow as I felt my feet move below me, taking me towards the car.

I opened the door and slowly sat down out of both nervousness and stiffness. Linden didn’t stare, just shut his door and put on his seatbelt. I followed suit and looked straight ahead, using my hair as a barrier between him and my line of sight.

He drove slowly, deliberately. He didn’t say a word and let the static on the radio fill the silence. When I saw the house looming into sight, my throat clutched.

“Do you want to go somewhere else?” Linden asked. Maybe he’d felt my sudden tension.

But I wasn’t ready yet. “No. This is fine.”

He seemed disappointed, and I dared to look at him. One hand on the wheel, he stared down at his lap, thinking. “Would you be willing to talk? Tomorrow?”

I hesitated, knowing what I wanted to say, but wondering if it would be all right. “Where?”

“I’ll take you somewhere,” he said, meeting my gaze. “I wanted to since you . . . well, have you been to the city in a while?”

The city. It was a vague term but I knew he was talking about the forty-five minute drive north where the swamps tended to dwindle out and all of the roads were paved. I hadn’t been there in years.

“It’s been a long time,” I replied.

“Good,” he said, his tone lifting a little. He lowered it again before he asked, “Would you be okay with going there with me?”

I didn’t hesitate as I nodded, swallowing hard. My throat had suddenly gone dry. I wasn’t in any state to talk now, but I would be prepared for the next day.

“Thanks for the ride,” I said as I fumbled with the door. It popped open, and I put one foot out, not wanting to go, yet wanting to run at the same time.

“When can you meet me at the swamps?” he asked.

I thought for a minute, taking note that I had some very final preparations to make with Rene regarding my ceremony. “Noon?”

“Fair enough,” he said, smiling very slightly. “Can you make it to the door?”

“I’m fine, don’t worry,” I said as I stood, bracing my hand on his car. I shut the door and mustered the rest of my strength to get me to the front door. Linden didn’t move until I’d reached the porch, and I heard the car drive away in the direction of town.

Luckily, no one had been near the windows when I walked in. The kitchen was empty again except for Alysana and Rene. They were talking quietly, both in better moods than I’d last seen them. They both looked at me as I toed off my shoes next to the door.

“Hey there,” Rene said conversationally. Alysana looked a little more reserved, but she smiled a little.

“What’re you making?” I asked, trying to hide the exhaustion in my voice as I sat at the table.

Alysana looked towards the steaming kettle on the stove, forgetting she was the one holding it over the fire as she added her homemade teabags.

“Oh—just tea. Want some?”

I nodded, hoping I didn’t look as weak as I felt. How stupid to do such a projection alone. Rene would kill me if she knew, so I kept it to myself as I waited for the water to boil.

It seemed to take forever before I had a mug in front of me, and by then I could hear voices and footsteps coming down the stairs. Omar’s was among them, and I stood, blowing the steam away from my mug as a group came in. I turned when Omar passed, immediately going towards the stairs. I couldn’t handle anymore stress right now.

In my room, I closed the door and started removing my clothes, which still felt cold to me. I dropped them to the floor as I made my way to the bed. Setting the tea on the nightstand, I pushed myself under the covers, sighing as I closed my eyes.

What a turn of events, running into Linden when I was at my weakest. Still, despite my better judgment, I was very glad I did. So glad . . . seeing his face in reality was so much better than my memory. His bright eyes stood out even in the dark, and I was flattered their concern was for me. His hair was the same, though I might have imagined it looked a little longer, falling into one of his eyes a little more. He was still beautiful . . . still dangerous.

I still agreed to talk to him, because my two warring sides wanted to. The part of me that knew I had to stay away wanted to know why he had kept seeing me, even when he knew what I was. Why was he here? He knew the history and the morals, why did he break them? Then the other part of me just wanted to see him, be near him again. That part wanted to hear him laugh again and feel at ease around me.

This opposition within myself was tolling, and I rolled over onto my side, pulling my knees closer to my chest. I couldn’t wait for the next day, but I was also so afraid. What kind of person was I to have missed him?

TWENTY

Noon wouldn’t come soon enough for me the next day. I woke up early, around seven, to see the sky was covered in clouds. It was as if he hovered nearby, waiting. I ate breakfast early, tried to distract myself until Rene woke up. I started the final planning with her, going over the short ‘guest list’ and the food that would be prepared. Everything seemed fine to me, and I repeated that multiple times until she agreed. The last thing she had to do was finish the red dress I would wear.

“How’s it coming along?” I asked, grinning. I knew she wouldn’t tell me anything. I wouldn’t see the dress until the day came.

“That’s for you to find out. Later,” she said, handing me a plate of tarts she’d made the day before. I graciously took one, eager for as much energy as I could muster. Sleep had done me a lot of good, but I still felt somewhat weak, and my stomach felt light and hollow. I wanted this to be gone by the time twelve o’ clock hit.

When it was finally late enough for me to start walking, I hurriedly searched for my shoes and a decent hoodie. Passing a mirror, I glanced at my reflection briefly, fighting with my hair. It was fine, straight as usual. The deep red seemed to clash with my green eyes like the red and greens of Christmas, though these were the features I was usually complimented on.