The Essence (26 page)

“I don’t get it, Brook. Why can’t we just . . . ? I don’t know, say ‘hello’ like everyone else? Why do there have to be so many rules?” I chewed my lip. “I did like Queen Elena, though. I can see why Xander enlisted her help against Sabara.”

Aron found us then, slipping out of the buzzing commotion. The girl in the red dress was still on his arm. “So? What do you think of our girl? She cleans up nice.”

Heat unfurled in my stomach, reaching all the way up to my cheeks. “Thank you.”

“I wasn’t talking about you, Charlie.” Aron was grinning at me.

I blinked, and realized he meant the girl beside him, the one in the red dress.

It took several moments for my brain to accept that it was Avonlea I was staring at. Avonlea with her almost-blue eyes. Her hair was darker now than I remembered it, with just a hint of fire streaked through it, and shinier than I’d have thought possible. Her bowed lips were painted to match the crimson of her dress.

“You . . . you look . . .” I was at a loss, so I stole a line from Empress Filis. “You look
incredible
.”

She blushed, which only made the transformation seem all the more dramatic. “I feel like one of the girls from the stories Floss used to tell us when we were little. The ones about a girl who discovers she’s a princess.”

I glanced at Brook, whose eyes widened.

“Sometimes fairy tales comes true,” a thick voice whispered at my ear.

My pulse stuttered as I turned to find Niko standing there. Niko, whom I’d dreamed about. Niko who’d almost kissed me the night before.

“I don’t believe in fairy tales,” I answered wryly just as a bell rang, signaling that breakfast was served.

I wasn’t allowed to sit with Brook and Aron and Avonlea. The queens left their ambassadors and guards so they could dine alone, at a private table.

It was just the seven of us then: Queen Neva, Empress Filis, Queen Hestia, Queen Langdon, Empress Thea, Queen Elena, and myself.

I’d never been more uncomfortable in my entire life and I approached the table on unsteady legs.

Neva sat at the head of the table with Filis at the other end. I was placed directly between Hestia, who had her dog on her lap, and Langdon, who was by far the eldest of all the queens in attendance. Quite possibly the oldest queen alive, although that could easily have been a fact made up entirely in my head.

Let me have one of them,
Sabara’s voice rang through my head.

I faltered, my feet failing me.

What are you saying?
I hated the way my heart pounded, like a sledgehammer against my ribs.

You can be free of me, Charlaina. I could take one of them instead. They simply have to say the words.

She didn’t have to explain. I understood what she meant. They were royals, all of them. Any one of them could host Sabara’s Essence. Any one of them could give me the freedom I craved.

I shook my head, not caring that everyone in the room was watching me at that moment. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t force Sabara onto another person just because I didn’t want her. I couldn’t take away their life, their free will, just to save myself.

Could I?

Of course not,
I argued with myself.
What kind of person—what kind of monster—would I be then? I’d be no better than she is.

I exhaled and straightened my shoulders, giving Sabara my silent answer.

Neva lifted a glittering crystal goblet, a smile on her lips. “To Charliana, queen of Ludania,” she said as I slid into my seat. “It’s been a pleasure meeting you. I, for one, can’t wait to get to know you better.”

Across from me, Elena raised her glass, eagerly showing her support as well. “We’ve waited so long to have you here. Here’s to you, our newest sister.”

Empress Thea, who sat next to Elena, watched me through lowered lids. She reached for her own glass and lifted it, but only barely. “Yes, dear. I can’t wait to hear more about . . . what you can do.”

I paused then, taken aback. I couldn’t help wondering if I’d misunderstood the implication behind her words. Had she just asked me about my ability?

I smiled slowly, unsure how, exactly, to respond. “Thank you. It’s a pleasure being here.” I answered. I hated this feeling of being tested by these women, but I got the sense that was exactly what was happening.

Queens don’t discuss their powers,
Xander’s words rang in my head. He’d been clear and unwavering in that one matter: I was not to discuss what I could do. I was not to tell anyone—ever—that I could understand what was being said around me.

This was still a secret I was meant to keep close.

Empress Filis grinned from her end of the table, and I tried to settle my beating heart as I held my smile, now frozen to my lips. “Ignore Thea. She was born prying.”

Thea shot the other empress a glare, but it wasn’t her I was listening to now.

It was Sabara I heard.

Thea may be queen, but her power is useless. She only wants to know if you can be useful to her.

I reached for my water, hoping no one could see how badly my hand trembled.

The summit was turning out to be nothing at all like I’d expected it to be—a rigorous schedule of meetings and speeches and negotiations, discussions of how to strengthen our country’s economies or trade or military positions. Instead it was unhurried and taut with civility, and seemed to achieve nothing of importance.

There was talk of the night’s ice storms, which had been almost blindingly beautiful to watch, and of the absence of Queen Vespaire—who’d sent Niko in her absence. Already, the palace was bustling as decorations and food were being delivered and displayed for a ball that was being held that evening.

“In honor of you, dear,” Neva explained, her smile cool, her eyes determined.

“Me?”

“To introduce you, of course. And it will be the grandest introduction this summit has ever seen.”

Suddenly it was all too much for me. The frivolity of it. The idea of coming all this way just to attend a party seemed ludicrous, when what I really wanted was to convince the other leaders to extend their technologies, like communication and power resources, to Ludania. I was here to barter, to buy, and to beg if necessary, for the good of my people.

Not to dance. Not to eat and entertain and pretend that those in the Scablands didn’t suffer, that the work camps didn’t exist. Or that half the Capitol hadn’t been razed by a new breed of rebels.

What the hell was I doing here?

I stood abruptly, throwing my napkin down on the table.

The leaders of six nations stared back at me in surprise.

Sit,
warned a harsh voice that no one else could hear. And when I didn’t immediately obey, she said it again. . . . This time more gently.
Charlaina, don’t be foolish. You may not understand the ways of politics, but you need these women. Sit down. Be patient.

“Is everything not to your liking, Charlaina?” It was Neva who’d asked the question, and I glanced down at my plate, filled with fresh fruits and sliced meats. There were pastries and two kinds of poached eggs, one that looked miniature and the other like it had been stolen from the nest of some sort of monster bird.

My chest tightened.

“It—it’s fine.” I wavered, struggling against Sabara’s words. I did need them, I couldn’t deny the truth in that.

How?
Was my silent plea back to her, infused with more hope than I’d meant as I wondered if she could even hear me. I didn’t want Sabara’s help. Or rather, I didn’t
want
to want her help.

But, now, standing indecisively at a table surrounded by women who I didn’t understand, who I didn’t know how to deal with, I realized I couldn’t do this on my own.

At first there was nothing. The kind of void that resonates, buzzing until my head was filled with its nothingness.

I opened my mouth, trying to decide whether I should stay or go, wanting them to stop watching me, as they waited for me to say something. And then I heard her. Quietly at first. Just a whisper of sound that I almost missed, but growing louder, more assured.

I’ll show you,
she promised.
I’ll help you, if you help me.

I blinked, lowering myself uncertainly into my chair once more.

“Glad we didn’t chase you off, Ludania,” Hestia said, a wicked smile lifting her lips.

I nodded, smoothing my rumpled napkin over my lap as conversation started again.

I won’t give any of them to you,
I told Sabara.
I won’t let you leave me.
Saying those words, even silently, felt final and filled me with anguish.

That’s not what I want,
she answered.

Then what?
I asked, keeping my eyes on my plate.
What can I possibly give you?

Heat bloomed up my neck and flooded my cheeks, making me blush so hard I had no doubt the reaction wasn’t mine.

You know,
her voice rasped, coming from right inside my ear now.

I did know. As much as I wanted to deny it, I knew what Sabara wanted more than anything else in the world.

She wanted
him
.

She wanted Niko Bartolo.

I continued to think about what Sabara had asked of me, even as I bundled in as many layers as I could.

I felt as if I’d struck a bargain with a demon. As if I’d damned myself to a lifetime of captivity. And basically I had. By not agreeing to subject Sabara on one of the other royals, I was acknowledging that I was stuck with her.

My purpose had become clear: to keep Sabara imprisoned within me.

The only hope I had of easing my burden was to come to terms with her, to learn to live—if at all possible—in accord.

I ignored the strange looks Zafir cast my way as I dressed, avoiding his questions about where I was going until the last possible moment. When I finally answered him, I was vague, saying only “Out” and hoping he didn’t press me for more.

That had been hoping for too much, of course.

“Out where?” he asked. Then, “Why?”

I smiled at him, trying to look cheerful. I even shrugged nonchalantly. A nice touch, if I did say so myself. “I thought it might be nice to stretch my legs.”

Zafir’s brows shot up. “Really? You want to go . . . for a walk? Out there? In the cold?”

I couldn’t blame him for being skeptical, considering how I’d complained on the ferry. How I’d huddled as far into my heavy cloak as possible and, still, my teeth had chattered so loudly I’d drawn attention from the other passengers. Cold and I weren’t exactly on the best of terms.

But I’d heard Niko was out there, in that ice and snow, and I had questions for him. Ones that couldn’t wait.

“Yes,” I did my best to sound chipper. “The brisk air might do us some good.”

There was no point pretending Zafir wasn’t coming too. There was no chance I’d lose him and be able to wander the grounds on my own.

Zafir’s lips pursed, a sign that he wasn’t buying my explanation. But he wasn’t arguing, either. He nodded to the two men stationed at the entrance, and they began the arduous task of turning the cranks that would open the immense doors.

Even the small space required to let us pass took several long minutes as the gears shifted and ground together. I ignored the suspicious glances shot my way by my guard.

Outside, the “brisk” air felt like a punch in the gut, and barbs of ice formed in my bloodstream, needling and stabbing every surface of my body from the inside out. Even the tiny hairs inside my nose felt as if they’d turned to ice and might break off should they shift the wrong way.

My chest seized and I had to will myself to keep breathing. My lungs felt powerless against the blast.

I raised my eyes skyward, hoping the rising sun might at least lessen the savage chill.

Walk!
A voice insisted, and this time it was my own and not Sabara’s.

I took one step and then another, my boots crunching through the snow. My footprints weren’t the only ones out there. Several sets of tracks led away from the palace entrance.