The Endearment (32 page)

"The wol ... wolves ... ca ... came ... Karl," she sobbed, "a ... hand ... I-“

"It's all right, Anna. It's all right," he soothed, but she went on.

"And the ... mos ... mosque ... heetoes ... were ... s ... so bad."

"Shh, shh."

"I just wa ... haunted to ... get ... s ... some blue ... berries for you, K ... Karl."

"Anna, you don't have to talk now."

"The p ... pail ... spilled, K ... Karl."

He squeezed his eyelids tight shut. "I know, I know," he said, rocking her.

"But ... but the blue ... blueb ... berries."

"There will be more."

"The creek ... it flowed north and ... and I ... I couldn't-“

"Anna, Anna, you are safe now."

"Oh, Karl, I'm ... s ... sorry. I'm s ... sorry, Karl."

"Yes, Anna, I know." The tears were gathering on the rims of his eyes.

"Don't I ... let ... me ... g ... go, Karl. I'm s ... sorry."

"I will not let you go. Come, Anna, we must go home now."

But she would not give up her grip. She sobbed out of control against his neck until he finally handed his rifle to James and picked Anna up in his arms.

Encircled by the torches, he carried her home. Before they got there, she was asleep in his arms, though her hold around his neck was as tight as ever. In spite of his stature and physical condition, Karl was in a quivering state himself by the time they reached the cabin.

Everyone hovered after Karl had laid Anna down on the bed, wanting the best for both of them, hesitant to leave for fear they might yet be needed. Karl assured them they had done more than enough, and once outside thanked them all with handclasps and squeezes.

Before going Olaf suggested, "Karl, perhaps we should not come tomorrow to help with the cabin. We can wait and come the next day. Anna is in a bad state and maybe would like to rest one day. You spend the day with her until she feels better, and we will come the next day."

Katrene advised, "You put a thick saleratus paste on those bites so Anna will not feel so awful."

"Ya, Katrene. I will do as you say. And I think you are right, too, Olaf. One day more or less will not matter. We will finish the work on my cabin day after tomorrow."

"We will all be here then, don't you worry," Erik assured him.

Each Johanson made a comforting comment as the family parted.

Charles said, "You rest now and take it easy tomorrow, too. You can use it."

In Swedish Katrene said, "Now do not forget --saleratus will take away that itching."

Karl smiled and promised he would not forget.

Leif said, "I sure hope she's all right, Karl. We'll all be thinking about her till we see you again."

Olaf said, "We will be here with sharp axes, bright and early day after tomorrow, boy." He clapped a big paw around the back of Karl's neck, much as he might to one of his own sons.

Erik lingered. "I am sorry you were not the one to find her, Karl." His eyes said, she was not thinking of who she clung to, think nothing of it, my friend. Karl's eyes rewarded the young man with a tired smile, telling him he must not worry about it.

Kerstin came last. She laid her hand upon Karl's forearm and looked directly into his troubled blue eyes. She, too, spoke in Swedish.

"Karl," she said, "Mama is right about saleratus, but I think saleratus will not fix all that is wrong with Anna. I can see there is something that needs fixing in her heart. Whatever it is, I think you could help her fix it, Karl."

"We have not been married long, Kerstin," he muttered. "There are things between us we are still getting used to."

"I will not say more now. I can see you are troubled, too, Karl. Just remember, differences cannot be overcome if they continue to be held inside."

Her words were essentially the same as Father Pierrot's.

"I will remember. Thank you, Kerstin."

 
Nedda was the only one not to bid goodbye to Karl, for she and James had strolled near the barn when the others crowded outside the tiny sod house. In the soft late-summer night they stood beneath the star-shine. A whippoor-will called a repetitious song from the dark of the trees. Bats swooped and darted, squeaking in mouselike voices, while the cheep of the ever-present crickets scraped away like fiddles with single strings.

Nedda bravely put her hand over the back of James' where it lay on the top rail of the fence. "I am happy we found her. I did not know before how terrible it would actually be to lose a sister or brother."

"I didn't either. Anna and me, we been together all our lives. I mean, she's just always been there takin' care of me. I never stopped to think how horrible it would be without her."

Nedda removed her hand from his, but watched his face. "Where's your mama and papa, James?"

"Our ma is dead and our-“ He swallowed, making the sudden manful decision to trust Nedda with the truth, no matter what she'd feel. He had seen his and Anna's lies hurt Karl enough. For himself now, he chose to be straightforward right off and avoid the long-reaching tentacles of lies. "We never knew our pa, Anna and me. And you might as well know the truth, Nedda. It's a pretty sure bet we each had a different pa. See, our ma really was never too glad to have either one of us. That's why Anna and me had to stick together so close, else we wouldn't have anybody."

Nedda was stricken by the idea of a mother who didn't want her children. "I guess Anna's awful special to you, huh?"

"Ya, she sure is." James didn't even realize that his answer sounded like Karl's might have. "I mean, golly, it's almost more special when somebody isn't your full blood and they still ... they-“ James couldn't finish. He was recalling all the times Anna had bundled him protectively off to St. Mark's, or promised she'd find them a better life. He remembered how she had refused to leave him behind to come here to Karl. He thought, too, of her recent misery, helpless to find any answer for it himself.

"I guess what you say is Anna's not even your whole sister but she loves you like as if she was. Ya, James?"

He scuffed at nothing with the toe of his boot, looked down with a strange uncomposed feeling upon him. He nodded his head. He thought for a moment, then asked plaintively, while looking up at the stars, "Nedda, what makes people who love each other not want each other to know it?"

"You mean your ma?"

"No, not her! I never cared a fig about her. It's Karl and Anna I'm talkin' about. There ... there's something wrong between them and I'd give anything to fix it, but I don't know how. Heck, I don't even know what it is."

"Do they fight?"

"That's just it. No!" James sounded frustrated. "If they did, maybe they'd straighten it out. Instead, they just treat each other --I don't know what to call it. Polite, I guess. You know how your ma and pa laugh and he pinches her and everything?"

"Ya, but my papa is a big tease."

"Don't you see? That's how Karl and Anna used to be when we first came here. See, they've only been married since the beginning of summer. They seemed to get along so good and then I said something and-“ He swallowed, thinking he would give anything if he could take back the truth he'd revealed when he thoughtlessly spewed out all he had to Karl. "I think I caused all this trouble between them because I told Karl something one day that he can't forget."

"About Anna?"

"No. That's why I can't figure out the whole mess. It was about our ma. She was ... She was a ..."

"A what, James?"

"A prostitute," he finally got out, waiting for Nedda to run in shocked disapproval back to her family.

Instead, she remained steadfastly beside him. "I don't know what that is."

"But Nedda, you're a year older than me!"

"I still don't know what it is. My English is not so good yet. Some words I haven't learned."

He searched for some way to say it.

She sensed his struggle and said, "It doesn't matter, James."

"Well, it matters to Karl. And if he didn't know, I think everything would still be okay between him and Anna. At the same time, I just can't believe he would hold it against her if he didn't like our ma. He's a fair man. He just wouldn't do that."

"You really like Karl, don't you?"

"Almost as much as Anna. He's ..." But it was impossible to encapsulate all he felt for Karl. "He gave us the only home we ever had. I just wish whatever is between him and Anna would get straightened out so they'd be happy again."

"It will, James, I just know it will."

He turned to look at her face squarely. "Thanks for listening anyway, and for coming to help us find Anna."

"Don't be silly."

"I guess ... I guess I did look pretty silly, how I acted when we found Anna, but, golly ..." He felt sheepish to have had Nedda see him clinging to his sister's skirts like such a baby.

But then Nedda said something quite wonderful that made him forget how he'd clung to Anna and cried.

"You know something, James?"

"What?"
 

"I'm kind of glad all this happened."

"Glad?"

"Ya. Because you rode all that way to our house in the dark by yourself."

"It's not that far," James said in a hushed pride.

"In the dark alone it is," she insisted.

"So, why are you glad?"

"Because now that you did it once, you can do it any time--come over, I mean."

"I can?"

"Sure. You don't have to wait for Karl and Anna to come. See you day after tomorrow, James." Then she was gone to join her family, and Karl bade them goodbye at their wagon.

When the Johansons left, Karl clapped a big hand on James' shoulder. "You did a man's job tonight," he praised.

"Yessir," James replied, so much more in his heart he was unable to say.

They stood a while in silence before Karl added, "She is a cute little thing, that Nedda."

"Yessir," James said again, swallowing. Then he wisely offered, "I'd like to go out and see to Belle and Bill tonight if you don't mind, Karl."

"I do not mind. Just make sure you do not smoke any pipes out there like I do. Your sister would not like it."

"Don't worry. I just got some thinking to do."

"I will leave the latchstring out."

"Goodnight, Karl."

"Goodnight, boy."

 
Anna watched Karl as he entered. He walked to the fireplace and stood facing it. He cradled both of his cheeks in his hands, dug his fingertips into his eyes, then sighed heavily as he rubbed his hands downward and dropped them from his cheeks. His shoulders drooped.

"Karl?"

He whirled around. "Anna, you are awake," he said, coming to the bedside.

"I have been for some time now. All the while you and Kerstin were whispering in Swedish outside. What were you talking about, Karl?"

"About you."

"What about me?"

"She said you will need some saleratus for those bites."
                  

But Anna didn't believe him. Tears sprang to her eyes. "I am nothing but trouble to you, Karl. I'm even trouble to the Johansons."

"They are good people. They do not mind."

"But I mind, Karl, I mind. I never should have come here." She lay on her side, watching his knees as he stood beside the bed.

He did not know what to reply. On one hand was a great engulfing sympathy for her. On the other, that great engulfing hurt she had caused him. Yes, it was still there. He longed to go back to the days before he had guessed the truth.

"It is too late to think of that now," he said. "Your face is still all streaked with ashes, Anna. You had better wash it before you fall asleep again. There is warm water for you."

She struggled to sit up, and he came to take her by an elbow and help her. To have him touch her thus--with polite consideration, even though he had not even argued when she'd said she should never have come here --took her apart at the fringes again. But she bit back the tears and went out to the washbench and cleaned her face, hands and neck in the dark.

She came back inside and ducked behind the blanket to change into her nightgown. The curtain hung now like a gonfalon, a constant reminder of the night Karl had pulled it down and taken it with them to the barn.

He was waiting for her when she emerged. "I have made a paste of saleratus and water," he said. "It will relieve the itching for tonight."

She raised her hands to her face self-consciously, touching it, testing it. Even without a mirror, she could tell it was puffed and swollen. "I'm really a mess."

"Here, this will help."

"Thank you, Karl."

She sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the paste onto her face.

"Take care you do not get it into your eyes," he warned.

"I'll be careful."

Karl hovered listlessly, feeling awkward standing there waiting for her to be finished and get into bed so he, too, could lie down.