The Elder Blood Chronicles Book 3 From the Ashes (33 page)

Death is part of the cycle, Jala. When
something dies it isn’t meant to come back. Why can’t you Immortals
accept that? You live longer than anything else in existence and
yet it still isn’t enough for your kind. You don’t age. You don’t
know illness. Life is filled with more bounty for your people than
any other creature and yet it is never enough. Death is natural and
must be accepted. This is a wound like any other, Jala. It will
heal and you will not go mad. There is no guilt in this for you.
You did more than any other would have done to bring him back and
you didn’t fail. Death cheated
. Marrow’s voice was gentle but
firm in her mind.

“I’d rather suffer a thousand bodily wounds
than one more like this one,” Jala whispered into his coat.

Wipe your nose on me and I’ll start on
those thousand wounds for you
, Marrow warned her.

Half laughing, half sobbing, Jala rolled away
and onto her back once more. “I almost tried to use the family
magic to hold onto him,” Jala confessed in a hoarse whisper.
Holding her hand up between them she pinched her fingers together
to show only the barest stretch of light between them. “I came this
close.” She dropped her hand back to the blankets and bit back
another sob. “It was the memory of that black cloud of destruction
washing over my home that stopped me. If that is the price of
wishes, I will earn everything the hard way. I don’t see the value
of a gift that has such a harsh price.”

Perhaps it is all in what you wish for
that determines the price, Jala. They wished for suffering and
pestilence. I wonder what would happen if you wished for peace and
good fortune
? Marrow countered softly.

“The Elder Blood would all die and it would
be peaceful and the few creatures that survived would consider it
good fortune,” Jala replied dryly.

You need sleep, Jala. You are exhausted
and heart sick and it is darkening your thoughts. Let me give you
something to think on and perhaps you can find enough peace in my
words to sleep
, Marrow said softly and raised his head to look
at her.
Finn Sovaesh lived a self-professed life of personal
indulgence. He was a killer, a womanizer, and utterly selfish by
his own words. In just a few months of knowing you, he died a
hero’s death to save thousands of people from tyranny. Had he not
brought the barrier down on that city, Morcaillo would have won
this war. That city holds too much leverage to your kind. If you
can change a man like that so dramatically in such a short time,
what can you do in a lifetime for a country of people who aren’t
nearly so dark? He died a good death doing a wonderful thing, Jala,
and he did it so you would have a chance to do for Merro what you
did for him. Finn gave you the opportunity for your dream. If you
are smothered by grief and clouded by guilt, then you are going to
waste the opportunity that Finn sacrificed himself to give you.
Would you throw that away
?

Jala turned her head and stared at Marrow as
he laid his head back down once more. The tightness in her throat
eased a bit and she felt the rush of tears slowing. “Right now, I’m
more worried about someone taking it away, than I am throwing it
away myself. We are so weak and we have so many enemies,” she
whispered.

Never pick a fight with a Dazzi. On some
things the Arovan are wise. Now sleep, Jala. We have a lot of work
ahead of us before spring and it starts tomorrow
, Marrow said
softly, his eyes already closed and his breathing slowing as he
began to drift off.

With a frustrated groan, Jala tossed another
dress into the rapidly growing pile of clothes near her feet.
Wrapping her robe back around her tightly she stared into the
mirror, her eyes locked on her huge midsection. She had thought at
first that her spell urging her son’s growth had failed. Its
success however was marked clearly in the size of her stomach as
well as the size of the pile of clothes beside her. No matter what
style she chose, she couldn’t seem to fashion a dress that suited
her current frame. The last had made her look like a grape with its
color and shape.

Her eyes traveled up the mirror slowly to her
face and she let out another sigh. She didn’t have the will to
bother with fixing her hair today. So it was tied back in a clumsy
knot with curls protruding at odd intervals. Her violet eyes were
so bloodshot there didn’t seem to be any white to them, and the
dark circles under her eyes looked more like bruises than marks of
sleeplessness.

“I look twenty years older than I am,” Jala
said softly as she smoothed a wine colored curl back from her
forehead.

You look like the village nutter with your
hair like that and the wool robe
, Marrow observed helpfully
from his perch on the foot of the bed.

“The village nutter,” Jala repeated with a
slight nod. “I bet that is a stress-free life.” Turning, she moved
away from the mirror and the pile of clothes and sat down by the
window. It had been three days since her trip to Glis and beyond a
mind link with Micah informing him of the runes she had done
nothing other than sit at the window or sleep. Marrow had said
their work would begin days ago, and yet she still didn’t have the
will to face it. She knew she should go downstairs and at least
attempt to help her friends, but so far she hadn’t successfully
made it past dressing.

Leaning back in her seat she rested a hand on
the top of her stomach and stared down at the street below.
Everywhere she looked, the city thrummed with life. Workers
bustling by on errands. Knights at their drills. Children playing
in the street. Despite the chilly damp weather outside, Merro
continued on without pause. “And I can’t even find the energy to
dress,” Jala sighed.

“Neph is making threats,” Emily informed her
as she pushed through the door. “He didn’t notice me downstairs,
though, and I found food. Actual meat this time. I don’t know where
it came from, but we got some of it.”

There was a sound of dishes clattering down
on the table and then a lengthy pause in Emily’s flood of words.
Jala shifted in her chair and continued to watch the scene below.
Food didn’t hold much appeal to her at the moment. In truth,
nothing really held much appeal. If not for Emily’s constant
presence over the past few days she doubted she would have bothered
with eating.

“I thought you were going to get dressed
while I got food?” Emily spoke quietly, her voice edged with
concern.

“Nothing fits right and they seem to be doing
just fine without me,” Jala replied without bothering to turn.
There was no real point to turning anyway. Emily would be
camouflaged. She always was.

“Neph is saying if you don’t come down today
he is going to drag you down. Jail is arguing that you need time to
settle your grief. Valor is saying if Neph heads toward the stairs
he is going to cut his legs off. And Wisp just makes these sad
little whining noises. They do need you, Jala,” Emily
protested.

“I think Neph dragging me is the only way
I’ll get downstairs. I can’t even see my feet right now, Emily. How
am I supposed to navigate stairs?” Jala sighed, her hand moving
slowly down the firm roundness of her stomach. “I don’t think it
will be much longer. My magic was far more effective than I thought
it would be.”

“I haven’t told them about how big you are
now,” Emily said as she placed a plate of food meaningfully on the
table beside the window for Jala.

“How big I am now,” Jala repeated with
another sigh. Glancing down she examined the food, her eyes
lingering on the thick cut of roast. For the past two days it had
been nothing but porridge and now suddenly they had meat. Jala
frowned as she tried to guess where her friends might have
purchased beef, but gave up after a few breaths of thought. It
didn’t truly matter where they had found it. The people in the town
below wouldn’t question where it had come from.

“You know what I meant. Don’t be sensitive,”
Emily grumbled as she moved back to join Marrow on the edge of the
bed. “She does kind of look a bit crazy. I think it’s the curls
poking straight out in the back of that knot thing,” Emily
whispered.

“I am not the village nutter,” Jala snapped
turning to glare at Marrow. “Bloody have to fix my bloody hair just
to sit in my damned room,” Jala grumbled as she pulled the knot
free and rose from her chair once more. Pacing to the nightstand
beside the bed she snatched up a brush and cast another glare at
the Bendazzi.

“Incredibly fast mood swings, droopy sad to
snapping mad,” Emily said quietly and Marrow nodded, his gold eyes
locked on Jala as she glared at them.

With angry strokes Jala began brushing her
hair and paced back away from them. The curls had become hopelessly
tangled and each stroke of the brush sent lances of pain through
her skull. She moved back to the mirror and stared at her
reflection as she slowly worked the worst of the tangles out.

Jala’s hand slowed as she stared at herself
and her eyes began to grow glassy. This was not how it was supposed
to be. She wasn’t even eighteen yet and already widowed and
expecting a child. She knew nothing about tending children. Outside
her window was a nation that supposedly depended on her and just to
the north was a country that would likely attack in the spring. She
knew even less about war than she did about children. For the love
of the Aspects, she hadn’t even finished a full year of school and
now this was expected of her. Her arm dropped limply to her side
and the brush fell from her fingers to clatter on the floor. Ever
so slowly, her knees gave as well and she dropped heavily down to
land in the pile of discarded clothing. Tears coursed down her face
as she lowered her head to her hands her shoulders shaking with the
sobs.

“What just happened?” Emily asked softly
sounding baffled.

“I just realized I must be the village nutter
to actually think I could accomplish everything that is expected of
me,” Jala answered in a choked voice. “I don’t want this,” she
gasped.

“You don’t want what Jala?” Emily asked still
sounding puzzled. The Blight’s voice was closer now as if she
crouched beside her.

“Any of this. I don’t want to be anyone. I
want to just…” Her voice trailed off as Jala realized she wasn’t
sure exactly what it was she did want. Everything that mattered
seemed unattainable. She wanted Finn and he was dead. She wanted
her old home back and it was ashes. It was all out of reach.

“Emily, Marrow may I speak with Lady Merrodin
for a time?” Jala looked up sharply at the sound of Valor’s voice.
She hadn’t even heard the door open and yet there he stood quietly
watching her.

“How long have you been there?” Jala asked
softly her voice still choked with unshed tears.

“Long enough,” Valor replied quietly, his
blue eyes flicking to Marrow.

“It’s not as if we don’t already know all of
her problems, but fine. We will be just outside the door,” Emily
snapped.

Valor watched silently as Marrow dropped
heavily down from the bed and paced out into the hall. Turning, he
closed the door behind them and walked over to stand above her.
With a frown he looked briefly around the room and then dropped to
sit beside her on the floor, his gaze roving over the pile of
clothing and then moving back to study her midsection. “Used a bit
of life magic eh,” he observed quietly.

“I have no idea why you sent them away. They
have watched over me for the past three days. There isn’t much
worse that I can show them,” Jala sighed.

Valor nodded slightly and pulled his knees up
to his chest and leaned back against the wall beside the mirror.
Still silent he brushed a bit of dust from the black linen of his
trousers and rubbed at a scuff on his polished boots.

Jala watched him, her sniffles slowly
receding and waited for him to begin speaking. With painstaking
care he adjusted the cuffs of his jacket and then brushed a bit at
one of the silver cufflinks still utterly silent. “I thought you
wanted to speak with me,” Jala grumbled after a lengthy
silence.

Valor looked up and raised a silver eyebrow.
“Ahh. I thought from the way you looked when I entered the room
that you needed to speak with me,” he corrected and smiled at her
faintly. “Emily and Marrow would both happily abandon all of this
and steal you away to live in the wild. None of this truly makes
sense to them. They are too primal. They see you suffering and they
don’t understand why you don’t simply walk away from it if it makes
you miserable. It is possible that Marrow understands better but no
doubt his opinion of the matter is the same.” Valor paused and
sighed, his gaze flicking toward the door. “Neph would growl a lot
should you try to speak with him, and Jail would lock it away in
your mind so you didn’t dwell on your losses. Sovann would listen
but with his appearance so similar to Finn I imagine his presence
is like a knife in a fresh wound. That leaves me and Wisp, and I
can fetch Wisp if you prefer to speak with her.” He paused again
and rubbed his jaw, his gaze wandering toward the window. “If it
helps any, I don’t want this either. I’d love to just disappear
right now. I thought when Lord Elijah granted me the commission to
lead that I could redeem myself, but when faced with it and those
who know my sins; I find I’d rather just sit in the dark and drink.
I have lived in Finn’s shadow for so long that I find it rather
uncomfortable when the light shines directly on me now. Rather
strange, really. I used to adore direct attention.”