The Downstairs Maid (53 page)

‘If I sound poetic it must be because of all the wonderful things you write in your poems,’ Emily said and held his hand tightly. ‘I’m not sure that I noticed all the little things until you showed me your poems. A butterfly’s wings moving as if in slow motion as it sips nectar from a flower, the gossamer silk of a spider’s web glistening with dew in the white of morning …’

‘I shall have a rival,’ Nicolas said. ‘Don’t you know that you’re all my bright things wrapped in one, Emily? My poetry was often dark and painful until I found you – and now I see the joy in everything about me. Even a scurrying ant is beautiful now. When I’m up there floating above the clouds and it’s peaceful, my head is filled with you and what you mean to me.’

‘You should be thinking of getting back safe,’ she scolded and then leaned in to kiss his lips. Earlier they’d eaten shrimp from little tubs and he tasted of salt. ‘We’re so lucky, Nicolas. Do you think love is always like this … so fine and delicate that it makes you ache?’

‘Perhaps. I’ve never loved anyone else like this. I avoided all the young ladies my mother paraded for my benefit. I don’t know why you touched something inside me – but it was like a light going on, as if I’d never seen the world before. Always before there was a shadow, a darkness that gathered in my mind. You’ve banished the darkness and brought me into the light.’

He took something from his pocket that looked like a silver watch, but then he pulled the winder off, held it to his eye and pressed a little knob on the side.

‘What is that?’

‘It’s a Ticker – what they call a spy camera. Jonathan bought it for me, because it slips into a pocket and I never have my box camera with me when I want it.’ He took a step back. ‘Pose for me, darling, put your head back so that your hair blows in the wind. I want some pictures to take with me.’

Emily did as he asked, laughing at him and twirling, gazing back at him over her shoulder. Then she held out her hand for the camera so that she could take a photo of him. Afterwards, Nicolas took pictures of Jack and Emily playing together. It was as if they were a real family and for the first time in years, she was aware of intense happiness. Love for this man curled inside her, making her ache with longing for the night when he would take her in his arms and love her once more.

Nicolas’s face was so pale and intense, so sensitive that her throat tightened as she reached out to run her fingers through his hair. He’d washed it that morning and without the oil it was springy and curled beneath her fingers.

‘You make me want to cry. I’m not sure I’m worthy of such love.’

‘You’re worth far more. I’m not clever enough to tell you how much I adore you – or how much I need you.’

‘I love you, Nicolas. I only know that I never expected to love like this or to be loved in return. I still can’t believe it’s real.’

‘It’s as real as we are,’ he said and stroked her cheek. ‘Whether we exist or we’re all part of some god’s dream I’m not sure. Humans are such puny creatures we must be here for the amusement of some higher being don’t you think? They watch from on high and laugh as we struggle with the adversities they throw at us.’

‘That’s too deep for me,’ Emily said. ‘I just know that I want to love you and have your babies. Nothing else matters very much.’

‘Is that so? In that case I think we should return to the hotel and see what can be done to give you what you want, my darling Emily.’

‘You tease me and I love it,’ she said. ‘But it’s true. You are my life. Loving someone is all that really matters.’

‘Yes, I know. I used to be tortured by the meaning of life, searching for the key – that elusive piece that would make it all worthwhile, but I’ve found it in you.’ He kissed her hand. ‘I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.’

Emily clung to him, savouring each precious moment they spent together here by the sea. Nicolas was filled with confidence, but she could not quite banish her fears. How long would their perfect happiness last?

Nicolas intended to stay here another three days and then they would go to the manor. Emily dreaded the moment when he told his family that they were married, because she knew in her heart that they would never accept her.

‘Are you nervous, darling?’

Nicolas looked at Emily as they turned into the manor drive. It was the first time she’d really seen the grand frontage to advantage and she realised just how beautiful it was, its mellow yellow stone walls dreaming in the evening sunshine. Three storeys high with the attics above, its windows were long and elegant, reflecting the flame of the sky. This part of the house must be much newer, perhaps eighteenth century, while the buildings that housed the kitchens and servants’ halls were older, probably medieval with lower ceilings and overhanging roofs that made it dark inside except on very sunny days. The house looked even bigger from this vista and the realisation of just what she’d done hit home like a hammer blow. How could she ever belong in a house like this?

‘Your family will be so angry …’

‘They can’t really hurt us. If they refuse to acknowledge you I shall simply drive on to London. London would be convenient for me when I’m on leave – unless you would prefer to live locally?’

‘I don’t mind where we live – but I would prefer you were not estranged from your family, Nicolas.’ Emily breathed in deeply. ‘I shall understand if they don’t like me – but they mustn’t cut you off completely.’

‘If I have you I have all I need.’

Emily smiled but didn’t answer. Her stomach was tying itself in knots and the palms of her hands were sweating. She knew Nicolas was more apprehensive about their reception than he would say, because a little nerve was flicking at the corner of his temple, but she had accepted that they might be turned from the door. However, as they got out of the car, the front door opened and Lizzie came flying out to meet them.

‘Nicolas dearest. I’m so glad to see you. We just got back from our honeymoon and walked into a horrid row. Father got your letter telling him you were married. He is sulking in his study and says he shan’t come out but Granny and Mama are in the small front parlour waiting for you. They’ve agreed a truce for the moment because they both say they are determined to see you whatever Papa says.’

‘They must see Emily as well or I shan’t stop,’ Nicolas said. ‘Say hello to Emily. She’s my wife, Lizzie – and she makes me very happy. And this is her brother Jack. They are both a part of my family now.’

‘Yes, of course.’ Lizzie turned to Emily with a smile. ‘I hope we shall always be friends because Nicolas is my very best friend in the world.’

‘I should be honoured to be your friend,’ Emily said and held out her hands, her throat catching. ‘We both love Nicolas so we should be able to love each other.’

‘You’re my sister now,’ Lizzie told her. ‘I don’t care what anyone else thinks or says. I’m glad you’ve married Nicolas, because it makes him happy.’

‘Thank you, dear heart,’ Nicolas said. ‘I shall bring Emily in to meet Mama and Granny – but then I need to speak to Father.’

‘He might not see you.’

He reached for Emily’s hand. ‘Bear up, my love. It isn’t the end of the world if they disapprove of us.’

‘Of me,’ Emily said and laughed. ‘I’ll bear it as best I can, my love. Just stay with me for a while please.’

‘Of course.’ He held her hand, drawing her towards the small front parlour. ‘We might as well face the lions straight away and get it over with …’

Emily held his hand tightly. Lizzie had offered to take Jack to the kitchen and give him a glass of milk and some biscuits, and Emily had agreed. Miss Lizzie probably wanted to avoid the confrontation with her mother and grandmother and was no doubt glad that she no longer had to live at the manor.

Her head high, Emily controlled her nerves as they entered the parlour. Lady Barton was standing by the window, while Lady Prior sat straight and stiff in her chair. Seeing the disapproval in their eyes, Emily’s worst fears were realised. They resented her being brought into their family and would never welcome her to their home, but because they cared for Nicolas they were willing to tolerate her.

She remained standing by his side as he made the introductions. Both ladies inclined their heads to acknowledge her but neither uttered a word of welcome.

‘You might have told us of your plans, Nicolas,’ Lady Barton said coldly. ‘Your father is very angry. He instructed me to refuse you, but you are my son … whatever you choose to do.’

‘And Emily is my wife, Mama. If you wish to see me you must accept her, because I love her and I will not have her insulted.’

‘What is done is done,’ Lady Prior said. ‘Since you chose to marry the gel we must accept it – but your father is not pleased. However, while I live you will be received here, and of course your wife.’ She looked down her long nose at Emily, clearly displeased with what she saw.

‘Thank you, Granny,’ Nicolas said. ‘Emily, I suggest you go upstairs. Mrs Marsh will show you where. You will want to rest and look after Jack …’ He squeezed her hand and she smiled at him gratefully, glad to escape.

The interview with Lord Barton was bound to be stormy and she would prefer not to be involved.

Going out into the hall, she saw Mrs Marsh lingering, as if awaiting the call. Emily asked to be taken up to their room and the housekeeper inclined her head.

‘Very well, madam,’ she said. ‘Please come this way.’

‘I’m still Emily …’

Mrs Marsh looked at her. ‘No, madam, you are Mrs Nicolas – and the staff will address you correctly. I know what is due to the family.’

Feeling rebuked, Emily followed her up the main stairs. She knew her way via the servants’ stairs but she had never actually been to the bedrooms by this route. Since Mrs Marsh had made her feelings clear, she made no further attempt to make conversation.

Alone in the room she would share with Nicolas while they stayed here – if they stayed here – Emily sat on the edge of the bed and hugged herself. She was shivering with cold, because somehow this felt wrong. While she was alone with Nicolas she could forget the wide divide between their worlds, but here at the manor she realised just what she’d done by marrying him. He could lose his whole family because of her – and even if his mother and grandmother received her there would always be a barrier between them.

She had been sitting there for some minutes when someone knocked at the door and then Lizzie entered.

‘Jack is with Mrs Hattersley. She is making a fuss of him so you need not worry about him. How did it go downstairs?’

‘Your mother and grandmother were polite, Miss Lizzie,’ Emily said. ‘They were not warm or welcoming but they were polite. I can accept that. It isn’t easy to accept a servant as one of the family.’

‘You mustn’t call me Miss Lizzie now. We are sisters now. Just because you worked for us it doesn’t mean you’re worth less than we are. If Nicolas is right, you’re worth more than the lot of us put together.’

‘Nicolas loves me. You mustn’t think I’m more than I am. I shall try not to let Nicolas or his family down, but I know I’m not what you expected or wanted for him.’

‘I didn’t think he would marry. He used to disappear when young ladies came to tea. I’m glad he found you, Emily. It must be awful doing what he does every day, especially for someone of his nature. Having you at home waiting for him will make him more careful.’

‘Thank you.’ Emily smiled. ‘I’m never going to be the wife your family would have preferred – but we are truly happy.’

‘I think Nicolas is lucky …’ Lizzie broke off as she heard the sound of running feet and then Mary rushed into the room. ‘Mary, we were talking privately. You should have knocked …’

‘Yes, Lady Jones, I know – but Lady Barton is faint and Lady Prior is ill and Lord Barton has had a fit …’

‘My father …’ Lizzie stared at her in shock. ‘Mama and Granny … what shall we do?’

‘Has the doctor been sent for, Mary?’

‘Yes … Mrs Nicolas,’ Mary said looking at Emily awkwardly. ‘Lady Barton is in her room. Mrs Marsh is trying to revive Lady Prior in the parlour. Mr Jonathan and Mr Nicolas have carried their father up to his room.’

‘I’m still Emily to you. Lizzie, you’d better go to your mother. I’ll see if I can help Mrs Marsh with your grandmother. Your father needs the doctor and we can’t do much for him until he comes.’

‘I’ll go to Mother,’ Lizzie said, looking white and shocked. ‘What happened to Granny, Mary?’

‘It seems she stood up quickly and then just crumpled into a heap. Your mama had the hysterics and your father … he shouted at her and then he slumped down in a chair and passed out.’

‘Poor Granny,’ Lizzie said, tears in her eyes. ‘She’s been ill for a long time but she never complains. It must have been the shock …’

‘Lizzie, please don’t say any more,’ Emily warned. ‘Go to your mama now. I’ll help Mrs Marsh if I can …’

‘How is she?’ Emily asked when Nicolas entered the parlour where she was sitting alone later that evening. ‘The doctor said your father’s apoplectic fit is a warning to slow down but he thinks he will recover this time. I think it is Lady Prior who has suffered the worst.’

‘Granny is still unconscious,’ Nicolas said. ‘Apparently, it could have happened at any moment these past six months or more.’

‘I’m so sorry, Nicolas. Was it the shock of your marriage?’

‘I think it was seeing my father in a temper. She was trying to calm him down and it just happened. Jonathan knew that Father’s heart was not all it should be – but I had no idea …’

‘I’m so sorry.’

‘Don’t be, it isn’t your fault.’

‘Your grandmother too … I feel terrible. We shouldn’t have come here.’

‘Granny is a proud lady, but she was willing to accept my marriage. Father upset her by ranting at her – and me.’

‘She stood up for you even though he wanted to forbid you to the manor.’

‘She’s so stubborn,’ Nicolas said, ‘but despite her pride and the fact that she is undoubtedly a snob where her family is concerned – I loved her.’

‘Of course you did.’ Emily stood up and went to him. ‘I’m so sorry. I know you must be hurting. To have both your father and grandmother ill at the same time …’