The Doctor's In Love (Pathway Series) (3 page)

“I’m never just nice
without a reason.” He grinned wolfishly.

“Liar.  Since we’re
being honest, I was interested but I couldn’t get past the fact you were
married.”

“That’s what I loved
about you.  The way you would always put God first and you had morals.  You
wouldn’t have compromised yourself for anything.”  He pulled into the parking
lot of the restaurant and turned off the engine and turned to her.  “I remember
thinking how you never wavered in your beliefs and how I wished I had that.”

“Wow how things
change.” Marisol said looking anywhere but at him.  Josh looked at her
quizzically and before he could ask her what she meant she unbuckled her
seatbelt and climbed out of the SUV.

“Hey, wait up.  What
did you mean by that?” He asked.

“It’s just that I’m not
that believing girl anymore.” She then turned and walked into the restaurant
without waiting for him to catch up.  Josh was left standing there in
puzzlement.  What had happened to the happy-go-lucky girl he had known?  What
had happened to the unfailing faith of the woman walking away from him?  When
had she become so jaded?  Josh was going to find out because that was an
important part of her.  She might have gotten a little lost, but Josh was going
to help her find herself and maybe help him find some of himself in the process. 
All these years he’d questioned why things had happened the way they do, maybe
he was getting a second chance to find out why. 

Marisol strode across
the parking lot without waiting for Josh.  She shouldn’t have just blurted that
out, but she had to be honest with him.  What was she supposed to do?  Just act
like she was the same person.  She wasn’t.  She may never be the same again. 
She had prayed a lot of prayers in her life and she knew that God wasn’t a
genie.  He couldn’t grant her “wishes” or “prayers” but sometimes she just
wanted to know that he was there.  It’s not like she treated God like he was
drive through – “Hey God, I’d like an order of godly man with a side of love
and I’ll pull right on up and you can hand him to me through the drive through window.” 
She knew it didn’t work that way.  That still didn’t keep her from getting
upset sometimes.  All her ‘so called’ friends around her were married and had
children of their own and were happy and she had none of that.  Part of her was
ticked and part of her was broken. 

She had gone through
more in the last 10 years than she cared to think about and most times she
could put it behind her and go on.  She could deal with the fact that she was
almost thirty-five and single.  She could deal with the fact that she had no
one to love and no one to love her back.  She could deal with the fact that she
still lived with her parents and that other people looked down their nose at
her because of it.  What she couldn’t deal with and what she hadn’t told anyone
was that when she was thirty she had to have a total hysterectomy because she’d
had a tumor on her remaining ovary that could have been cancer.  When the
doctor had gone in she’d had endometriosis so bad that they hadn’t had any
choice but to take everything.  It wasn’t as if she’d ever wanted children
because she hadn’t, but she would have liked to have had the choice.  Now she
never would.  It hadn’t been that one thing that had caused her to walk
backwards a couple of feet…it had been several things.  She believed in God and
she loved him more than anything, but somewhere along the way she had started
relying more on herself than on God.  She hadn’t put her full trust in him in a
long time.  Hearing Josh talk about her like she was Miss Goody two shoes had
made her feel suffocated.  He might not even want anything to do with her now
that she’d blurted out she didn’t believe like she used to.  She wished she
could.  She wished she could go back and be that girl who was on fire for God
and who took everything to him in prayer, except she wasn’t and she didn’t know
how to get back there. 

“Hey wait up!” Josh
called.

“Sorry.  I had to get
out of there.”

“You have some
explaining to do.  What happened?  You looked like you had bees in your pants
and then you took off running.”

“More like I felt like
I got slapped in the face by the truth and it hurt.  Look, I don’t know how to
tell you that I’m not the same person you knew back then.  I’ve made a lot of
decisions and I’ve walked away on a lot of things that I’m not proud of.” Marisol
said rushing it all out at once.  Josh grabbed her hand and pulled her to him.

“I’ve made mistakes
too.  I’ve made decisions that have literally changed other people lives and I
can’t go back and change it either.  I’m not asking for perfect.  I’m not even
asking for semi-perfect; just normal, well as normal as you are that is.” He
smirked at her and she grinned.

“I walked away Josh.” Marisol
said hardly above a whisper.  He held her hand to his heart and she felt it
hammering.  She knew the feeling.  Hers was going like a racehorse. 

“You know what?  Why
don’t we get takeout and go to my house?  We’ll be able to talk without any interruptions. 
I don’t think that we’d get to really have a serious discussion if we’re out here
in the middle of a restaurant.” Did Marisol really want to talk about this? 
She could just say no and they could just go into the restaurant and she could
put on her happy face.

“Take-out is perfect.”

Pulling into Josh’s
driveway 20 minutes later, Marisol was a bundle of energy and nerves.  She
didn’t know why she’d agreed to this.  Yes she did, she wanted him to know the
real her – warts and all.  He opened the front door and turned on the hall
light. 

“Be careful, I have
stuff in the middle of the floor.” Josh stated and maneuvered her around it.

“Your home is a lot
cleaner than I thought it would be.  Not that I thought you were pig or
anything.  I just figured living the bachelor lifestyle would make you a….you
know what – I’ll shut up now.” Marisol shut her mouth abruptly.  Josh laughed
and said:

“You always were outspoken. 
Why stop now?  I don’t really like clutter, so I keep things straightened up.” 
He grabbed plates out of the cabinet and waved Marisol away when she tried to
help. “I got it.  You head right through there and I’ll bring everything in.”  Marisol
did as she was told and sat at the table.  He came in with the takeout bags,
plates, silverware and juggling glasses on top.  He placed them on the table. 
“See green eyes, I got skills.  I didn’t even drop a glass.  I have tea, coke,
orange juice, milk and water.  Whatcha feel like?”

“Tea.”

“Here you go.  It’s really
sweet just to warn you.” He said.

“Thanks but that’s the
way I like it.” He reached into the bag and drew out the Chinese food they had
gotten.  He had 10 cartons set on the table like an offering. 

“Dig in, darling.” He
passed the cartons to her and when she had gotten what she wanted, he began
pouring a little of everything on his plate.  “So you want to tell me…” he let
the sentence drop off as he took a bite of sweet and sour chicken.  Marisol
held her breath and waited for the question she knew he wanted to ask.  “What
you’ve been doing the last couple of years?” he finished.  Okay that was not
what she thought he was going to ask.

“Working, working and
more working.  I’ve gotten pretty good at it.” Marisol said rolling her eyes at
him.  “I sleep, eat and dream work.  I’m very boring.”

“I doubt that.  If I
remember correctly, you were always doing stuff with the singles at your church
when we worked together.  You never stayed home.” He looked at her
questioningly.

“Things change.”

“You said that, but what
changed?  Is your mom and dad okay?” He asked

“They’re great.  Dad’s retired
now and enjoying it, but he’s starting to get bored.  Now he’s up under mom like
a chigger.  I like to think of myself as a buffer between them.  They don’t
argue, but you remember that my dad’s not really a talker.  At least with me
there, mom has someone to talk to.” Marisol rambled.

“Yeah I remember.  I
loved your mom.  She’s so awesome.  She knew how I felt about you, you know.”
It wasn’t a question.

“She loved you too. 
She was really upset when you left.  So was I.” Marisol finished up what was on
her plate and put her fork down.  “It took me a long time to get over losing
you.  I mean, I never had you, except I wanted too.” Marisol’s mouth dropped
open and Josh laughed out loud.  She could not believe she just said that.

“See that’s what I
missed.  That mouth of yours.” He leaned over and tapped her lips with his
finger.  “You always spoke before you thought and I loved it, I especially
missed the blushing part.” He let his finger linger against her lips and she
had the urge to nibble it. 

“I guess some things
haven’t changed.  You still flirt with me and I’m left walking away with rosy
red cheeks.” Marisol got up and walked into the living room.

“Speaking of walking
away…” Josh said quietly, following her over to the couch where she sat down and
tucked her feet under her. 

“Ah.  I didn’t think
you’d let me get out of that so easy.  So you want to know what I meant. 
Okay.  I walked away several years ago.  I didn’t walk away from God or
anything.  I walked away from church and religion.  I walked out the front door
one Sunday morning and I didn’t look back.  I looked around me and realized
that all my friends were getting married and having kids.  They were happy and
I wasn’t.  I got mad at God for something that wasn’t his fault and I just gave
up.” Marisol said softly.

“We all give up and we
get mad at God, but he understands we’re just humans.  I could have walked away,
but I think I would have regretted it.” Josh said soothingly.

“I regretted it, but
the problem is once you walk away it’s hard to find your way back.  That’s the
way Satan works.  He sneaks in and by the time you realize it, it’s too late. 
I didn’t just get mad, I got bitter.  Do you remember when I had to have
surgery when you first came to work with us?  I had to have my one ovary taken
out?” Marisol asked.

“Yeah, I remember.” Josh
said.

“Well, about 5 years ago,
around the time you left I got sick.  It started with back pain that was so bad
that I didn’t even want to move and then I started cramping.  I thought I had a
kidney stone and Dr. Lowery sent me for a CT.  It came back that I had a tumor
on my other ovary.  They ran cancer markers on me and my ovarian cancer
screening came back high and Dr. Lowery wasn’t happy with the results.  He
wanted to take it out because it was a mixed complexity tumor.  He gave me a
choice and basically told me that we could watch it for a couple of months or
we could take it out now.   After the first time around, I just wanted whatever
it was taken out.  I didn’t want to wait 6 months and do a repeat test.  I was stubborn
and just the thought about what was in me.  Well I thought that I would handle
everything like I did with the first surgery.” Marisol held her head down as
she spoke.

“I remember.  You
handled the first surgery with a lot of bravery and you recovered really quickly. 
I remember you coming back after 2 weeks.” Josh said.

“Yeah, well this time I
wasn’t so brave and I didn’t recover quickly.  It took 8 weeks to recover and
then I only came back part-time.  Dr. Lowery was going to try and do everything
he could to save everything else, so that I could at least carry a child if I
tried for artificial insemination.  When he got in there the endometriosis was
so bad he had to take everything.  When I woke up he told me he was sorry, but
there wasn’t anything he could do.  Josh, I never wanted kids - but I wasn’t
really a woman anymore either.  At least the first time around, I only had the
one ovary taken out and I still felt like a woman.” Marisol said softly.

“You’re more woman than
anyone I’ve ever known before.  Having a few organs missing doesn’t make you
who you are.  What’s in here is what makes you who you are.” Josh pointed
towards her heart.

“I know that in my
heart, but in my head it’s totally different.  I don’t feel like a woman.” Marisol
looked at Josh with an expression of sadness.  He took his hand and cupped her
jaw and leaned closer to her. 

“You feel like a woman to
me and you’re beautiful like a woman.” He leaned forward until he was a hair’s
breath away from her.  “You’re unlike any woman I’ve ever met.” Marisol breath
caught in her throat and she stopped breathing altogether when he touched his
lips to hers.  She didn’t move whatsoever, afraid he might pull away.  When he
pulled her closer, she wrapped her arms around his neck and melted into his
embrace.  His lips tentatively glided across hers.  It was a chaste kiss, yet
it made her feel very much like a female.  Something she hadn’t felt in years. 
He pulled back and looked into her eyes.  His eyes were sparkling in the glow
of the lamp.  “You taste like a woman.  Not that I’ve kissed a man - but I’m
just saying…” He winked.  He didn’t let her go.

“Wow.” Marisol said
breathlessly.

“Yeah and that’s with
no tongue.” He said cheekily.

“Maybe we should try
that and see how we do?” Marisol suggested.

“You’re such a bad
influence on me.  I didn’t plan on trying anything tonight.”