The Diva Haunts the House (15 page)

I carried it downstairs—which produced a few screams among those waiting in the foyer—through the kitchen, and out to the backyard.

Even in daylight, Humphrey cut a creepy figure in his top hat and ragged duds. The hat dipped low on his forehead. He leaned against the fence and concentrated so hard on texting that he didn’t hear me coming. As I drew near, he glanced up. “You scared me! My gosh, is that thing real?” He drew back and shuddered.

“One of the kids must have thought it would be a fun prank. Probably the same one who found the cigarette case with Viktor’s initials on it.”

I walked to the back of the yard and propped the snake on a tree branch. Humphrey followed me with a snazzy phone in his hand. When I turned to talk to him, I thought I spied makeup on his face. I reached out and lifted the brim of the hat a little bit. Under the best circumstances, Humphrey’s skin was pasty, but gray circles around his eyes made him appear cadaverous—as though he’d just risen from one of the graves in the backyard. “Yikes! Who did your makeup?”

He laughed. “One of the women over at the mortuary. I think she had entirely too much fun making me look ghoulish. I’m glad you came out here, though. I just heard from one of my contacts at the medical examiner’s office.”

“About Patrick?”

He nodded. “He died of asphyxiation.”

“Like someone smothered him?” I inhaled deeply at the memory of not being able to breathe during my assault.

“Something like that,” said Humphrey. “It means he wasn’t getting oxygen.”

I feared I knew the answer, but I asked, “So he probably didn’t die of natural causes?”

“I’m no physician, but I think there are a few natural causes of asphyxiation.” He looked at me with those ghastly eyes. “Like medical conditions that make a person stop breathing, but that probably wasn’t the case.”

The fresh memory of something clamped over my nose and mouth made me think it more likely Patrick had been suffocated. “Did your contact say anything about the wounds on his neck?” I was
not
going to refer to them as a vampire bite!

“Only that it’s very bizarre.”

We already knew that. I glanced up at the windows. “The next group will be through any second.” I touched his arm. “Keep me posted if you hear more.”

I scurried into the house and ran into Wolf.

He rubbed an uneasy hand over his chin. “Nina’s the third person who saw Blake in your neighborhood last night wearing his vampire costume.”

“So you already knew.”

“What I don’t know is why he’s lying about it.”

I breathed a little easier. “You don’t really believe he’s the killer.”

“I didn’t say that. I have to consider him a suspect. He had motive and he was in the right place. If he had a good reason to lie, other than murder, I sure would like to know about it.”

I hugged Wolf and melted into his embrace. Humphrey’s revelation made me wish I could stay in Wolf’s safe arms all day. My hat fell off, and I giggled like a girl when I bent to pick it up. “Have you ever heard of a Living Dead Doll?”

He made a sour face. “A woman at the medical examiner’s office collects them. Pretty gruesome.”

“Collects them?”

“They’re not my taste, but she says they only make so many and the dolls go up in value, like other collectibles.”

“Someone left one at my front door last night. The girls think it’s some kind of warning because it has a vampire bite on its neck.” I tried to make light of it. “I think it’s just a kid playing a prank.”

“I’d better have a look at it.” Wolf pulled me close in a bear hug. “Don’t let your guard down. Even if the doll is a joke, the killer has you on his radar.”

Wolf left through the graveyard, and I hurried to the witch’s lair, where June, who made an adorable witch with silver curls peeking from beneath her hat, offered a little cowboy a candied apple. I pulled aside the filmy fabric that covered the window and peeked outside. “I don’t see any sign of Heather or her father.” I hoped they had given up and gone home.

“Wanda put a spell on them,” said June.

“What?!”

“We didn’t care for their behavior, so Wanda went outside and put a spell on them.” She smiled. “You should have seen the horror on their faces!”

Oh no! They would probably report us for practicing witchcraft.

“Don’t be upset. It was just a silly rhyme. Wanda picked up a pumpkin”—June pretended to hold one in her hands—“and then she said, ‘When this pumpkin’s face you see, you will flee and leave us be.’ Isn’t that a hoot? And the best part is that it worked! They left right away.” She chuckled with glee.

I hoped Heather and Karl shared June’s amusement about it. I had a bad feeling their version of the event would be drastically different.

“Sophie, dear, the cauldron isn’t fogging quite as much anymore. Do you know how to fix that?”

I withdrew an old pitcher from under the counter where I’d stashed it. “We just have to add warm water.”

She took the pitcher from me. “That’s easy enough.”

While she fetched the water, I supervised the tour that had just ended and made sure everyone went home with a treat. I loved hearing the comments—at first.

“Man, I’m coming back at night. This is the coolest haunted house.”

“The axe murderer guy was scary, but the guy in the backyard—do you think he always looks like that?”

“I bet that vampire still lives here.”

“They made that up. A vampire never slept here.”

“Oh no? I heard some guy died last night from a vampire bite. He probably came back here afterward and slept in that coffin.”

June returned and poured water into the cauldron. Mist wafted out immediately. She cackled and wiggled her fingers at a little girl, who squealed but ran out wearing a delighted grin. “My word.” June peered out the window. “There’s a mob outside.”

Mob?
I hoped Karl hadn’t brought back reinforcements.

“There you are.” Officer Wong drifted into the lair gazing up at the cobwebs and purple lights. “No one expected this kind of turnout. Must be one scary haunted house.”

I didn’t see any paperwork in her hands, but I waited for her to tell me the bad news that the haunted house would be closed. Jen brought another group through, and June immediately handed out goodies to children, who laughed and smiled. I was glad Wong could see the kids weren’t distressed.

She examined the treats on the table. “I’m sorry to put a damper on things, but I’ve brought a couple of cops to make sure the crowd outside stays orderly.”

“You’re not shutting us down?”

“Are you kidding? Why would I do that?”

She couldn’t have surprised me more. My knees went weak, and I realized how much Karl and Heather worried me.

“Hey, can I bust in line and get a tour?” she asked.

Jen nodded. “We’ll say you have to make an official inspection. You can go on my next tour.”

I joined June at the window. A cluster of people blocked us from seeing the end of the line. “Where did they all come from? I never anticipated this many. Especially not so many adults.”

“Heather texted everybody and warned them that the house was dangerous because it was haunted by a vampire,” said Jen. “And people have been texting friends when they hear the story about Viktor. I’ve seen them do it.”

Wong laughed. “Heather the Horrid from last night? She’s a piece of work. But she made your haunted house go viral. Just goes to prove that as soon as you tell people something’s haunted or dangerous, they’ll line up to take a peek.”

“Coming through . . . coming through.” I heard Natasha before I saw her. She broke through to the witch’s lair and snorted in disgust. Brushing off her lavender sweater and matching trousers, she marched straight toward me. “How could you do this to me?” she hissed.

I was losing my patience with her. “What now, Natasha?”

“Don’t get snippy with me. I’ve had to deal with fire cleanup crews all day. The kitchen was loaded with candles for ambiance and they melted all over the place. Between the hole in my kitchen wall and Patrick’s death, I’m at the end of my rope. People are saying you staged Patrick’s death last night to get attention for some dumb vampire story.”

“I’m sure Patrick will be pleased to know he’s not dead.”

Wong snorted. “People can be so stupid.”

Jen wasn’t laughing though. “He’s
not
dead. A vampire bite makes you immortal.”

“Don’t you dare start that rumor,” I cautioned. What a nightmare.

Natasha examined the people in the lair as though she was sizing them up. “She doesn’t have to start that rumor, it’s common knowledge.” She clapped a hand over her mouth when she realized what she’d said. “Not that I believe in that sort of foolishness.”

I should have realized that anyone raised by superstitious Wanda would believe in vampires. Natasha was a no-nonsense person on so many levels, but apparently, this wasn’t one of them.

I massaged my temples. “Would you be willing to make a candy run? We’re going to need more of these little bags”—I held one up to show her—“and candy corn to fill them.”

“Leon can do it.” Natasha pulled out her phone, but before she called him, she tucked it away. “On second thought, maybe I will do it myself. Mother has suggested we buy more garlic.”

“Would you get us some, too?” asked Jen. “We used ours up last night. Come on, Officer Wong. It’s my turn.”

Jen collected her group for the next tour, but Natasha lingered as though she wanted to say something privately.

She spoke in a hushed tone. “I think Maggie planned to kill Patrick at my party. That’s why she dressed in a Morticia Addams outfit like me. People confused us all night long, and she took advantage of that. The guests aren’t sure whether it was me or her they saw at certain times. It gave her a perfect alibi. She used me!”

Instinctively, I wanted to defend Maggie, just so Natasha wouldn’t be correct, not to mention my desire to tweak Natasha for being so egocentric. “But I saw someone in a vampire costume running away.”

“That doesn’t mean he or she was the killer.” With that, Natasha left to buy garlic and candy.

June’s eyes narrowed as though she was scheming. “I will never understand what Mars sees in that woman. If you didn’t have that nice Wolf hanging around, I’d be trying to set you up with Mars again.”

I shot her a smile, but a group of kids came through and we were back to work.

When Officer Wong returned with Jen, post tour, she pulled me aside. “That story about the vampire who stayed here? It’s true.”

THIRTEEN

“Not you, too!” I liked Wong. I’d thought she was sensible.

“My granny was friends with the Widow Nagle. She used to tell me this story. It was exactly the same except for one thing—I never knew the vampire’s name. She wouldn’t utter it. She was so afraid of him that she slept clutching her rosary every night. There were mirrors all over her house, and she used to parade people in front of them, just to be sure they had reflections.”

I felt terrible for Wong’s grandmother. “You don’t believe he was a vampire, do you?”

Wong’s mouth twitched back and forth. “Granny wasn’t the type to be skittish. June’s story is so similar to hers that there must be some truth to it. I’ll let you know what I find out.”

She turned to go, but I stopped her. “Last night you said something about being warned about me? What was that about?”

Her demeanor lightened. “Everybody knows you’re dating Wolf, and that Kenner is determined to win you over.”

“Just the way I’d like to be known in the community,” I muttered sarcastically.

She leaned toward me and spoke confidentially. “Just so you know, my money is on Wolf.”

“Your money?”

“Sure. I know they say there’s somebody for everyone, but I can’t imagine what kind of woman would fall for Kenner. He’s a sourpussed old grump. So I bet on Wolf. But now that I’ve seen how cute your ex is, well without that awful mustache . . .”

“It was fake. Part of the costume.”

“I may have to bet on him instead.”

Bet?
What on earth was she talking about? My face must have revealed my confusion because she went on. “Ohhh, you didn’t know about the office pool, did you?”

“The cops are betting on whether I’ll wind up with Wolf or Kenner?” I could feel the hot flush of embarrassment flooding my face. The tops of my ears burned like they were aflame.

“It’s all in fun, to rib the guys, you know.” She winked at me and left.

I pushed through the crowd to Wanda. “Is Mercury in retrograde? Are the planets aligned to make me miserable and everyone around me nuts?”

Wanda held the palm of a young man in her hands. She turned her face toward me and said, simply, “Oh my, yes.”

Swell. There wasn’t a thing I could do about it, except muddle on.

Natasha returned a couple of hours later with garlic and boxes full of little treat bags. I hid them in the kitchen closet to use the next day. “That was fast.”

“As soon as Leon heard they were for you, he became a little dynamo. Apparently I have to mention your name to get him to move faster.”