The Disappeared (26 page)

Afterwards I realise that I’ve been crying and that Kay is holding my hand.

‘Oh, Blake,’ she says when I’m finished.

‘All my life I’ve behaved exactly as they wanted me to. They train the Academy kids to man their factories and they train the Learning Community kids to use their brains to further the system, but we’re told not to think about what it’s really all about. I’m an idiot for not realising before.’

But in a way I did realise. I can see now that a part of me knew something was wrong. Learning Communities are supposed to encourage questions, but there were certain questions we knew not to ask. And then there were the rumours about terrorists who wanted to bring the Leadership down. We were made to believe that they were evil people, but now I see that I should have tried to find out why they wanted to remove the government.

Kay reaches out with her other hand and strokes my hair. ‘Blake, you’re all no colour,’ she says.

‘I knew, Kay. I knew that there was something wrong with the way Academies are hidden away. I knew it was wrong to separate factory workers from everybody else. I knew that there wasn’t enough criticism of the Leadership. I even knew there was weird stuff going on at the Learning Community. I just chose not to think about it.’

‘How is all this coming from Rex’s name?’

‘Because the Specials thought that they had something that was theirs. They thought that even in this horrible place that they could make their own little gang with its own little names. But they were wrong. Even
that
is something they were made to do. And it’s the same with the kids in the Learning Community – they’re not in control either. They’ve got to grow up to be good little Leadership team members. And if they don’t . . .’

Efwurd. What about that rebellious boy, Fisher? And that enforcer they said had killed him and been sent to the Wilderness. Maybe they just didn’t fit in with the Learning Community’s plan for them. And now that I think about it, they weren’t the only two to leave without much of an explanation. I slam my palm against my forehead.

‘I’ve been having these thoughts about the Leadership for weeks. Why didn’t I put it all together?’

Kay gives me a lopsided smile. ‘Because you didn’t want to.’

It’s true. My throat is tightening. ‘You don’t seem surprised. Did you already know all this?’ I say.

‘It’s easier to see the bad when bad is happening to you. When you have nice things you can look at the nice things and not see the bad.’

‘And that’s the problem isn’t? How will things ever change when no one wants to look at what’s happening?’

‘I don’t know,’ she says.

‘Neither do I. But I swear to you that somehow I am going to
make
people see what’s going on.’

Kay stays with me that whole night. She doesn’t even send a message to Rex. We go down to the salon, which is warmer than the bathroom, and sit in the same chair together. We don’t talk much. Just being next to her makes me feel better. Later, when we’re in bed, just after the lights flick off I hear Kay roll over to face my bed. ‘I will come with you on Saturday,’ she whispers.

‘Thank you,’ I say. And I don’t just mean for agreeing to escape.

As the week goes on I start to think much more clearly. Now when Wilson comes into my mind I’m filled with anger instead of sadness and the anger powers me. I know that we will get out of here and I am determined that once we do, I will expose this whole rotten, corrupt system and things will change. Things have got to change. The days pass in a blur. I avoid looking at my mother in class. Once during an afternoon session Rice appears at the door, causing my heart to ricochet around my chest. I expect him to pull me from the grid, but he just lingers in the doorway watching my mother deliver a lesson on microchips. She pretends not to notice him and in the end he leaves without a word.

On the day of our escape I’m so afraid of accidentally giving the game away that I spend most of my time with my eyes fixed on the floor. At dinner time Kay leans into my pod. ‘I said to the Specials no reading classes, so do you want to teach me?’ she says.

It’s like she’s asked me on a date. I can’t help smiling. She smiles back.

‘Is that a yes smile?’ she says.

‘Yes.’ It will be good to have something to do other than worry.

‘We could go to a Making room.’

I don’t know what to say.

‘It’s quiet there and no one will see,’ she says.

I stare at her.

She leans closer. ‘No one will see the book,’ she whispers.

‘The book, yes the book. I’ll, um, get the book and meet you down there.’

Kay nods.

I go upstairs. It’s only a reading lesson, I tell myself. But I’m still smiling.

When I get downstairs I see lots of Specials pairing up and disappearing behind doors. As the throng parts I see Kay standing outside a cubicle. Talking to Rex. The butterfly that was in my chest turns into a rock. Kay looks up and sees me; I think that she’s going to say something, but she turns back to Rex. He follows her gaze and spots me.

‘It’s Blakey-boy!’

He’s in one of his jolly moods. I hate it when he pretends we’re mates.

‘You getting some Making?’ he asks. ‘It’s been a big wait for you! What girl is it?’

I look at Kay. She looks at her feet.

Rex laughs. ‘Oh, she’s a good girl. She fights hard. I bet she Makes hard too.’ He turns to leer at Kay. ‘Maybe I should Make with you one day.’

I expect Kay to punch him, but instead she just smiles up at him, as if that’s exactly what she’d like. Then he pats her on her bottom and swaggers off to talk to a bunch of Reds at the other end of the corridor.

‘Are you going to let him get away with that?’

‘Blake—’

‘Because we both know that you wouldn’t let anyone else speak to you like that. You certainly wouldn’t let anyone else touch you like—’

‘Blake, it’s Rex. I don’t want to make trouble. I don’t want him to start thinking a thing is going on. We have to be careful.’

‘Don’t give me that. This is a perfect opportunity for you to tell him what a pig he is, but even though we are leaving—’

‘Shh,’ she hisses.

I lower my voice, ‘Even though we’re going, you can’t help yourself, can you? You think he’s so crimson that you just have to suck up. You couldn’t even bring yourself to tell him that you were with me, could you? You don’t want to spend time in a Making room with me when you could be with Rex.’ I finish up out of breath and glaring at her.

She doesn’t deny it.

Eventually she sighs and takes a slow breath like I’m this immature little kid that she’s got to try to explain things to. ‘Blake—’

‘Don’t,’ I say and storm off to the salon.

The room is empty when I get there and I slump down in one of the chairs.

I think of all the bad things anyone ever told me about Academy girls. I thought Kay was different. Obviously I was wrong.

Later I go to see Ilex to talk to him about tonight. ‘Remember, I’ll meet my mum and then I’ll come and get you two,’ I say.

‘What about Kay?’ Ilex asks.

‘I don’t think Kay is coming.’ Before he can start asking questions about that I remind him that they need to wear both their uniforms and bring the food we’ve been hoarding, then I go back to my own dormitory.

I’ve been lying in bed for about an hour when the senior Specials’ buzzer goes and the door is locked, but Kay is still not in her bed. She must be somewhere with Rex. I’m not sure I care any more. I’m getting out of here and if she wants to stay with her precious Rex then that’s up to her.

I wait for what I hope is several hours. Most of the Specials seem to be asleep. Someone turns over and the bed creaks. Further up the dormitory there is some whispering. I slide out of bed and tip-toe towards the bathroom. Out in the corridor, I stop and listen. I can hear the impec-cables’ patrol lumbering their way down the stairs. I press myself into the shadows and wait until their heavy footsteps fade away.

Once I’m in the classroom, I look up at the clock on the wall. Its digital display glows green in the darkness. 00.38 – I’ve got a while to wait. Time drags by.

At 1.50 I start to watch the door. I’m twitching in anticipation.

Two o’clock comes and goes.

2.09.

2.16.

I’m panicking. What if my mother’s roommate has caught her? What if her fake name has been discovered?

2.24.

She’s not coming. Something must have happened. My stomach lurches and I start to imagine the worst again. I mustn’t panic; perhaps she’s just waiting for the coast to be clear. I sit with my mind in a whirl for over an hour. The last time I look at the clock it’s 3.23.

The next thing I know I’m waking up with a crick in my neck from where I’ve fallen asleep hunched up in a compartment. The grid door is hissing open.

It’s Ilex.

‘Blake,’ he whispers, ‘you didn’t come. Ali is in the LER.’

I look at the clock. It’s gone five. She didn’t come. Something must have stopped her. I rub my face and try to take in what Ilex is saying. ‘I didn’t come because my mother never came. What did you say about Ali?’

‘I was awake and you didn’t come. I went to see Ali and she wasn’t in her bed. I woked up a little Special and said “Where is Ali?” He said Rice put her in the LER for the night.’

Everything is going wrong at once. ‘Why?’

‘He didn’t know it. Why didn’t your mum come?’

‘I don’t know. There must have been a problem.’

‘I thought a problem. I came to find you.’ He looks around the room. ‘No Kay?’

Just her name is like a stab in the chest. She didn’t even bother to tell me she didn’t want to come. ‘No Kay,’ I say and Ilex doesn’t ask any more questions.

I rub my aching neck. ‘I won’t know what happened till I get to speak to my mother. We’d better get back to bed. As soon as the morning buzzer goes we can look for Ali.’

He bites his lip, ‘I have to get her away from Rice. Will we go?’

‘We will,’ I promise him. ‘One day, soon. We’re going to get out of this place.’

Back in the dormitory, Kay’s bed is still empty. What the hell has she been doing with Rex all night long? But when I look up the dormitory I can see Rex’s auburn head on his pillow. Where can Kay be? I climb into bed and my mind fizzes with all the horrible possibilities of what could have prevented my mother from turning up. When the buzzer sounds, I rush to splash my face with cold water before Ilex comes to get me. When I come back from the bathroom, Kay is waiting for me.

‘Blake,’ she says.

‘I’m not interested,’ I say, and turn away. ‘And where the hell have you been? You know, if you didn’t want to come that’s fine, but you could have told me, you could have put the whole thing at risk—’

‘LER.’

‘You haven’t even asked why I’m still here . . .’ I register what she’s said. ‘You were in the LER too?’

‘Yes, Rice put me there for the night.’

‘Is that what happens when you Make with Rex these days?’

‘Efwurding hell, Blake, stop about Rex. I have to tell you a thing you have to know—’

‘I don’t want to know anything you’ve got to tell me. Why would I be interested in what you’ve got to say? You know, Kay, I used to respect you because I thought you were different to other girls in here, but I’m not sure that’s true any more.’

‘Blake, it’s your mother.’

Fear runs through me. ‘What is it? What’s happened?’

She pulls me closer to her so she can whisper.

‘Some person told Rice that your mother gave Ali food one time.’

‘What happened?’

‘Rice came to get Ali and was all questions. I saw it. I tried to help it. I said it was me. He took us to the LER and got your mother and he was all angry that Ali was no talking. He was going to give Ali a shock and . . . your mother stopped him.’

‘How?’

‘She punched him.’

A laugh escapes me. But it’s not funny. It’s not funny at all. Hitting Rice is a serious mistake. This is why she didn’t come last night. ‘What are they going to do to her?’ I say, trying to stop my voice from trembling.

‘Rice has done it. He sent her on sick leave,’ Kay says.

‘Sick leave. That’s okay, isn’t it? Anywhere that isn’t here would be better . . .’