The Difference a Day Makes (Perfect, Indiana: Book Two) (36 page)

He gritted his teeth.
I’m not going to do that anymore. It might take some time before I can forgive myself, but I’m not going to invent trouble where there is none.
Straightening his spine, he got into his truck and headed home.
Shit.
He had a rough night ahead of him, with Paige so near and yet entirely unreachable.

Ryan sat at his workspace and tried to tally how many hours it had been since Paige had walked out of his life. Should he start with their last argument, or should he begin with the moment she drove away on Saturday morning? Saturday, Sunday, to this Monday morning. That’s—

“Hey, sad sack.” Ted came into his space and hovered there like bad news. “I don’t suppose you told Paige how you feel about her before you let her go.”

Ryan shifted on his stool so his back faced Ted.

Ted followed him around so he could glare at him. “Why not? She deserves to know.”

“How is this any of your business, kid? You didn’t want her here in the first place.”

“And yet I miss her already. Despite my awkwardness with the situation, I’m man enough to admit she was good for this company.” He continued to scowl at Ryan. “You let her make a decision about her life without having all the facts. That makes you a chickenshit.”

Ryan practiced his deep breathing and counted to ten. “It’s for the best. Noah didn’t want me involved with his baby sister, anyway.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Noah came around the edge of the back staircase. “What gave you that idea? I wouldn’t have any problem with the two of you together. In fact, I was hoping—”

“Well, then why did you keep warning me away from her?”

Noah’s palm came up to rub the back of his head, and a sheepish expression flitted across his face. “It wasn’t because I disapproved, bro. I didn’t want to see you hurt. I didn’t want to see either of you hurt.” He shook his head. “Tell me you didn’t let her go because you believed I didn’t approve.”

“I couldn’t stop her,” he snapped. “It’s what she wanted.”

“I’m not so sure.” Ted looked at him like he was intellectually impaired. “If I know anything about women, it’s that they want to know they’re worth a little pleading when it comes to the men they love. You let her down big-time, man.” He sent him a pitying look.

“Was I this dense?” Noah’s brow rose, and he glanced Ted’s way.

“Worse. It took you forever to muster up the courage to do anything about the way you felt about Ceejay. Plus, you drooled every time she got anywhere near you.” Ted walked to his workbench. “At least with Ryan, all I had to put up with were the googly eyes and the sexual innuendoes.”

“Humph. I’ve seen him drool.”

“Will you two shut the hell up? Do you not realize I’m in pain here?” Had he just admitted that out loud? “There’s nothing I can do about it now.”

“Isn’t there?” Ted stared at him through his safety goggles.

Ryan frowned. “Is there?”

“Moron.” Ted scowled. “I’m surrounded by idiots, and it drives me abso-freaking-lutely nuts, because you guys always seem to get the girl. You know where that leaves me?” He shook his head in disgust. “It leaves me all alone. I can’t fucking stand it!” he shouted. “You don’t deserve her, dumbass, and not because you don’t
deserve
her, but because you’re a chickenshit, and you let her get away without telling her how you feel. Everybody in Perfect knows you love her. Everybody knows except Paige. Criminy!”

He pulled off his goggles, threw them on the workbench, and headed for the back door. “I’m going to my aunt’s to get a decent cup of coffee.” He stopped to glare at Ryan. “That’s another thing. Paige was the only one here who knew how to make a decent pot of coffee, dammit. This is all your fault, Malloy. Fix. It.”

“Well, shit.” Ryan stared at the empty space where the kid had put on his show.

“I know, huh?” Noah came to stand beside him. “Ted still has the capacity to surprise me from time to time. Don’t underestimate him.”

“I won’t.” Ryan scrubbed at his face with both hands. “What the hell am I supposed to do? Paige accepted the job. She’s already gone.”

“Uh…What do you have in your back pocket right now?”

“My wallet?”

“What else?”

“My cell phone.” The phone Paige had forced him to buy and helped him choose. He swallowed the painful lump rising in his throat. How many times had he pulled it out of his pocket over the weekend to look at the picture of the two of them?

“Right.” Noah slapped him on the back and walked to his workstation. “You might want to think about using that phone soon, bro. Don’t wait too long.”

Stunned, Ryan took it all in and let it spin around inside his head. “I need a minute.”

“Take two.” Noah shot him a wry look.

Ryan took the back stairs two at a time and walked into the office they’d used for their Monday-morning staff meetings—Paige’s idea, and a good one, at that. Did the raking over the coals he’d just received qualify as their staff meeting for the week? Confusion and the persistent stir of hope took his breath. Dizzy with all the thoughts clamoring inside his head, he sat down, leaned back, and closed his eyes.

His last session with Doc shouted out the loudest, and he tried to visualize his life as if he deserved good things. Paige’s assertion that Jackson and Theresa wouldn’t want him to continue carrying around all the guilt weighing him down pushed forward. What would it feel like to let it all go, forgive himself, and reach out with both hands for what he wanted?

The image of his mom and dad popped into his mind, and regret stole his breath. He’d meant to punish himself and
managed to hurt them in the bargain. They didn’t deserve what he’d put them through, and the sooner he made it right, the better.

Maybe he wasn’t ready to call Paige, but the desperate longing to see his family couldn’t wait. He knew what he needed to do. Ryan straightened, pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, and made one of the hardest calls he’d ever made.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Mom. It’s Ryan.”

“Oh, my boy. How are you? Is everything all right?” Her voice broke.

Ryan smiled through the sting behind his eyes. “Yeah, Mom. I’m fine.”
If being heartbroken qualifies as fine.
“I miss all of you something fierce, and I want to come home for a visit. Are y’all going to be around this coming weekend?”

“Yes! Come home, baby. We’ve missed you something fierce too. Shawn and Austin said they ran into you in Indiana. They said you have a new job, and…When did you move? How did this all come about?”

He laughed and heard her gasp at the sound. “I have lots to tell you and Dad. We’ll talk when I get there. I’ll be home late Friday night. Leave the porch light on for me. I can’t wait to see everybody.”

“I will. Oh, it’s so good to hear your voice, honey. Wait till I tell your father. He’ll be so pleased. We’ll see you Saturday morning if we can’t manage to wait up Friday night.”

“Don’t wait up.” He grinned so hard his cheeks ached. “I love you. See you this weekend.”

“We love you too, Ryan. Drive carefully.”

“I will. I gotta get back to work.” They said their good-byes, and he laid his phone on the table and stared at it. He knew what
he had to do to move forward. He worked it all out in his mind. Tonight he’d run things by his buddies, and maybe they’d have some insight about how to cross the great divide separating him from the woman he loved.

Too weak from emotional upheaval to use the stairs, Ryan rode the freight elevator to the first floor. He walked over to the entertainment center he’d started, put on his safety goggles, and carried a piece of lumber to the table saw.

Noah watched his every step. “Did you call her?”

“Nope.” Ryan shot him a MYOB look. “I need a few days off, Boss. I’m going home to see my folks this weekend. I’m leaving on Friday and driving back on Monday.”

“That’s great, bro. Time off granted—with pay.” Noah’s eye met his and held.

The compassion and understanding Ryan saw there humbled him. “Thanks.”

“Paid!” Ted groused. “Since when do any of us get paid time off?”

“Since right now,” Noah answered. “If you have a problem with it, take it up with our CFO.”

Ted slammed down his hammer. “I
am
our CFO, and our human resources director, payroll manager, production manager, and janitor. Where the hell is my employee-of-the-month plaque? I’m also the most underappreciated employee here.”

Ryan exchanged glances with Noah. He’d never seen Ted this on edge. “Can I buy you lunch today, kid?”

“Yes.” Ted straightened. “Thank you. Let’s head out to the truck stop for a burger. Aunt Jenny doesn’t do burgers like they do.”

“Deal. You in, Noah?”

“Are you buying my lunch too?”

“Sure, and for the record”—he turned to face Ted—“I appreciate the hell out of you, kid.”

“And yet you continue to call me ‘kid.’”

Ryan chuckled. “Sorry. I’ll try to remember you’re all grown-up.”

“Moron,” Ted muttered.

Noah cranked some tunes, and the three of them went back to work. Ryan settled in and soaked it all up—the sound of the table saw, Ted tapping two dovetailed edges together, and Noah’s off-key humming to the country music. Ryan was full to bursting.

He loved working for Langford & Lovejoy, loved working with Noah and Ted. Now all he had to do was figure out how to convince Paige that she belonged here with him, and his world would be complete. And if he failed to convince her? His mind detoured away from the possibility. He’d find a way. He had to.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

H
AD SHE REALLY BELIEVED DISTANCE
would bring relief from this choke hold on her heart? Paige stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a towel. She couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, and even breathing had become a chore. And now her clothes were beginning to feel loose. The heartbreak diet—maybe she’d write a book, start a trend, and get rich on her misery.

Monday, she’d begin her new job. Surely things would get better then. She’d have lots to learn and tons to occupy her mind. Four more days to get through, and things would start looking up. Running a brush through her hair, she took a good look at the dark circles under her puffy eyes. “Great.”

The persistent, irritating prickle of wrongness that had accompanied her the entire drive home continued to plague her. Still, Langfords didn’t go back on their word, and she’d accepted the job. No turning back. Move forward. She went to her bedroom and got dressed, choosing an old pair of jeans and an even older T-shirt. What would she do today? She’d already cleaned her condo from top to bottom, including going through the closets—all in an effort to get her mind off Ryan. It hadn’t worked.

Coffee. She’d been living on nothing but. Too bad she didn’t smoke. Paige imagined herself turning into one of those skinny old ladies who drank coffee and chain-smoked their days away, their leathery faces etched with all the disappointments they’d suffered during their lives.
Gah! I need to get out and do something.

Maybe she’d use her credit card and go shopping. This funk certainly qualified as an emergency. Dragging her sorry butt to the kitchen, she decided to at least eat a piece of toast so her stomach wouldn’t turn on her. She started a pot of coffee and went to the fridge for bread.

Her cell phone rested on the counter where she’d plugged it in to recharge. The tiny red message alert was on. Maybe one of her friends had called to see if she wanted to get together for lunch. One could hope. She popped two slices of bread into the toaster and picked up her phone.

Ryan!
His name and number appeared in the call history. She’d missed his call. Cradling her phone in both hands, she moved to her dining room table and fell into a chair. Her heart pounded so loud she heard the echo in her head. All she could do was stare at the screen through tear-blurred eyes. Her hands shook so badly it took a couple of tries before she could get them to work well enough to get to her voice mail. The wonderful sound of his voice washed over her.

“Hey, darlin’, it’s me. Listen, I shouldn’t have let you go without telling you how I feel. Even if it makes no difference, you have a right to know. So…Here goes. I love you, Paige. I know I’m not much to look at, and I don’t have much to offer in the way of…well, shoot, in any way, but I’m yours if you want me. I love you with everything I am and everything I’m ever going to be. You make me want to be a better man, and I…” His voice broke. “I miss you like crazy.”