The Devil's Daughter (22 page)

“I’ll bet you’ve never lain awake at night wondering how long it would be before we could be together. And I’ll bet you’ve never felt like your heart was going to beat out of your chest and wither on the ground.” Tears began again, but Lucy didn’t care. How dare he pretend he felt anything near to what she did?

“And,” she continued, “I’ll be you never lay here wondering what I’m dreaming about.”

“No,” he chuckled again. “I’ve never lain awake wondering what you were dreaming.”

“There you have it.” She nodded, and crossed her arms tightly over her chest. Maybe that would help ease the ache in her heart.

“Let me finish.” He eased her arms down and took her hands in his. “But I do lie awake nights wondering why I haven’t taken what you’ve offered so freely. I stare at this damned ceiling night after night cursing my stupid self and wishing you could feel half of what I do.”

It took a moment for his words to settle into her brain.

“But you could have had me any time you wanted.” He was so infuriating! “You’re the one who said--”

“I know what I said,” he murmured. “And I still think we were right to wait.”

“Because you enjoyed torturing me?”

“No.” He traced his finger down the curve of her face. “Because I wanted to be sure.”

“Of what?”

“Of you. Of me.” He paused. “Of us.”

“Us?”

He nodded, his gaze fixed on her mouth. “Mm-hmm.” His lips brushed hers gently. Lucy’s body melted against his. “Us.”

One simple word brought everything crashing down on her. There was no ‘us.’ There couldn’t be. There could only be a ‘her.’

Even so, she wasn’t ready to give him up. Not yet. Maybe never. Pain knotted her insides until she wanted to cry out. A few more days wasn’t too much to ask, was it? As long as Maggie’s baby didn’t come too soon and so long as Deacon didn’t do anything first, Lucy would have enough time to store as many memories of Jed as she could before it had to end.

But tonight was not the night to end it.

“Jed?” she whispered against his neck, breathing in his scent, his strength, and his need.

“Mmm?”

How long would the memory of his touch stay with her? Would she eventually forget the way he could heat her through by simply running his fingers up her arm?

“Could we just lie together without. . .?”

His breath caught, his fingers stilled. “You mean. . .”

Lucy nodded slowly. “I want to, really, I do.”

“But?”

Tell him the truth.

“I’m scared.” She swallowed back another rush of tears. “Is that bad?”

“No,” he moaned. “Of course not.”

He tipped her face up to his and smiled. “Can’t say I’ll get much sleep, but if that’s what you want. . .”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He kissed her again, a tender sweep that would have driven her to her knees had she been standing. “As long as I’m with you, it’ll all be fine. Besides,” he grinned sheepishly. “There’s plenty of cold water in the creek.”

 They sat in silence for a while longer, Jed tangling his fingers through her hair and down her arms, and Lucy toying with the buttons on his shirt, all the while filling her lungs with Jed-scented air.

She would need enough to last her a lifetime.

“Lucy.” His voice, soft against her ear, sent goose bumps racing down her arms. “I think I best go visit that creek now.”

 o0o

Outside, Jed leaned back against the barn wall and let himself slide to the ground. The wife he’d spent too many hours wondering about; about how many men she’d been with, and how he could possibly measure up, was afraid to let him bed her.

So, instead of enjoying the evening the way he’d hoped, he was outside sitting in the dirt, while she was fighting to keep warm in that night dress.

And what a dress. Sweet Jesus, he couldn’t believe his legs actually held him upright after seeing her in that thing. And all he wanted was to see her
out
of it.

Wasn’t going to happen tonight. But how was he supposed to lie beside her all night knowing she wanted him as much as he wanted her?

From the minute they’d met, all she did was try to get him to take her to bed. Now that he was willing to do just that, she was the one who refused.

What the hell was going on?

Jed ground the heels of his hands into his eyes. How could he control himself all night, next to her in that bed? He’d done it before, but this was different. Tonight, she’d purposely set out to seduce him with that gown, with those lips, and with looks that could set his soul on fire. And he’d set out to let her seduce him.

Then she’d brought it all to a screaming halt.

Damn him to hell if he’d ever figure out his wife. Maybe it was better if they waited a little while longer. If she truly were afraid, and if her only other time with a man had been horrible, then everything needed to be perfect their first time together. Last thing he wanted to do was scare the poor girl more.

Or disappoint her.

“Shit shit shit.” Jed hurled a tin bucket across the yard, sending it crashing and rolling toward the house. Berta peeked through the window, but Jed ignored her.

Tonight was the only night in the near future he and Lucy wouldn’t be exhausted by the time evening came. Starting tomorrow, they’d be neck deep in getting the barn built, then working with the herd. They’d be lucky to have enough strength left at the end of the day to eat, never mind anything else.

He let go a loud groan. This was a helluva predicament he’d gotten himself in. For all his plans, all his practical ideas and persistence, he’d ended up right where he never expected to be.

He was in love with his wife.

How that happened so quickly, he couldn’t begin to guess. But there it was. And because of that, he had to do as she asked and not touch her tonight. It might very well kill him, but he had to do it. Somehow he had to try and forget how soft her skin was, how willing her lips were, and how her simple breath against his neck could make him hard as rock.

And somehow he had to do this while she lay beside him.

Not even a saint should be tested this way.

With another loud curse, he pushed to his feet and stormed toward the creek. There wasn’t near enough cold water down there to cool him off, but he’d have to make do.

All his plans to marry a practical girl had been shot to hell when he married Lucy. And his stupid idea of moving slowly, of taking time to get to know his wife, were all a waste of time, too. He knew everything he needed to know about Lucy.

She was strong, funny, and smarter than she gave herself credit for. She was also vulnerable, frustrating and sexier than any woman had a right to be. It was a combination he hadn’t counted on. Hell, he hadn’t even imagined a combination could exist.

He made it to the creek without remembering a single step. Fully clothed, he waded into the chilly water, waist high, then plunged head first beneath its rippling current. Maybe he could wash the thoughts of Lucy away.

And maybe tomorrow the sun would rise in the west.

He stayed under as long as he could, pushing his lungs to their absolute limit, then burst up, gasping for air and cursing himself the fool.

Now he had no clothes for tomorrow. This set was soaking wet and his others were filthy. But at least he’d cooled off a little. Not much, but a little.

And once he got settled on the bed with the blanket positioned between them, Lucy wouldn’t know how hot he still was.

Jed stumbled out of the creek and swiped his hair back from his face. Maybe he’d build a fire and dry off before going back in the house. That would give Lucy time to fall asleep.

“Shit.” He kicked a broken piece of brush and headed home. Wouldn’t make a spit of difference if she was awake or not.

The house and barn were both dark when he got back and not even the mockingbirds dared break the night’s silence. Jed tossed a few chips into the fire pit, added a handful of the twigs and sticks Lucy had stacked nearby, then threw a match on top. In a few minutes, the fire was big enough to draw warmth from. Not that he needed any, but maybe he could dry his clothes.

He pulled off his boots first, dumping the water from each and setting them against the rocks. His socks and shirt soon followed, each laid out as flat as possible without getting too close to the flames. He had just unbuttoned his trousers when the creaking of the barn door froze his fingers against his groin.

No. Go back to bed.

“Jed?” Lucy’s sleepy voice whispered through the air, and against his skin. “What are you doing?”

The ugly gray blanket hung around her shoulders; her hair tumbled over it in long dark streaks, and the look on her face almost sent him running for the safety of the creek again.

Her eyes – those bottomless green eyes – widened, smoldered, then blinked hard. She stared straight at his chest, then moved her gaze lower to where his trousers lay open.

God help him.

“I’m, uh, drying off.” He turned away, cursing his fumbling fingers. Why couldn’t he get those damned buttons refastened?

“Why--” She stepped closer, then smiled. “Oh, I see.”

“I’m hoping you don’t,” he muttered. Before he could fasten the last button, Lucy was beside him, looking up at him.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I know it’s unfair of me to ask this of you.”

“It’s fine,” he ground out, then chuckled dryly. “There’s that word again.”

Lucy didn’t laugh. In fact, if he wasn’t mistaken, it looked as though she was ready to cry again.

“Come here.” He pulled her into his embrace and held her close, wishing more than anything he could climb inside that blanket with her. “It’s okay, Lucy. Don’t fret over this.”

She sniffed against his chest. “I wish I could explain it to you,” she whimpered. “I really do.”

“Shh.” He pressed a kiss against her head. “There’s nothing to explain. Besides--” He turned her face up to his-- “it’ll happen when you’re ready for it to happen.”

Tears teetered against her lashes, then fell. Jed wiped them away with his thumbs, then kissed her nose.

“No more tears, Lucy. I promise you it’s all okay.”

She tucked her head back against his chest and nodded, but Jed wasn’t stupid enough to think she believed him. He’d have to prove it to her.

Though it pained him, he released her and moved to the other side of the fire. Using what was left in the water bucket and then handfuls of dirt, he doused the flames. Too bad he couldn’t douse the raging fire inside himself.

Without a word, he lifted Lucy into his arms and carried her back into the barn. He laid her on the bed, tucked the blanket around her, then stepped into the darkest corner of the miserable little corner to remove his trousers.

Wouldn’t do either of them any good if Lucy saw how much he wanted her. And hot damn, but he wanted her. But he also wanted to get out of his wet trousers.

With no clean clothes to speak of and with Lucy wrapped in the only blanket, Jed’s only option was the towel Lucy used for her sponge baths. He fought back the groan that crept up his throat at the thought of her bathing.

He held the towel in front of him, then hurried out of the corner and climbed onto the bed next to Lucy. The straw poked him in every place imaginable, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was Lucy and making sure she felt safe.

He bunched the towel between himself and Lucy, hoping to hell it did the job he needed it to do.

“Here,” he turned her so her back was against his chest, then wrapped his arms around her, inching her closer. Then closer still. Didn’t matter how much it killed him to have her close, he just couldn’t get her close enough.

Lucy snuggled into his embrace and sighed softly.

“But you don’t have a blanket,” she whispered. “You’ll freeze.”

Jed laughed into her hair. “Believe me, sweetheart, I’m plenty warm.”

Even with his entire body bared to the room’s cool air, he’d probably burn alive.

“Jed?”

“Mmm?” Damn, she smelled good.

“Thank you.” She wiggled against him until she could free one arm from her blanket and rest it on top of his.

“Don’t mention it.” He grinned. “It’s not all bad for me, you know.”

“Will you lay with me tomorrow night, too?”

“And every night after that,” he murmured into her hair.

She sniffed again, then fell silent, her fingers moving in small soft circles over the top of his hand.

He should tell her he loved her. He started to earlier, but then she’d kissed him and he’d lost every thread of sense he ever had. If he told her now, it might help relieve her worries.

Or maybe she’d think he was just saying it to make her feel better.

Was anything easy with Lucy? He loved her, that was true enough, but he didn’t want to scare her any more than she already was.

If he told her he loved her, she might feel obligated to say it, too, even if she didn’t feel it. Jed’s heart pinched. She might never feel it. And if that was the case, they would simply go on the way they were – with him aching for all of her, body and soul, and Lucy simply aching for his touch and nothing more.