The Devil's Backbone (A Niki Slobodian Novel: Book Five) (2 page)

Of course, no one really understood that it very nearly was the end of the world.
 

I stopped in front of the shimmering storefront. Normals passed by, unaware it was even there. A wooden sign with the words
Happy’s Tavern
swayed gently on the hot summer breeze. I walked through the door, the casting field around the bar whooshing as I crossed through.
 

Blinking in the smoky darkness, I let my eyes adjust. If I didn’t know better I’d say that this was just another seedy bar. Old guitar rock blasted from a jukebox, three old men laughed at the bar while two women downed shots next to them, a group of friends sat around a table. But if you looked deeper, you could see the haunted darkness behind the eyes, the look of people who had seen and done things unimaginable to Normals. One of the women drinking shots at the bar gave me a sidelong glance and I saw flames welling up behind her eyes, and then being quickly extinguished. Tendrils of smoke trailed out of her nose.
 

I nodded at the owner, Happy, behind the bar. He frowned when he saw me. I made most people uncomfortable. Made them sense their own mortality, even if they didn’t know why. Happy nodded his head toward a dark corner, where Bobby Gage was sitting alone, casting books strewn across his small table.
 

“Hey, Bobby,” I said, sitting across from him.
 

He looked up from his books and blinked at me. He had more gray in his hair than the last time I’d seen him. He looked old. Leaning back in his chair, he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Well, ain’t this an honor,” he said. “Niki goddamn Slobodian.”

“Come on, it hasn’t been that long,” I said. I took a drink of his beer.

“It’s been six months.”

“No it hasn’t,” I said. Gage stared at me stonily. “Really? Six?”

“Yep,” he said. “Not a single word in all that time. For all I knew you were dead.”

“Well, we both know that’s a lie,” I said, smiling. Gage didn’t smile back.

“You know, you still got people here, Niki. In the World. I know you’re busy and all, but we all still worry.”

I thought about visiting Lou Craig several months ago. The fear in his eyes. How he backed away when I reached out to him. I remembered standing outside Ron Smithy's house, watching him washing dishes. A woman came up next to him and kissed his cheek. He looked so happy. I knew that if he saw me, that happiness would instantly disappear. I didn't blame them. It made sense. I was Death. Everything about me troubled the living. But it hurt all the same. Gage was the only one who had always seen me as Niki. To him, being Death was just a job.

“I’m sorry, Bobby,” I said. “Things have been weird. I should have visited you.”

“Damn straight.” He grabbed his beer mug and drained the glass. “Guess you can buy me a drink and all will be forgiven.”

I motioned to Happy and he brought a beer for Bobby and a large tumbler of whiskey for me.

“What’s with him?” said Gage after Happy left.

“He doesn’t like me much,” I said.
 

“He’s a seer, you know,” said Bobby, all anger gone from him. “A damn good one, too, from what I hear. Maybe he sees something about you he doesn’t like.”

“Join the club,” I said with a smile. This time Gage smiled back.
 

“So how’s Mr. Wonderful?” said Gage.

“You do realize he’s the devil,” I said.
 

“So?” he said. “He’s better than any other boyfriend you’ve had. Been keeping busy, huh?” He waggled his eyebrows. His face went serious when he saw my expression. “What? What happened?”

“Nothing,” I said. “It’s nothing.”

“Spill, Slobodian. I know that look. It means you’re keeping something to yourself.”

“I don’t have a look.”

“It’s the same look you had when you were trying not to tell me my wife was a ghost haunting my own house. Oh, don’t feel bad, I’m over it. But I’m just saying, sis, you
do
have a look, and you’re wearing it right goddamn now.”

I sighed. “Fine. He’s gone.”

“What do you mean, gone?”

I took a deep drink of Jameson. “Lucifer’s missing,” I said. “He’s been gone for a few weeks now.”

“Oh, shit, not again,” said Gage.

“Again?”

“Well, it’s the same old shit, ain’t it? When you were going with that poor excuse of demon spawn he pulled the same thing.”

“If you mean Eli, this is not the same thing,” I said.

“Yeah, but, I mean, you do have a history of getting rid of your boyfriends.”

“I did not get rid of Eli,” I said. “He left and went to go live with his creepy demon-daddy in Erebos.”

“And invited you to live in his castle,” prompted Gage.

“So? Eli turned into a bastard anyway.”

“After you broke his poor demon heart,” said Gage, trying unsuccessfully to hide a smile.

“Very funny,” I said.
 

“But really, Nik. That guy must really be hating life right now,” said Gage.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you dumped him because you wouldn’t move to Erebos with him, right? But you’ve been staying there with Lucifer without a complaint.”

“It’s not the same thing,” I said.

“If you say so, Nik,” said Gage. “I’m just saying, he has to see you living in sin with his family’s mortal enemy. That guy must really hate you.”

“Can we please stop talking about Eli?” I said, glaring at him.

“So why aren’t you looking for him?” said Gage.

I shrugged. “Maybe, there’s a chance he doesn’t want to be found.”

“So you meet this powerful guy, he falls head over heels in love with you, you’re crazy about him, and go live with him in his weird castle. Then he disappears and you figure he did it on purpose? Hell of a girlfriend.”

“It’s not that simple,” I said, draining my glass.

“Why? What did you do?”

“You assume it was something I did?” I said. “That’s just offensive.”

I ground my teeth as I stared at him. He looked back at me like a bulldog with a bone. “Okay,” I said rolling my eyes. “There may have been an argument.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere.”

“There may have been a certain phrase tossed around that I hadn’t quite said yet.”

“He told you he loved you,” said Gage.

I pursed my lips. “Possibly.”

“And you said…?”

“Nothing,” I said. “I didn’t say anything.”

“You are such a piece of work.”

“I’m not,” I said. “Why does everyone have to say the things they feel? Why can’t we all just
show
how we feel? Why do I have to say it?”

“Because that’s what people do.”

“Lucifer and I are not people, Bobby. He’s the devil and I’m Death.”

“And you’re in love with him.”

“Yeah, but…”

Bobby grinned and pointed at me. “Gotcha. You totally are in love with him.”

“What’s your point?” I said.

“So why didn’t you tell him?”

“Because I’m screwed up, Bobby, that’s why. I’m broken. And now he’s gone.”

“Missing,” corrected Gage. “Trust me, Niki, that guy would never leave you, even when you’re acting like a crazy person.”

“He’s crazier than I am.”

“That would be an interesting debate,” said Gage. “But you’re the kind of person who thinks an argument is the end of something. Take it from me, there are going to be arguments. Lots of arguments. They’re just part of the process.”

“Process of what?” I said.

“The process of being happy. Of living happily ever after. And you got what no one else has, Niki.”

“What’s that?” I said.

Bobby leaned back in his chair again and for once I saw the glimmer of hurt in his eyes. “You have time. An eternity for all I know. I don’t know how it works. But most of us only get the blink of an eye.” I tried to think of something to say, but the pain was gone from his eyes in an instant. “So do yourself a favor, Slobodian. Go find the guy. Let yourself be happy.”

I swallowed hard, not sure how to say what I wanted to say. “I’m not sure I know how,” I said. “To be happy, I mean. I want it more than anything, Bobby. I can see it when I’m with him. Like if I just reach out and touch it, it could be mine. But I’m scared. I can’t help it. Every time I take a step in the right direction…”

“What?” Gage said.

I met his eyes. “I feel like I’m drowning. And if I go under, I’m afraid I’ll never get back up again.”

“Niki,” Gage said. “That’s normal. That’s what love is. It’s a risk. You can’t be afraid of it. You say you want it more than anything.” He shrugged. “Prove it.”

“What does that mean?”

“If you want it bad enough, you have to take the risk. You have to be willing to drown, Nik. Or you’re no better off than you ever were. And the more afraid you are to jump, the longer you hesitate, the bigger your cracks get. Until there’s no hope for you. It’s too late. You’ll be broken, and there will be no one left to help put you together again. Do you get it, Slobodian? You need this. You need this guy. You’re good together. Stop being an asshole. You gotta jump. Because from what I know, Lucifer’s already drowning for you.”

“Okay,” I said, feeling guilty. Gage lost his wife Sarah long before we met, but I knew he had adored her. And I had to send her ghost away. I didn’t think Gage would ever forgive me, but he understood what I had to do. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt him.

“Good,” said Gage, smiling again.
 

“I need your help with something,” I said.

“Of course you do,” he said. “You didn’t come for the company, did you?”

“Sorry,” I said. “But I will. I promise. It’s just that a monster kidnapped a boy who can open up holes in the world and I promised his dead mother that I would find him.”

Gage sighed heavily. “You’d better start at the beginning.”

 
* * *
 

Gage looked into his empty beer glass, his brow furrowed in thought.
 

“So…snow?” he said.
 

“Snow,” I said.

“And bloody footprints.”

“Yep. And some kind of magicky ice. You ever hear of such a thing?”

“A few things come to mind,” he said. “Can I look into it? Come back tomorrow and I might have some answers.”

“Sounds good,” I said, starting to get up from my chair.

“Wait, Niki,” said Gage. He raised an eyebrow. “Have you stopped to consider what this kid is opening up? These…what did you call them? Holes in the world.”

“I have no idea,” I said. “I figured they were just, I don’t know, portals of some kind. To other places.”

“Yeah, but what kinds of places?” said Gage.
 

“What are you trying to say, Bobby?” I said. I could feel the souls starting up again. A painful tug at my chest, like a meat hook lodged in my sternum.

“Well, we know about Erebos, and the angels have told you about Briah. So that’s three worlds including this one, right?”

“Yeah, so?” I realized I was exhausted. My eyelids burned and I could feel the ache in my shoulders and back. I needed sleep. How long had it been since last I slept? I couldn’t even remember.

Gage cleared his throat and looked at me, some kind of realization blooming in his eyes that I didn’t understand.

“What if there are more? What if Heaven and Hell are just the beginning?”

“Then I guess we’re in some pretty deep shit,” I said.

“I guess we would be,” said Gage. “Some things never change.”

CHAPTER THREE

I touched down onto the gleaming black stones and breathed a sigh of relief at the red sky. Erebos was the only place I couldn’t feel the tug of the dead. My shoulders slumped and I shuffled through the door and down a spiral set of stairs. Demons backed out of my way when they saw me coming, ducking their heads as though they didn’t want me to notice them. It had always been like this, even before I officially became Death. But it had gotten worse since tearing the soul from the most powerful lord in Erebos in the town square six months ago. I managed to kill Baal, an old god feared by even the most powerful demons and now, the lesser demons scattered when they saw me and most lords tried very hard not to say anything that might offend me. Usually it bothered me, but now I didn’t care. As long as I didn’t have to stop and talk to anyone, I was content to be feared.
 

I stumbled through the large double doors and leaned against them as they closed with a slam. The room was empty, I saw with a cold shiver of disappointment, as I knew it would be. I knew Lucifer wouldn’t be back, but a small part of me had hoped he would be collapsed on the bed, exhausted from his trip.
 

I shook my head at my own stupidity. If he was back, I would have felt him. I fell onto the bed and felt myself sinking into sleep even as a thought coursed through my mind:

Something was very, very wrong.

* * *

At the crack of dawn I was lacing up my boots. I looked out at the red sky, streaked with orange and gold. Morning in Erebos. I felt two arms slide around my waist and warm lips pressed to the back of my neck. I leaned into him and closed my eyes. I liked the smell of him, warm and musky with something like lightning after a rainstorm. He held me tighter.

“Don’t go,” he whispered into my ear, sending shivers up my spine. “Stay.”

I felt myself smiling. It felt strange, as though it was somehow wrong for me to be doing it. Wrong for me to be happy. But I let it stay and reached behind my head to touch his stubbled cheek.

“I can’t,” I said. “I’ve been gone too long already.”

“It’s only been a few hours, hasn’t it?”

I laughed. “Three days.”

I heard the rumble of laughter in his chest, pressed up against my back. “Seemed like minutes.”

This is a dream.

I slid out of his grasp and turned around to face him. His hair was mussed, but he somehow looked even better. I could feel his eyes burning into me even in the dim light, and a feeling filled up my insides. The feeling terrified me sometimes. I could get lost in it, lost in him when we were together. Like nothing else mattered. And it scared the hell out of me. I didn’t want it to scare me, but it did.