The Devil Never Sleeps (4 page)
Read The Devil Never Sleeps Online
Authors: Andrei Codrescu
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ere is a typical Midwestern family waiting for Y2K: large mom and dad and five chunky offspring, all holding shotguns and pistols before a mound of Ramen soups, Campbell's soup cans, cracker boxes, and condensed milk. “We are ready,” they tell the reporter, and you can see that they are. You try to get close to that Ramen, buddy, and your brains will be all over the cornfield.
ere is a typical Midwestern family waiting for Y2K: large mom and dad and five chunky offspring, all holding shotguns and pistols before a mound of Ramen soups, Campbell's soup cans, cracker boxes, and condensed milk. “We are ready,” they tell the reporter, and you can see that they are. You try to get close to that Ramen, buddy, and your brains will be all over the cornfield.
The people in this magazine pic, like tens of thousands of other determined survivalists, are stocking up on dry and canned goods all over the North American continent, happy that, finally, they can show the world that they are
somebody
, that come what may, their determined overweight family unit will outlast the millennium glitch.
somebody
, that come what may, their determined overweight family unit will outlast the millennium glitch.
It's a new craze, but the urge to be self-sufficient, shoot intruders, and become the stuff of legends is as old as the Puritans and at least as old as Hollywood. The Western drive was all about dry food and rifles and surviving the Indians, who were the main glitch back then. The only difference is that the Indians were real and the food wasn't radiated for longevity. Back then, you rarely posed for magazines because there was no time.
The new survivalists have barely mastered the basics of the computers they fear will end their world. People in Third World countries, who never even saw computers, have no idea what the fuss is all about. If the electricity
fails, as it does every other day, they light candles or go out and look at the moon. If they want to eat, they dig something out of the garden or eat somebody's family pet. If banks fail, they take cash out of the mattress and pay somebody to fix the well. If airplanes fall out of the sky, they look for nice debris. None of their kin were on board.
fails, as it does every other day, they light candles or go out and look at the moon. If they want to eat, they dig something out of the garden or eat somebody's family pet. If banks fail, they take cash out of the mattress and pay somebody to fix the well. If airplanes fall out of the sky, they look for nice debris. None of their kin were on board.
At the same time that countless Americans are readying themselves to put up armed resistance against Ramen raiders, other countless Americans are hoping to have a baby on the stroke of midnight 2000. The winner of the timeliest millennium baby gets all kinds of unspecified perks and a lifetime of something to talk about.
Now, here is another picture: the baby is coming, the hospital staff and visitors are cheering, the countdown to the New Year has started and ⦠the Y2K glitch kicks in. All the lights go out, everybody starts screaming, the baby pushes out into the darkness. The hospital generator kicks in and, in the flickering light, the distraught padre bites off the umbilical cord. The baby is held aloft and a battery-operated camera flashes. It's in the newspapers next day.
Meanwhile, in the Midwest, the family has been firing into the dark because they thought they'd heard something. They had. It was the new millennium, laughing at them. And they keep firing at it.
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emeteries are reassuring: they provide continuity. The dearly departed do not need as much room as they used to, but they still have an address. They are available twenty-four hours a day in any weather. There may be fog draping their little house or a downpour trying to drown it, but invariably the occupants are home. This may be small comfort to the widow who never could keep the living husband home, but it's a promissory note that things will be different in heaven. Catholic tombstones are waiting rooms for the Day of Judgment. In their little perennial houses, the dead rehearse their defense for the Almighty and rest for the day when they will be called to rise and utilize their creaky bodies again. The cities of the dead are busy places, but like cities of the living, their character varies. And the souls, of course, do not stay put. They voyage.
emeteries are reassuring: they provide continuity. The dearly departed do not need as much room as they used to, but they still have an address. They are available twenty-four hours a day in any weather. There may be fog draping their little house or a downpour trying to drown it, but invariably the occupants are home. This may be small comfort to the widow who never could keep the living husband home, but it's a promissory note that things will be different in heaven. Catholic tombstones are waiting rooms for the Day of Judgment. In their little perennial houses, the dead rehearse their defense for the Almighty and rest for the day when they will be called to rise and utilize their creaky bodies again. The cities of the dead are busy places, but like cities of the living, their character varies. And the souls, of course, do not stay put. They voyage.
New Orleans cemeteries are like New Orleans: They swing between destitution and opulence but always with style. Even the humblest marker in potter's field projects something native: The pathos of scrawled names and the black bordered cross rhymes with the willow and the mossy oak in the cloudy sky. The mightiest marble in the Metairie Cemetery says no more than this, though loudly instead of whispering. The dead in New Orleans are interred above the muddy gumbo of the soil to keep them from slipping away in the water. The dead are drier than the living, and that accounts for
their air of superiority. They have shelter, eternity, and are cautiously but faithfully attended by the living. They are also more numerous than the livingâthe reward of an old cityâand love to congregate, haunt, and dance. Only the thinnest film, a razor-edge of twilight, separates them from their descendants. The clouds are no mere romantic props but portents and soul carriers. They drift over the graves, ghostly tour boats from which the dead view their own abodes as well as the living.
their air of superiority. They have shelter, eternity, and are cautiously but faithfully attended by the living. They are also more numerous than the livingâthe reward of an old cityâand love to congregate, haunt, and dance. Only the thinnest film, a razor-edge of twilight, separates them from their descendants. The clouds are no mere romantic props but portents and soul carriers. They drift over the graves, ghostly tour boats from which the dead view their own abodes as well as the living.
On All Saints' Day in the city of New Orleans, the kin of the departed gather in cemeteries to clean the tombs, wipe the grime of late-twentieth-century air, brush away oak leaves, uproot impertinent banana trees, pick off cigarette butts and used syringes, and scrub clean the graffiti that, like a new force of nature, besets even the noblest. The keepers of the graves are mostly old women these days, who remember their
mamère
and
papère
and
granmère
and
grampère.
Their own resting places await them in the family crypts. To make room, the oldest bones are lowered into a pit at the bottom so that the recently dead are assured a berth until they too are displaced by another generation. Long before the actual passing, great care is taken in deciding which berth one will lie on. Ending up next to a disliked relative can sour eternity. The grave keepers listen to the bones, remember, plot, pray, and scrub.
mamère
and
papère
and
granmère
and
grampère.
Their own resting places await them in the family crypts. To make room, the oldest bones are lowered into a pit at the bottom so that the recently dead are assured a berth until they too are displaced by another generation. Long before the actual passing, great care is taken in deciding which berth one will lie on. Ending up next to a disliked relative can sour eternity. The grave keepers listen to the bones, remember, plot, pray, and scrub.
The first dead were, of course, the Creoles, French and Spanish nobles, who had the misfortune to settle in the fetid swamp from which the city rose. Later Europeans, notably Irish and German peasants, died of yellow fever and cholera. Some of the nobles perished young, and when their epitaphs contain the word
honor
, it usually means that they were killed in a duel. The scions of colonial nobility carried the manners of old Europe all the way to their graves, but the occasion for the duels belonged wholly to the New World. At St. Louis No. 1 Cemetery, for instance, there is one Louis Philogene Duclos, whose stone proclaims,
“Ci gît Louis Duclos, ensigne dans les Troupes des Ãtats de l'Amérique, fils lêgitime de Rodolphe Joseph Duclos et de Marie Lucie de Reggi
.
Né le 18 Août 1791, décédé le 4 Juillet 1811.”
Louis died before the War of 1812, so it isn't quite clear to which United States troop he belonged, but one thing is very clear: the word
légitime
means that he was the result of a liaison between a French Creole and a quadroon mistress. We will never know if Louis was recognized before he died, but in the end he was brought into the bosom of the family. Creole men had quadroon and octoroon mistresses whose offspring were occasionally
admitted to the family tomb, though never to the family table. The neighborhood where these women lived, in pretty cottages smothered in jasmine and draped in weeping willows, still stands. Their graves are less easily found. Louis's mother lies shrouded in anonymity, though one might easily imagine Louis's father defending her honor in a duel. The complexities of love, lust, honor, and skin color swirl in a fine mist around the gravestones of New Orleans.
honor
, it usually means that they were killed in a duel. The scions of colonial nobility carried the manners of old Europe all the way to their graves, but the occasion for the duels belonged wholly to the New World. At St. Louis No. 1 Cemetery, for instance, there is one Louis Philogene Duclos, whose stone proclaims,
“Ci gît Louis Duclos, ensigne dans les Troupes des Ãtats de l'Amérique, fils lêgitime de Rodolphe Joseph Duclos et de Marie Lucie de Reggi
.
Né le 18 Août 1791, décédé le 4 Juillet 1811.”
Louis died before the War of 1812, so it isn't quite clear to which United States troop he belonged, but one thing is very clear: the word
légitime
means that he was the result of a liaison between a French Creole and a quadroon mistress. We will never know if Louis was recognized before he died, but in the end he was brought into the bosom of the family. Creole men had quadroon and octoroon mistresses whose offspring were occasionally
admitted to the family tomb, though never to the family table. The neighborhood where these women lived, in pretty cottages smothered in jasmine and draped in weeping willows, still stands. Their graves are less easily found. Louis's mother lies shrouded in anonymity, though one might easily imagine Louis's father defending her honor in a duel. The complexities of love, lust, honor, and skin color swirl in a fine mist around the gravestones of New Orleans.
Those mythic beginnings, still visible in the oldest cemeteries, like St. Louis No. 1, translated into yet more extravagant complexities later. At the close of the nineteenth century and the beginning of the twentieth, New Orleans became North America's pleasure dome. Out of its fleshpots rose jazz, America's music. The institution of the mistress was reaffirmed and some of the later mistresses were not to be trifled with even in death. Josie Arlington was a notorious
fille de joie
who carefully designed her tomb at the Metairie Cemetery to tower over the more modest resting place of her married lover and his legitimate wife. Josie's image struck two flambeaux on each side to project a rose light that made it seem as if she haunted the place. It is a sad fact that all flesh must die, but there is no reason why one's story, as well as one's soul, should be slighted after the passage. The attraction artists feel for our cemeteries is only partly aesthetic; much of it is gossip, a continual whisper intended for the delighted ear. Marble without a story is just marble. A true monument leans over and murmurs in your ear.
fille de joie
who carefully designed her tomb at the Metairie Cemetery to tower over the more modest resting place of her married lover and his legitimate wife. Josie's image struck two flambeaux on each side to project a rose light that made it seem as if she haunted the place. It is a sad fact that all flesh must die, but there is no reason why one's story, as well as one's soul, should be slighted after the passage. The attraction artists feel for our cemeteries is only partly aesthetic; much of it is gossip, a continual whisper intended for the delighted ear. Marble without a story is just marble. A true monument leans over and murmurs in your ear.
The graves of New Orleans follow social standing, just like their residents had. I have not looked rigorously into the distribution of angels, but I assume that they were commissioned by the wealthy. Marching past St. Roch Cemetery one time around twilight, with a group of antifascist protesters, I was struck by the proliferation of angels massed in the sky. They were in flight, taking off toward each other, as animated as large winged creatures ever get. Their milky white flesh glowed, their robes came undone, the flowers they held glistened, their hair was on fire. David Duke, the racist against whom we were marching, was defeated the next day. Miracles are very much part of St. Roch: look at the prosthetic limbs left by the faithful in the St. Roch chapel. They were healed and made strong enough to march against racists. Well, maybe. Faith may have no politics, but it does seem to belong disproportionately to the poor. Which makes it all the more fair to employ the angels of the rich to the purposes of justice.
The majority of the tombstones of New Orleans are
sans anges:
they resemble
baking ovens. They are called “burial ovens,” in fact, and one might easily imagine the dead, laid out like loaves of bread, baking quietly in the sun. Perhaps when they are crisp like the baguettes at La Madeleine, they are allowed to leave their graves and frolic with the rest. “We bake in purgatory,” Dante said, “before we are set on the Table of Judgment, / sure to hear our story again.”
3
sans anges:
they resemble
baking ovens. They are called “burial ovens,” in fact, and one might easily imagine the dead, laid out like loaves of bread, baking quietly in the sun. Perhaps when they are crisp like the baguettes at La Madeleine, they are allowed to leave their graves and frolic with the rest. “We bake in purgatory,” Dante said, “before we are set on the Table of Judgment, / sure to hear our story again.”
3
Some tombs are made from the remains of other tombs, whose owners have vanished. In 1866, the famous Theatre d'Orléans, which had amused the Creoles for decades, burned down, and its bricks were bought by the owner of the Louisa Street Cemetery who made them into burial ovens. It might not seem so unusual then to hear someone say, as I did, that New Orleans cemeteries “sing at night.” Of course they do, and this is why people sing even louder: to drown out the dead. Any given night on Rampart Street you can audit the competition: the singers and bands making merry at the Funky Butt are barely rising above the din of dead choruses and howling cats across the street at St. Louis No. 1.
New Orleans cemeteries sing at night, but they are pretty quiet in the morning when I take my coffee there. I started using places of eternal rest for my private coffeehouses way back in my adolescence, when getting away from the horrible noises of adults was a necessity. In my hometown of Sibiu, in Transylvania, Romania, there was a German Catholic cemetery that was as angel-rife and ornate as any in New Orleans. I wrote poetry there among listing urns and reposing burghers, and dreamt of the day when I would take a girl there to show her my favorite inscriptions. That day came soon enough, and I surrendered my virginity to our resident junior-high nymph, Marinella, on the grave of one Herr Titus Bruckenthal who'd been, if memory serves right, a candlemaker. When I first moved to New Orleans, I was overjoyed to be living within walking distance of Lafayette Cemetery, which has a fair number of Germans baking in it. The Lafayette Cemetery also sits kitty-corner from the apartment house where F. Scott Fitzgerald, age 23, is rumored to have begun his first novel,
This Side of Paradise
. From his window, Scotty, possibly hungover on Prohibition gin, would have had a pretty good view of the tombstones in the Lafayette. “All right,” he might have addressed the entombed, “it ain't so hot on
this
side of paradise.”
This Side of Paradise
. From his window, Scotty, possibly hungover on Prohibition gin, would have had a pretty good view of the tombstones in the Lafayette. “All right,” he might have addressed the entombed, “it ain't so hot on
this
side of paradise.”
I once took a Polish artist, Krystof, to the Lafayette for a cup of coffee. We
sat on the funeral slab of a certain Tadeusz Millhauser, and he told me that he led a student strike in Warsaw during the late days of communism. He had taken his fellow students to the old Warsaw cemetery, and together they had studied true Polish history from tombstones, a history very unlike the lies told in the propaganda textbooks of their schools. The dead listened carefully, taking notes for their nightly meets. I wouldn't be surprised if Krystof's story became a song that traveled throughout the world of the dead and was instrumental in bringing down the Berlin Wall a few weeks later. A footnote was that I took Krystoff to Commander's Palace across the street from the cemetery and they told us that they were booked until I explained that my friend was Václav Havel, the future president of Czechoslovakia. The dead in New Orleans, in addition to singing, pay for stories with restaurant reservations.
sat on the funeral slab of a certain Tadeusz Millhauser, and he told me that he led a student strike in Warsaw during the late days of communism. He had taken his fellow students to the old Warsaw cemetery, and together they had studied true Polish history from tombstones, a history very unlike the lies told in the propaganda textbooks of their schools. The dead listened carefully, taking notes for their nightly meets. I wouldn't be surprised if Krystof's story became a song that traveled throughout the world of the dead and was instrumental in bringing down the Berlin Wall a few weeks later. A footnote was that I took Krystoff to Commander's Palace across the street from the cemetery and they told us that they were booked until I explained that my friend was Václav Havel, the future president of Czechoslovakia. The dead in New Orleans, in addition to singing, pay for stories with restaurant reservations.
A certain dead waiter at Antoine's, one of the city's grand restaurants, caused quite a problem when he died without designating a successor. The way a rabbi from New Jersey put it, “I lived in New Orleans for five years and I finally got my own waiter at Antoine's. Then he died, and I moved. I had no idea how to get another waiter. Mine came to me from a blue-blooded New Orleanian, who bequeathed him to me when he had to move to Paris to take care of his dying sister.” Waiting tables at Antoine's is in itself a hereditary position, passed on from father to son. A true New Orleans blue blood must have a waiter as well as a tombstone, and a waiter must have a true blue-blooded client as well as a tombstone. For myself, the pleasure of eating in an old restaurant is intimately linked to the comfort of death. “Ah,” I think to myself at Antoine's, or Commander's Palace, or any of the grand establishments, “One hundred years ago a man sat where I sit now, had a fine meal, and died.” This makes me inexpressibly happy. I feel that my pleasure is authorized by continuity, that it is not ephemeral the way it is in all those horrid, brand-spanking-new, automobile-riddled, and soullless clusters that pass for cities in America.
I have visited dead poets in famous cemeteries and found them at work. In the Protestant cemetery in Rome John Keats lies under a tombstone that does not bear his name. “This grave contains all that was mortal of a YOUNG ENGLISH POET who on his death bed in the Bitterness of his Heart at the Malicious Power of his Enemies, Desired These Words to be Engraven on his Tombstone: Here Lies One Whose Name is Writ in Water. February 24
th
1821.” A lyre-shaped tree shadows the grave and shelters the cats of Rome, who love these grounds. Walt Whitman planned his monument, which
rests in Camden, New Jersey, in a circular grove of oaks. The tomb cost Whitman more than his house. On the grave of Guillaume Apollinaire in the Père Lachaise Cemetery in Paris there is a poem in the shape of an upside-down heart made from the words: MON COEUR PAREIL A UNE FLAMME RENVERSÃE (My Heart Like an Upside-Down Flame).
th
1821.” A lyre-shaped tree shadows the grave and shelters the cats of Rome, who love these grounds. Walt Whitman planned his monument, which
rests in Camden, New Jersey, in a circular grove of oaks. The tomb cost Whitman more than his house. On the grave of Guillaume Apollinaire in the Père Lachaise Cemetery in Paris there is a poem in the shape of an upside-down heart made from the words: MON COEUR PAREIL A UNE FLAMME RENVERSÃE (My Heart Like an Upside-Down Flame).
Tombstones are essential tools of poetry. I am not speaking only of the tombstones of poets, which are of course professional tools, but all tombstones. New Orleans cemeteries are among the most poetic I have ever visited. They are a mother lode for poets, and I have taken my students to them on many an occasion. Cemeteries bring out the storytellers in people. My friend James Nolan, a New Orleansâborn poet who lived for many years in Spain and San Francisco, returned here and began writing stories about his family tomb. In New Orleans, he told me, the dead lead an active afterlife. They are invoked frequently, remembered often, and sometimes seen. More important, they speak to the living and aren't really shy about it.
The voodoo religion, which is a mix of African worship and Catholic rite, takes the dead very seriously. Offerings are made at gravesites, and the dead are addressed with the greatest respect. The tomb of Marie Laveau, the so-called Voodoo Queen who popularized this practice in the late nineteenth century, is often festooned with charred bones, half- empty glasses of rum, cigars that have been a little smoked, coins, feathers, and prayer-poems. In the French Quarter courtyard of one of my friends, a stone voodoo shrine is mysteriously attended every full moon. The worshippers leave behind offerings, but my friend has never been able to see them, though he has waited and watched.
It is important that one get to one's final resting place in vivid and memorable fashion. In New Orleans, the jazz funerals of important members of the black community are shining models of respect and remembrance. The deceased is seen off by musical bands, followed by dancing friends, acquaintances, and strangers. The throng sways under twirling yellow and black umbrellas, accompanying the deceased as near to the next world as it is possible for the living. Surely, by showing their affection in this way, they now have a friend in the next world. I once followed such a procession, without a clue as to who the departed was, and when we got to the cemetery, a man told us, “You have one trumpet on your side when you go.” It turned out the man was a trumpeteer. I don't have my own waiter at Antoine's, but I have a trumpet in heaven.
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