The Devil in Canaan Parish (23 page)

Gabriel closed his eyes and shook his head.

“Help us, Mr. Bram? What do you think a white man could do to help a colored boy like me?”

I winced at his words and opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off.

“You think you gonna call the Sheriff? Think he’s gonna care about my momma and my no-good father?”
 

His voice was angry.
 
I had never seen Gabriel angry.

“Or, maybe you think you gonna call Mr. Blanchard? Think he’d come down to the Bottoms, dressed in his fine fine suit and bring my daddy to justice? No, Mr. Bram, I expect there ain’t nothin’ under the sun that a white man could do to help me, and I don’t believe I’d let him if he could.”

With that, he picked up the broom and tipped his hat to me.

“I best be going, Mr. Bram.
 
I thank you for your offer, but this really ain’t no concern of yours.”

Gabe strode back toward the garage to put away the broom and the lawnmower and collect his bicycle. He was gone a few minutes later, and I was left with the gnawing feeling that he had left something unsaid and that I might never know what that could be.

Chapter Sixteen

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
 
Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

And so I pray to the blessed Virgin every day, the words that the angel Gabriel spoke to her when she, like I, was a young woman, unmarried and carrying a child. I wonder if she had known what I know:
 
the joy of feeling the life growing inside her and the fear that she would be an outcast, condemned to live a life of shame, and her child branded a bastard.

I felt these things the moment that I knew.
 
It started soon after the moon blessing that I had performed with Sally. I woke up one morning and vomited in the sink as I made breakfast, the smell of bacon made me sick. Then I became so tired and wanted only to sleep, and I could not understand it.
 
Never had I felt so weary, and I would find myself dozing off on my feet as I hung the laundry up to dry.
 

The realization of what was happening to me hit me hard, and I became very afraid. Where would I go? I could never go back to my father. Marraine and my grandmother were long since dead.
 
Would Sally cast me out? Would I be sent away to wander the streets of New Orleans, forced to become the whore that my father always told me I’d be? I was little more than a whore now.
 
I had allowed Mr. Bram to take me because I wanted to stay, and the consequence was that now I would have to leave.

I became more and more panicked about it, knowing that soon I would not be able to hide the truth. One morning after Bram left for the store, I went outside to cut flowers for Sally. The day was hot, and I began to sweat as I clipped blooms from the rose bushes the way that Sally had taught me.
 
I was reaching up, high above my head to clip a beautiful pale pink blossom, when the sun blinded my eyes.
 
I felt my heart pounding and heard the blood rushing in my head and then I blacked out.

I had the sensation that I was sinking into the earth, and I felt the warm dirt pressed against my cheek.
 
Then I felt warm hands around me, grabbing me beneath the arms and pulling me up. I was lifted into someone’s arms and carried into the house.

“Miss Sally, come quick!” I heard a familiar voice calling. It was Gabriel.
 
He smelled like fresh cut grass, and I leaned my head against his chest and let myself relax into him. He had always been a comfort to me, my only comfort in this isolated world I lived in. He was the only one who did not want anything from me, except to be my friend.

Gabriel put me down on a chair in the kitchen and leaned me against the table.
 
I opened my eyes and began to be able to see again.
 
I felt Sally standing behind me, her cool hands against my back, supporting me. Gabriel ran to the sink and grabbed a glass of water and brought it back to me.

“Gabriel, quick, get that towel there wet and bring it to me.”

Moments later I felt the cool towel pressed against the back of my neck.
 
The darkness was leaving me, and I looked up to see Gabriel holding the glass in front of me, an expression of worry and compassion on his face.

“Melee, can you hear me?” Sally whispered, stroking my back. She was so nice to me now.
 
So different from how she was before.
 
She was my friend, like Mathilde had been, but I knew that it would be over soon.
 
Her friendship was only a brief respite for me, a protective embrace that I had felt from Marraine
and my grandmother and even spoiled Mathilde for a shore time. Her love would be taken away from me just as my mother’s had been, and I would once again be alone. The thought of this overcame me, and I burst into tears.

“Shh, shh,” soothed Sally, “you’re alright now, Sugar, everything’s alright. You just got yourself overheated, that’s all. My goodness your face is red!
 
Gabriel, take her to my room and lay her down on the bed.”

Gabriel lifted me up again, and carried me to the bedroom.
 
I sank down into the cool quilt and closed my eyes.
 
Sally put the wet towel over my eyes and stroked my arm softly.

“Miss Sally, you want me to go get Doc Collins?” Gabriel asked.

“NO!” I shouted, sitting up in bed.
 
The last thing I wanted was an examination. I knew that my secret would be revealed, but that was not the way I wanted it to happen.

“It’s alright, Melee, honey, don’t worry.
 
We don’t have to call him right now,” said Sally. “Thank you, Gabriel.
 
I think we’ll be alright, but stay close to the house in case I need you.”

“Yes ma’am,” Gabe answered.
 
“I’ll be right out the back door, you hear, Melee?”

I nodded and then closed my eyes again.

Sally pulled a chair over to the bedside and sat next to me for a long time, not speaking but humming a tune softly. I wanted so much to just rest.
 
To fall asleep and wake up somewhere that I could be safe forever and never be afraid again, but I knew that this was a false hope.
 
There was no haven for me.
 
There was nowhere that I could go.
 
Again, the desperation overwhelmed me, and I began to sob.

“Hush now, honey,” Sally crooned, pulling me up and putting her arms around me.
 
“What’s wrong with you?
 
You can tell me.”

“Oh, Miss Sally, I wish that I could, but I can’t!” I choked the words out between my sobs.
 

“Melee, there isn’t anything that you could tell me that I wouldn’t be able to hear.” Sally pulled my face up to look into her eyes, and I saw nothing but honesty and sympathy there.

“Please, Sally,” I begged, “don’t send me away, please.” I whispered.

“Never, Melee,” she promised, “I’ll never send you away.
 
I don’t care what it is.”

I sat silently for a while, tears spilling out over my cheeks, my hands gripping the quilt.
 
I knew that once I told her she would push me away in anger.
 
Most likely she would send me to pack my things and then she would turn me out of the house and lock the door.
 

“Melee,” Sally murmured.
 
“I know what my husband has done to you.”

I nodded.
 
Sally had endured Mr. Bram’s obsession as much as I had.
 

“Melee,” she said again, “It isn’t your fault.”

I looked up at her and saw understanding in her eyes.
 

“But Miss Sally, what am I going to do?” I cried. Sally moved over to sit beside me on the bed and pulled my head against my chest.

“Melee, you are going to stay here, and I am going to take care of you,” she said. “I understand now why you were sent here.
 
You were the answer to my prayers.
 
You are a gift from God, Melee.
 
I didn’t understand it before, but now I do.”

I was shaking.
 
Was it possible that Sally already knew the truth and was telling me that she was not angry about it?
 
I looked up at her face again, and she smiled at me.

“Dry those tears, honey, don’t you worry about a thing.
 
This is not a time to be sad.
 
This is a time to celebrate.
 
I asked God for a child, but I couldn’t have one myself, so He sent you to me.
 
This is our child, Melee, yours and mine.
 
I will raise it as my own and you will stay here to help me.
 
You never have to worry about anything again.”

Once again, I was confused.
 
What exactly was she saying?

“But, Miss Sally,” I whispered, “everyone will know it’s my child. No one will accept it.”

“Nonsense!” she exclaimed, and I saw an expression of rapture on her face. “No one will know, Melee, I’ll make sure of that.
 
They will think it is mine, and I will raise it myself.
 
No harm or shame will come to you, I promise.”

A chill went down my back as I realized what Sally was saying.
 
She was going to take my baby from me.
 
I would have it, but it would never be mine. She saw the confusion on my face and spoke again.

“Melee, you can’t possibly raise this child on your own.
 
Where would you go?
 
How would you feed it? Think of everything I could give it!
 
A good home, a good education, everything that money can buy, and you, my darling, will be a part of it.
 
You’ll be giving it all this too!”

I nodded. She was right. If I left, most likely the child would be dead before its first birthday, and I would not live much longer after it.
 
If I stayed I could watch it grow up, seeing it have everything in life that I would never be able to give it.
 
There wasn’t a real choice to be made.
 
It was the only way.

“Alright, Miss Sally,” I agreed.

Sally gave a cry for joy and hugged me to her tightly. Things began to change immediately.
 
She moved all my belongings to her bedroom and instructed me that I was never to sleep upstairs nor have any contact with Bram again.
 
There was no argument from me. I was so relieved to no longer be the object of his obsession.
 
Instead I became Sally’s. She protected me like a tiger. I was given everything I could ever want or need.
 
She fed me, clothed me, and cared for me better than my own mother could have. Every day, she would press her ear against my belly and whisper to the baby. She was overjoyed to feel the baby kick. She would wrap her arms around me and hold my belly every night in her sleep.
 

Her masquerade to the outside world was perfect.
 
Everyone, except Bram, thought that she was truly pregnant. It was only home alone that she would take off the disguise, but I saw that it made her feel even more a part of my pregnancy. By acting as if she were carrying the child, she began to believe that she actually was. Gradually, her adoration of me began to cool. I became little more than the vessel that carried precious cargo. She remained caring and protective, but it was not for me, it was only for the baby, and I began to fear that once I had it, she would no longer need me.

Her charade also depended on my being completely hidden from view, and so I spent the long months wandering the rooms of the house, and occasionally sitting outside in the screened porch.
 
When Bram was home, Sally locked me in her room. She even brought in a chamber pot so that I would not need to cross the hallway to the bathroom. I was not allowed out of the house anymore.
 
I longed to feel the wind on my face and the grass under my feet, but I was kept a prisoner – pampered, coddled and fussed over – but a prisoner nonetheless.

Finally it became too much to bear and one afternoon when Sally had gone out and Bram was at the store, I went and sat in the screened in porch and cried.
 

“Melee, is that you?” a voice interrupted me.

I sat up and peeked out the screen.
 
It was Gabriel. I sighed in relief, and then stood up to walk over to the side of the porch where he was standing. I knew that he would be able to see me, even through the black screen, but I didn’t care.
 
I wanted so much to hear another human voice.
 
It had been so long since anyone besides Sally had spoken to me.

“Gabe!” I smiled, “how you been?”

“Good girl! How bout yourself?” he smiled.

“Oh, I’m fine,” I answered, but my voice betrayed me and I had to stifle back my tears.

“Melee,” he murmured in a low voice.
 
“I miss you. I know you’re not happy there.
 
Let me take you somewhere.”

I began to really cry now. I missed him terribly, my only friend, and yet I knew that I would never be allowed to go anywhere near him.

“Melee, honey, don’t cry,” he whispered, and put his hand up against the screen.
 
I put my hand up too, and could feel the warmth of his hand through the wire mesh.

“How, Gabe?” I asked, “how you gone get me out of here?”

“Don’t you worry about that!” he beamed.
 
“When will Miss Sally and Mr. Bram be away?” he asked.

“Well,” I thought for a moment, “next week is Palm Sunday.
 
I guess they will go to church and then to the Landry house for the afternoon. They most likely won’t be home until suppertime.”