The Destroyer Book 3 (6 page)

"I have other news." His face lost the pleasant smile Nadea's awakening had given him. He looked to me before he spoke again. "The empress has moved south with her army. They are a week away from the castle, between us and Merrium."

"Shit," Nadea and I said in unison.

"The men I sent returned without trying to work around the army. They felt it would have been too risky, and I agree,” Runir continued.

"Is it possible that they didn't even see the village?" I asked. Merrium was a few miles off of the major road that led north out of Nia.

"I doubt it." He shook his head. "It looks like she has over twenty thousand soldiers. They would have discovered the village. They have probably captured Jessmei, Greykin, the queen, and your father." Runir glanced to Nadea.

"We don't know that for sure," she tried to sound hopeful, but I saw the fear on her face. Runir nodded and smiled but they both looked to me to see if I agreed.

Hope was a valuable commodity.

"I know how to find out."

"How?" Nadea asked.

"I know where the village is, and I can slip through the empress's lines undetected. I've had to outmaneuver their enemies many times."

"No. It is too risky." Nadea's face grew angry.

"You've said that before." I smiled at her. "But I am going to go with or without your permission."

"You've said that before, and the answer was still no." Nadea's lips drew a hard line that matched her voice. "I need you here with me." She seemed to realize that Runir and her generals were in the tent and her cheeks turned a slight shade of red.

"Julliar, Weatan, Corvan, and Yabar can you excuse us?" Nadea asked the four generals. "I'll be prepared for our meeting tomorrow morning." The men nodded and left. Weatan was the oldest of the generals, and the last to leave, he gave me a grateful nod as he walked past me.

"Jessmei, Greykin, and your father need me as well. I had this same conversation with Jess before I left Merrium to come to Nia," I said as soon as the men exited. The three of us sat in silence for a few minutes. I could see Nadea trying to puzzle out a way to keep me here, but her delay only increased the tension between the three of us.

I expected her to tell Runir to leave, but she didn't. Perhaps she didn't want to be alone with me, or maybe she didn't want the man to know that she wanted to be alone with me. Finally, I decided that I wasn't going to wait for her to think of more reasons for me to stay.

"I'll leave in the morning. What I've taught you today about the Earth should be enough for you to work on for a few weeks while I try to find them." I nodded to Runir and he returned the movement. Relief was plain on his face.

"Wait," Nadea said as I stepped out of the tent. I didn't want to turn back to her, but I did.

“Do not ask me to stay. I will say yes.”

Her eyes began to tear up and I could not stand it anymore.

I closed the tent flap and swam through the throngs of troops toward the quartermaster's pavilion. It was after lunch and I still had a few hours to get supplies together before nightfall.

I knew going to Nia would be difficult. One did not simply walk into a conquered city, find the remnants of an overthrown ruling family, and rescue them without any confrontation.

This mission seemed simpler. Circumnavigate an army, determine if Merrium had been sacked, and then return with either news of the royal family or them in tow. There would be no need to interact with the Elvens, beyond butchering any that got in my way.

Or so I hoped.

I paused for a moment and leaned against one of the many ancient trees that surrounded me. Its bark was soft, brown, and slightly abrasive. Kaiyer had told me the names of these trees a few times. Were they maple? Pine? I knew they weren't oak, as oak trees dotted the hills around my home, and these looked different. They were straight and upright, dressed with needles that stayed green round the year.

I heard movement behind me and I spun toward the small shrubs that caused the rustle. I didn't think anyone had followed me, but I had no way of preventing it if someone wished to do so. The noise grew louder and a large gray rabbit bounced out of the bushes, eyed me suspiciously, and softly bounded off to my left.

I sighed and relaxed against the rough bark of the tree. It was mid-morning and my time to be with Kaiyer. I suspected that Greta knew that I came out here to mourn. The older woman gave me a look of pity every time I finished helping her with the breakfast dishes and told her I wanted to take a walk through the trees. She seemed to understand my loss and need to be alone. She never questioned where I went or what I did when I reached my destination. Perhaps that was the way of our sex.

Tira and Jiure were a different story. Tira latched on to me as if I was the sister that she never had. When she wasn't helping Jiure heard the cattle, or her father Rayat milk, she followed me around like a puppy and asked me hundreds of questions about life in the city. The questions sometimes hit too close to a sensitive topic and I tried to do my best to answer them without revealing my identity. Greta may have guessed that I was someone of importance, as she often told Tira to stop bothering me.

I doubted that any of them could fathom the truth.

Thankfully, Jiure spent little time around the house. He was younger than I, but looked at me the way most men did. I was used to it. Even in Nia, men and boys had been looking at me with lust for years. Whether hidden beneath the elaborate veneer of manners and breeding as with the nobles of the capital, or raw and unchecked as it was with the men of the village, the look was the same. The look was hungry and my mother had taught me that it was my duty as a lady to ignore it and keep it in check with modesty and virtue.

I would have thought that the presence of Kaiyer would have struck some fear into Jiure, or at least a sort of respect for a woman that he knew to be joined. But alas, his stares seemed to have gotten more lecherous since Kaiyer had been away. Yesterday evening, he asked me if I ever thought of re-marrying, since my beloved had not returned to claim me. Rayat yelled at his son for a good ten minutes, but he couldn't really punish him. His family was probably the wealthiest in the small town, but there was still too much work to do, and he could ill afford an incapacitated son, nor another mouth to feed.

I listened again for any movement and heard nothing. My destination was only a mile from the tree line that opened to the range of fields where the cattle grazed. Then it was another half mile through the grass to the house we all shared. They would expect me back soon, so I set off deeper into the forest.

I had tried to help them with some of the farm chores, but it quickly became obvious that I was more suited to occupations that did not actually involve hard labor. I thought I could help Greta with knitting and sewing, as I had spent countless hours embroidering with my handmaidens and was adept at weaving, but the rough repair work Greta did to keep the family’s clothes and equipment in working order was vastly different than the decorative stitches I knew. Everything I had ever learned was simply a frivolity to occupy the time of someone who did not need to work. Perhaps the men were right in the way they looked at me. I only seemed to exist for one purpose, whether I was a princess or a girl on a farm.

I cleaned up dishes after meals though. This gave Greta some relief during the day and helped me feel as if I contributed something, however small. I sighed and smiled slightly as I continued my walk. My hands were rough from the work. The lye soap was harsh and my skin was red and peeling, my fingernails were worn down. These were no longer the hands of a lady. My mother had scolded me as a child for forgetting to wear gloves outside. If she could see me scrubbing plates for a family of peasants, she would be beside herself with horror. I didn’t like my mother. Therefore, I loved washing dishes.

I tried to push the angry blonde woman and soapy tub of water out of my thoughts with a frown. Mother definitely would not approve of any of the novel activities I'd participated in during the last few months. Especially the love that I shared with Kaiyer. She and my brother were of similar mindset and demeanor on most topics, especially him.

I breathed deeply and enjoyed the scent of the needles, wet dirt, and moss. I was getting close to my destination and my footsteps grew quicker with excitement. My hand brushed up against the trunk of a large tree that guarded the entrance. Its bark felt rough but it was soft beneath and gave slightly as I pushed on it with my hand to steady myself as I passed. It reminded me of his face and hair but it didn't comfort me.

Then I reached our glade.

It was a small clearing, only a quarter of the size of the Royal Garden. A spring twisted through the meadow, bubbling over slick moss covered rocks and splitting the tall grass of the field in an embarrassed grin. The grass was as green as Kaiyer’s eyes and as soft as his kisses. He had discovered the spot while hunting and brought me to it. We had escaped here for a few hours every day. We spent our time speaking freely, unburdened by the fear that the villagers would discover us. And we made love. It was furtive and desperate, we were clinging to each other with the knowledge that we were running out of time. For me it had always felt this way. As much as I loved the idea, a part of me knew I could never be with Kaiyer if we returned to Nia. If I went back, I would forfeit any freedom to make a choice. But Kaiyer had been unaware of our customs and dismissive of my fears about our relationship. He was not anxious or scared of losing me, until we reached Merrium. Once he knew he had to return, his lovemaking matched mine. We knew each time was one of our last and we cherished each other. I knew he did not want to leave me, but we both knew that he had to. As much as I wanted and needed him to stay, I would have lost some respect for him if he had. I could not love a coward.

I slipped off my leather shoes and walked barefoot across the grass until it turned into smooth moss and rocks by the chiming creek. I carefully sat down and dangled my toes into the frigid water. He should have returned by now. It had been two months since he left. He promised that he would return soon with whatever news could be found in Nia's capital. Was he dead? Captured? On his way back to me?

"Grandmother." I sat up and spoke my prayer out loud. "Please keep Kaiyer safe. Bring him back to me alive. Please let him find my brother and mother. Please bless their safe escape." My father's mother always spoiled me when I was a little girl. When the fever took her I prayed to her Spirit for guidance and protection.

A slight breeze picked up and a marvelous blue jay fluttered to the ground next to me. The bird looked at me with a tilted head, chirped loudly, and then dunked his blue body into the water of the creek to refresh himself. Blue was my favorite color and the jays were my favorite bird. It was a sign.

"Thank you for hearing me!" I smiled at the bird before it took to the air again with a startled squawk.

I stared at the stream and let my mind wander back to Kaiyer again. After a few minutes I realized I was rubbing my stomach. I had asked my grandmother for other blessings as well, but the blue jay was the first sign that she heard me. Perhaps it was for the best.

At first, I had been apprehensive about bearing Kaiyer's child. I knew how distressed my father and mother would be. They had both been planning to leverage my joining to another kingdom in an effort to solidify our treaties. This would ruin their plans and bring my family dishonor. I knew this, I knew how important my maidenhood was, but I couldn't stop myself from desiring the strange man once I beheld his sleeping body on the stone table in the crypt Nadea found.

He had no idea that technically, we were joined. The marriage ceremony required that the bride and groom drink from the same cup. Kaiyer offered his cup to me at the inn in Brilla before the men tried to kill us. It was not exactly legitimate, but if necessary, I could position our child's conception to have taken place within the boundaries of a makeshift marriage.

My handmaidens spoke of sex often. They told me how good it felt, but they had not done it justice. Perhaps Kaiyer was just incredibly skilled. The fear of explaining a child to my parents was easily overshadowed by the pleasure he gave me.

He had been neither concerned nor excited when I told him I might be expecting. He had just smiled at me and asked me if it was what I wanted. It bothered me that he was so indifferent. He treated the entire conversation with the same nonchalance as he would have toward a discussion on whether we should have porridge or fruit for breakfast. I was too timid to express my feelings or push him for a stronger show of emotion. It hurt to see how little he seemed to care, but I could not let him know how desperately I wanted a child with him. I consoled myself with the thought that he would grow to love a baby if we conceived one. Abstract concepts were often difficult for men to get emotional over the way women could. But I knew he loved me and I knew he would love our child. I just wanted him with me for the rest of my life. When I had my moon flow, we didn't speak of it again, but I continued to dream of the beautiful baby that could have solidified our love.