The Destroyer Book 3 (14 page)

"I think they did, eventually. My memories are more scattered after that. I searched for her. We were separated somehow. One memory is important though, and it is one of the reasons I want to go to your father. I remember following her to a shrine, in this memory I learned it was called the Radicle. An old Elven man told me that she was here with a young girl who looked like me."

"A child?" Nadea's voice was a mixture of astonishment and pain. I glanced at her and she quickly recovered. "Was it yours?"

"I don't have any memories of her, but I believe so. I didn't know that humans and Elvens could reproduce. Yet you are here so it must be possible."

"Yes. I suppose . . ." Nadea's voice trailed off into silence.

"The Elven told me that the girl was sent through the Radicle to another world, but the power source, the Ovule as he called it, needed to be replaced."

"So she went to find it? Did you find her?"

"I don't have that many more memories after that. If the child was my daughter, and if what Isslata said is true, it has been over five thousand years. She is probably long dead. I will never get to meet her."

"I'm sorry, Kaiyer." Nadea sighed and leaned back away from me in the chair. She looked around the tent and spotted the single reading candle on the side of the oaken chest. She stepped over and quickly lit it with a match before continuing. "I don't know how I feel about what you told me, but I do understand what it is like to be without a father, or a mother." She smiled at me and I let out a slight sigh of relief.

"Exactly. That is why I want to bring your father back to you and why I want to make sure Jessmei is safe. You are my family now. I couldn't save my father and brother; I made a mistake and killed Shlara. Perhaps in my past I atoned for it in some way, but I can't remember that. I want to atone for it now. I would love to stay here with you, but I am not going to make the selfish choice again." Our eyes met for a few moments and she sighed.

"It is hard to argue with that," she finally admitted.

"So you agree? I will leave tomorrow."

I got up and moved back to my pack to attach the quiver to one of the loose straps.

"Kaiyer. What feelings do you have for me?" she said after a few seconds of me fiddling with the quiver. I looked up at her face. She stared at me intently.

"What do you mean?"

"Before we separated and I was in your room, you had convinced me to join you in the bathtub." Her voice cracked slightly.

"I remember. I wish the Elvens attempted their kidnapping a night later. I was eager to make love to you." Her breath caught slightly and I heard her heart beat faster.

"Now that you remember more. About Shlara and this Elven woman. What was her name?"

"Iolarathe."

"Iolarathe," she repeated. I could see her roll the name around on her tongue as if she was trying to decide if she liked the taste of a new wine. "Have your feelings for me changed since then?" She stared into my eyes and the small light from the candle made them look like fire.

"Feelings?" I said puzzled.

"Don't be daft. I want honesty. Don't play games with me." She sighed and shook her head quickly. "Do you still desire me?" she asked.

"Of course." I smiled and saw her body relax slightly. "You've just heard about my past and the horrible crimes I committed. Do you still desire me?" She licked her lips and gave the response I already knew she would. She wouldn't have asked me what my feelings were for her if she didn't already have them for me.

"Yes." Her eyes drifted down from my face to my lips and then back to my eyes. "But I don't know where that leaves us. I have more questions." She followed up quickly with the first one. "When I say desire I mean . . ." She looked around as she stumbled over her next word selection. "Attracted."

I nodded and let her continue.

"But we've spoken before about what I need from our relationship. It seemed that you wanted to fuck anything that would spread its legs for you. I don't want to be just another horse in your stable."

"I explained how my beliefs on fidelity are different than yours."

"Yes, I remember. But I want to be clear to you." Her eyes flash dangerously. "In your room that night you had not agreed to my terms. Part of me wishes that the alarm had not sounded until much later. The thinking part of me realized that I gave up on my principles for you. I was once with a man who had multiple wives. I am not going down that road again. If you want to be with me, you will have only me.”

I opened my mouth to reply but she stopped me.

“My beliefs on fidelity are different than yours.” She smirked. “You don’t have to agree to anything right now.” I nodded and let her continue. “Before you choose, consider the life I have planned, whether this is the life you want. After the war has settled, after we defeat these Elvens and drive them from our land, I will return to my father’s keep in the East. I will continue to help him manage the land and its people. I want nothing more than to help my country. My days will be filled with diplomatic negotiations, with strategy meetings. I want to spend my nights with you and my father discussing philosophy, history, sciences, the day’s events.” She waited for me to reply and I nodded while I considered what she said.

"The only other," she paused and licked her lips. Her heart had started beating quickly during the last part of her conversation, but suddenly she seemed nervous. "I want children. I love children. But I am sterile. I don't know if this news of your daughter makes you want to try again. But I cannot bear your children. If I could, I would, Kaiyer." Her eyes shone with water. "But I can't. It is because I am a half-breed," she spat the final words.

I nodded a few times and tried to figure out what to say. Then I realized I would need time to think about her words. I had never thought about what my life would be like after I defeated the Elvens who had invaded this world.

Just like I had never thought about what I would do in the past after I destroyed them.

“I want to be with you. I want to learn more about you, but more than that, I want this life I have planned. You need not commit to anything at the moment, but we will not become lovers until you do. I need to think more about what you just told me. I know I'll have more questions tomorrow. That is why I would like you to stay. It may sound selfish, but I need you here, the kingdom needs you here. If the Elvens have found Merrium, then there is nothing you can do now to protect them. We will figure out how to negotiate for their release."

"I am still leaving tomorrow, though," I said with a smile.

"By the Spirits you are so fucking stubborn!" Nadea sighed with exasperation. "I don't want to lose you again. I need more time with you."

"I'll return to you, Nadea." My words stopped what she had been about to say. "What we have talked about makes sense to me. I showed you all the ugliness in my life and you didn't run away in fear. I want to consider my future as well, and if there is a place for me here after this war." She nodded and smiled. "I am hard to kill. This empress’s small army can't stop me. I once obliterated her entire race. She cannot prevent me from finding your family and bringing them back to you."

"Your confidence is infectious," she mumbled. Nadea stood up from her chair and was suddenly in my arms. Her lithe body felt wonderful against mine and my hands absently rubbed down her back. We embraced for a minute or more until she slowly pulled back away from me. Our faces passed each other and her eyes hinted at how much she wanted to kiss me.

But she didn't.

"Maybe, by the time you return you will have more memories of your daughter. I want to hear about her," Nadea said wistfully.

"I hope I do. But I suspect that I never met her. I think Iolarathe sent her away through the Radicle and then couldn't follow her."

Nadea suddenly stopped mid-reply and her eyes opened wide. Her hand shot out quicker than I had thought possible and grabbed onto my shoulder.

"Kaiyer. Do you think?" She looked into my eyes, her question unspoken.

"No," I said with a smile.

"It could be possible. I don't know how this magic works. If you lived for five thousand years, I may have also come through with a delay." She shook her head and her body trembled.

"No. The old Elven made it clear. The girl was much older than a newborn baby. She was already talking; she argued with Iolarathe, she also had green eyes like mine." Nadea nodded and sighed in deep relief.

"Also, while you are also beautiful, you look nothing like her. You couldn't be her offspring."

"Good. The thought just jumped into my head. I will consider what you have told me. I should return to my tent now." She licked her lips slightly and gave me a gaze that told me I could keep her here longer if I tried.

"I'll rest for the night. I'll be back before you realize I am gone. With your family in tow."

"I look forward to seeing them and you again. Be safe for me, please." She lifted her hand to my cheek and moved her face forward to kiss me lightly on the other one. Once she had touched it with her kiss she dragged her mouth over mine and our lips briefly touched.

"You are teasing me," I said.

"Can't help myself. Maybe you'll agree to stay?" She grinned and her body pressed against mine. My hands came up and wrapped around her lower back.

"Are you going to abandon your principles so soon?" I smiled at her. Our mouths were close again and I could almost taste her tongue.

"No. Damn you." She sighed and pushed away from me. My friend gathered her cloak and I helped her wrap it over her shoulders. She took a step toward the tent flap and she suddenly stopped and spun to face me.

"You said she doesn't look like me?" she demanded intensely with a startled gasp. Her heart drummed like a racing horse.

"Iolarathe?"

"Yes!" Nadea's eyes looked different somehow. They darted from side to side and didn't seem to focus on anything. "What did she look like? Tell me now!" Nadea practically screamed at me. I was so surprised that I took a step back and almost fell onto my cot.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"I don't know, Kaiyer. Tell me. What did she look like? Please!" Her voice sounded so urgent. The hairs on the nape of my neck stood up in alarm. Something was wrong.

A deafening thunderclap boomed. It was so loud and close I could have sworn that it took place right in the center of the gorge outside of my tent. The air smelled of burning wood, and the darkness was pulled away and replaced by a light so intense that it seemed to be day.

I knew what caused the noise and the light.

The camp alarm sounded half a second later. Nadea and I flew out of my tent and I had to grab her cloak to keep her from sprinting off the edge of the cliff. Countless soldiers screamed in alarm, they dashed out of their tents, clothes half-on, weapons drawn. The top of the gorge was about two hundred feet above my tent. On the side of the overhang, in neatly formed rows, Elven archers stood, bows drawn. Other Elvens held torches, the brands casting intense light that exposed our camp to them. There must have been five hundred of the fucking bastards in total. I cursed under my breath.

This was about to get messy.

"O'Baarni!" a voice screamed from above. It repeated half a dozen more times before it became obvious that the Elvens weren't letting loose with their arrows.

I finally located the owner of the voice on top of the ridge. She stood in a group of a dozen heavily armored Elven warriors. Her golden hair reflected torch and magic light like braided water. Our eyes made contact from the hundreds of yards of distance between us and she smiled the mischievous grin I had grown so used to seeing on her face.

Isslata had found our camp.

“Clean yourself. A woman of your blood should not be seen in such a state.” Her voice was harsh, mocking, and had a nasal quality to it that the people of Timata found attractive and fashionable. My stomach sunk and tears came to my eyes again.

I shouldn’t have expected a different reply from my mother.

“Your daughter was almost raped, Otrila,” Greykin said with concern that betrayed his massive size.

“But it has been some time since then, and she has made no effort to present an appropriate appearance. It is unacceptable.” Her eyes shone blue and cold like the northern ocean. My mother was beautiful, with hair a lighter shade of blonde than mine and skin the smooth texture and color of summer peaches. Her lip upturned in annoyance at Greykin’s words and I guessed she was about to chastise the Old Bear for questioning her treatment of me.