Read The Demi-Monde: Summer Online
Authors: Rod Rees
Whilst I applaud the work of the Fun-Loving Fundamentalists – or, as most people call them, the Fun/Funs – in helping to ameliorate the drug addiction that is rife amongst America’s teen population, I remain deeply suspicious of both the organisation and its methods. Sure, the Fun/Funs’ Get-Me-Straighter Meter has achieved miraculous results in freeing addicts from their habit, but the question remains: what else is being altered when the GMS Meter is connected to an addict’s brain? Sure, Norma Williams talks persuasively about being ‘inspired by God’, but what is her ultimate ambition? Sure, ParaDigm CyberResearch has been generous in funding the Fun/Funs’ work, but is ParaDigm’s largesse entirely selfless? Until these questions have been satisfactorily answered, the jury is still out as to whether the Fun/Funs are a force for good or for evil. But let me tell you a secret: my money is on it being the latter.
‘No Fun at All: An Enquiry into the Murky World of the Fun/Funs’: Odette Aroca,
The New York PollyGazette
Oddie had no idea how many people were trying to get into the Plaza to hear Norma Williams speak that evening but it was a lot. Tens of thousands of them, in fact, and as the Fun/Funs
seemed determined to log the names of everyone wishing to attend the jamboree, there was a bottleneck of mammoth proportions around the auditorium’s gates. But finally, after judicious use of her elbows and boots, Oddie managed to squirm her way through the chaos to the front of the queue. There she was faced by a line of Fun/Fun volunteers seated at a long bench table who, as best she could judge in the confusion, were intent on scanning the dog tags – the ID dockets that everyone wore to confirm they were a bona fide citizen of the USA – of all would-be attendees into a Polly.
She nearly baulked. She had an instinctive reluctance to having her dog tag peeped; the government knew enough about her without her
volunteering
information.
But even as she stood debating how to avoid being scanned, there was a surge in the tide of people pressing behind her, and she found herself being rammed up against the table and staring into the face of a guy possessed of too many zits and not enough hair. What he had though was a Valknut badge which signalled that he was a Fun/Fun … that and an attitude.
‘You got an invitation?’ the volunteer yelled at her. The noise of the crowd was deafening.
‘No, I thought everyone was welcome.’
‘Yeah, they are. It’s just that so many people have shown up that we can’t let them all in. Fire regulations. So, no invite, no entry.’
Oddie wasn’t in the mood to be given the go-by: Norma Williams and her Fun/Funs had the makings of a big story and she was determined it would be
her
big story. ‘You gotta be pulling my chain. I’ve just spent an hour being crunched up and touched up while I waited to get to the head of the queue, so don’t hit me with all this “you can’t come in” shit.’
‘Sorry.’
‘Fuck that, where’s your boss?’
‘Look, honey, it won’t do any good.’
Oh yes it will
. Oddie knew from experience that making a loud and very public demonstration of unhappiness was a great way of coercing any organisation into doing things her way. The squeaky wheel was the one that got the grease.
She raised her voice. She had a
big
voice, but then she was a big girl. ‘Don’t fucking “honey” me. And dig this: either you get your boss over here or I’m gonna lean across this table and shove that Polly so far up your ass you’ll be spending the next week scanning the back of your fucking teeth.’
‘Wot seems to be the trouble?’
A big guy in a ‘The Fun/Funs are a NonAddictive Substance’ T-shirt, speaking with an English accent, and wearing a name tag that read ‘Burl Standing’, sauntered up alongside the spotty volunteer. His eyes met Oddie’s.
Kismet
.
They stood and watched Norma Williams perform together, side by side at the edge of the stage. And it was a
performance
. Oh, it might have been billed as ‘An Opportunity to Hear about the Fun/Funs’ but in reality it was a rally where Norma Williams could be worshipped by her disciples.
She’d seen pictures and PollyCasts of Norma Williams – but then who hadn’t? – and had prepared herself to be disappointed. But she wasn’t. Sure the girl was smaller than she seemed on the Polly, but then all celebrities were smaller in real life. She was, though, prettier than Oddie had expected and the white lace dress she was wearing was short enough to show off her famously fine legs and tight enough to describe her famously fine curves. And her mass of blonde hair – backcombed to within an inch of its life – flared like a halo around her head when she stood in front of the lights that illuminated the centre of the stage.
But small, beautiful and perfectly formed though Norma Williams was, these attributes were as nothing when compared with the force of personality she radiated. Just standing there acknowledging the cheers and the wild applause of the ten thousand people packed into the hall, Oddie knew Norma Williams was a real, bona fide, twenty-four-carat Star. She had met a load of ‘PollyCelebrities’ in her time as a stringer for
The New York PollyGazette
and with only a few notable exceptions she had been totally underwhelmed. But just occasionally she had met one possessed of that most elusive quality, charisma. These were the true charismatics … they had ‘It’.
And Norma Williams had ‘It’ in truckloads. So much so that all the carefully choreographed lighting and stage backgrounds and all the music accompanying her arrival on stage were unnecessary. She was one of those rare individuals who could walk unannounced onto a bare stage and still dominate the theatre and her audience.
The problem Oddie had with people possessed of ‘It’ was that invariably they were complete and utter bastards who believed it was their God-given right to be treated as ‘special’. Oddie had the sneaking feeling that Norma Williams would be a mega-bitch.
‘Ain’t she wonderful?’ yelled Burl into her left ear, giving her a nudge for emphasis.
‘Yeah, wonderful.’
And unbelievably fucking dangerous
.
Norma spoke for just fifteen minutes, long enough to give what she said substance but not long enough to bore. Like the good performer she was, she left her audience clamouring for more. And it had been an interesting speech as it contained two new announcements of Fun/Fun policy. The first was that the use of the Get-Me-Straighter Meter would be extended outside the USA, with certain selected operatives visiting England, Germany,
Russia and the Ukraine where they would free a million unfortunates from their addictions. The second was that in six months there would be a ‘Gathering’ in the Nevada desert when all the Fun/Fun converts and their parents would be invited to commune with God and to give thanks for their deliverance from addiction.
The speechifying at an end, Norma took a moment to stand centre stage bowing and waving. Not that Oddie paid much attention; she was distracted by the need to check that her Polly had recorded the girl’s performance correctly, and as a result, didn’t notice that Norma Williams had come to stand slap-bang in front of her. It was only then that she realised what a big duke Burl was in the Fun/Funs. Even the hyper-nervous security guards were wary of him, and whilst they bustled everyone else backstage away from the girl, they left Burl – and Oddie – where they were.
‘So what did you think, Burl?’ Norma asked as she towelled the back of her neck.
Oddie almost laughed at how artfully it was done. Using the towel gave the girl an excuse to raise her arms, which in turn caused her short dress to rise even further up her thighs and to press even harder across her tits. She was playing her looks and sex appeal for all they were worth, and from the expression on his face Burl was mesmerised by this little exercise in coquettishness.
‘You wos wonderful, Norma, really wonderful. You wos great.’
The girl beamed her thanks and then nodded towards Oddie. ‘Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend, Burl?’
‘Oh, yus, ov course: this is Oddie. Oddie, this is Norma Williams.’
The two girls shook hands. ‘“Oddie”?’ asked Norma.
‘It’s short for Odette, my parents are French.’
‘And your surname?’
‘Aroca,’ she answered and it was then that she realised that Norma hadn’t released her hand.
‘Aroca …’ Norma murmured, taking a moment to digest this piece of information. ‘I’ve been told about another girl called Aroca. She’s an enemy of my father.’
‘Not me, Norma, I’m a great admirer of the President. I believe him to be a real beacon of liberty in the world. What he’s doing to roll back the PanOptika Surveillance System is vital if we’re to have a free and fair society.’
Norma frowned and released Oddie’s hand. ‘Of course …
that
father.’
That father? Weird
.
She smiled a bleak, empty smile that sent trickles of fear skipping down Oddie’s spine. ‘I have a different view of surveillance, Miss Aroca. I am of the firm opinion that surveillance is vital if we are to ensure the security of our great country and to protect its citizens from terrorists, malcontents and other enemies of the state. Only those who have something to hide – something criminal, antisocial or which transgresses the word of God – object to surveillance; good people have nothing to fear. As ParaDigm’s advert says: PanOptika watches out for the good guys by watching out for the bad guys.’
‘I think you’re wrong, Miss Williams—’
Oddie didn’t get to finish, being interrupted by a very flustered-looking aide thrusting a piece of paper into Norma Williams’s hand. For several long silent seconds she examined what was written there and then looked up to study Oddie very carefully. ‘You’re a clever girl, Miss Aroca, perhaps even a little
too
clever. My aide has just interrogated ABBA and been advised that you’re a reporter for
The New York PollyGazette
. The
Gazette
has been somewhat antagonistic towards the Fun/Funs so I’m not inclined to prolong this conversation.’
‘Maybe you should, Miss Williams. Maybe you should try to convert a Doubting Thomas – or even a Doubting Oddie.’
‘I find people possessed of your degree of entrenched liberalism, Miss Aroca, incapable of seeing the light.’
‘Or perhaps it’s your arguments that are suspect. Maybe it’s not me who can’t see but you who can’t convince.’
Norma Williams’s lips contracted into a thin, angry line. ‘I think you should go now, Miss Aroca.’ She turned to Burl. ‘Get this girl out of my sight and don’t ever, ever, bring someone who hasn’t been pre-vetted near me again. Do you understand, Burl?’ The way the colour drained out of Burl’s face indicated that he understood very well indeed.
‘Jesus, I ain’t never seen her so mad before. You should’ve told me you wos a reporter. Norma ‘ates reporters.’
They were sitting in a Bubble Bar a couple of blocks down from the Plaza. Oddie had chosen it because each of its tables was equipped with a ‘bubble’ guaranteed to defeat eyeSpies and hence allow those sitting at the table to talk confident that their conversation wouldn’t be the subject of cyber-eavesdropping. Her philosophy was that when you were intent on pissing off a company as powerful as ParaDigm CyberResearch, you could never be too careful.
‘I told ‘er that it wos all a mistake, that you got in because you wosn’t scanned properly.’ Burl took a swig of his beer. ‘Anyways, I guess that’s my trip back to London down the tubes.’
‘London?’ asked Oddie with an encouraging smile.
‘Yus, I was gonna be part ov the delegation taking the Get-Me-Straighter Meter to England. There wos to be five hundred ov us going an’ we each had to save a thousand addicts. We’ve got their names on a list.’
Oddie felt her journalistic antennae starting to twitch. ‘How could you have their names?’
‘Dunno,’ said Burl with a shrug, ‘but we ‘ave. The badges ‘ave been made for ‘em and everyfing.’
‘Badges?’
Burl dug inside his shirt and pulled out a small circular medallion that he had hung around his neck on a silver chain. ‘This shows that you’ve bin saved from addiction.’ He leant across the table so that Oddie could get a better look.
The medallion was a simple affair with a Valknut – the emblem of the Fun/Funs – embossed on one side and a symbol of a hand embossed on the other. ‘What’s with the hand?’
‘It shows that Jesus has held out his loving hand to you and you’ve had the courage to grasp it. We’re told that we’re never to take it off.’
As she peered at the medallion, Oddie was suddenly conscious that her face was only inches from Burl’s. ‘I’m sorry I’ve caused you so much trouble, Burl.’
Burl’s big blue eyes blinked. ‘Don’t matter … I like you.’
‘I like you too, Burl,’ and with that she dipped her head forward and kissed him.
Copy of PigeonGram message sent by Josephine Baker, 1st day of Summer, 1005
Senior Prelate de Sade, the Supreme Head of the Church of IMmanualism, gazed out over the crowd packed into the Sala, a crowd comprising the haute-monde of Venice, all of them waiting expectantly – reverently, almost – for the newly crowned Doge IMmanual to speak. With great difficulty de Sade stifled a smug smile of satisfaction: these, after all, were the same bastards who just a few months ago had reviled him, ridiculed him and voted for him to be exiled from Venice. But now …