The Definitive Book of Body Language (34 page)

Glass-topped tables cause us more stress than solid tables, as our legs are in full view and so we don't feel as if we are in full control.

The legs evolved in humans to serve two purposes: to move forward to get food and to run away from danger. Because the human brain is hardwired for these two objectives—to go toward what we want and move away from what we don't want—the way a person uses their legs and feet reveals where they want to go. In other words, they show a person's commitment to leaving or staying in a conversation. Open or uncrossed leg positions show an open or dominant attitude, while crossed positions reveal closed attitudes or uncertainty.

A woman who is not interested in a man will fold her arms on her chest and cross her legs away from him, giving him the “no-go” body language, while an interested woman would open herself to him.

This is a formal position that shows a neutral attitude with no commitment to stay or go. In male-female encounters, it is used more by women than men as it effectively keeps the legs together like a “No Comment” signal. Schoolchildren use it when talking to a teacher, junior officers use it when talking to senior officers, people meeting royalty do it, and employees use it when talking to the boss.

The Attention Stance

As mentioned earlier, this is predominantly a male gesture and is like a standing Crotch Display. The Crotch Displayer plants both feet firmly on the ground, making a clear statement that he has no intention of leaving. It is used as a dominance signal by men because it highlights the genitals, giving the Crotch Displayer a macho-looking attitude.

The Crotch Display—putting his masculinity on show

Male participants at sports matches can be seen standing around with one another in this position at halftime and giving their crotch a continual adjustment. These adjustments have nothing to do with itching—they allow males to highlight their masculinity and show solidarity as a team by all performing the same actions.

The Crotch Display is used by
macho men and tough guys

The body weight is shifted to one hip, which leaves the front foot pointing forward. Paintings done during the Middle Ages often show high status men standing in the Foot-Forward Position as it allowed them to display their fine hosiery, shoes, and breeches.

The Foot-Forward Position— pointing at where the mind wants to go

This is a valuable clue to a person's immediate intentions, because we point our lead foot in the direction our mind would like to go and this stance looks as if the person is beginning to walk. In a group situation, we point our lead foot at the most interesting or attractive person, but when we want to leave, we point our feet at the nearest exit.

The next time you attend a meeting with men and women, you will notice some groups of people standing with their arms and legs crossed. Look more closely and you'll also see that they are standing at a greater distance from one another than the customary social distance.

The Standing-Leg-Cross

If they are wearing coats or jackets, they are likely to be buttoned. This is how most people stand when they are among
people whom they don't know well. If you interact with them you would find that one or all of them are unfamiliar with others in the group.

While open legs can show openness or dominance, crossed legs show a closed, submissive, or defensive attitude as they symbolically deny any access to the genitals.

The Scissors—“No comment,” but he's not leaving

For a woman, positions like the Scissors and the Standing-Leg-Cross send two messages: one, that she intends to stay, not leave; and two, that access is denied. When a man does it, it also shows he'll stay but wants to be sure you don't “kick him where it hurts.” Open legs display masculinity; closed legs protect masculinity. If he's with men he feels are inferior to him, the Crotch Display feels right; if he's with superior males, however, this gesture makes him look competitive and he feels vulnerable. Studies show that people who lack confidence also take Leg-Cross positions.

Imagine now that you notice another group of people standing with arms unfolded, palms visible, coats unbuttoned, relaxed appearance, and leaning back on one leg with the other pointing toward others in the group. All are gesturing with their hands and moving in and out of one another's Personal Space. Closer investigation would reveal that these people are friends or are known personally to one another. The first group of
people with the closed arms and legs may have relaxed facial expressions and conversation that sounds free and easy, but the folded arms and legs tell us that they are not as relaxed or confident with one another as they are trying to appear.

Try this: join a group where you know no one and stand with your arms and legs tightly crossed and wear a serious expression. One by one the other group members will cross their arms and legs and remain in that position until you, the stranger, leave. Walk away and watch how, one by one, the members of the group assume their original open poses once again.

Crossing the legs not only reveals negative or defensive emotions, it makes a person appear insecure and causes others to react accordingly.

Some people will claim that they are not defensive or feeling insecure when they cross their arms or legs, but do it because they're cold. When someone wants to warm his hands he'll thrust them under his armpits rather than tuck them under the elbows, as is the case with a defensive arm-cross. Second, when a person feels cold he may use a type of body hug and when the legs are crossed they are usually straight, stiff, and pressed hard against each other as opposed to the more relaxed leg posture of the defensive stance or position.

She's more likely to be cold or just looking for the restroom

People who habitually cross their arms or legs prefer to say that they are cold rather than admit that they could be nervous, anxious, or defensive. Others simply say they're “comfortable.” That's probably true—when someone feels defensive or insecure, crossed arms and legs feel comfortable because it matches their emotional state.

As people begin to feel more comfortable in a group and get to know others, they move through a series of movements taking them from the defensive crossed-arms-and-legs position to the relaxed open position. This standing “opening-up” procedure follows the same sequence everywhere.