The Deepest Red (32 page)

“What are friends for?” He mumbles into my ear and quickly falls back into silence.

His embrace is full of warmth and comfort.
Can a friendship between us really work?
I let the question float around in my head before answering. If I don’t give it a chance then, no, it never would. In a moment of spiritual enlightenment or extreme stupidity I open myself up to him.

“I feel so helpless,” I choke on the words. “I’m stronger than this. I need to be stronger than this.”

My voice is so low that I doubt he has heard me until Connor removes his hand from my hair.

“You’re not weak, Millie.” He pauses. “If you didn’t act like this I would be worried.”

I lift my head to him, ignoring my father’s voice in the background.

“You wouldn’t act like this.” I say, noticing a slight redness to his cheeks.

He’s so beautiful.

“I’m not a good person,” Connor replies.

I brush off the comment until I realize he’s serious.

“The way you care for your family, how can you not be?”

He remains silent while memorizing my face. His voice is calm and confident when he speaks.

“If you were a weak person you would’ve took your own life a while ago. It’s easy to let depression consume you- to give yourself over to regret and suffering. A weak person follows a path with least resistance. You’re not that person.”

I let his words hang in the air between us and begin to listen to my father’s voice. He is calm as he speaks about Tom’s favorite book, an action adventure novel.

“I didn’t know Sandra and Timothy like I did Tom,” I say quietly after minutes pass. “Tom was a man who got things done. A man you could come to when you were in need. He was a provider and a protector. Someone who took burden upon himself so that others who weren’t as strong didn’t have too.”

Connor listens closely to what I say.

“You were lucky to have him in your life,” he responds.

I press into him feeling a small section of the wall I’ve built around my mind and heart crumble. The words come to me in a whisper and leave the edge of my lips just as silently.

“Tom was useful.”

Chapter Nineteen

              A month goes by quick when you fall into a routine. Every morning I wake up and head to the gymnasium. Connor begins each training session with stretches and a light jog. Tessa, Clover and I keep pace with each other around the perimeter of the prison’s fences. Connor joins us often, slowing his speed down to match our strides.

The increasingly colder weather makes my bones hurt. I don’t complain though, my body is getting stronger and more toned. I’m no longer as sore as I was the first week of our new training sessions and have learned to welcome the inevitable ache of my stretching muscles. When we finish with our jog, we’re rewarded with more stretches that lead into intense drills, followed by kata, and weapons training. After I’m convinced I can’t take anymore, Connor proclaims it’s time for more stretches.

              My favorite practices are the ones when Lonnie and Jay are able to join in. Those days Connor withholds the weapons training for some good ole fashion sparing. Unfortunately, those are the same days Evie leaves the cafeteria's kitchen to watch. She sits quietly on one of the empty mats not wanting to get in our way. She’s the perfect spectator with her attentive eyes and meek expression. I ignore her.

              “So Connor, are we finally going to spar today?” I say, in a teasing manner.

Ever since our fight in the red zone he has been reluctant to fight me. Sparing is different than combat but the idea of getting past his defences, thrills me. The quirk of his mouth informs, he is considering my offer. In the past month, we’ve been able to put our differences aside, allowing us to finally become real friends. His sarcastic manner has not disappeared but neither has my temper. We’ve become a little more tolerant of each other and most days find a middle ground of understanding. His single eyebrow lifts and a sneer appears on his lips.

“All in good time, Mrs. Daniels,” he says.

I pinch my expression, making a face at him. This earns a laugh.

“What, I’m not challenging enough for you?” Clover asks.

She circles me in a predatory manner. Her face is alight with good humor and a glimmer of competitiveness. For the last few weeks she has enjoyed the less eventful days of our community, becoming more childlike in her behavior. If I take anything good from the red zone, it is her and her happiness. A much larger Chevy takes note of Clover’s advancement on me and begins nipping at her heels.

“That doesn’t look very threatening with a dog playing behind you,” I reply and laugh when Clover turns around grabbing for the dog’s feet.

Chevy bounces away out of her grasp and lets out a frolicsome bark.

“Crap,” she says, holding back a smile.

Clover leaps toward the dog, only for the dog to evade her again. His tongue hangs from his mouth as if declaring victory.

“No, Clover is going to be sparing with Tessa,” Connor announces while loudly clapping his hands together.

Chevy snaps out of his puppy mode and sits alert- waiting for Connor’s next command.

“I want Tessa to learn the fighting techniques my dad taught you when you were her age.”

He directs his comment toward Clover as she nods and ruffles Tessa’s hair.

“Stop,” Tessa squeals but a smile struggles not to appear on her sweaty face.

Connor turns his scrutiny back toward me and scowls. A heavy arm drapes itself across my shoulders. Lonnie with his hair in a mess gives me the full blunt force of his charm.

“Millie, you’re with me,” Lonnie says with a cocky smile.

Connor begins to say something but Lonnie continues with his eyes twinkling.

“Hey, man. Mrs. Emerson wants to see you for a moment.” Lonnie gestures to a set of doors on the other side of the gym. “I just saw her poke her head in and motion for you.”

Connor regards him in suspicion but turns to leave.

“Fine. I’ll be back,” he says as he disappears beyond the door of the offices.

“So Millie, you learn enough to put me on my butt yet?”

Lonnie breaks away giving me a slight shove. Clover and Tessa are already in another section of the gym going over techniques.

“Oh please, I’ve been letting you win for years just to build up your confidence,” I say, noticing Jay observing the sisters more closely.

Lonnie snaps the tips of his fingers to gain my attention.

“Hey! It’s a new day,” he taunts lightheartedly.

His eyes cut to Evie and back to me.

“Bring it,” I say, lifting my hands up in a fighting stance.

Connor’s voice inside my head starts to recite all the pointers he has given to me over the many weeks. I raise my leg to block when Lonnie tries to toe kick my thigh. He hits my shin instead causing his playful manner to dim. A curse leaves his mouth.

“That’s new,” he comments, taking me more seriously.

We circle each other, watching the other’s movements. When he punches, I counter, blocking the punch and landing a solid hit to his stomach. He grunts and blocks my next punch. I stumble but swiftly gain my balance.

In a moment of stupidity, I grow tired of our constant circling and attack. It starts off well. I jab and punch, getting in a few hits but also taking a few of my own. Countering his movements, I’m too caught up in the motion to be aware of the loose mat I’m approaching. One of my legs slip out from beneath my body. Instead of stopping the sparring match, Lonnie takes full advantage and lands on top of me. The air rushes out of my chest. He efficiently bounds my hands above my head. An image of the first night I met Connor resurfaces in my mind. The heaviness, the smell of him and my heart’s uncontrollable beating- none of that excitement flares up with Lonnie, only annoyance.

“No fair, you jackass!” I howl.

His knee digs into my leg twisting ever so slightly that I yelp. Intense pain shoots up my leg.

“You’ve got to learn how to get out of this hold, Millie,” Lonnie says, repositioning his hold.

I buck but he doesn’t falter. Suddenly, he’s lifted off my screaming muscles and thrown across the room. I sit up in the now empty space once occupied by Lonnie and notice Evie’s startled expression. Connor stands beside me fist clenched. His face is seething and more ferocious than I’ve ever seen him. He can barely contain the anger burning inside his liquid steel eyes. The room goes still for a long moment. Lonnie sits up, his own displeasure displayed on his face.

“What the hell, Connor? What’s your problem?”

Connor rages, “She was in pain, you piece of shit! If you want to spar, fine, but one of the rules in my session is if your partner falls, you don’t follow them.” He seethes, “You help them up, make sure they’re okay and continue. You don’t cause the person more pain.”

Lonnie jumps up off the hard floor causing the tension in Connor’s shoulders to tighten.

“She has to know how to get out of that!” Lonnie yells back, all signs of his good nature gone.

Connor crosses his arms in a defiant manner.

“And she will, when I teach her. There’s a better way to learn.” He pauses gaining more of his composure. “If you’ve a problem with the way I teach, get out.”

I remain seated on the mat I fell on top of, afraid to move. Evie stares at the situation puzzled with a frown deepening. She stands awkwardly catching Lonnie’s gaze.

“Lonnie, would you walk me back to the cafeteria? I need help with lunch.”

For an instant, I’m glad Evie is there, jealousy aside, I wouldn’t want to get in between these two in a fight. Lonnie relaxes.

“Yeah, sure thing,” he says, his eyes not leaving Connor. “Sorry Millie, if I hurt you.”

“No problem,” I reply, giving Evie a grateful grin.

When the doors close, Connor sharply cracks the bones of his neck. I detest the sound.

“Alright, I think that’s enough of practicing today,” he says, giving us permission to leave.

I hear whispers as Clover, Tessa and Jay head to the exits. I remain on the floor not sure if I want to gain his awareness by moving. He still stands in a protective stance above me. Connor turns rigidly and peers down at my disarray. I can only imagine what I look like- my clothes upheaved and hair a mess.

“Are you okay?”

He bends down beside me tucking a wild piece of hair behind my ear.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve been sparring with him my whole life. He didn’t mean anything by it,” I say, searching Connor’s face.

He keeps his expression blank until he gives me his hand. I let him pull me up and enjoy the closeness of his body. As much as I try to conceal the unwanted crush I’ve held for him, I’m still entranced.

He notices my staring and steps even closer- a snide smile appearing on his lips, chasing away the last bit of his anger. Tilting his head, he purses his lips, amusement dancing in his eyes. The movement draws my attention to his ever present lip ring. The soft wisps of hair at the base of his neck entice me to run my fingers through them. I refocus on the lively expression on his face.

“I guess I’ll just have to be the one to spar with you now,” he comments.

I return the banter.

“I don’t know. I don’t think you could handle me.”

He leans down toward my face displaying his teeth and gives a swift chomp with his mouth as if to bite. I laugh at the sound it makes.

“Oh, I could handle you, my friend,” he taunts back in his smooth voice, never losing his mischievous smile. 

“Good to know,” I reply, stepping away from him to leave. He stops me.

“Before you head to your assignment in the furnace room.”