The Dead Saga (Book 3): Odium III (18 page)

I groaned and rolled over, ignoring his yelling, and instead focusing on trying to get air into my lungs. My heart was pounding, and I sucked in gasps of stale air as the nausea abated. I rolled over onto my knees, staring down at the floor, spitting out blood and phlegm as he continued to yell obscenities at me.

“That woman has got you pussy-whipped, I told you. You’ve lost the plot. That crazy bitch has sent you over the edge.”

His words were the nitrous oxide to my anger and I was back on my feet and barreling into him before he could finish his sentence. His body slammed up against the side of the truck and I landed a heavy punch in his gut, sending him curling in on himself with a groan. I reached out and grabbed a handful of his long, greasy hair, lifted his head up so he could look me in the eye, and then rammed my fist into his face.

Blood exploded from Michael’s nose and splattered my face and clothes. His hands clawed at me, his legs kicking out—anything to throw me off him—so I planted another fist into his stomach hard enough to make him dry heave and gasp for air. I took a step back, and he had the dignity to stay on his feet, his hands clutched around his middle as he stared me down with blood dripping from his face.

Matty ran up beside us, pushing in between and placing a hand on each of our chests, his eyes wide with worry. “What are you doing?”

I didn’t reply to Matty, but stared long and hard at Michael, the taste of blood still in my mouth. His threat had put us all in danger, and I hated the fact that he had risked Nina and everyone else for the sake of his sister’s memory.
She
was the crazy bitch, and he knew it, yet he was more than willing to go flinging names and accusations at Nina, the woman who was off trying to sort out the mess his sister had left behind. My anger was so heavy I could almost taste it, and the urge to kill him was hard to resist.

I pushed Matty out of the way with one swoop of my hand and stepped into Michael’s space, ignoring Matty as he stepped in close, one hand on my sweatshirt so that he was ready to pull me away from Michael if he needed to.

“I should kill you.” Tension rippled through my body, my muscles straining to hit something.

“Go on then! Do it!” Michael roared back angrily, pushing his face into mine.

“Don’t do it, Mikey.” I faintly heard Matty’s voice through the haze of blood rushing to my ears and I swallowed, the motion feeling almost choking. “We need him.”

“You’re not even worth it,” I snarled at Michael and turned away.

“At least your bitch can’t see what a pussy you really are now that she’s dead, asshole.”

I spat on the ground, the pool of saliva red with blood. I grinned and turned around, stepped back into his space, and head-butted him hard enough for us both to see stars. I staggered backwards and Matty gripped hold of me, trying to keep me on me on my feet. I slumped to my knees anyway.

“Easy, easy,” Matty said. “Are you okay, man?”

I nodded, still not having the sense about me to vocalize that no, I was not okay. I was so far from the realm of being okay that I was in another country. That I wouldn’t be okay until I knew that Nina was safe.

“You knocked him out cold. Either that or he’s dead,” Matty said. Strangely, he didn’t sound particularly worried. “He an arrogant dick, so I’m sure he deserved that,” he shrugged, “but we need him alive.”

The room stopped spinning and a laugh bubbled its way up my throat. I looked across at Michael, seeing that his face was a mess of blood and bruises, and while I knew that I didn’t look any better, I certainly
felt
better, and that was all that mattered right this second. The pounding in my chest had simmered, the blood previously as hot as acid running through my veins had cooled, and I could think clearly again.

I stood up, taking a deep breath as the room spun. I let Matty help me to my feet, and I shook my head to clear it of the remaining cobwebs before I stepped forward, gripped Michael by his collar, and dragged him away from the truck, not caring when his head bounced off the concrete floor.

“Easy, man. Like you said, he’s not worth it.” Matty spoke next to me, but had the good sense not to touch me.

Michael groaned and his eyes fluttered open as I leaned his still rousing body against one of the benches, and then I walked back to the truck, loading weapons and food inside it. Almost everything had been emptied from the truck and set up in piles ready to distribute to the rest of the base, and I grabbed items from each of them.

“What are you doing?” Michael yelled, his voice thick with irritation and anger yet still sounding groggy.

“I’m going to find Nina and your sister,” I replied without turning to look at him. I noticed Matty had come to help me load up, anticipating things I would need as I spoke.

“Nova?”

“Yeah, Nova,” I bit out, throwing a bag of knives into the back of the truck.

“I thought she was dead,” he said quietly, clearly confused. “I thought she was here…when the horde attacked.”

I finally turned to look at him, seeing a spark of something in his eye. Hope. But I didn’t have an ounce of sympathy for him. “No, but they might be dead by now, thanks to you. She and Nina went to find the other woman that your other crazy-assed sister impregnated with zombie DNA. My crazy bitch of a girlfriend has gone to try and right your sister’s fuckup,” I snarled before turning back around. I looked for the keys to the truck and then realized he would have them.

I turned back to him, stalking forward, and stared down at him. He struggled to his feet, raising his chin as I got close.

“Give me the keys,” I said, and held out my hand.

“Where are you going?” He looked into my face, realization dawning on him. “You’re going to find them.”

“Yes. Now give me the keys.”

“They could be anywhere.”

“They’ll be wherever that damn woman is. Now give me the damn keys.”

He fumbled in his pocket before holding them out to me. I reached out to take them and he grabbed my hand. My eyes glared into his, but he met my hate-filled stare with his own.

“You bring my sister back to me,” he said quietly, his expression softening. “Please.”

“I don’t owe you anything.”

“You don’t, I agree, but I’m asking all the same. She had no idea about any of this, she’s just trying to do the right thing.” His voice was thick with emotion, and regardless of how much I hated him just then, I couldn’t deny that his words affected me.

I stared at him for a long moment, a thousand insults and hurtful accusations racing through my mind, but what was the point? He felt like shit. I felt like shit. We had both lost so much and the damage was done now.

“You can’t stay here now,” I said instead. “This place is seriously compromised. That gate won’t hold another breach.”

He released my hand. “We’ll be at the mall.” He attempted a smile but it was more of a grimace. “I heard it was a good place to make a new home.”

I ran a hand across the back of my neck and let out a deep breath. “Whoever told you that was one smart motherfucker, that’s for sure.”

Michael surprised me by barking out a sharp laugh, which turned into a wince as he grabbed his tender stomach. He met my gaze again, both of us somewhat calmer now.

“These people need me, Mikey. They won’t make it there without my help. They’re not made for this world.”

I nodded in agreement.

“That woman, Hilary, and her husband… they were north of here the last time we saw them. Get me my map.” Michael pointed over to his bag by the truck and Matty headed over to retrieve it.

“Our camp, our city, it was here.” Michael circled a space on the map and then proceeded to circle two more locations. “That was where we left them,” he said, pointing to an isolated spot, “and this was where they said they were heading.” He handed the map over to me. “Bring Nova home to me, please. She’s all I have left.” He slapped a hand on my shoulder, holding it there a long minute until I nodded again.

I shrugged out from under his grip and walked away. I climbed in the truck and started the engine. I drove to the hanger door and looked out of my window, watching as Matty helped Michael walk toward a bench to sit down. They both looked up at me, Matty with his typical no-nonsense “let’s get on with it” expression, and Michael with what was soon going to be two black eyes, judging from the dark shadows already forming underneath.

“You should put some ice on that,” I called out with a dry laugh.

“Don’t look so smug. There’ll be a rematch, man,” Michael snapped back.

“That’s if I come back at all,” I replied.

“You will. You’re going to bring my sister home to me,” he said seriously, all joking aside.

“I’ll do my best.”

“If you don’t, I’ll kick your ass. I won’t go easy on you next time.”

It was my turn to laugh now as I stuck my arm out of the open window and raised my middle finger. “Keep telling yourself that.”

I turned away and drove out of the hanger, hoping that I could do like he asked. Not for his sake, but for Nova’s.

“I’m going to take a look at your bite. You look too pale.” Nova’s voice cut through the hollowness of my dark thoughts.

“I’m fine,” I replied, looking warily at the knife still held tightly in her palm.

“Don’t be an asshole,” Nova spat back as she lowered the knife. Reaching into her backpack, she pulled out a small first aid kit. “Come here.”

I huffed and ignored her, turning to stare out the window and pretend that I hadn’t just seen my life flash before my eyes. Twice. In less than half an hour. I think that was a new record even for me.

“Move your stupid ass over here now!” she yelled, making me jump.

I turned to glare at her angrily.

“Don’t even fuckin’ start with me, Nina, or I swear to God.”

I opened my mouth to speak but closed it again as my slashed stomach and the bite wound on my neck ached painfully. They both needed cleaning and stitching or I actually would be in trouble. I hadn’t died yet, so that was at least a little good news, but both my neck and stomach hurt every time I moved. Hey, at least my flu wasn’t bothering me anymore. Cold. Whatever.

I shuffled over in my seat, avoiding eye contact with Nova. Joan had gone silent in the back but I hadn’t heard her get out so I had to assume that she had fallen asleep, or she had fallen over when we had stopped abruptly and was knocked out cold. I couldn’t help but be grateful for her silence at the moment, though, even if that did make me a total bitch.

“Take your jacket and T-shirt off,” Nova said while arranging some cleaning fluid and gauze.

I did as she said, carefully stripping myself of my jacket and both T-shirts that I was wearing. I hissed as I lifted my arms over my head, biting down on my lower lip to stop the scream from escaping.

Nova glanced up, her eyes raking over the various bites and knife wounds covering me. “Jesus, why is it always you?” she said with a shake of her head.

“Just lucky I guess,” I huffed out.

She was right: it
did
always seem to be me. I had gotten shot, I had gotten bitten, and I had gotten beaten and raped by the Forgotten—not to mention the horror of what went on behind the walls. It was always me. But I had survived all of that too. I was a survivor, not a victim. Plenty of my friends had died, and plenty more would have if they’d had to go through the things I had. With that thought I felt stronger and empowered.

“This is going to hurt,” Nova said, and I finally met her eyes. “Like, a lot.”

I bobbed my head and swallowed, my tough girl charade showing some cracks. “Whatever,” I said in as bored a voice as I could get out.

“I mean, this shit is
really
going to hurt.” Her eyes looked toward my neck. “I’m not kidding. I would totally cry if this were me.”

“You would not.”

“I totally would,” she said with wide eyes.

“You’re not helping,” I said with a surprisingly steady voice.

“I just don’t want you thinking that I’m about to kill you again.”

I rolled my eyes but didn’t reply.

“And I don’t want you to feel bad when you cry like a little bitch,” she laughed. “Because you’re totally going to.”

The bite had finally stopped bleeding, but I knew I had lost a lot of blood from it, which meant it was deep. I knew that there was a possibility that there would be nerve and muscle damage, but I could move my arm so I took that as a positive sign.

“I’ll be fine.” I rolled my eyes again, forcing my fear deep down into my gut, somewhere that I wouldn’t have to be scared out of my mind.

“Do you want something to bite down on?” she asked.

“Just do it already,” I snapped. Her words were making me feel worse.

Nova grinned a little and leaned closer. “Crazy bitch.”

She held some gauze in one hand and the bottle of rubbing alcohol in the other. After a moment’s hesitation, she shrugged and tipped some of the contents directly onto the wound.

It was only a second later that I screamed loud enough to attract every deader in a three-mile vicinity and passed out from the pain.

*

I woke to the sound of the truck moving and slowly rubbed the sleep from my eyes as I pried them open. We were on the road again, and the truck was filled with so much cigarette smoke that it made me cough, and then gasp in pain.

Nova looked across at me and smiled. “You’re awake.”

“No shit,” I replied tersely, and sat up.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I’m about to die from secondhand smoke,” I said, opening a window.

At some point between me passing out and Nova stitching me back up, I had slumped down in my seat at an awkward angle. My bones clicked and cracked as I straightened myself up.

“So, how does it look, doc?” I asked cautiously.

“Oh, you know.”

“No, I don’t.”

Nova grinned at me and opened her window, throwing her cigarette butt outside. More of the smoke cleared, escaping out the window and into the night air, and I could almost breathe properly again.

“It’s nighttime,” I commented, looking around in amazement. “How long was I out for?”

“Too long,” she said, and patted the gun on her lap. “I wondered if I was going to have to make a little target practice of your forehead.” She grinned.

“That’s both creepy and insensitive.” I scowled.

“I learned from the best,” she chuckled. “Your shoulder was bad, darlin’—like really bad.
But
, it was just flesh. Nothing important eaten away. Just flesh and blood loss. Once I cleaned it out and stopped the bleeding, I knew it was going to be okay.”

“Wow, thank you,” I said, genuinely grateful. “I bet you’ve had a lot of practice, what with being in the field, right?”

Nova laughed. “Practice? Shit no, I hate the sight of blood. I vomited three times while sorting your shit out.” She pointed to the floor and a stain of what must have been hastily cleaned up vomit. “But, when we get back to base, Becky can check out the damage and sort you out good and proper. My needlepoint will have to suffice for now.”

I nodded, and then shook my head in amazement and possibly bewilderment. I was hungry, I realized. My stomach gurgled painfully, and I looked down and lifted up my top, seeing butterfly stitches across the center of my stomach.

“That wasn’t too deep, thankfully. You really need to be more careful. You could have chopped yourself in half back there!” Nova glanced back over at me and laughed again. “Crazy bitch.”

“Clearly I didn’t do it on purpose,” I replied sarcastically.

She chuckled and the truck lapsed back into silence. Well, apart from the singing I could hear coming from Joan in the back. Thankfully not another rendition of “Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer” again, and not as loud either.

I rested my head back on the seat and stared out into the dark. Now that we were headed back to base, I wondered what it had all been for. Hilary was dead, and so were Deacon and the baby. I don’t think I would ever look at Nova in the same way, but in a lot of ways, now that I had calmed down, I respected what she had done. I certainly couldn’t do it. Deacon at least deserved some peace. And so did that child. And though Nova hadn’t done it for the right reasons, she had ended their misery. Perhaps now they could all be together again. If there really was a heaven, anyway. Of that I still wasn’t totally sold. If there was a heaven, then that meant that there was a God, and if there was a God, what the hell was he thinking letting zombies walk the earth? This was a messed-up game he was playing.

But while I respected what Nova did, I also couldn’t forgive it.

“So, what now?” Nova asked, her voice cutting through my dark and morbid thoughts.

“I don’t know. We head back to base and tell Jessica the bad news. We’ll need to terminate the pregnancy as soon as possible, and hope that it’s not too late.” My words sounded sad, even to my own ears.

“I meant between us,” Nova replied, sounding as equally sad.

I turn to look at her. “There is no us,” I murmured.

“We were friends. I saved your life,” she says with a scowl.

“I don’t trust you anymore. You lied to me.”

“I did what I thought was best for everyone,” she huffed out.

I shook my head. “No, you did what you thought was best for you.”

“Nina!”

“I don’t want to fight with you, Nova. It’s not you, it’s me, blah blah. I’m a judgmental asshole, et cetera, et cetera. Say what you want about me, I won’t deny it. I’m no good with people, I push everyone away, don’t take it personally. It’s just better this way.” And I truly believed that.

I had pushed everyone away. Everyone but Emily. And at the moment, she was the only reason I was heading back to the base. If it weren’t for her, I’d be heading as far and as fast in the opposite direction. Away from Mikey and Nova, away from the base and all the people there. I wanted to be on my own. I was tired of losing people. I was tired of learning to care for someone only to have them either die or turn out not to be the person I thought they were. But most of all I was tired of hurting. I knew where I wanted to go, where I
would
go once I knew for sure that Emily was completely safe, that she and Alek would work out and he would look after her the way I would, and then I was gone. I had realized, on this ridiculous journey of self-discovery, that I loved Mikey, but it wasn’t enough to make me stay and watch him die like everyone else I had ever loved. Because sooner or later, that’s what would happen. So I would thank him for everything, and leave. He never had to know how I felt.

There were some things you couldn’t come back from. And I wasn’t talking about Mikey breaking my heart, or Nova killing zombie babies. It was trust. I had no trust in any of those people anymore. And for that reason, I didn’t feel safe there. I didn’t want to be around them anymore, any of them. My external injuries hurt much less than the bitter war that was raging inside me.

I had used Emily as a reason to escape the walled city, but that kid had stolen my heart and kept me sane. She had brought me back from the hateful person I had become, making me think about more than just myself, more than just surviving each day, but actually living. But it was still there at the back of my mind, my reason for really going with her.

I had wanted to escape, I had wanted to continue on the journey that my husband and I had intended on going on all along. He had talked about his parents’ home out in the sticks, where he believed it would be safe, and that’s where I was going to go. Because after all these years, and all the pain that had come to pass, I still trusted Ben—my dead husband—way more than anyone else in this godforsaken world.

He was the only one who had never let me down, who had made me believe my own worth. The only one to ever make me see that I was truly important and worth going through anything for. I trusted his judgment, and he had always trusted mine, and he still held my heart after all these years.

A small part of me still niggled for Mikey, but Mikey didn’t want me, and he certainly didn’t trust me. He also didn’t love me, and how could he? How could anyone love a woman like me? I was broken, and I didn’t think there would ever be any fixing for me. And I was okay with that. Really. I had come to terms with myself, with the way I was now. I could never be the old Nina, the one before the infection. She was long gone, dead alongside her husband. This new Nina was flourishing now, and maybe she wasn’t as tough as I thought she was, maybe she wasn’t as soft as the old me, but she was strong and capable of surviving this world on her own terms.

So I was leaving, no matter what, and I would find Ben’s parents’ cabin, and I would make it safe enough to live in. I had no belief that his parents would be alive, and I was accepting of the fact that they would be deaders themselves now, and it would be up to me to finish them off and put them at peace finally. But it would be safer there than anywhere else, and at least on my own I would only have to worry about me. And that was a far better bet than loving and losing more people I cared for.

Because I would prefer to be alone in this world than continue to go through this emotional torture.