The Days of Redemption (55 page)

Ten Years Ago

She could see.

Elsie Keim closed her eyes, then looked through the brand-new lenses again.

Dr. Palmer, standing over her right shoulder, met her gaze in the mirror and grinned. “What do you think, Elsie?”

“I think it's
wunderbaar
,” she whispered.

“I hope that means you're pleased?”

Gently fingering the brown plastic frames that now outlined her eyes, she thought she looked very smart. She hoped she did, anyway. A couple of kids in her school had been calling her “
dumm Elsie
” for months now. She'd been too embarrassed to tell them that the problem wasn't that she couldn't read; it was that she couldn't see the words on the board.

Turning away from her reflection, she smiled brightly at Dr. Palmer. “I'm mighty pleased,
doktah
.
Danke
for the glasses.”

“It's my job, Elsie, and I am happy for you. Now, don't forget to take things slow. The world might look a little different now that you can see so much better.” Shaking a finger playfully, he warned, “Don't forget what I said about the headaches.”

“I won't.”

Dr. Palmer had explained that her body might need a couple of days to get used to the changes in her vision, and not to be afraid to take some pain reliever if the headaches got too painful.

He handed her a business card. “I'll give your parents a card, but I want you to always have my number, too.” He paused. “You did say you could walk down to your phone shanty, yes?”

She nodded.

“Then please listen closely. These are
your
eyes, and when it comes to that, you're the smartest person around. If your vision begins to blur, or your headaches get worse . . . or anything else happens out of the ordinary, call me.”

She folded her hand around his card. She didn't want to be without his phone number ever. So far, Dr. Palmer was the only person with whom she'd been able to discuss her poor eyesight with complete honesty.

“So, are you ready to go show your new glasses to your family?”

“I am.” She knew she looked anxious and overly eager, but she couldn't help it. Finally, she was going to be able to explain to them that she was just fine. Now she would be able to be a big help around the house, just like her brother and twin sister. She wouldn't be the sister who couldn't do anything anymore.

Dr. Palmer patted her shoulder. “Let's go show you off, then.”

She chuckled as she followed him out of the examining room, down the hall, past the nurses and the lab. Finally, he opened a door and waved her forward.

She walked out to the waiting room, sure she was flashing the biggest smile of her life.

But instead of looking happy, her mother burst into tears. “Oh Elsie, look at you!”

Startled, she turned to her father for an explanation. But Daed wasn't looking her way, he was comforting her
mamm
. And Roman was staring like he'd never seen her before. Even her grandparents looked sad, like they were on their way to a funeral.

Little by little, her confidence drained away. Things weren't better.

She felt Dr. Palmer tense beside her.

“Doktah?” she whispered. “They're not happy.”

“It's okay, Elsie,” he whispered right back. “They just don't understand. But they will. No matter what happens, you are going to be just fine, I promise you that. Give them a chance to come around.”

Taking his words to heart, she walked to her twin's side. “Viola, what do you think of my new glasses?” she asked, doing her best to keep her voice bright. “Do ya like them? I couldn't decide between gold rims and these brown ones.”

Viola bit her lip, then nodded. “You look fine.”

Elsie lifted her chin up. “Vi, I can
see
now. I can see everything.”

But Viola didn't seem to understand what a happy day this was. She grabbed Elsie's hand. “Elsie, I'm so sorry. I feel terrible,” she muttered as tears filled her eyes. “I don't know why you had to be the one to go blind and not me.”

When Dr. Palmer left, leaving her alone with her family, she looked around the room. Their expressions were sad, dismayed, and dismal.

She knew, because she could see each one of them almost perfectly.

And now, for the first time in her life, she wished she had already gone blind. It was becoming very clear that sometimes, it was far better to be left in the dark.

There were three machines attached to her mother. Each one made a different noise, and in the silence of the intensive care room, they clattered and wheezed and rang in a type of discordant melody.

Elsie was almost used to it now.

Six days earlier, her mother had collapsed when she'd gone to pick up her father from the bus station. When her father had seen how ill she was, he quickly hired an
Englischer
to take them to Union Hospital in Dover. The doctors at the hospital discovered she had a severe case of pneumonia, a terribly high fever, and several other complications.

Well, that was what Elsie had heard.

Now, her mother seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness with sluggish ease, much to the physicians' dismay. It seemed most people responded to the medication and were better after a day or so. That wasn't the case of Marie Keim, however. No matter how much any of them begged or prayed, she didn't seem in any hurry to return to them. Even when she opened her eyes, she rarely seemed aware of her surroundings. So they'd all had to make do with holding her hand and hoping for a miracle.

Elsie was okay with doing that, though she'd privately given up on waiting for miracles years ago. Now that she was twenty-two, she had quite a bit of experience with the Lord's will. If He wanted something to happen, no amount of prayer or wishing could change His plans.

“Ach, Mamm,” she said. “When are you going to get better? We need your help at home. Things are a real mess, and they don't look to get straightened out anytime soon.”

Though she didn't really expect an answer, Elsie stared at her mother, hoping against hope that she would suddenly open her eyes and tell her what to do.

But, of course, the only sound she heard was the steady beeping of the machines.

“How's she doing today, Elsie?” Dr. Bolin said from the doorway. He was a pulmonary specialist, and he headed up the team of doctors who checked on her mother. Dr. Bolin's hospital rounds always seemed to coincide with Elsie's visits.

She was glad of that. She liked the man, who was about her parents' age and from Alabama. He had a chatty, kind way about him, and she trusted him. Far more than the rest of the family seemed to.

Perhaps it was because she was used to doctors poking at her head and staring into her eyes, or asking her to lie down in fancy MRI machines.

Looking back at her mother, Elsie said, “I'm afraid things seem about the same, Doktah Bolin. Every once in a while, she opens her eyes, but closes them fast again.” She pointed to the little computer that all the doctors and nurses used now. “What do you think?”

Pulling up a metal chair, he sat down next to her. “I'm sorry, Elsie. I thought she would have recovered by now.”

“Me, too,” she said softly. “Mamm is always
gut
. She's the one who takes care of the rest of us. It feels strange to go home and not see her bustling around the kitchen.”

“I bet.” He stared solemnly at the machines, paying close attention to one of the screens that showed little lines rising and falling. “How are you doing?”

“Me? I'm fine.”

“Your sister told me that you've been in the hospital before for tests.”

“Only for my eyes. And usually, I go over to Sugarbush Eye and Laser Centre, in Ashland.” Lifting her chin, she peered at him through thick lenses. “I've got a bad case of keratoconus. Slowly but surely, I'm losing my vision.”

As she heard her voice, sounding so prickly and combative, she inwardly winced. She'd always had a chip on her shoulder about her disease, ever since she'd gotten glasses and felt she was cured, only to see that her family saw it as the greatest failure of all.

But instead of being taken aback, she was almost sure she saw the doctor's lips curve upward. “Your sister also told me that you had more spunk than your demure nature suggested.”

“Don't tell anyone, but that might be true,” she said with a smile.

He chuckled. “Well, if you need something, be sure and let me know, Elsie. Either for your mother, or for your eyes. I happen to know a couple of good specialists.”

“
Danke
, but I have Dr. Palmer. The Sugarbush Centre is part of the Cleveland Clinic, you know.” Inwardly, she winced. She sounded full of herself.

“You are in good hands, then. Even I have heard of Dr. Palmer. He has a formidable reputation.” Standing up, he patted her shoulder. “I'll be back this evening, Elsie.” Playfully, he wagged a finger at her. “But you had better not be here.”

She smiled. “I won't. My time is almost up. There's so many of us, we have to take turns visiting.”

When he left, Elsie leaned back again and watched her mother sleep. She hoped that before long, Mamm would soon be wide awake and bossing them all around.

Closing her eyes, she prayed that would be the case. And as the machines beeped and rang around her, she gave herself over to their mechanical rhythm and prayed some more.

“Elsie?” her father said from the doorway. “The driver has arrived. Viola's going to take her turn now, so we need to head on home.”

“All right.” After kissing her mother's paperlike cheek, she followed her
daed
out to the waiting room, pausing only briefly to glance her twin's way.

Then, they walked outside into the bright sunlight, where the van was waiting.

The sudden change in light stung her eyes something awful. If she'd been alone, she would have stopped and pressed her palms to her eyes in a puny effort to shield her vision.

But her father was there, and he already had so many worries, she was afraid if she added one more burden, he might not be able to handle it. So she squinted and walked across the small covered portico.

Pretended she felt no pain.

And tried not to show how upset she was that the light of day was making her long for the dark of night. It didn't seem fair that she was yearning for the darkness when soon that would be all she had.

It was going to be time to call Dr. Palmer again. He'd warned her of this . . . that one day things were going to get bad enough that they'd have to talk seriously about her future.

Of course, she hadn't counted on that day being so soon.

But she wasn't going to call, not quite yet. Once she knew the truth there would be no going back.

Instead, she decided to let her mind drift to Roman's new friend Landon. So far, she'd seen him almost every day this week. And though they hadn't talked much, she'd felt his eyes rest on her a time or two.

Just as she'd found herself gazing his way when she was sure he wasn't looking.

A
s their van sped east along on the interstate, Peter Keim glanced at his daughter, saw she was staring straight ahead with a pained expression, and considered again how to best phrase his question.

Questioning Elsie always took a bit of forethought.

“You've been awful quiet this afternoon. Is anything the matter? I mean, besides the obvious.”

With a turn of her head, she looked at him, just as if she'd suddenly realized he was sitting by her side. “Nothing is wrong.” She winced. “I mean, I was just thinking about someone. I mean something.”

“What? Who?”

“Nothing. I'm fine, Daed.”

He'd noticed the look of pain on her face. “Are you sure? Are you more worried than usual about Mamm? Or are your eyes bothering you? It seemed like you were wincing a bit when we stepped outside.”

“I am fine, Daed. Please don't worry.”

Did she sound more tense than usual? More on edge?

Perhaps, like Viola, she was blaming him for their mother's collapse. After all, Marie wouldn't have ended up in the hospital if he'd been home. He would have made sure she would have gone to the doctor the moment her cough got bad.

The very fact that he'd even been away was his doing, too. He was the one who had an alcohol problem. It had gotten so bad that he'd been forced to go to a treatment program near Columbus to combat it.

Once he'd gotten there, his optimism had faltered just about the moment the depth of his addiction hit home. Because of the insular nature of the program, he hadn't been allowed to call home much, and when he had, Marie's voice had sounded flustered and rushed. He'd felt so guilty about leaving her that those feelings had overridden any feelings of satisfaction he'd been experiencing about his recovery.

Now, he was the one who was trying to hold everyone together while Marie was the one in need.

He soon realized that his absence had created a terrible crack in their family's foundation. It was going to take patience and effort to put things to right. But, just as his counselor had said time and again, all he had to do was take small steps. Even small steps counted as moving forward.

He cleared his throat, determined to try again. “You know, we've still got almost another hour of sitting in the van. Then, when we get home, we're liable to be surrounded by the family. We ought to use this time to chat, just the two of us.”

“You want to chat? Now?” Her voice seemed a little clipped. A little un-Elsie-like.

He was embarrassed. The counselor had warned him that his new resolve to talk about things instead of bury them was going to be new for his family.

“Are you upset with me?” Of course, the moment he asked that, he wished he could take the question back. Elsie had to be upset with him. He'd betrayed the family's trust by secretly drinking for months. When he'd been unable to stop on his own, he'd left them at the worst possible time.

Small steps
. “Elsie, if you are upset, I understand,” he said, his words sounding foreign even to his ears. “We can talk about that, if you'd like.”

Her mouth tightened. “
Nee
. Don't worry.”

“I can't help but worry about you, Elsie. It's a parent's job to worry, you know. And I still can do that just fine.”

But instead of making her smile like he'd intended, she blushed. Just as if he'd suddenly embarrassed her. “Daed, I am a grown woman. Why do you insist on talking to me as if I were a child?”

Shocked by her accusation, he floundered. “I . . . I was only attempting—”

“I never hear you speak like this to Viola or Roman. I don't need your extra concern.”

Stung, he ached to explain himself, to tell her how worried they all were about her eyesight. Perhaps God would soon give him the perfect words to say.

But now? There was nothing to do but sit back in silence and watch the countryside pass them by.