The Day to Remember (3 page)

“Is there anything you want me to do? Gloria and Steph are both back in California in two weeks for Thanksgiving. We can all drive to San Francisco on Friday and see you.

“You mean
Black
Friday,” I said with the wry laugh.

“Oh Emma, don’t think about it too much, or it’ll just eat
at you. Maybe he just wasn’t the right guy for you. My dad always said that the right guy will fight for you and your love at all costs and despite the obstacles.”

“I love your dad. He’s such a sweet man.” I thought about Jill’s father
and how he uprooted his life and moved from London to California for Jill’s mother after only a few months together. He had already known that she was the one and he had done everything in his power to make their relationship work. My heart ached at that thought—not just for myself and the relationship I didn’t have with Brandon, but also for my own mother and the father that never existed in our lives.

“Emma, you’ll meet the right guy for you
. I just know it.”

“Thanks, Jill,” I said
. “Thanks for listening to me. I’d love to see you girls next weekend if you’re all free.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll plan it out,” Jill said eagerly.

I couldn’t resist a giggle. “You and all your planning.”

“I know, right? Why am I an accountant? I should really be an event planner or something.” Jill giggled.

“Thanks for being here for me.”

“You know I’m always here for you. Just call me whenever you need
to talk.”

“Thanks. I think I’m going to watch some T.V. and do some things around the apartment.”

“Okay, don’t think too much about it. Love you.”

“Love you too. I’ll talk to you soon.”
I put my phone on silent and laid my head down on my pillow. I was emotionally drained from all that had happened today. I closed my eyes. They were swollen and my head throbbed with pain from all the crying. Thankfully, within minutes, I was drifting in and out of consciousness and quickly fell back into a deep, dreamless sleep.

That was Saturday, and it was Tuesday morning now.
I turned my head to look again at the alarm clock. It was 6:59 a.m. It would go off in less than a minute. I took in a deep, anxious breath and tried to let it out slowly as I felt my body sink deeper into my bed. I did not want to get up. I did not want to move, to think, to face the world.

The alarm started buzzing and I moaned. I
forced myself out of bed. I had to go to work today. I had called in sick yesterday because I was a mess and wasn’t ready to face anyone. But I knew I couldn’t afford to call in sick again today. First, I had just started working at Fisher & Morrison a few months ago and did not want to leave a bad impression. Plus, I was just reassigned to another project group last week, and my new group leader Josephine Kim had just given me a few projects on Friday that I haven’t had a chance to review yet. I could not lose this job over a guy. And if I was really honest with myself, I also didn’t want Brandon to think that he could affect me this way—that he could devastate me and potentially ruin my career. He didn’t deserve that power. He has already taken so much away from me, I wasn’t going to give him that.

***

By 8:15 a.m., I was outside my apartment building and walking towards the Financial District where Fisher & Morrison Consulting was located. It had rained heavily for most of Sunday and Monday—matching perfectly with my own emotional state. This morning, the air was cool and damp and thin rays of sunlight broke through the dense, grey clouds overhead. I turned towards my left where I could see the Golden Gate Bridge peeking through the fog and a faint rainbow arched over the bay. I laughed to myself at the bitter irony that crossed my mind. My relationship with Brandon was like this rainbow—though it was beautiful and magical, it was uncertain and elusive; there was nothing tangible about it. And as magically as it appeared, it could quickly disappear without warning. Chasing it would be a fool’s errand. Chasing after this happily-ever-after with Brandon was my fool’s errand.

My heart raced and anxiety
coursed through me as I walked out of the elevator and into the lobby of Fisher & Morrison Consulting. Part of me expected him to be standing on the other side of the elevator when it opened, waiting for me. But to my relief, he wasn’t there. In fact, I safely got to my desk without bumping into him.

“Hey Emma, are you feeling better?” said a girl with shoulder-length red hair sitting at the workstation next to mine.

“Oh, hi Katie. Yes, I’m feeling better.” I gave Katie a small, reassuring smile as guilt prickled inside at my lie. “Did I miss anything important yesterday?”

“Not much. Just the weekly Monday meeting with the other project groups,” came a voice behind me. I turned around and saw Steve, a tall, lanky guy with light brown hair who sat at the other end of my workstation. Katie and Steve were the two other associates in my new project group. While I liked Katie and Steve from the Friday happy hours, I realized I didn’t really know them. I also wasn’t sure how they felt about the fact that they lost George from their
project group when I was reassigned to this group and George was reassigned to Brandon’s project group.

“Oh yeah, y
our boyfriend did come by looking for you yesterday,” Steve said in a teasing voice.

My heart tightened as his words. “Oh.” I wasn’t sure how to respond, but I knew I wasn’t ready to explain to them why Brandon was no longer my boyfriend. For some reason, explaining to the people at work, who also knew Brandon, seemed to make the end of our short-lived relationship that much more real. I wasn’t ready to face that yet.
I gave Steve a small smile before turning to my work.

For the rest of the morning, I immersed myself into the two new projects Josephine put me on. I forced myself to be completely absorbed into work so that my thoughts would not drift to the only place it would undoubtedly go.

By 11:25 a.m., I was going through my second binder of financial statements for the Mandoni merger project when I felt my attention waver as I felt a nervousness prickle through me. I wasn’t sure why, but I looked up from my desk and looked around. I froze and felt my body stiffen as I saw Brandon looking at me as he approached my workstation. He looked gorgeous; his broad, toned shoulders defined his grey charcoal suit, his tanned, sharp facial features was softened by the deep-set dimples that never failed to make my heart flutter, and his naturally-tousled, dark-brown locks lightly bounced as he walked towards me.

“Emma, can we talk?” Brandon whispered as he
leaned over the partition of my workstation.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” I heard myself say. I felt my heart breaking all over again as I looked at him. I quickly looked away as I tried to think over the pain that pierced through me at the sight of him. I had told myself that I would be strong, that I would brush him off the minute I saw him again. Yet, now with him just inches away from me, I felt my resolution falter.

“Emma, you don’t get it—”

“
No,” I interrupted him, still unable to meet his eyes, “Brandon, we’re at work. Just don’t. I just can’t do this, especially not here.” I looked around. I was relieved that Katie and Steve seemed to be engrossed in their work.

“Emma, I just want to talk,” he said with a strained voice. The heaviness in his voice caused me to pause. I looked up at him and finally looked into his eyes for the first time since he broke my heart. He looked tired and full of pain, and for a brief moment, my heart ached at the idea that he was also hurting.

“I can’t—” I whispered, almost pleading.

“Emma,” he interrupted me, “she’s my ex.”

Brandon

I watched Emma’s expression change from pain to understanding and the tension in my body eased slightly. I needed her to believe me.

“Your ex?” she asked soft
ly as her brilliant, emerald eyes twinkled with moisture. God, she was so beautiful. I reached over and gently brushed away a tear that was rolling down her cheek. Her skin was warm and soft. I looked at her pink, supple lips and I desperately wanted to kiss her.

“Yes. I should have told you when I spoke to you on the phone, but I really had no idea why you were upset. Desiree didn’t tell me anything. It didn’t dawn on me until you ripped me a new one and called her my girlfriend.” I looked at her and smiled.

“I didn’t ripped you a new one,” she retorted and made a face, and I chuckled. I felt relieved that she was talking to me again.

“Wanna bet?”

“Wait, how could you have thought I would just run out randomly? What did you think I was upset about?”

I thought about it for a moment. I didn’t want to tell her what I really thought. I didn’t want to admit that I thought that Des
had told her something about our past, about our history—something I didn’t want Emma to know about. Des and I had a long and complicated past, but it was all in the past and I wanted my future with Emma in it. If she knew everything about Des and me, I wasn’t sure how she’d react. I didn’t want her to think less of me, and I definitely wasn’t about to risk losing her over it.

I looked at Emma and smiled. “I really didn’t know why you were upset. That’s why I kept stalking you with all my calls, texts, and the drop-by,” I teased, avoiding her question.

Emma gave a tiny smile and I knew she wasn’t quite convinced, but she kept quiet.
Thank God, I wasn’t ready for this conversation.
That was one of the endearing qualities that I loved about her. I knew she was insightful, but she knew when to ask a question and when not to push it. I wasn’t perfect, and one of my biggest pet peeves was being pushed to answer something I wasn’t ready to answer.

“So are we okay?”
I asked.

“I’m not sure, Brandon. I think I need time to process this,” she said softly.

“Oh.” I felt disappointment twist at my stomach and my muscles tensed. I wanted us to get over this awkwardness already. I wanted everything to go back to how it was before Des ruined everything. I looked at my watch. “Well, it’s 11:45 a.m. If you’re up for it, we can go grab lunch in 15 or even 45 minutes if that’s enough time for you. We can talk more about what happened and I’ll let you know why Desiree is in town.” She looked at me and I saw the spark of interest in her eyes. I smiled. I planned to tell her about Desiree; I planned to tell her everything she needed to know and nothing more.

***

The sky had cleared since this morning and the sun was shining overhead. A few white, puffy clouds floated lazily through the sky. The autumn air smelled fresh and crisp, soothing the tension I felt inside. A light wind blew past us as we walked down the pier, causing Emma’s long, blonde hair to dance gently with the breeze, brushing against her face like thin strands of gold thread. I looked over at her, and without thinking, I reached over and brushed a few strands of her hair behind her ear. It felt natural—like something I was born to do. Even in this moment where things were uncertain between us, I felt connected to her, almost like an invisible string that permanently connected our souls to one another. I was happier and more carefree when she was near. She felt like home.

S
he smiled up at me, and I felt my heart beat faster. I knew she was nervous, and I felt the same nerves too. I wanted our discussion to go well. I wanted her to look at me in that sweet, endearing way that only she could do. I wanted her to continue to fall in love with me. I wanted—no, I needed her innocent and unadulterated love. She gave herself to me like she’d never given to another man; I was her first. I wished I had been able to give her the same. But I couldn’t; I no longer had that to give because it was given to Desiree many years ago.

“What are you thinking?” Emma
looked at me, and there was a hint of worry in her eyes.

“Nothing. Not much.” I gave her one of my smiles
, hoping it would relax her. “I was just thinking that’s a nice spot for our lunch.” I gestured to an empty bench that faced the water overlooking the Bay Bridge. It had turned out to be a nice day out, so we had decided to get some sandwiches from a food truck and find a nice spot outside to talk.

“Sure,” she said as she smiled at me. I could never get tired of that smile.

“Emma, I don’t want things to be awkward between us,” I said as we sat down on the bench. I faced her and held her hand with mine. “I really care about you. I really hope you know that. You have no idea how miserable I’ve been since you ran out of my place Saturday morning.”

“So why didn’t you run after
me?” she asked quickly. She looked away from me, and it killed me that she was still hurt, that I was the one who caused that pain.

“I tried. I …”

She looked at me in confusion. “What do you mean you tried? How exactly did you do that?” There was an edge of bitterness in her voice, and it frightened me that she may not forgive me.

“I tried to go after you, but when I got down to the lobby, I saw you leaving in a cab.” Guilt filled me as I explained the half-truth.
I had gone looking for her that morning, but Des had first stopped me. She said that Emma would be fine and that she probably left because something had came up. I hadn’t believed her, but somehow Des convinced me to stay a few minutes longer to catch up with her. She complained that I hadn’t seen her in months and with our history, she deserved more from me. She was probably right. Des deserved more, and I have been filled with guilt knowing that I couldn’t give her what she wanted. When I finally got to the lobby 10 minutes later, I thought Emma was long gone. I was surprised to actually catch her getting into that cab.
Had she been waiting for me to chase after her? Was that her intention?