The Darwin Awards 4: Intelligent Design (29 page)

landmine

Lava Lamp (Darwin Award)

license, suspended

lighter, butane

Love Bites (Science Essay)

Love Struck (Darwin Award)

lubricant, dishwashing liquid

lubricant, oil on brakes

Maia Smith, Science Writer

Man Drowns in Kitchen Sink (Darwin Award)

mechanic, inept

Medieval Flambé (Personal Account)

methamphetamine

mid-life crisis

Mile-High Club Failure (Darwin Award)

Military Intelligence (Darwin Award)

military story

military, soldier

Mining for Elephants (Darwin Award)

motorcycle.
See
vehicle.

New Hog (Honorable Mention)

Niagara Falls

Nighttime Fun with Bullets (Honorable Mention)

nitroglycerine

Norm Sleep, Science Writer

nudist

Off-Road Driving (Darwin Award)

Oktoberfest

Oops, Did It Again (Honorable Mention)

Origin of the Novel Species Noodleous doubleous (Science Essay)

ovaries, toad, eating

Overheated Engine (Honorable Mention)

paint, body

paint, spray can

painters

Pancake Thief (Darwin Award)

paper towel dispenser

parachute, home made

Parrot Hunter (Honorable Mention)

penis

Picking the Winners (Introduction)

Picture Perfect Cop (Honorable Mention)

pilots

Plug Me In (Darwin Award)

Pocket M80 (Personal Account)

poison, thallium

police, outrunning

Power Over Plate Glass (Personal Account)

prank, gone wrong

raccoon hunting

rat poison

recliner, as deck chair

Renaissance Fair

rescue, by British lads

revenge, backfire

Right Over the Dam (Darwin Award),

river

Rocketing to Glory (Darwin Award)

roller coaster

running

Rutting Contest (Darwin Award)

safety helmet, limitation of

saliva

SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism),

seat belt, absence of

Second Time’s the Charm (Darwin Award)

Self-Demolition Derby (Darwin Award),

self-inflicted gunshot wound

Self-Protection (Honorable Mention),

Serbian Tsunami (Honorable Mention),

sex

sharks, feeding

Sharp Landing (Darwin Award)

sheep, bighorn

Shoot ’em Off (Darwin Award)

Shooting Blanks (Darwin Award)

shopping cart

Shortcut Cut Short (Personal Account)

Sizzling Scaffolding (Darwin Award)

Slaughterhouse Robbery (Darwin Award)

sleep deprivation, and poor judgment

sleep, beneath truck

Snake Man (Darwin Award)

snake

snowmobile.
See
vehicle.

Snowmoboater (Darwin Award)

Spy vs. Self (Darwin Award)

spy, amateur

spy, professional

Stephen Darksyde, Science Writer

Stepping Out (Darwin Award)

sterilization

stove

student

Stupid Car (Personal Account)

submarine, and firearms

Surprise Attack Surprise (Darwin Award)

Survival of the Fittest (Introduction)

teacher, inept

Terminal Creativity (Darwin Award)

termite control

testicle

Testosterone, Chickens, and Guns (Honorable Mention)

thallium

The Army’s a Blast (Darwin Award)

The Bigger the Better (Personal Account)

The Categories (Introduction)

The Man with the Iron Stomach (Personal Account)

The Nuisance of Seatbelts (Darwin Award)

The Rules (Introduction)

The Skinny on Fat (Science Essay)

theft

Tide Waits for No Man (Darwin Award)

Tight Wad (Personal Account)

toad

train.
See
vehicle.

Tree Hard, Head Empty (Darwin Award)

Tree vs. Man (Darwin Award)

tree

truck.
See
vehicle.

tsunami, collateral damage

Tunnel Vision (Darwin Award)

Ultimate Quest for Airtime (Darwin Award)

University

urination

vacuum repair

Vancouver Film Festival

vehicle

venom

Victoria Falls

Village Idiot (Personal Account)

Volunteer Fire Man (Personal Account)

vomit

Wades With Sharks (Honorable Mention)

Warm Snakes (Honorable Mention)

Watch Out for That Tree! (Darwin Award)

Watch Where You’re Going (Personal Account)

waterfall, Niagara Falls

welding

Welding Warning (Honorable Mention)

What I Can Still Do (Darwin Award)

wheelchair

White Russians (Honorable Mention)

Why There Are Darwin Awards (Introduction)

Wild Wheelchair Ride (Personal Account)

Workin’ at the Car Wash (Darwin Award)

“A do-it-yourself circumcision,”

“A dull blade is the most dangerous weapon,”

“A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do,”

“A pure neurotoxin—it gives you a buzz,”

“A victim of his own good deed,”

“All of a sudden, fire shot from his pocket,”

“Bill felt a sudden urge to see what it looked like from the inside,”

“Both the twigs and berries were burned,”

“C’mere, I’ve got something to show you,”

“Despite the howling winds, she climbed on the roof,”

“Firecrackers can’t hurt you!”

“He considered and rejected the long walk down,”

“He decided to use the wasted space in the engine bay,”

“He instructed everyone to step back, and lit the wick,”

“He knew it wasn’t a good idea from the start,”

“He raised his hairless eyebrows and said, ‘No more!’”

“He said it couldn’t explode. His friends disagreed,”

“He thought he could jump, roll, and stand,”

“He was a big fan of reality TV and high-risk stunts,”

“He was completely hysterical,”

“His curiosity piqued, he bent over for a closer look,”

“‘I can do it,’ he insisted,”

“I couldn’t see, I couldn’t hear, I couldn’t walk,”

“I hurt in places I didn’t know could hurt,”

“I want it closer in. Have another shot,”

“I want to be the jerk that flirts with death…”

“If only they had duct taped him to his wheelchair,”

“Ignoring Coast Guard warnings David…”

“It doesn’t happen every day,”

“It falls into a legal gray area,”

“It was a mid-age crisis,”

“It was an accident waiting to happen,”

“It was one of my most embarrassing moments,”

“Luckily it lodged in the motor area of the brain,”

“Maybe I used too much paper,”

“Mental note: use a shorter bungee cord next time,”

“One of the smartest guys I ever met,”

“Rules prohibit under-flights, over-jumps, and other aberrant behavior,”

“See what I can still do!”

“Sharp pointy things,”

“She laughed off police advice, and continued on…”

“Shoot ’em off before she gets here!”

“Speeding like a maniac, drinking like a fish,”

“The explosion shook the block,”

“There’s ordinary foolishness, and extraordinary foolishness,”

“They thought it would be all ha, ha and funny,”