The Darkest of Shadows (18 page)

“Do you want something else to drink?” Lawrence asked, as we left a particularly lovely couple. For the moment we were alone, or relatively so.

“It tastes like crap.” I leaned closer to whisper in his ear. I didn’t want anyone else to hear me criticize the party.

He laughed aloud at my words. “Lilly.” He shook his head in amusement. “Only you would think that five-hundred-pound champagne was crap.”

I shrugged. I call them like I see them. “It really is all about perceptions, isn’t it?” I commented.

“Totally. None of these people know who I really am, nor will they ever be my friends. But they will remember me, and that’s the point.”

I got really good at not saying much. I took my cue from Lawrence, who I noticed had a very clever way of speaking to people, but not really saying anything. Oh, to the people who talked to him, I’m sure they went away thinking what a great man he was and how friendly he had been, when in reality he kept everyone at an even distance.

“You’re very good at this.” I kept my comments for those rare moments when we weren’t surrounded by people.

“Practice and hard lessons,” he replied.

At the beginning of the evening, I was given a once-over by most of the people who came to speak with Lawrence, but I was relatively ignored after that. Introductions were made, but it wasn’t until one particular gentleman, who obviously knew Monterey Enterprises on a more personal level, congratulated me on my new job as Lawrence’s PA that I became more than just his date.

Word spreads very quickly at events like this and before too long most of the introductions at some point seemed to come back to seek confirmation that I was Lawrence’s PA, and then they wanted to know loads more about me.

It appears that having a contact close to Lawrence was a connection worth cultivating, and my inclusion in the conversations from then on was assured.

Most of the men in attendance were accompanied by extremely attractive women, and the majority of those were barely in the dresses that they wore. Compared to them, I was almost prudish—but then, I also wouldn’t have been caught dead in some of those outfits, so I wasn’t bothered.

“Ah, Monterey.” A middle-aged man greeted Lawrence toward the end of the long night. “Glad you could make it. It’s been an age since I last saw you.”

“Howard.” Lawrence greeted him with a touch of caution that I’m sure only I picked up on. “Vivienne.” He greeted the woman standing next to our latest guest, and I use the word “woman” loosely. I think “prostitute” would also have been a word that applied to her. She was wearing a dress that consisted of two strips of material—one wound around her breasts and the other around her hips, and believe me, they were far, far too small in both places. Add a pair of white thigh-high boots, and the image was ghastly.

I swallowed the startled laugh that nearly burst from my lips, and to hide my movement, Lawrence slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me against his side, turning my body away from Howard and the lovely Vivienne. I grinned stupidly over Lawrence’s shoulder and cleared my throat gently.

“Sorry,” I whispered in Lawrence’s ear, my body still pressed against his.

He glanced down at my amused face. “Happens,” he assured me, but he didn’t release his hold on me. Much to my own astonishment, I didn’t mind being where I was. His touch didn’t leave the cold feeling in the pit of my stomach that I was used to.

Thankfully, Lawrence managed to get rid of Howard and his partner fairly quickly after that. “I have to use the bathroom,” I told him.

“Probably a good idea,” he agreed, and watched me walk off through the crowd, a smile still flirting with the edges of my mouth.

Charlie met up with me as I reached the door and followed beside me as I walked down the corridor to the ladies’ room. I updated him on the cause of my amusement, without him having to ask. I was happy to relay the experience. Not that he found it anywhere near as amusing as I did. I guess you had to be there.

The ladies’ room was packed, more so than I would have expected. Surely there was more than one in this building, but typically for me, the only time that I was in need of its facilities, so apparently was everyone else. There were only four stalls, a line of three women in front of me, and about half a dozen more standing at the sinks, retouching their makeup. I waited in line, trying not to make eye contact with any of them, and honestly I had flashbacks to high school. The bitchiness that emanated from the group at the sink was truly horrific, and I thanked God that I couldn’t understand most of what they were saying. Italian was not my language of choice.

They obviously knew each other; being partners of some of the most powerful businessmen in Italy, they no doubt attended a lot of functions together. It was only the occasional word that I caught, and then only because some words were universal in any language. Profanities, I have found, often don’t need a translation.

It wasn’t until I caught Lawrence’s name that I focused my attention on them. I had no idea what they said, but the conversation was long and carried some interesting body gestures from one of the women. An attractive redhead was leaving none of us with any questions about what she wanted to do with Lawrence. They finally left, and I was immensely grateful that they didn’t know who I was.

Charlie was waiting just outside the door, and lo and behold, the group of women from the bathroom were standing in a huddled group just down the hall. I had a sinking feeling that they probably knew Charlie’s connection to Lawrence.

“Great,” I huffed in exasperation, as we left them whispering behind us. “Just super.”

“What?” Charlie asked, the first words he had spoken to me all night.

“Having you around does have some advantages, but in a room full of bitching women, it doesn’t help.”

Charlie shot a glance behind us at the group of women, and eventually understanding dawned. “There are always certain women who try to get close to him, women who love what he represents.”

“Yeah.” Very true.

“They want
what
he is, not
who
he is.”

What a strangely deep comment for Charlie. I didn’t want any man, so they could go their hardest for all I cared. I just hoped he didn’t decide to take any of them back to our hotel. That would be an uncomfortable situation.

It wasn’t really appropriate for Charlie to enter the main area where the party was being hosted. Security was restricted to the outer edges, so I had to find my way through the press of people and back to Lawrence by myself.

A few people stopped me as I passed, and we swapped pleasant comments about how I was enjoying the party, and had I seen much of the city yet? General conversational topics that inevitably concluded with the question of Lawrence and if I liked working for him. I sidestepped the conversation at that point and continued on through the room.

I assumed that Lawrence would be near where I had left him, which was over to the left of the main entrance doors, near the large French doors that let the coolness of the night air spread into the crowded room.

I realized, as I made my way through the throng, that I probably should have been more specific with Lawrence about where to meet up. He wasn’t where I left him, and after a quick glance around, I couldn’t spot him in the general vicinity.

LAWRENCE: Behind you

The double doors of the balcony were behind me, so I turned and slipped quietly out into the night.

“Are you hiding?” I asked him, as I walked over to the balustrade where he leaned, looking out over the city. There were only two other couples out there with him, and they were giving us a wide berth.

“Yep,” he replied with a grin.

I laughed. “At least you didn’t have to brave the ladies’ room. Believe me, that would have had you running scared.”

“That bad?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

I shook my head. “Worse. The society brides are a strange breed,” I commented vaguely.

“That they are,” he agreed, then added, “Can you imagine how irritating it gets after a while? That’s why I went looking for you. To have those things hanging off me every night was slowly turning me off women. And believe me, that’s a very difficult thing to do.”

He made me laugh again, his own eyes sparkling with the reflection off the ballroom behind me.

“I’m glad you’re here with me.” He reached out a hand and pulled me toward him. “I like being with you, Lillianna.”

I let our bodies touch, just barely, and looked up into his eyes. “I’m not a society bride, Lawrence,” I reminded him.

“I wouldn’t want you to be.” His eyes darkened to an almost black.

He really was growing on me, and there was an attraction. God, any woman would be lying if she said she didn’t think he was gorgeous. The power he carried with him only added to his appeal. Yes, I liked what he looked like, and I was beginning to like who he was. But I wasn’t about to jeopardize my sanity with anything more.

“We can’t have that,” I told him quietly, but I didn’t pull away.

“Which bit can’t we have?”

“Whatever bit you’re looking for. The sex, the relationship. I can’t offer you anything more than I’m giving you now.”

“You like being with me?”

I wasn’t going to lie to him. “I do. I like what we do, and I like how we interact. I like that you trust me and that you listen to what I have to say. But I’m afraid that if we take it any further, you will be disappointed in what I can offer you in return.”

“You could never disappoint me, Lilly.” His hand moved in slow circles over my back.

“I could, and I will if I have to,” I assured him. “I’m not looking for a relationship. I can’t give you my heart, and that’s what you would be asking for.”

He was silent, and I knew that I was right. Casual sex was well and good for some people, and I’m certain that in his past there had been a whole lot of that. But when he looked at me, he wanted more. And deep down, I finally accepted what was almost inconceivable for me to believe: that Lawrence Monterey wanted more than a physical relationship with me. That the reasons he had used for hiring me were only partly true. He used those as an excuse to get me close to him, close enough that he could build a relationship between us. And men like him…what they wanted, they got, regardless of the cost.

I hated to hurt him, and I worried that I might be jeopardizing my job, but he deserved to know from the outset what I was capable of.

He stayed silent for a long while. His eyes searched my face until eventually he stepped back a pace. “OK, Lilly.” I barely caught his words, they were spoken so softly. “I think it should be OK for us to leave now.” He placed his hand gently on my hip and led me back into the ballroom.

Even though he had committed to leaving, it still took us over half an hour to get to the front doors; and then, when it was obvious that we were continuing out, it took us another half hour to escape the horde of people who came to say good-bye.

Finally, with some help from Frost and Charlie, we found our way to the car and eventually back to the hotel.

.

Eight

Lawrence and I really did work well together. Our personalities complemented each other so well that I’m sure we both wondered how he had managed before I came along. I know his MDs were especially thankful that he had chosen to employ me.

Communication was crucial, and Lawrence and I had that down pat early on in the piece. He told me everything, and I passed on the relevant parts to the people who needed to know. His Managers could always get in touch with me, and then I could either make the decision myself or else get the message through to Lawrence and back to them the same day. Things ran much more smoothly when someone was around who could always get Lawrence to listen.

One month passed unbelievably quickly, and before I knew it, nearly eight weeks had passed. Lawrence didn’t say anything when the first month passed—almost like he didn’t want to remind me that I had given a promise to only stay a month, and maybe if he didn’t mention it, then I wouldn’t think about leaving. But honestly, even if he had mentioned it, I would have told him that I was happy to stay. It was the most challenging and complex role I had ever undertaken, and I loved every minute of it— even the long evenings, the dinner meetings, the client functions, the staff functions, and charity events. All of them became part and parcel of the job, and after I lost count of the number I attended, I stopped worrying and started enjoying them.