The Dark Days of Hamburger Halpin (21 page)
Read The Dark Days of Hamburger Halpin Online
Authors: Josh Berk
Oh, and I’m going to get really skinny and buff. All slim like a swimsuit model. Ha-ha, totally kidding. I’m just like my dad and grandfather and great-granduncle Dummy Halpin. Some people simply like to eat. Get over it, world.
But before I do all this, there is one more thing I have to do.
Of course, Devon is logged on.
HamburgerHalpin: howdy frank
Smiley_Man3000: Just thinking about ya, Chet! It’s been crazy, huh? I can’t believe that everything turned out exactly like a Hardy Boys book.
HamburgerHalpin: except for the part where the quarterback had a sex liaison with one of his educationalists
Smiley_Man3000: Oh yeah.
HamburgerHalpin: and then the prom queen got knocked up and pushed him down a coal shaft
Smiley_Man3000: Well there is that, but …
HamburgerHalpin: and then the police arrested frank
Smiley_Man3000: But he was cleared in the end!
HamburgerHalpin: thnx 2 me
Smiley_Man3000: I have already thanked you a million times. The Hardys never had such a need for praise. They just solved the case because it was the right thing to do.
HamburgerHalpin: again–i knew there was a reason i always hated those guys
Smiley_Man3000: Well, since I need to butter you up, I will thank you again.
HamburgerHalpin: why do u need to butter me up? fat joke?
Smiley_Man3000: Quick question–what would you say if I told you I have taken a fancy to a certain ex-girlfriend of yours??
HamburgerHalpin: i would say who the hell says taken a fancy?
Smiley_Man3000: What would you say after that? If I said I wanted to ask Ebony out?
HamburgerHalpin: i would say u don’t have to ask me. do whatever you want
Smiley_Man3000: Great! I hope it won’t be awkward if we all go out sometime.
HamburgerHalpin: double date! me and melody
Smiley_Man3000: You dog! You asked out that translator?
HamburgerHalpin: not yet but i will
Smiley_Man3000: Think she’ll say yes?
HamburgerHalpin: dude she has 2. i’m famous
Smiley_Man3000: Will Halbin is famous.
HamburgerHalpin: u saw that? haha
Smiley_Man3000: Where should we go?
HamburgerHalpin: 2 my party
Smiley_Man3000: You’re having a party!?
HamburgerHalpin: hell yes–pat’s dad gave me a serious chunk of change. i told him i’d rather he make a donation
Smiley_Man3000: A statue of yourself to be placed at CHS?
HamburgerHalpin: a few improvements to the school–a captioning system maybe or an interpreter on staff
Smiley_Man3000: Very charitable of you!
HamburgerHalpin: but i’m spending some of it on dumb stuff too
Smiley_Man3000: ?
HamburgerHalpin: well they already rented that huge place for a party … i figured it’d be a shame to let it go to waste.
Smiley_Man3000: 52 invitations?
HamburgerHalpin: why stop there? i’m inviting kids from my old school and a few lucky CHSers
Smiley_Man3000: Whoa!
HamburgerHalpin: still only about 8 at the head table though
Smiley_Man3000: Nice!
HamburgerHalpin: what are you so excited about?
Smiley_Man3000: I just assumed–
HamburgerHalpin: haha. dude of course you’re at the head table. it’ll be me and melody and you and
ebony and maybe a couple of other cretins. with all the deaf people there we don’t have to pay for a dj–save money on music and have more cash for food
Smiley_Man3000: Oh, Chet. Still a hungry man.
HamburgerHalpin: and i think i know just what the centerpiece should be
Smiley_Man3000: What’s that?
HamburgerHalpin: the deaf child area sign i stole–i’m gonna jam it right into the center of the head table
Smiley_Man3000: It was you who stole that sign? I knew it! I just didn’t want to say anything.
HamburgerHalpin: u r a true gentleman
Smiley_Man3000: And a hell of a detective. Don’t you forget it.
HamburgerHalpin: no way i will my good man
A million thanks to my wife, Kelly, for enduring endless early drafts and never being afraid to tell me which parts were totally lame. This book, like my life, is so much improved for having you in it that it is literally impossible to imagine either existing without you.
Thanks to Ted Malawer for being not only my agent but also a collaborator, a friend, an early reader, and a pro bono psychologist.
Thanks to my editor, Cecile Goyette, for your fantastic, ummm … what’s the word? Oh yeah:
editing
. (Cecile did not edit this page.) Your humor and wit and style have helped this book tremendously! Will and I feel so lucky to have found you.
Thanks to the copy editors, book designers, and all the fine people at Knopf who worked on the book!
Merci beaucoup à mes amis en France:
Philippe Petit-Roulet for the awesome cover art and Manning Krull for making
joshberkbooks.com
way cooler than its subject deserves.
Thanks to David Galitz, and Cindy from the Beethoven’s Ears blog, as well as the deaf writers and bloggers who helped me understand my subject better without even knowing it.
thnx 2 alison nadraws 4 hlp w txting lingo!
And thanks to my writer friends Cyn Balog, Kurtis Scaletta, and all the Tenners for the support, advice, and endless shenanigans!
THIS IS A BORZOI BOOK PUBLISHED BY ALFRED A. KNOPF
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2010 by Josh Berk
All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Alfred A. Knopf, an imprint of Random House Children’s Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
Knopf, Borzoi Books, and the colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Berk, Josh.
The dark days of Hamburger Halpin / by Josh Berk. — 1st ed.
p. cm.
Summary: When Will Halpin transfers from his all-deaf school into a mainstream Pennsylvania high school, he faces discrimination and bullying, but still manages to solve a mystery surrounding the death of a popular football player in his class.
eISBN: 978-0-375-89551-7
[1. Deaf—Fiction. 2. People with disabilities—Fiction. 3. High schools—Fiction.
4. Schools—Fiction. 5. Bullies—Fiction. 6. Murder—Fiction. 7. Mystery and detective stories.]
I. Title.
PZ7.B442295Dar 2010
[Fic]—dc22
2009003118
Random House Children’s Books supports the First Amendment and celebrates the right to read.
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