The Dance (55 page)

“Bryson, do you want to go?”

Looking up at Will, I said, “Do I have a choice?”

“I’ll call Dr. Rudolph and see if we can come now.”

Will walked away punching in the number on his cellphone.

My gaze dropped to my phone still sitting where I’d placed it earlier. I tapped the screen and it came to life with the text from Hart.

Hart:
FYI-I’m taking you on a date tonight. Meet me at the Charleston Crab House at 6pm? Followed by a meeting in my lap at 9pm. I love you.

The words got blurry the longer I stared. I had to at least answer him before I went to Will’s doctor. There was no way I could call Hart. He’d know immediately something was wrong by the sound of my voice.

Me:
I’d love to meet at 6 then in your lap. I love you and miss you like crazy.

His response was immediate.

Hart:
;-)

A weak smile drifted over my lips at his use of an emoji. Hart was so not an emoji kind of guy. He was barely a texting guy. Even at a low moment like this with a simple smiley wink face from him, Hart was able to brighten my life. Since my emotions weren’t stable enough to talk to him live, maybe hearing his soothing rasp on an old voicemail would give me comfort and strength to walk out the door and deal with the unknown. With my finger hovering over the button, I was just about to press Play when the echo of Will’s deep cough interrupted.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were on the phone,” he said, coming into the kitchen.

“I’m not.”

“Dr. Rudolph can see us in a half hour.”

I nodded. “This test . . . what’s involved?”

“It’s just a simple blood test . . . ready?”

Staring up at Will, I wondered how we’d gotten to this place as my mind drifted back to the first time the football hero asked the quirky girl out.

“Bryson, are you gonna be at the football game tonight?”

With one shoulder pressed against my locker, his chocolate brown eyes gazed down at me. I was in shock that Will Forsyth not only knew my name but was standing right in front of me in the flesh, curious about my Friday night whereabouts.

My stomach felt like it was full of fizzy bubbles. “I don’t know. Sophie doesn’t like sports and I’m not interested in sitting through an entire game by myself.”

“If I convince her to go, would you go? Cause I’d really like you to go to the game.”

“Why do you want me there so badly?”

He glanced away for a brief moment as his cheeks pinked up. “Cause you’re cute. I like you. And I want to show off in front of you so you’ll go to the homecoming dance with me.”

With my gaze down, I fidgeted with the corner of my Algebra book. “I’d go to the dance with you, game or no game.”

The corners of his lips tugged into a sweet smile. “Are you saying I got no game?”

I giggled at his joke even though I didn’t get it.

Pushing off from the locker, he took a step toward me. “I’ll see you at the game tonight.”

Being this close to him made everything blurry. “That is if you convince Sophie.”

Will dipped his head and leaned in closer. “I’ll see you at the game tonight.”

My heart ached at the lost innocence, the lost years, and the lost dream.

Closing my eyes, I inhaled one final deep breath before sliding off of the stool onto wobbly legs.

“I’ll get your jacket.” Will offered.

While waiting for him to return, I attempted to strengthen my legs and my resolve. I had to deal with things one step at a time. If I thought of everything at once my brain would flood and my insides would implode. I’d get through the blood test and the appointment. Then I’d figure out how to tell Hart and pray he wouldn’t hate me for exposing him to this mess. He’d already had a lifetime’s worth of pain. And if I had to walk away in order for him to be happy, then I would walk away.

Will came toward me holding my jacket out for me to slip my arms in. Instead of putting my cellphone in my purse, I kept it clutched in my hand. Hart wasn’t able to be with me but his words of love and encouragement were all over my text messages and voicemails. As I approached the front door, I took in a deep breath and tightened my grip, using the phone like a security blanket. Will opened the door and a rush of cold air slapped me in the face.

One Mississippi.

Two Mississippi.

Three Mississippi.

And I stepped out of the door.

The ride to the doctor’s office was for the most part done in silence. Will tried to strike up casual conversation a few times in order to get my mind on anything else other than the pink elephant in the room.

Numbness was setting in as I stared at the beautiful historic homes, palmetto trees, and tourist whiz by. My breath stuck in my throat as I realized we were about to pass the rehab center. Shifting my gaze, I focused straight ahead so there was no chance of me spotting Hart’s car in the parking lot. As memories of my days roaming the halls flashed through my mind something occurred to me.

Looking over at Will, I said, “Why didn’t they find out you had the virus after the accident? I mean, with all the blood work they ran on you in the hospital and at the rehab it seems like it would have shown up.”

“HIV testing isn’t part of a complete blood count. The patient has to request the test.”

“You’d been with those other women by then and you didn’t ask for the test?”

“Ignorance is bliss, I guess,” Will said, sheepishly.

“Maybe you slept with whoever infected you after we’d been together that last time.”

“Not possible.”

“How can you be sure? I mean, wouldn’t you have gotten sick soon after being infected? Correct me if I’m wrong but you started screwing around shortly before the accident, that would be last spring or summer.”

Will tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “You can carry the virus for a while before symptoms show. Besides, I’m positive it was before the accident. I haven’t been with anyone physically since then.”

In other words he was still cyber fucking. Not wanting to pull at that thread, I turned my head and resumed staring out the window.

When Will mentioned his doctor was a specialist, my imagination conjured up all sorts of images of a doom-and-gloom office with half-dead patients lining the corridors. Ridiculous and illogical, yes, but my mind wasn’t exactly working at full capacity.

The building looked like the typical medical facility. The handful of people waiting looked up as Will and I entered the room. An older lady in the corner gave me a warm smile when we made eye contact.

As Will checked us in, I inconspicuously scanned the room. It was hard to believe that the people here had AIDS or HIV. They all looked so normal. The lady with the warm smile looked as if she could be someone’s grandmother. Once check-in was done, Will and I found two empty seats tucked in a corner and headed their way.

Will shrugged out of his coat, placing it in the chair beside him. Still gripping my cellphone, I draped my jacket over my arm and hugged it to my chest. As we waited, Will mindlessly flipped through the pages of a magazine. Shifting in my chair, I crossed and uncrossed my legs multiple times, never finding a comfortable position. Finally, I gave up and landed both feet flat on the ground. My gaze darted all around the room as I coiled and uncoiled the strap of my purse around my finger. Every little sound caused my body to jerk.

Leaning toward me, Will asked, “You hanging in there?”

“As well as can be expected.” Leaning closer to him, I whispered, “Are you sure we’re in the right place? None of these people look sick.”

“They may be here with a patient or have HIV. People live healthy and normal lives with the virus, Bryson. When it turns into AIDS is when you’re fucked.”

I stared into his dark brown eyes flooded with awareness. Will knew the expiration date on his life wasn’t something in the far away distance. It was no longer a concept to wax poetic about. It was a hardcore firm reality that kept getting closer with each passing day. With everything I’d been trying to process in the last few hours, the fact that Will was dying never really sunk in. I opened my mouth to speak just as Will’s name was called.

A pretty blonde dressed in solid blue scrubs stood in the doorway that led to the exam rooms. “Will, you can come back now.”

Will stood first, taking his coat in one hand and extending the other to me. I stared at his outstretched hand for a few seconds before taking the offer. It was like an out of body experience as we let the nurse guide us to exam Room D. I was fully aware of my body moving and where I was. But this wasn’t my life, it just couldn’t be.

“Jennie, this is my . . . this is Bryson.”

“Nice to meet you, Bryson.” I gave her a weak smile in response.

Indicating the two chairs up against the wall, Jennie said, “Y’all can take a seat there.” Sitting on the round stool with wheels, she rolled over to the desk. “Will, how have you been feeling since your last visit?”

“Not too bad. I think the cough might be a little better. My energy has been low and I’m cold all the time.”

I was shocked to hear Will reported his explosive cough was getting better.

She gave him a sympathetic smile and typed something into the computer. “Dr. Rudolph will be in to see you in a few minutes. Is there anything I can get either of you?”

There was a friendly familiarity between Will and Jennie letting me know he’d been a frequent visitor since his diagnosis. The realization caused a lump to form in my throat.

Glancing at me, Will asked, “You want anything, coffee or tea?”

I looked at Jennie and shook my head. “I’m good, thank you.”

After one more sympathetic smile she left the room.

“I thought your cough was due to a cold,” I said.

“I have spots on my lungs.” He tugged the neck of his sweater down, revealing the reddish purple spot. “Same type cancer as this.”

Looking away, my eyes filled with tears. I swiped my fingers under my eyes, catching the tears before they fell. Suddenly, the door swung open. A tall, round, balding man in a white coat and wire rim glasses whooshed in like a tornado.

Shoving his hand out, he said, “Will, how ya doing, man?”

Will slapped his palm into the doctor’s and shook. “About the same.”

“Same is good. Better is better. But we’ll take same.”

“Dr. Rudolph this is Bryson.”

It was my turn to have a hand thrust in my face. “Nice to meet you, young lady. Wish it were at a cocktail party and not here, though.”

The amount of energy radiating off this guy was somewhat overwhelming. Words fired out of him at lightning speed. So much so that my brain was constantly playing catch whenever he opened his mouth.

“Me too,” I said.

Dr. Rudolph took the seat in front of the computer.

His gaze swung from the screen to me. “I’m not sure how much you know about HIV and AIDS.”

“I know the basics, I guess.”

“I’m a first-things-first kind of guy. I can give you a bunch of reading material. Hell, you can google the information now. But no sense in getting you all nervous and scared . . .”

Too late, doc.

“. . . Until we know for a fact that you’re infected. Now, if your blood work comes back positive, you need to realize that it’s not a death sentence like it used to be. Sure there are lifestyle changes you’ll have to make, precautions, but I repeat, an HIV diagnosis is not a death sentence.” He looked me directly in the eye. “Do you understand me, young lady?”

“Yes, sir.”

I understood him but the jury was still out on whether or not I believed him.

“I’m going to get Jennie to come draw some blood. We can do a rapid test here in the office that only takes a few minutes to get the results.”

This shocked me. I thought I’d be in hell for days or even weeks waiting for the results. Knowing I’d have the answer before I left this office gave me a sense of relief but also terrified me.

The doctor bolted up from his seat. “Okay, let’s get this show on the road. Jennie will be right in and I’ll see you once I have news.”

All three of us exchanged courteous smiles before Dr. Rudolph left the room.

Will and I didn’t have a chance to say anything before Jennie reappeared. She meticulously lined up the items needed for the blood draw.

“Bryson, would you roll up your sleeve, please?” Jenni said, as she pulled on a pair of purple latex gloves. “There’s a big juicy vein.”

I knew she was trying to lighten the mood, hoping her little joke would make me less nervous. It didn’t. As the needle pierced my skin, I dug my nails into Will’s arm. He took it like a man, not wincing or pulling away.

“There, all done.”

I looked over at Jennie as she filled one of the tubes with my dark red blood. Her bright blond hair blurred and the room swayed.

Blink.

Blink.

Blink.

After the third blink, I opened my eyes and the room and Jennie’s hair were back to normal.