Read The Cult of Osiris Online
Authors: Andy McDermott
Tilting back, Nina drew a rectangle on the page above her. All right, now what?'
He went to the room's empty end. 'Say this is the north walk Write
north on
your map - but keep it held upside down.'
She did so, on her drawing marking the wall he was facing with an N. 'If that's north, then obviously the opposite end's south,' he said. So write that too. Now,' he raised his right arm and pointed at the wall to that side, that means this wall's east, and the last one's west. Okay?'
Yeah, got that,' said Nina, adding the appropriate letters.
Eddie turned back to her with an expectant smile. He turned clockwise, pointing at each wall in turn. North, east, south, west - "Never Eat Shredded Wheat". Matches what you've just drawn, right?'
Yes, and can I look down now? My neck's starting to crick.'
Yeah, sure.' With relief, she brought down the notebook. Okay, this is the freaky part. Turn your map so that your north's pointing at the north walk' She did. Now, what's wrong with your picture?
Nina stared at her drawing, just a rectangle with a letter against each side, not sure what she was meant to be seeing . . . until it struck her like a slap to the forehead. Hey!' North was north, and south was south - but on her crude map, east and west had reversed positions from reality, east on the left of the page and west on the right. That's . . . that's just weird.'
Told you it was freaky,' said Eddie. 'Mac showed me that when I was doing navigation training. It's one of those things that's so obvious, you never even think about it until somebody points it out/
Macy looked at Nina's drawing. 'I don't get it.
He passed the notebook and pen to her. Go on, try it for yourself.
So how does that help us find the Pyramid of Osiris?' Nina asked as Macy bent backwards and started drawing.
To be honest, love? Not a fucking clue.' They both smiled. 'It just means that the zodiac they nicked isn't a straightforward map. Shaban and his lot might have a job figuring it out even with the whole thing to look at.'
Let's hope so.'
Macy lowered the notebook, looking between it and the walls with dawning comprehension. So east and west swap round when you look up or down . . . That is
so
wild/
Yeah, see?' Eddie said. 'Not such a boring old fart now, am I?'
I never said you were
boringl
' she objected.
He grunted, but any further comment was cut off as an officious man in a tweedy suit came to the doorway, speaking in rapid-fire, supercilious French.
Sorry, mate,' said Eddie, even though he and Nina were fluent enough to get the gist of what he was saying. English. Well, I am. They're American/
English and American. I see. I hope you are enjoying your visit to the Louvre,' the man said, manifestly not caring whether they were or not. But I am afraid I must ask you to leave this room. A VIP has requested to view the Dendera zodiac in private/
Oh, a VIP!' said Eddie with exaggerated brightness. Well, of course we'll shift out! Don't want a VIP to have to share the room with any
common
people, do we?'
Good God, no,' Nina added, adopting a haughty tone. 'We shall most certainly take our leave before we sully the nasal passages of our betters with our noxious emanations!' She linked arms with Eddie, and as one they pivoted to face the exit.
The museum official was unamused, even less so by Macy's fit of the giggles. I apologise for the inconvenience,' he said, mouth a narrow line, before addressing someone outside.
Still arm in arm, unable to contain their smiles, Nina and Eddie went into the main hall.
The smiles vanished instantly as they found themselves facing Sebak Shaban and Bobby Diamondback.
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129
'Ay up,' said Eddie, first to recover from the foursome's mutual shock. Fancy meeting you 'ere.'
Diamondback s hand whipped into his snakeskin jacket, but a sharp look from Shaban froze it.
'Right, smart move,' Nina said, trying to mask her nervousness. 'This isn't
The Da Vinci Code.
You can't just do, y'know,
sluffin
the middle of the Louvre - in broad daylight in front of witnesses, no less.'
The official looked dubiously back and forth between the two groups. Do you know each other?'
'We haven't been formally introduced,' Nina said with cold sarcasm. 'But yeah, we know each other. Mr Shaban, I believe. And your charming friend.'
'Bobby Diamondback/ drawled Shaban's companion. 'Sorry J missed y'all earlier. If you catch my drift.'
'Diamondback?' said Eddie mockingly. 'Bollocks! There's no way that's your real name.'
Diamondback s eyes creased into slits. 'I'm Cherokee Indian, asshole.
'What, one sixty-fourth? You're whiter than I am! And Puff Adder d suit you better.'
'Y'know,' said Diamondback, shaking his head, 'you oughta watch your mouth when you're talkin' to a Marine. It might get shut. Permanent, like/
'No proper Marine'd let their hair get into that state,' Eddie replied, unimpressed by either the American's threat or his greasy mullet. 'Dishonourable discharge, was it?'
'Eddie, honey,' said Nina through a strained grin, 'can you please stop provoking the man?'
'I know you, of course, Dr Wilde,' said Shaban. 'In fact, after your little stunt at the Sphinx, I think a good part of the world knows you.' The official blinked, recognising her. 'And Miss Sharif too,' the Egyptian added as Macy peered out of the antechamber. 'All of you here together. How convenient.'
'Why are we still here?' Macy asked Nina in a fearful whisper. Shaban's eyes narrowed intently. Why are you here, Dr Wilde?'
The same reason as you, I'm guessing.' Her gaze flicked down; under one arm, he carried a leather-bound folder that she imagined contained photos of the reassembled zodiac. A keen interest in ancient astrology.
His eyes tightened still further. 'Very keen.
I'm sure. But we really should be going. See you - well, not soon at all, I hope.
Tell you what,' said Diamondback, his hand once again edging into his jacket, 'how bout I show you the way out?'
Tell
you
what,' Eddie replied, doing the same and hoping Diamondback couldn't tell that he wasn't armed, 'how about you
don
r?'
It's all right, Bobby,' said Shaban, touching his arm. Stay with me. I'm sure we'll meet them again. Hopefully,' a small smile, genuine but nasty, in less formal surroundings.'
Can't wait,' said Eddie, still holding his hand near his non-existent gun. He and Nina backed away, Macy scurrying into cover behind them. Shaban and Diamondback stood like statues, watching as they reached a short flight of stairs leading down to the next room. 'Okay, leg it!'
They ran through the underground room - somewhat ironically, a display of items relating to Osiris - then clattered back up more stairs into a chamber full of mummies, attracting surprised looks from the other visitors. Eddie looked back. 'He's not following, but I bet he's already calling for a goon squad.' He flapped open the tourist map. 'Where's the nearest bloodv exit?'
They found the way out, emerging on the Place du Louvre to the museum's east. 'Christ, I really need to buy a new gun,' Eddie complained.
Nina, meanwhile, was more interested in a car parked in a restricted zone nearby - a large black Mercedes SUV with tinted windows. Think that's Shaban's car?
Maybe,' Eddie said as he led the two women across the street. 'Why? Want to key it?' No, but I was thinking we should follow it.'
We just got away from the guy, and now you want to meet him again?' Macy asked.
We can't find the Pyramid of Osiris without seeing the complete zodiac,' said Nina. And Shaban's got it.'
They took cover round a corner. Nina looked back. No sign of anyone coming after them. It might not even be his car,' Eddie pointed out.
Well, then we're screwed. But parking on the lines is kind of a VIPy thing to do, so let's wait and see.'
As it turned out, it
was
Shaban's car. About ten minutes later, the scar-faced Egyptian emerged from the Louvre. He and Diamondback entered the Mercedes.
You think he figured out how to find the pyramid?' Macy wondered.
Only one way to find out,' Nina said. The SUV pulled away. She hurried to the kerb and raised a hand. 'Taxi!
Bloody hell,' said Eddie, peering along the narrow street. 'Didn't realise this thing was big in France as well.'
Nina, Eddie and Macy had followed Shaban's SUV across Paris in a taxi - after first convincing its driver that their request to
Suivez cette voiture!'
wasn't
une blague.
The Mercedes pulled up outside a building bearing the logo of the Osirian Temple - which, like its counterpart in New York when Eddie had visited it with Grant Thorn, had a sizeable and excited crowd outside.
All these people are here just to see this guy Osir?' Macy asked in disbelief. I know he used to be a movie star, but come on!'
Nina told the taxi driver to pull over. 'Maybe you should make up your own religion too and see what happens/
Macy considered it. 'Could all my followers be, like, buff shirtless firefighters? Young ones, obviously.'
Y'know, I think that's a religion /W like to start.'
Oi,' Eddie growled.
They got out and watched as Shaban and Diamondback left their vehicle, green-blazered men clearing a path to the building's entrance. Once they were inside, Nina led the way to the fringe of the crowd.
So now what?' Eddie asked. 'Wait for them to come out again?
I don't know,' Nina admitted. I think we should stick close to them, though.' She regarded the crowd. 'And I have to admit, I'm kinda curious about this whole Osirian Temple thing -and why Osir's going to such lengths to find the Pyramid of Osiris. We should try to get inside.'
You do remember that thev know what we look like?'
So we'll sit at the back. There must be three hundred people here - if we keep our heads down, Shaban and his pal won't see us. And nobody else knows who we are.'
Er, Dr Wilde,' Macy pointed out, 'you were just on TV in front of millions of people. And vou were alreadv kinda famous before that.'
Nina looked at the nearby shops. 'Okay, maybe if we had disguises . .
These are crap disguises,' whispered Eddie as he and Nina found seats on the very back row of the Egyptian-styled hall, watched over by two large statues of Osiris flanking the entrance.
Well, I'm sorry that we weren't in Paris's fancy dress quarter,' Nina hissed back. All they had been able to find to hide their faces were baseball caps with
J aime Paris
written above the bill.
The buzz of excitement around them rose to a roar. The crowd stood and applauded as Khalid Osir strode on to the stage at the far end of the hall, basking in the adulation of his followers. Behind him, other senior members of the Osirian Temple lined up, Shaban and Diamondback among them. Eddie tugged his hat lower. 'Macy had the right idea staying outside . . .'
'Merci, merci,'
Osir said at last. '
BonJour
r
et bienvenuel Malheureusement, mon frangais est terrible,'
his deliberately stilted pronunciation raised a laugh from the crowd, so I will have to speak through an interpreter!' He nodded to a man on the stage, who stepped forward and repeated his words in French, to more laughter.
He gestured, and the audience sat. The others on the stage, with the exception of the interpreter, did the same. 'Thank you all for coming,' said Osir. 'May the light of the sun-god Ra bless you all!'
May the spirit of Osiris protect and strengthen you!' the crowd replied, some in English, others in French.
It is truly a great pleasure to see so many people here today. Our church gains strength with each new follower - and the world will be made a better place by the wisdom of Osiris!'
The audience kept cheering as he continued his oratory. Nina had to admit that while she thought his church' was utter nonsense, Osir himself was a magnetic performer - had he chosen to remain an actor, she didn't doubt that he could easily have made a big name for himself in Hollywood.
On the other hand, she thought, by having the Osirian Temple officially recognised as a religion, he had achieved something that even Hollywood's A-list could not - tax exemption. Maybe there was method to his madness after all.
We praise you, O Osiris!' cried Osir, raising his hands. The congregation startled Nina by unexpectedly also chanting Osiris!' Osiris, the lord of eternity, the judge of all souls, the great one who awaits us in the land of the dead beyond Abydos! O Osiris!
Osiris!' the crowd chanted again. This time, Nina and Eddie got the idea and half-heartedly joined in.
The gods of the sky sing your praises, and the gods of the Underworld bow down before you. You are the provider of the divine bread that will grant immortality to all your followers in this life and the next. You are the protector against the evil of Set, the destroyer. O Osiris!'
Osiris!'
Greatest of all men and all gods, show us the path to life everlasting! Guide us safely through the perils of the Underworld to your judgement! We praise you, O Osiris!
The crowd chanted the god's name, each repetition growing in volume and passion. On the stage, Osir's eyes were closed; whether or not he really believed in what he was saying Nina couldn't tell, but he had the look of a theatre actor receiving the greatest ovation of his life.
The same couldn't be said of his brother, though. Shaban's face was cold, tight, clenched with suppressed anger. Eddie had noticed too. What's his problem?'
Dunno,' Nina replied, but there's definitely a problem with that prayer.'
How come?'
It's like a simplified -
really
simplified - version of a real Egyptian prayer, dumbed down. And the mythology's wrong, too. Set wasn't a nice guy, but he wasn't the ancient Egyptian equivalent of Satan either.
Osir lowered his hands. The tumult died down. 'Who's Set?' Eddie asked.