The Crossroad (11 page)

Wanting something so much; why, it was gettin’ to be right unbearable. After all, when she’d willed herself to block out the images of the accident, refusing to see, her vision had begun to dim within just a short time. She just didn’t understand why the Lord would delay His perfect plan for her life now that she wanted to be whole. Why?

It was as she made her and Annie’s beds that the sharp shooting pain began. The needlelike sensations felt horrible, seeming to pierce her skull. The turmoil and horrendous ordeal of the past two years came flooding back with the pain. Oh, she never wanted to go through any of that ever again.

Cupping both hands around her head, she gasped, the agony nearly taking her breath away. “No … no, not this way, Lord. Please, not this way.”

When Susanna wandered upstairs to redd up, she heard what she thought was moaning coming from the far northwest corner bedroom—Rachel’s and Annie’s room. “
Was is letz?
—What’s wrong?” she mumbled, making her way down the hallway.

Standing at the door, she listened. Sure enough, it was Rachel, whimpering. She tapped on the door, anxious for a reply. “Are ya all right, Daughter?”

“Come in, Mam.”

She opened the door to find Rachel lying on the bed, fully dressed. “What’sa matter?”

Rachel’s hands were pressed to her temples, and she was writhing in pain. “It’s my head … I can’t stand this pain.”

“Well, forevermore,” she whispered. “Will an aspirin help, do ya think?”

“No … no, not pills.” She sighed. Dare she mention Blue Johnny just now?

“Not powwow doctors, either, Mam. Please don’t even think of it.”

Susanna shook her head in wonderment. There Rachel went again, saying her thoughts aloud, almost before she thought ’em. How she did it, Susanna did not know, but it was a sign of a true gift. That was for sure and for certain. “Do you want me to call a
medical
doctor, then?”

Rachel didn’t answer right away but continued rocking back and forth as if she were being tortured. At last, she said, “I wish you would call Esther … ask her and Levi to pray.”

“Clear out there to Ohio? Well, you must be crazy to ask such a thing. Do you have any idea how expensive that could be?”

“Cheaper than goin’ to a hospital doctor,” Rachel said, surprising Susanna at her spunk.

“Well, now, ain’t you nervy today … pain ’n all?”

“Mamma, please forgive me. I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

Susanna thought on that. “However you meant it don’t matter none. Truth is, I’m a-thinkin’ it’s long overdue for you to settle things with Blue Johnny. Once and for all.”

“But, Mam—”

“Nothin’ doing. You listen to me, Daughter. He’s got the power to heal—sight, too. What in all the world do you think you’re doin’ refusin’ him?” Susanna thought she might burst apart if she stayed in the room another second. So she bolted, leaving Rachel weeping great heaving sobs.

Lord’a mercy, was her daughter goin’ backward, starting her mournin’ time all over again? The thought of such a thing worried her sick. Never again did she want to go through the past two years, ’specially the first fifteen months or so. Rachel’s grief had been like no widow’s woe she’d ever known.

“I declare, I don’t know what to do ’bout her,” she muttered to herself as she hurried downstairs, only to bump into Annie, who looked right surprised to see Mammi mumblin’ a mouthful of angry words.

“What’s wrong?” the child asked.

“Your mamma’s sick just now.”

“I’ll go up and help her.”

“No … no … no, you best stay down here. Help me make a nice big lunch.”

Annie’s eyes glistened. “But how can I eat if Mamma’s sick? I could never do it, Mammi Susanna. I just couldn’t.”

The way the child was carryin’ on, you’da thought Rachel was dyin’ or something. Then it struck her, hard as anything ever had. She knew what to do. “Jah, maybe you should go on up and comfort your mamma, Annie. Just lie down next to her and place your hand on her forehead and say these words three times, ‘Tame thou flesh and bone, Mamma dear.’ Then make three crosses with your thumb on her forehead, and let’s see if you can’t cure that ol’ headache.”

Annie got the biggest smile on her face and hurried out of the kitchen. Susanna couldn’t help but grin, too.

Ten

Rachel, still lying down, was prayin’ hard and fast when another knock came at her bedroom door. “Who’s there?” she asked, hoping Mam wasn’t comin’ up to pester her some more.

“It’s me, Mamma … it’s Annie.”

“Oh, darling girl, come on in.” She made an attempt to control herself and not let on how pain ridden she really was.

“Mammi Susanna said I should help you.” Annie’s footsteps were light as she crossed the room to the bedside. “Well, now, how are
you
gonna help me, little one?”

“Can I lie next to you?”

Rachel slid over, making room. Then, holding her breath, trying not to focus on the excruciating pain, she felt Annie place her warm hand on Rachel’s forehead. “Whatcha doin’?”

“Feelin’ your head. And … I’m makin’ the cross on your forehead three times. Now I’m gonna say something over you.”

“Like
what
are you thinkin’ of saying, Annie?” She could feel the goose pimples popping out on the back of her neck. “Who told you to do this?” Rachel was provoked, ’cause she knew. Without a shadow of doubt, she did.

“Mammi Susanna said I might could cure you” came the tiny voice.

“Well, don’t you believe a word of it!” Rachel sat up, wishing for all the world she could see her daughter. “What Mammi told you is very, very wrong.”

“Why would she … why?” Annie sounded as though she might cry.

“Oh, it’s ever so hard to explain,” Rachel said. “But makin’ chants over folk ain’t what God has in mind for healin’. I know it sure as anything.”

“But Josh, my little cousin, makes ’em.”

Rachel sucked in her breath, then coughed. “What do you mean?”

“He talks like he’s gonna be our doctor someday. It’s what Aunt Lizzy keeps on tellin’ him. I guess Mammi Susanna told her all ’bout curin’ folks’s sickness, too.”

Rachel’s head hurt from the penetrating pain. But it pained her more knowin’ how the enemy of the soul was workin’ overtime in the hearts of her dear relatives. “We hafta be prayin’ for our healing, not lettin’ Josh or anybody else make chants or spells over us. The Bible teaches against it. Do you understand?”

“Josh says it’s the People’s way.”

“Well, that doesn’t make it right.
God’s
way is always best.”

Annie seemed to be satisfied enough with Rachel’s answer and didn’t continue to question. She offered Rachel a kiss on the cheek and left the room.

Rubbing her temples, she breathed a prayer heavenward.

Rachel knew she had to make a choice. One way or the other. She didn’t want to go back to the silent dark days of denying herself, tellin’ herself lies. She’d been deceived by her own fears, too terrified to remember the truth of whatever it was she’d witnessed at the corner of Highway 340 and North Ronks Road—the Crossroad—where Jacob and Aaron had passed over into eternity.

She just might have to make herself ride horse and buggy down Ronks Road, coming to a complete stop at the deadly intersection. How she would do such a frightening thing, Rachel did not know. But such an experience was somehow wrapped up in her recovery. She felt sure it was.

Fully perplexed at Rachel’s desperate state, Susanna told Benjamin she was going to call a driver so she could go into the village after lunch. “I need a bit of breathin’ room,” she admitted, grabbing her coat and boots. “You understand, jah?”

He looked up from his gardening magazine, frown lines evident. The clothes he wore—long-sleeved white shirt and black broadfall trousers—had been pressed nicely. Rachel’s doing. “Are you perturbed, Susie?” he asked, closing the magazine.

She clenched her teeth, trying to maintain her composure. “More than I care to say.”

“Well, then, go ahead. Get it out of your system.”

Susanna had no idea where she was actually headed. A cup of black coffee and Leah’s listenin’ ear might go a long way toward makin’ her feel some better. “I won’t be gone too awful long,” she said softly.

“Over to Leah’s?” he asked, getting up and comin’ over to give her a hug.

“Prob’ly.”

“Gut idea, if ya ask me.” He kissed her lips, though they pouted in spite of the loving gesture. “I’ll tend to Rachel … if she needs some tea or whatnot.”

He went to the door with her when the driver arrived. “Now, run along and have yourself a gut time.”

Oh, she would try to do that. Jah, she would. Anything would be better than stewin’ in the house just now. Both she
and
Rachel needed space from each other.

Susanna figured she’d wait to fill Benjamin in on Annie’s statement: “a powerful-strong feeling” that the girl and her mamma were gonna be farmers someday.

Puh!
If that childish notion came true, well, she’d be right surprised. After all, ’twasn’t enough land to go ’round in families much no more, in Lancaster County anyways. Where on earth were Rachel and Annie gonna find themselves land ’round here?

She attempted to calm herself, staring out the van windows at the white and wintry fields that rolled away from the snow-packed road on either side. Glistening smooth, the street lay ahead, glazed with plowed snow, making for a straight and narrow path, scarcely wide enough to allow automobiles to pass.

In the distance, rolling hills of frosted ivory scattered across the southern ridge, and for a moment, Susanna had the strange notion that she’d like to go there, far away from home, and find a place of repose. Away from her grown daughter who was behavin’ like a spoiled child.

She thought back to the days when Rachel was just a little girl—bashful as the day is long. A sweet and soft-spoken youngster, Rachel seemed eager to obey. Never once exerted her will, not that Susanna recalled. No, Rachel Zook had been the kind of girl most any Amish parents would be wonderful-glad to have as kin, ’cept that she had always been far different from the older five girls born to Benjamin and Susanna. Rebekah, Naomi, Susie, Mary, and Elizabeth possessed a confident and strong disposition, as did Susanna’s own sisters and mother, and the generations of women before her. Stubborn women.

Why Rachel had been prone to faintheartedness, coming from a long line of such determined women, had always puzzled Susanna. But here lately, she had come to the conclusion that her youngest daughter was chosen, over all the others, to be the next powwow doctor in the community. Susanna had pondered this many times of late, but more and more she felt strongly that she was right ’bout this. The Almighty One had planted a receptive and humble spirit in Rachel for a right gut reason. She felt confident of God’s plan for the blind woman. Wouldn’t be long, either, till the rest of the People came to understand. She could hardly wait for Rachel herself to grasp the importance of the powwow blessing, once and for all. As for Susanna, she would never rest till that day came.

Bells tinkled in the air as the van came up behind a horse-drawn sleigh, slowing so as not to spook the horse. A group of women from the Old Order church district were out for some fresh air; either that or they were on their way to a work frolic somewheres. Not having been invited, she wondered where they might be headed.

When Susanna turned to look more closely, she spied Mary and Lizzy, two of her married daughters, and their teenage girls, Elizabeth Anne, Mary Beth, Katie, Susie Mae, Lydia, and Martha, along for the ride. Why hadn’t she been included? But then again, she s’posed it was plain to see. Folks had declined to ask her to doin’s here lately, knowing full well she’d have to turn them down on account of her work at the B&B. First things first, she always liked to say. And she didn’t feel too awful bad ’bout bein’ passed over, not on a chilly day like this, anyways.

The more she thought ’bout the women, most of them from her own family and headin’ off somewhere—lookin’ mighty happy, too—she got to thinkin’ that maybe Leah was gone to some frolic, away from the house.

Should’ve phoned out to their woodshed
, she thought. Leah’s husband or at least one of the older boys would answer out there. That way she could’ve found out if Leah was at home before ridin’ all the way over there for nothin’.

Oh well, she didn’t much care. Truth was, she needed the aimless ride in the frosty morning. Helped clear her head some, made her breathing come a bit more easy. And helped her stop dwellin’ on the shenanigans her daughter seemed to be pullin’ these days.

And my, oh my, those tapes from Ohio—they just kept a-comin’, it seemed. Snow, sleet, or shine. Made her wonder, more than ever, what the two women had to say to each other. If she wasn’t such a forthright person, well, she might just be tempted to “borrow” one of ’em and listen in for a change… .

Turned out Leah
was
home, and Susanna was mighty glad to see her younger sister. “I had to get out of the house for a while,” she confessed.

“Rachel?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, bless your heart, you’ll hafta tell me ’bout it.”

That was all it took for Susanna to open up and pour out her distress. “She’s got a headache … carryin’ on so, same as she did right after Jacob and Aaron died. Makes me think she’s startin’ to recall some of the accident.”

Leah’s face was tipped slightly, looking at her with keen interest. “You know how it is with certain widows and widowers—they just keep a-livin’ the loss over and over. Maybe that’s what Rachel’s doin’, too.”

“Grief comes in waves. No question ’bout that.”

“Jah, but that’s not
our
way. The People don’t usually carry on so.”

The words jabbed at Susanna’s heart. She heard the disdain in Leah’s voice. Her sister thought Rachel wasn’t behavin’ like one of them. She was acting more like a modern, “fancy” woman, though she was Amish through and through.

“I daresay a visit from John Lapp of Paradise might change all that,” Leah said with conviction.

“You don’t mean …”

“I most certainly do. And I think you oughta out-and-out invite the smithy to supper some night soon. From what I hear, he showed up over at the Beachy meetinghouse last Monday night.”

“John Lapp did?”

“Came lookin’ for your Rachel.”

“Are you sure now?”

“A gut many folk spied him there, saw Lavina and Rachel sittin’ up close to the front, too. I got my facts straight on this, Susie.”

She thought for a moment. “Hmm, now I just wonder what the smithy Lapp might be doin’ for Christmas dinner.”