The Crimson Castle (12 page)

“You knew, did you not?”

Gabriel didn’t respond. What could he possibly say to defend
himself?  He knew full well
Tibald
would not let
anything come between him and his thirst for power. And knew he would do
anything for it, including killing off the last male heir to
Beldersert
. After all, it was his contacts in the Holy Land
that had discovered William’s whereabouts. He had been on his way to rescue his
sister. Gabriel wished with all his heart that he had could have succeeded.

Gabriel’s silence was enough for Evelyn to convince her of his guilt.
“Did you have a hand in his death?”

He shook his head vigorously. “Nay,
Evie
, I
may be a monster but you cannot think me capable of ending his life by my
hand.”

He attempted to take her hand but she pulled it from his grasp and
studied him for a moment.

“I know not what you’re capable of anymore,” she murmured, still
watching him. She tilted her chin slightly and that mask of indifference she
used to use so effectively seemed to slip back in to place. “Mayhap you did not
have had a hand in it but you knew what he was planning. You knew he wanted to
kill my brother and yet you did naught. You may as well have dealt his final
blow.”

Attempting to go to her chambers, she pushed past him and he grabbed at
her again, this time pinning her in place.

“I did not want this to happen,
Evie
. Pray,
believe me!”

Gabriel could not stand to see the disappointment, the remoteness in her
eyes. What he would not do to replace that with the looks they shared not hours
before.

She winced at his tight grip and he released her, lamenting his rough
actions, knowing he had only served to demonstrate once more what a ruffian he
really was. 

“Evelyn, you must believe I had not the intention of causing you hurt.”
He looked at her beseechingly, praying she would see the truth in his words.
Surely she could not think him capable of deliberately paining her after
everything he had shared with her.

“I know not what to believe,” she whispered.

“Believe in this,” he said gruffly, pressing a hard kiss on her mouth
in desperation.

She pushed him off with a gasp and gave him a stinging slap across his
cheek, the sound reverberating off the stone walls. He put a hand to his cheek
but said nothing, knowing he had behaved wrongly, shame burning bright in his
eyes. It seemed to him that every move he made was one of error.

“You sicken me. You work willingly for a man who cares for naught but
himself. You talk of redemption, but do naught to atone for your misdeeds. ”
She shook with anger and Gabriel flinched at her words, each one hitting him
like an arrow to the heart, each one taking her further and further from him.
“You are weak and pathetic. I shall forever regret letting you lay one finger
on me.”

And with that last barb, she ran off to her chambers as Gabriel fell
against the wall, every word she had just uttered cutting deep into his soul.

His one chance at happiness had been destroyed by his inaction and he
did not blame her for her anger.  He would forever savour those precious
instants by the lake, knowing that for one moment someone cared for him,
someone thought him a better man. He wished with all his heart he could have
been the man she wanted him to be. His father had been right and now Evelyn was
right, he was weak. He had lost her respect and hurt the person he cared about
most in the world. Now, he thought grimly, he was well and truly beyond
redemption.

***

Evelyn spent the rest of the evening in her room, unable to face the
lord responsible for her brother’s death and petrified of seeing Gabriel. She
wept until she could weep no more, not sure whether it was in grief for her
brother, for her future, or for Gabriel. How she had gone so quickly from pure
happiness to such misery? In spite of all that had befallen her in these few
weeks, the time spent with Gabriel by the lake had filled her with hope. She
knew that circumstances were still far beyond her control but somehow, in his
arms, she felt as if she – or even they – could surmount anything.

And he had ripped that all away, she thought bitterly. She was angry at
him, but also at herself for misjudging him so badly, for going against her
initial instincts and believing that there was something good inside of him.
Pain fisted around her heart as she considered his betrayal. 

 A quiet knock shook her out of her reverie and she swiped at her
sore eyes.

“Enter,” her voice came out a whisper and she breathed a sigh of relief
when she realised it was Mary.

Mary pushed through the door cautiously, holding a platter of food and
some ale. “Forgive me, milady. Sir Gabriel asked me to bring you some food. He
thought you may not join them for supper.”

Evelyn flinched at the mention of his name. “He did,
did
he?” she asked resentfully.

Placing the food on the side, Mary poured some ale and handed it to
her. Reluctantly taking it Evelyn watched in surprise as Mary sat on the bed
next to her and placed a reassuring hand on hers.

“I am sorry to hear about your brother.”

Evelyn said nothing but put her other hand on Mary’s, grateful for the
comfort.

“I know what it is like to be alone in the world.”

“You do?”

Evelyn had not shared a particularly close bond with Mary, who was
quiet and performed her duties with discreet efficiency, but she felt gladdened
to have someone to share her grief with.

Mary nodded and gave her a sad smile. “I lost my mother and father when
I was ten. My younger siblings died in infancy so there was just me left.” She
looked at her earnestly and Evelyn gave her hand a squeeze. “I was luckier than
most however. Sir Gabriel found me a position here in the castle. I know not
what would have happened to me otherwise.”

“Sir Gabriel helped you?” Evelyn looked at her in surprise.

Mary smiled at her expression, knowing full well the reputation her
master had. “Aye, he is a troubled man and I do not doubt he has done things he
regrets, but he has only ever shown me kindness.”

 “But if he is kind, as you say, why does he work for a man like
Lord
Tibald
? I cannot believe that a truly honourable
man would be happy to carry out his duties under someone so immoral.”

She coloured slightly, realising that the same could be said for Mary
but she did not take insult.

“We are not all born into privilege,” she said softly. “Many of us have
had to make hard choices and I believe Sir Gabriel has had to make the
hardest.”

“What do you mean, Mary?”

“
‘Tis
not my place to say.
Forgive me, milady, I have already said too much.” Mary stood up but not before
giving Evelyn another little reassuring pat. “Now eat some food and surely
everything will seem better soon.”

“Thank you, Mary,” Evelyn said with a sad smile, genuinely touched by
the young girls concern and rather taken aback by such astuteness in someone of
so few years.

Mary shut the door quietly and Evelyn was left alone once more. Mary’s
words had struck her. She knew she had never had to make a hard decision in her
life; never having to choose between two evils and, with a considerate and
honourable father to guide her, even her choice to come to Lord
Tibald
had been an easy one. What if she never had anyone
to guide her? She wondered what it was that Gabriel had to choose between.

Staying confined to her room for the coming days, wrapped in her grief,
she avoided seeing Gabriel or Lord
Tibald
although,
according to Mary, both were becoming increasingly agitated by her absence.
Evelyn’s sorrow still ached within her, her grief for her father never having
really been expressed and with her brother now gone, the enormity of her future
descended upon her.

When Mary informed her Lord
Tibald
was
anxious to talk with her, she childishly informed Mary she was struck by some
malady, unable to face the immense decision that stood before her. Marry
Tibald
and have
Beldersert
, and
herself, live under his rule or refuse, and likely fall under his rule by force
anyway.

Her burning need for escape had never been so palpable, feeling as if
she were stood on the edge of a precipice where one wrong step would take her
to her end.  Clinging irrationally to her last days of freedom, she
refused to make the decision, instead hoping the world would somehow make it
for her.

***

Stepping gently into her room Gabriel fought the urge to turn back as
he carefully closed the heavy wooden door. Fear forced him forward rather than
back, though it was still a battle. Fear that she would be struck down by
illness; fear that he may never get the chance to explain, to redeem himself in
her eyes. Fear made him stop a few feet from where she lay in her bed. Would
she still look at him with such utter disillusionment? He suspected he could
better bear her pity, than witness the sorrow he had caused. The light that was
his Evelyn and been doused and he had been the one extinguish it.

Her ordinarily pale skin had a sallow look to it and her eyes, though
closed, were swollen from weeping. A sharp pain stabbed at his chest that he
was not able to offer her comfort when she needed it, but he was here now and
regardless of whether she wanted his help or not, if she was unwell he would do
everything in his power to ensure she recovered. Hell, he would gladly trade
his miserable life for hers if he could!

A frisson ran through him as her lashes fluttered and he steeled
himself for her reaction. Did she have any notion of the effect she had upon
him? Her regard had meant everything to him and that he once had even the
smallest fragment of her heart drove conflicting emotions through him. Pride,
that he had received such affection, and despair, that he had lost something so
precious. However, it came as no surprise to him that he had lost her. He was
incredibly skilled at snuffing out anything good existing within his life, his
entire adult life having been lived from mistake to mistake.

Red eyes met his and he held his breath momentarily, awaiting her
reaction. Initially she looked vacantly at him and, for a mere moment, he hoped
her anger towards him had subsided, but the spark of fire swiftly filled her
green eyes, flickering dangerously with anger. She leapt up with a sound of
exclamation and, remembering she was in her chemise, pulled at the blankets,
pinning them to her chest with one shaking hand. Gabriel could not tell if she
was quivering in anger, fear, or illness, but he prayed for none of them.

“What are you doing here?” she asked incredulously through ashen lips,
vulnerability etched into her face and stance.

Gabriel found himself struggling to speak, feeling foolish for thinking
that she would react with anything but disgust towards him, but he could not
forget his concern for her and it forced the words out of his dry mouth.

“I…Mary said…” He coughed uncomfortably, shifting from foot to foot.
“Are you unwell?”

“
‘Tis
no concern of yours.”

She raised her chin, slipping into her regal posture that Gabriel had
come to recognise as a defensive move. Her exhaustion and grief clearly visible
on her face did nothing to detract from her beauty and he could not help but
admire her. With her tangled curls and delicate figure encased in a thin
chemise, she looked so fragile. No doubt she would not be impressed with being
called so but he had to fight the urge to bundle her into his arms.

Remembering the purpose behind his visit, he went to step forward until
he saw her shrink back from him and he checked himself.

“
Evie
, if you are sickening I would offer you
any aid that I could.”

“Do not call me that!” Her outburst seemed to startle her as much as it
did him and she took a calming breath. “I want naught from you.” Her eyes
narrowed and she pulled her blanket closer to her with both hands, bunching the
fabric in a tight grip.

“Do not be foolish, if you have need of a physician will you not allow
me to fetch one?”

“All I need is for you to remove yourself from my presence. You should
not be here.”

He could see her chest rising with barely tempered anger and he stepped
back not wishing to cause her any undue distress. Remembering not to use the
endearment she now found so abhorrent he motioned to her bed. 

“Evelyn, mayhap you should sit? I would not have you harm yourself.”

“You have caused enough harm!” Her voice rose and shook. “Will you not
leave and let me grieve? I cannot bear to look upon you.”

Gabriel turned his head away from her, her words piercing through him.
They were not unexpected but they still wounded his fragile heart. She had
broken through all of his carefully built barriers and now he was completely
susceptible to her every emotion. He could not let her see how much she pained
him, knowing he had no right to feel any self-pity after everything he had
done.

He turned back to her, recognising that he could not leave her until he
knew she was taken care of. “Hell fire, Evelyn, just tell me what is wrong and
I will gladly leave you to your grief!”

His words came out more harshly
than he had intended, his hurt expressing itself as anger, but he was grateful
to see she was not intimidated by his callous manner.

Evelyn held her ground, refusing to let him see how nervous she was in his
company. He was still in his hauberk and surcoat, obviously having come
straight from his duties, and it added to his bulk, causing his normally
dominating form to swallow up more space within the small room. Add that to the
fact she was in her chemise and she felt intensely unsettled. Her resentment
was still tangible, but his appearance had caused such a mixture of feelings
within her, she was not sure whether she was cross with him or herself, for her
reaction to him.