The Cost of Love (4 page)

“If she wakes up, you’re on your own,” Rob said.

Jason snapped back to the present and glanced at the white door as he bent to pick up the keys.

“So, were Brakedown good?”

“Yeah, they were good,” Jason replied. “Thanks for staying in so I could go. I owe you.”

“Yes, you do. And I trust you will remember that the next time
I
have a hot date with a girl I’m crazy about.”

“I’m not crazy about Charlie.” It sounded unconvincing, even to him. He went into the tiny kitchen, grabbed a packet of cheesy puffs from the cupboard, and returned to sit on the sofa next to his brother.

“Right, and I didn’t get the good looks in the family.”

“So you’re agreeing with me.”

“Ha. Ha. Not even close. What happened tonight?”

Jason stopped munching on a puff, unable to prevent a smile creeping onto his face. “We kissed.”

“That must have been some kiss. You’re walking around like a zombie with a stupid smile on its face.”

Jason’s eyes unfocused as he stared at the TV screen, recalling Charlotte’s arms wrapped around him, the warmth of her lips, her taste. “It was incredible.”

“
Dude!
”

Jason started and looked at Rob to see his brother’s lap covered in cheesy puffs. “Oh, sorry.” He reached out to gather them up and Rob batted his hand away.

“Mine now,” he said, popping a puff into his mouth. “Go and get yourself some more.”

“Nah, I’m not hungry anyway. Here.” He handed the now mostly empty packet over and leaned back, closing his eyes and picturing Charlotte’s face raised towards him, her eyes closed, lips parted.

“Oh yes, I can see how not crazy about her you are,” Rob said.

Jason waved a hand dismissively and continued enjoying the beautiful image in his mind.

Charlotte stared into the mirror on her way to the door, smoothing her hair and running a hand down the front of her top. She was a little nervous.

Jason had kissed her again when he dropped her off the night before. Now she wasn’t sure what to expect. Would they kiss first? Would it happen later? Would it happen at all?

Swallowing her nerves, she opened the door. She needn’t have worried.

Jason took one look at her, pushed his fingers into her hair on either side of her face and crushed his mouth to hers. After a couple of seconds his hands moved down her back, pulling her against him. Charlotte’s eyes fluttered closed as she melted blissfully into his embrace, wrapping her arms around his neck and pushing onto her toes.

She had no idea how long the kiss lasted, it could have been hours, but when their lips finally parted she was panting for breath.

“I know we were going to go out to eat,” she said, hyper aware that Jason’s arms were still firmly wrapped around her, “but maybe we could order a pizza, stay in and make out all evening.”

She almost laughed at her boldness. Jason brought out a side of her she never even suspected existed.

Still holding her against him with one arm, he reached for the door and pushed it shut behind him. Then he spoke against her lips, punctuating each word with a kiss. “Best... idea... ever.”

An hour and a half later, they were stretched out on Charlotte’s sofa, nestled close.  Jason’s arm was wrapped around her, her head resting against the front of his shoulder, rising and falling with his every breath. Her eyes were closed and she could feel his fingers stroking lazily up and down her arm, his breath warm against her forehead, lips just touching her skin.

She couldn’t remember anything feeling so completely
right
as lying in his arms.

The remains of a pepperoni pizza lay scattered in a box on the coffee table and the aroma of melted cheese lingered in the room, but it was Jason’s scent that filled her. His cologne and, underlying that, his own headily masculine fragrance made her never want to take another breath without him near.

“Can I ask you a question?” she said, keeping her voice soft in the comfortable hush of the room.

“Of course,” he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Why did you become an escort?”

He didn’t answer immediately and Charlotte began to wonder if she shouldn’t have asked.

“It was three years ago,” he said eventually. “I had just completed my law degree and I was about to start the next part of my training to become a solicitor. Then something happened, a family emergency, and I needed money quickly and more flexibility in when I worked. My cousin had a friend who was an escort part time, so I knew what I could make if I was good enough. It turned out I was, and I’ve been doing it ever since. Excuse the pun.”

“Do you hate it?”

She felt him smile against her skin. “No. Most of the time it’s okay. Some days are better than others. More often than not, my clients are just lonely.”

She sighed. “Like me.”

She felt his breath hitch and he moved his head back, touching his fingertips to her chin to lift her face.

“Are you lonely?” he said, a slight frown on his face as he looked into her eyes.

Tears were suddenly pricking her eyelids. She lowered her gaze.

“You shouldn’t be lonely,” he said. “Not you. You’re an incredible woman. Any man would be lucky to have you as a girlfriend.”

She sniffed, staring at a button on his shirt. “They’re not exactly lining up.”

“They would be, if they knew you.”

She lifted her eyes back to his face. “Would you?”

He wiped at a tear rolling down her cheek with his thumb and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.

“In a heartbeat.”

_ _ _

Jason dropped his keys into the bowl by the door, walked to the sofa, and fell face down into the cushions. After a while he heard footsteps and the clinking of cutlery against ceramic.

“Move up, Jay.”

Something nudged his foot hanging off the side of the sofa and he drew it in and groaned as he sat up. Rob sat in the space his legs had vacated.

“I can’t do it,” Jason said, leaning his head on the back of the sofa and closing his eyes.

“Can’t do what?” Rob said around a mouthful of cereal.

“I can’t keep going on like this with Charlie.”

“I thought things were good. And tomorrow’s the last one, isn’t it?”

“They are good. Tonight was...” he sighed, remembering the feeling of Charlotte wrapped in his arms, “tonight was incredible. It was one of those nights where everything goes right and you feel like you’re walking on air. Where the words ‘relationship’ and ‘future’ start coming into your mind.” He rubbed one hand down his face. “I think I’m falling in love.”

“This would be the perfect time to say I told you so, but I won’t,” Rob said, crunching a mouthful of Frosties.

“What am I going to do?”

“Do you think she feels the same?”

Jason rocked forward and leaned his elbows on his knees, staring at the floor. “Her friend
bought
me for her. All I am is a good time with no strings. Why would someone like her fall for me?”

“I didn’t ask if she
could
fall for you, I asked if she
was
falling for you. There is a difference.”

Jason lapsed into silence, thinking. Charlotte certainly seemed to like him. The way she looked at him sometimes, her eyes seemingly lit from within, had made his heart flip more than once. Was there a chance she could feel the same way he did?

He closed his eyes, shaking his head. Even if she did, he couldn’t ask her to accept him for what he was. And it wasn’t like he had a choice. The way things were now, he couldn’t walk away from being an escort even if he wanted to.

Like it or not, this was his life now.

And it didn’t, couldn’t, involve falling in love.

Charlotte stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom and cast a critical eye over her reflection. She needed to look perfect. She
had
to look perfect. Sadly, every inch of her was, in her eyes, imperfect.

Raising a hand to smooth an errant lock of hair, she saw it trembling.

“Stop it, Charlotte,” she told herself, clenching her fingers and holding her arms rigid at her sides. “You know him, you feel comfortable with him. That’s why you’re doing this. Don’t start freaking out now.”

Taking a few deep breaths, she began to feel better.

The doorbell rang. Her stomach simultaneously dropped to her feet and leapt into her mouth.

She made it down the stairs without falling by hanging onto the banister with both hands. It only took two tries to get the key into the lock on the front door though. Score.

The smile dropped from Jason’s face as soon as he saw her. His eyes swept over her short, deep blue strappy dress, down her legs, then made their way back up again.

“Wow,” he whispered.

She smiled, feeling her cheeks heating up. It was disappointing; she had thought she had the blushing thing under control. Not trusting her voice to work, she stepped aside to let him in.

He had dressed up for their final date too. He was wearing a black suit, the silvery grey shirt underneath open at the collar. As they stood facing each other in the living room she tried to stop staring, but found that she couldn’t.

He stepped close to her, took her right hand in his, and pressed it to his lips. “You take my breath away,” he said, smiling.

She looked down, feeling the blood rush to her face. Again. “I can’t seem to stop blushing,” she said, with an embarrassed laugh.

“Then don’t,” he said. “I love it when you blush. It’s adorable.” He drew in a breath, letting go of her and pushing his hands into his pockets. “So, what would you like to do tonight?”

Never had she heard a more inadvertently loaded question. “I... um... Would you like a glass of wine?”

“Sure.”

He followed her into the kitchen, watching her take the glasses from the cupboard then leaping forward to catch the one that slipped from her trembling hands. He took the other one from her, placed them on the counter, and took her hands as she looked at the floor in humiliation.

I am such an idiot.

“What’s wrong?” he said, dipping his head to see into her eyes. “Have I done something to make you nervous?”

“No, I...” Charlotte puffed out a breath, annoyed at herself. If she wanted to do this, and she did, then she needed to get herself together. Straightening, she pushed her shoulders back and looked up into his eyes. “I want you to make love to me.”

She winced. ‘
Make love?
’

Jason froze, his face etched in shock. “You... you do?”

“If you don’t want to, I understand. You probably think it’s a bad idea. I shouldn’t have mentioned it. Forget I said anything...” She stopped as he placed his finger on her lips.

“Are you sure? You seem so scared. This is all about you, what you want. The last thing I want is for you to do something you don’t want to.”

She gave a small laugh. “It’s just nerves. I don’t... I mean, I’m not used to doing this. But I do want to, very much.”

He studied her for a few seconds before nodding and leading her from the kitchen, all thoughts of wine abandoned.

“Uh, we don’t have to immediately,” she said, stopping as they reached the foot of the stairs. “I mean, we could eat first or...”

He shook his head, pulling her close and kissing her before speaking with his lips almost touching hers. “Believe me when I say, once I have my hands on you, I’m going to want to keep them there for as long as possible. So we should start now.” Giving her a sexy smile, he resumed leading her upstairs.

Charlotte followed him, her heart pounding. When they reached the bedroom, he looked around. She’d tried to tidy up, but it wasn’t her strong point. It still looked like a whirlwind had sauntered through.

Jason smiled. “I like this. It’s you.”

She gave a small laugh. “It is that.” A sigh escaped her. “Do you want to do this? Because I don’t want you to feel like you have to, like it’s an obligation.”

It was Jason’s turn to laugh. “Being with you is anything but an obligation.” He brushed his lips across hers then leaned down to whisper in her ear, “There is nothing I would like more than to make love to you.”

The words sent a shiver skittering up her spine.

He slipped his arms around her waist and drew her against him, pressing his lips to hers. The sensuous kiss sent electricity zinging through her body, lighting up pleasure centres everywhere. She felt a hardness pressing against her abdomen and shivered again at the feel of his arousal. Her doubts that he wanted her evaporated. This felt right, being with Jason. Even though he would soon be gone from her life, she wanted to experience this with him.

As they kissed, his hands roamed down her back to cup her buttocks, the action starting a pulse throbbing inside her. His lips left her mouth to explore her neck and the breathy whimper she uttered surprised her. Forgetting to be shy, she grasped the edges of his jacket and pushed it from his shoulders before starting on the buttons of his shirt. Uncovering the body she’d been dreaming of for the past three days became of utmost importance.

He stopped his kisses to watch her, the hint of a smile playing on his lips. Releasing the final button, she looked up at him.

“I just got the idea there were too many clothes between us,” she said, shrugging.

His gaze darkened. “I completely agree.”

He shrugged off the shirt, throwing it onto a chair, and pulled her against his bare chest, his lips finding hers again. Her hands ran over warm, soft skin covering solid muscle. She was only vaguely aware of the zip at the back of her dress being pulled down, but when his hands slipped into the gap to touch her body, she gasped as every nerve fired at once.

“Damn, you feel good,” he said, nuzzling his face into her neck and pushing the dress from her shoulders.

Charlotte had been afraid she would feel self-conscious, but thoughts of what she looked like or what Jason would think of her were nowhere near her mind. As her dress slid to the floor, all she could do was feel his hands on her, his skin under her lips, his breath on her body. She’d never wanted anything as much as she wanted him on her.

He stepped back, his heated gaze sliding down her body encased only in the black, lacy lingerie she’d bought earlier in the day. Then he lifted her into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist, and lowered her onto the bed beneath him.

“You have the most amazing skin,” he murmured, his mouth making its way down her chest.

Her breathing deepened as each tiny kiss buzzed into her, setting her on fire.

Through the fog of arousal, it all suddenly became real. This was happening. They were about to make love.

She had to tell him now, before they went any further.

“Jason?” His name came out as a moan.

“Mm hmm?”

“I need to tell you something.”

His lips reached her bra and he pushed one hand beneath her, feeling for the clasp. “Mm hmm?”

“Don’t freak out.”

To her intense disappointment, he stopped everything he was doing and raised his head to look at her. Maybe she should have chosen her words better.

He moved up to lie next to her, propping himself up on one elbow to look down at her as he caressed her face with his hand. “What’s wrong?”

From the look in his eyes, she could almost believe what was between them was real, that he cared for her. It was a stupid idea, she knew, but the fantasy was worth it, just to pretend that he loved her the same way she loved him.

She touched her hand to his face. “I need to tell you why I wanted it to be you.”

His brow furrowed ever so slightly. “Why you wanted what to be me?”

Tears were suddenly burning at her eyes. “I trust you. You make me feel safe and happy and like I can do anything and I’ve never felt that with anyone else before. So I want it to be you.” She dropped her gaze, afraid to see his reaction. “I want my first time to be with you.”

Jason froze. Charlotte couldn’t even feel him breathing. She looked up to see his eyes wide.

“You’re... you’ve never...?”

She shook her head.

A look of panic gripped his features. He sat up abruptly, turning away from her and pulling his knees up to his chest. One hand ran over his hair.

Charlotte sat up, her heart clenching. “Jason?”

He turned to face her, grasping her hands. “It shouldn’t be like this,” he said, his voice filled with urgency. “You’re too good for this. The first time you make love it should be with someone you love and who loves you. Someone you can imagine spending the rest of your life with. Someone who means everything to you. It shouldn’t be with someone who was bought.” He let go and turned away. “You deserve so much more than a whore like me.”

Charlotte watched in shock as he stood and grabbed his clothes.

“Please don’t leave,” she whispered.

He glanced back at her. “I’m sorry.”

A few seconds after he’d left the room, the front door opened and closed, then a car drove away.

For a while Charlotte stared at the bedroom door in shock.

Then she broke down into tears.

_ _ _

After leaving Charlotte, Jason drove around for over an hour before he went home. A couple of times he almost went back to her.

He had no idea what he was doing. His emotions were in freefall. He’d never been in love before. Oh, there were a couple of times when he’d thought he was, back in university, but he had never felt like this. Charlotte hadn’t just sneaked into his heart, she’d marched up to it, split it wide open and wrapped herself in it like a cocoon. Or a pink fluffy dressing gown.

He smiled at the thought. What he wouldn’t give to hold her, cuddled up in that dressing gown, nestled against him.

The smile melted from his face. But that wasn’t going to happen. He wouldn’t ever see Charlotte again. Couldn’t. It was too complicated. And it was far too painful, being with her and knowing she couldn’t be his.

The way she’d felt in his arms, her skin pressed against his, her hands on his body, it was so much more than he’d felt in a long time. He wanted to go back to when being inside a woman
meant
something. And he knew that being inside Charlotte would mean everything.

But it was too much to deal with. He had responsibilities. What he wanted was no longer the most important thing to him. What had he been thinking, letting things get that far?

But never seeing her face again, never holding her hand, kissing her lips, hearing her laugh, holding her in his arms... it felt like dying, like his heart was being ripped from his chest.

What had happened to him? He’d known this woman five days and she’d turned his world upside down.

What was he supposed to do?

“How’d it go on your last date?”

Jason dropped onto the sofa, lowering his head into his hands. He drew in a shuddering breath. “I have no idea what to do.”

Rob closed his laptop. “About what? What happened?”

“She wanted to make love.”

“Isn’t that what you wanted? Why do you look like someone just died?”

He sighed. “We were on her bed, about to, you know, and she told me it was her first time.”

Rob’s eyes widened. “You mean she’s...?”

Jason nodded.

“What did you do?”

He sighed again. “I left.”

“You
what?
”

“I told her her first time should be special, with someone she loved. Then I left.”

“You
idiot
! Why on earth did you do that?”

Jason grabbed a cushion and buried his face in it, groaning. “I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. And I didn’t trust myself to not make love to her if I stayed. I swear I haven’t ever wanted another woman the way I want her.”

“Why didn’t you just tell her how you feel?”

Jason lifted his head to stare at his brother. “Are you kidding me? How could I do that? Women pay me to have sex with them. How could I possibly expect her to want to be with me? She deserves better than that.”

Rob was silent for a while before speaking again. “What I’m about to say will never go beyond this room, and if you ever tell anyone else I said it, I will deny it to the grave and never speak to you again.” He huffed out a breath. “Jason, you are the strongest man I know and I am amazed every day at what you’ve done these past three years, the way you’ve given up everything to do what you needed to. I can’t imagine anyone else doing that and I’m proud to be your brother. I can’t imagine any man on earth Charlotte deserves more than you. There could be no better man for her or any other woman. You deserve to be happy. She makes you happy, so don’t let her go without even trying. If she’s everything you say she is, you‘ll find a way.”