The Cora Carmack New Adult Boxed Set: Losing It, Keeping Her, Faking It, and Finding It plus bonus material (13 page)

My stomach dropped.

It was that God-awful, horrendously short miniskirt. I must have made a noise because Garrick raised his head. He kept his eyes closed as he asked, “Everything okay?”

I said, “Yes.’

Even though I was thinking
hell no.

I slipped on the skirt, and it was just as short as I remembered. I sighed. There was no way I could wear this.

I touched a hand to Garrick’s shoulder, meaning to tell him that I was going to go outside to find something else, but his eyes opened and fixed on my legs, which suddenly felt weak, like pools of fabric instead of muscle and flesh and bone.

One of his hands curled around to tickle at the back of my knee, and I had to steady myself with a hand on his shoulder to keep from collapsing.

“You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?” He choked. “Isn’t this the skirt you told me you’d never wear?”

“And I won’t be wearing it tonight. I’m going back to my room to find something else.”

I turned, and his other hand touched my thigh. “Wait.”

His hands trailed up to the indecently short hem, and around to the back of my thighs, inches below the curve of my butt.

“You. Are.
Unbelievably.
Sexy.” His voice was so low it rumbled, and I could feel the vibrations soaking into my skin. He leaned down and punctuated each word with a chaste kiss up the side of my thigh. I could have been clay in his hands, the way he was controlling me. If he had tried, I might have given up my virginity to him there in the bathroom without much of a fight.

But Kelsey’s fist pounded on the door, snapping me out of my lust.

“Damn, Bliss. Would you hurry it up already?”

With her words, came back my fear. Sure, he thought I was sexy now. But virgins were pretty much the least sexy things ever. Would he change his mind when he found out?

“I have to go. I’m sorry. There’s probably spaghetti still left over if you want some after we leave. I’ll . . . I’ll call you, okay?”

He nodded, his eyes still dark, unwavering.

I tumbled out into the hallway, a mess of hormones and emotions. I was so distracted that I didn’t even remember I’d intended to change until I was already buckled into Kelsey’s car and we were on our way to the club.

C
HAPTER
T
WENTY

E
CSTASY, THE CLUB,
was dark and hazy when we entered. The beat of the music pounded through the walls and the floor, seeping into my skin, setting me on edge. This wasn’t my scene at all, but Kelsey loved it. I figured all I had to do was hang out at the bar, maybe chat with a guy or two so she’d get off my back. Then she’d probably go home with some guy and leave me her car. That’s how these things usually went.

What I hadn’t anticipated was the way my change in attire would change the normal plan. We were barely in the doors for a minute before a guy had asked me to dance. I declined, which earned me a glare from Kelsey.

“What?” I shouted over the music. “You said I had to come, not that I had to dance!”

We stood at the bar, and I worked to flag down a bartender, while she berated me.

“You are the most infuriating person I have ever met! You look smoking hot tonight, and all you’re going to do is sit over here and pout like always!”

“Then maybe you should have let me stay
home
and pout!”

A guy tapped on my shoulder, and I didn’t even wait for him to ask before I said, “NO!”

Kelsey fixed her hands on her hips, and for a Barbie look-a-like, she was still pretty intimidating. “I realize you are upset, and you’ve got a lot going on. I’m trying to be understanding, but what is your
problem
?”

“I don’t have a problem, Kelsey. I just don’t like that you think you can drag me places without any concern for what I actually want!”

“Fine! Nevermind! I give up! Sit here and pout! I’m going to dance!”

She spun around and pushed through the crowd, spilling several drinks and knocking people out of her way.

Scary Barbie.

I inched onto a stool, conscious of the fact that my short skirt made it so that my bare legs were glued to the plastic. I wouldn’t be surprised if my ass was hanging out, but at the moment I was too pissed off to care. I ordered a Jack and Coke, and sat there seething while I waited. I knew she meant well, but the solution to all the world’s problems was not partying. I’d always known we were very different people, but I’d never realized just how much she didn’t understand me.

“Can I buy you a drink?” A voice asked over my shoulder.

I held up my full drink, and ignored him.

The guy took a seat beside me anyway. He leaned in to ask me something else, and I snapped, “I’m not interested!”

Then a familiar voice answered. “I’m glad to hear that.”

I nearly fell off my stool when I picked up the accent.

“Garrick!”

Garrick was the guy sitting next to me, a cap pulled down low over his eyes, covering his gorgeous blond hair.

He hadn’t sounded like Garrick when he’d first spoken. “You sounded—“

When he answered this time his accent was gone, and he sounded American. No particular dialect, just . . . normal. “I am an actor, Bliss. I know how to cover my accent.”

Still in shock, I asked, “What are you doing here? What if someone sees you?”

“I’m incognito, sort of. And if anyone does, I’ll just say we ran into each other by chance. I’m a professor. I didn’t take a vow to have zero social life.”

“But why?”

“Because I couldn’t stomach the thought of you dancing with anyone else in that skirt.” His hand grazed my thigh, and all the heat from earlier came rushing back.

“Garrick, stop! Someone is going to see! What if Kelsey comes back?”

“Based on the show you guys put on earlier, I don’t see that happening anytime soon.”

I cringed. Maybe I had been a little bitchy.

“Come on.” He stood up, and offered me a hand. I looked around, scared to take it. It was so dark. If there was someone here we knew, we would have no way of knowing unless we came face to face. This was too big of a chance.

“Stop thinking so much,” he told me and wrapped an arm around my waist sliding me off the seat. The bare skin of my thighs squeaked embarrassingly against the seat, but he didn’t seem to notice or care. He threaded our fingers together and pulled me into the crowd.

I kept my head down, concentrating on putting my feet where his had just been. He led me down a few steps onto a lower level, where it was somehow even darker, and the bodies were pressed tighter together. I couldn’t see anyone but the people right next to me. He weaved and pulled until we were in the furthest corner, then pulled me between him and the wall. His back was to the rest of the room, and his tall form covered me completely.

His breath tickled against my ear as he whispered, “Better?”

I nodded. It was better. I mean, we were still in a club and I would rather have been at home alone, but already this was the best club experience I’d ever had.

Even knowing how he felt about me, I was too nervous to dance with him face to face. So I turned until my back was pressed against his front. His hands went immediately to my hips, pulling me against him. The sensation chased all the air out of my lungs.

I closed my eyes so I didn’t have to stare at the wall and I tried to let the music swoop through me. Slowly, his hips tilted forward, and I followed, pushing back against him. He exhaled against my ear, and it sent shivers down my spine. He slid a hand from my hip to my stomach. With his fingers splayed, his thumb rested about an inch below my bra and his pinky trailed the waistband of my skirt. He used that hand to pull me into him at the same time that he rolled his hips.

Stars danced behind my closed eyes and my heartbeat matched the steady thrum of the music. His body against mine seemed to magnify the already heated room, and I felt sweat begin to dampen my neck. His hips kept rolling to the music, slowly and sensually, but every once and a while on a strong beat, his hips would push harder against mine. His lips touched the skin of my neck, and I was falling, falling, falling into the feeling.

It wasn’t enough. Would I ever have enough of him? I reached my hands up and behind me, tangling in his hair, and he hummed his approval. The hand on my stomach came up, running lightly from my raised arm down my side. He grazed the side of my breast, and the touch sent tremors through me, which were amplified when his fingers passed the indecent skirt and gripped my thigh.

The song changed, but we didn’t. His hands kept driving me crazy. Our bodies stayed tightly pressed together. I was still so turned on I felt dizzy with want. The whole world was spinning, and only we were still. Or maybe it was us who were spinning. All I knew was that there was everyone else and then there was us, and I never wanted it to be any other way.

He found that spot below my ear, and I moaned, glad for the music that swallowed the sound. He nipped at my neck with his teeth, and I dug my fingernails into his neck in response.

“God, Bliss, do you have any idea how badly I want you?”

Our hips rolled again, and I was certain I had a pretty good idea.

The song ended, and I’d had about all I could take. I slipped my phone out of my bra where it had been conveniently tucked. Garrick groaned and pulled our hips together again in response, but I was focused on my phone. My hands were shaking, but I still managed to type out a text to Kelsey.

Met someone. Leaving. Sry abt earlier. Talk 2 u tom?

I didn’t wait for a reply before I pulled Garrick toward the exit.

For once, I didn’t care how fast he we went on his motorcycle. I just held tight, and tried to will us home faster.

His lips were on my neck before I even got the key in my door. My breathing was so heavy it could only be called panting. When I finally got the door open, I pushed it so hard that it slammed against the wall. Tomorrow I’d have to check and make sure there wasn’t a hole. As soon as the door was closed, we were kissing.

I had tugged my heels off between the motorcycle and my door, and now without them, he was too far away. The thought must have occurred to us at the same time, because his hands left my thighs, and cupped my ass, lifting me so that I had to wrap my legs around his waist.

My back slammed against the door, and I gasped. His tongue snaked into my mouth, plunging in and out, fast and hard—exactly the way I liked it.

“Bed,” I gasped between kisses.

He leaned back long enough to say, “Are you sure?” Then we were kissing again, and the rhythm he set was just as seductive and hypnotizing as the music had been in the club. He asked again, “Bliss, are you sure?”

Was I sure? Why was he asking me questions? Did he realize I just wanted to kiss him? I wanted to kiss him until the rest of the world fell away.

“Bed,” I said again.

“That’s not an answer.” He moved toward the bedroom anyway.

I clung to him tightly, transferring my kisses to his jaw and then his neck so that he could concentrate on walking.

Somehow I still managed to get caught in the curtains.

Like literally caught.

My earring caught on the sheer material, and I didn’t notice until he kept walking. Pain lanced through my ear and the side of my head. I yelped in response.

“What? I’m sorry! What’s wrong? What did I do?”

“Ear.” Apparently, I’d been reduced to one-word sentences.

“Damn. Hold still.”

He tried to use both hands to free my earring, but then we lost balance, and both of us slammed into the side of my dresser that sat just inside my bedroom.

Judging by the way my elbow was smarting, I was going to have one hell of a bruise tomorrow.

When the pain subsided, I laughed, because as usual, my life was ridiculous. And as luck would have it, it was one of those half laugh half snort hybrids. We both laughed, gasping for breath for an entirely different reason now. My side was aching from where we hit the dresser. My earring was still attached to the curtain, and my legs were still around his waist. Between laughs, Garrick pressed a sweet kiss to my forehead.

Maybe ridiculous wasn’t so bad.

“Okay, let’s get you untangled. I’m going to put you down, okay?”

He lowered me gently the floor, and my stampeding pulse began to slow. He tried for a few minutes to free me, but his fingers were large and clumsy. Finally, I said, “Just undo the earring. I’ll get it out of the curtain tomorrow.”

Laughing, he did as I asked.

Whereas before, I’d felt like I was burning up in our kiss. Now, warmth spread through me that was different, sweeter. Candlelight instead of open flame.

He rubbed at the shoulder that had hit the dresser, and said, “We’re kind of a mess.”

I pinched my fingers together, and said, “Little bit.”

He curled a hand around my neck, and pulled me forward, pressing another kiss to my forehead. I closed my eyes, thinking that this was what perfection felt like.

“I think maybe the curtain did us a favor. Your legs in that skirt pretty much killed all my self-control.”

I smiled. “I told you that I never should have worn it.”

“Oh, I’m definitely glad you wore it. It’s a memory I’ll cherish for a very long time.” I slapped him on the arm, but I didn’t mind the cheeky smile. He said, “I should probably go now, before you make me lose my mind again.”

I let him go, even though a large part of me was screaming in protest. And when he was gone, I celebrated in much the same way I had when I learned I’d gotten cast as Phaedra.

I danced.

Because . . . finally . . . things were going right.

C
HAPTER
T
WENTY-
O
NE

T
HINGS WERE
SO
wrong.

The first
Phaedra
read through was a disaster of epic proportions. Even after two weeks, Cade wouldn’t speak to me at all before we started, and it seemed everyone in the cast was on his side, based on the glares I was getting. And though read-throughs tended to be a bit stale since everyone was sitting around a table, this one was worse than week-old pizza.

Every once and while, Eric would shake his head, and I could practically see him thinking,
what happened to the people I cast last week?

Each scene kept getting worse like a screw going in at the wrong angle, but we just kept going, trying to make something work that would clearly not.

When it was over, I felt deflated. I had been so excited about this play. I’d been waiting for something like this since freshman year, and now it was here and it was unbearable.

Eric faked some optimism, saying things would be smoother on stage. I don’t think anyone believed him.

And if they did, that misplaced hope dwindled when we had our first rehearsal onstage, which if possible, was even worse. The unease between Cade and I seemed to permeate the entire cast until everyone was stiff and on edge.

Classes weren’t much better.

Cade stayed far away from me, and Kelsey was still angry, so I was disproving that quote about no man being an island. I was totally alone.

Except for Garrick.

I was terrified by the depth of my feelings for him. Things were too good. Nothing in life was this amazing, at least not in my life. He stopped me after Senior Prep Wednesday morning, “Bliss, wait one second.”

I took my time packing up my stuff, waiting for everyone else to leave the computer lab. When we were alone I asked, “What’s up?”

He smiled, “Nothing.”

Then he pressed me into the computer table behind me and kissed me.

I gasped in shock, and his tongue stormed my mouth. I did nothing, but blink, and then he had me lifted up onto the table, his hips fitted between my open thighs, and his mouth burned against my own.

There was no slowness to this kiss. It was a frenzied, stolen moment, and I was spinning with want. I clung to him, certain I was about to fall to pieces in his arms, and then he pulled back.

I had to concentrate on breathing for several long seconds before it even occurred to me to be mad. I swatted his bicep, “Are you crazy? What were you thinking? What if someone walked in?” I pushed him several feet away, and hopped off the table, my legs unsteady against the floor.

“I was thinking that you looked entirely too sexy for this early in the morning.”

I steeled my glare, “I’m serious, Garrick.”

“So am I,” He said. He took me by the elbow and pulled me into the far corner of the room, where we couldn’t be seen from the door, and we’d have warning if anyone entered. “When it comes to you, Bliss, I’m very serious.”

Was he implying what I thought he was implying? The look in his eyes was dangerous. I couldn’t think straight when he was so close to me. He tried to pull me into another kiss, but even out of sight from the door, I was too scared, too afraid. It felt like that first night together on my bed all over again. Was this me? Was I ready for something like this?

I turned my head, and his lips found my neck instead.

Everything was just so confusing.

How could I want something so badly and not want it at the same time?

A part of me wanted to fold my arms around him, and pray for his lips never to leave my skin. And a part of me wanted to run screaming in the other direction.

The second part came out on top.

I pulled out of his embrace, and held up a hand to keep him from following me. “I can’t. I have to go. I want to try and find Cade before rehearsal tonight, see if we can’t work things out.”

Then I fled the lab, my skin still burning from his touch.

Cade was already gone by the time I made it to the greenroom, and I didn’t manage to get him alone for the rest of the day. I thought about asking to talk to him before rehearsal, but everyone was around, staring, and I truthfully just didn’t have the energy.

But that meant that our third rehearsal started just as poorly as all the rest.

Eric, who had no idea of the offstage drama, was at a loss. I think he could tell that it all stemmed from Cade and I, which is why he sent us away. He said he just wanted to spend some time with the chorus, but still wanted us to get some work done. So, he sent us into a smaller workshop space to work alone . . . with Garrick.

It had to be a sign of the apocalypse. Things this terrible only happened when the world was about to end.

I envied Garrick’s composure. He didn’t give anything away.

I, on the other hand, was a train wreck in human form.

We ran our first scene together twice. Cade was lifeless and I was pitiful.

No matter how many times Garrick muttered between lines “Wake up.” or “Intensity!” or “Raise the stakes!” We were still awful.

Garrick, who knew what we were both capable of, grew more and more frustrated. He didn’t even bother faking optimism.

“Both of you take five.”

I went the bathroom, and splashed my face with water. This had to stop. If I could act opposite Dom, I could certainly act opposite Cade, no matter how upset he was. He was my best friend, but I had to learn to put my emotions aside and think of him like anyone else if I wanted to be an actor.

Feeling a little better, I made my way back to the workshop room.

Cade and Garrick were already inside talking.

“I know there is personal stuff going on between the two of you, but you’ve got to get over it,” Garrick said.

“I’m trying. It’s not that simple.”

Garrick’s back was to me, but I could see Cade’s face, which was pale and crumpled, like a discarded piece of paper. I choked up, wishing this was all over or that it had never happened.

“You’re not trying hard enough. So, she didn’t return your feelings. That’s life.” My jaw dropped. How could he be so callous? Garrick, who had been so sweet and understanding when I’d come to him about this same fight? “It happens. You’ve got to grow up. Are you an actor or not? You can’t let your feelings for her dictate your life. ”

My mouth went dry, and a hard lump formed in my throat.

I pushed the door open the rest of the way, and said, “That’s enough.” The heat in my voice surprised me, but it shouldn’t have. I hated seeing Cade hurt, and
finally
it wasn’t just me causing it. Garrick’s words had sunk under my skin, festering, and my hands were shaking with anger.

Cade looked horrified at seeing me.

Garrick didn’t look guilty at all, which only made my anger burn hotter. I walked until I stood between the two guys, blocking Cade from sight.

“This is none of your business,” I told Garrick.

He turned toward me, and his whole face seemed to pull down with his frown. “It is my business when you both bring your outside issues into rehearsal.”

I knew, logically, I knew that he was right. And I knew that he was my teacher, and this was his job, but the judgment in his tone cut me all the same.

And I wanted to cut him back.

“You’re probably right,” I said. “Maybe relationships have no place here at all. It’s a bad idea to mix them, don’t you think?”

He was so calm, which made me want to shake him. I wanted to sink my fingers into his shoulder and shove and pull and push.

“Bliss, you’re being unprofessional.”

“
I’m being unprofessional?
Oh, that’s rich, coming from you!”

“You and I can talk about this later.” His hand touched my elbow, and I hated that even angry, his touch made my knees weak. I pulled away.

“I don’t
want
to talk about this later. I just want you to direct. I want you to stay out of my business with Cade. Do you hear me? Do you understand? Stay out of it. That’s
all
I want from you.”

Finally, something in his calm expression cracked. His jaw clenched, and for a second he screwed his eyes shut. It didn’t feel as good as I thought it would to see him affected. And already I wanted to take it back.

“Fine.” He threw his hands up and repeated, “Fine. As a director, both of you need to get your shit together before next rehearsal, unless you’d like us to start looking at your understudies. You’re dismissed.”

The door slammed on his way out, and I heard the echo again and again in my mind. I was so stupid. This was SO stupid.

I’d almost completely forgotten Cade was there until he said, “Holy shit, Bliss. He’s the guy?”

I could have denied it. I could have told him the whole story. I could have run. But I felt too hollowed out to move. I slumped onto my knees, wrapping my arms around my middle like that would somehow hold me together, like if I held hard enough, the pain wouldn’t creep in.

But it did.

And the empty spaces in me were suddenly full of the words I regretted and the shame I felt and the absence of him. There was nothing more to do, but cry.

It streamed from me slow and steady, rising like the tide, washing away everything I’d loved about our time together.

A hand touched my shoulder, and I spun around, hoping.

It was Cade.

Slow and unsure, he knelt beside me and took me in his arms. I hesitated for a moment, knowing how he felt, knowing how hard this must be for him, knowing that as usual he was too good to me.

Then I couldn’t resist any more. I was already selfish, what was the harm?

I burrowed into his arms, and let go. It was the ugly cry of all ugly cries, but I didn’t care. Because my capacity to ruin good things knew no bounds.

“It’s okay,” Cade told me. “It wasn’t that bad.”

“Wasn’t that bad?” I rubbed at my eyes, and my hands came back smeared black. “Maybe in comparison to the holocaust. But as break ups go, I think it was pretty bad.”

He stiffened. “You guys were together? Like
really
together?”

“For a couple weeks, technically, before I ruined it.” God, no wonder I was a virgin. I must have broken a whole world of mirrors in a past life.

Against all odds, he had actually liked me. Despite the fact that I ran out on him during sex with a terrible excuse. Despite the fact that I still wouldn’t sleep with him. Despite how horrendously fucking awkward I was. He liked
me
. I sobbed again, because it wasn’t fair.

“You like him a lot, don’t you?”

Struggling for breath, I nodded. “I do. I know it’s crazy. I know it’s stupid. But, but . . . we met before he was our professor, and I can’t just turn it off. I tried. We tried. I guess I’ll
have
to turn it off now.”

Cade rocked me back and forth, and even though it was nice, it made me feel young and immature. Unprofessional, just like Garrick had said.

“He’ll forgive you,” Cade said. “I would.”

I wanted to ask if that meant Cade forgave me now, but I was too afraid. So I stayed in his arms, crying and quiet, just in case this was only a temporary reprieve, in case this was all I would get.

By the time we left the studio, rehearsal was over, and everyone else had left. He walked me out to my car, and I started to hope . . . to hope that maybe we’d be okay. He didn’t kiss me on the cheek like he would have before. He rested a hand on my shoulder. And though it was different, it was enough.

“It will be okay,” He said. And I hoped he was talking about everything . . . about us, about Garrick, about life.

I needed everything to be okay.