The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (518 page)

love keep little company together now-a-days; the

love do not often go together...

more the pity that some honest neighbours will not

it’s too bad some mutual neighbors do not

make them friends. Nay, I can gleek upon occasion.

introduce them to each other. Oh but I am only joking.

TITANIA

Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful.

You are as wise as you are beautiful.

BOTTOM

Not so, neither: but if I had wit enough to get out

I am not that either. But if I had enough brains to get out

of this wood, I have enough to serve mine own turn.

of this forest, I would have enough for my life.

TITANIA

Out of this wood do not desire to go:

Do not wish to leave this forest:

Thou shalt remain here, whether thou wilt or no.

You will stay here, whether you want to or not.

I am a spirit of no common rate;

I am not some common spirit –

The summer still doth tend upon my state;

Even the summer does what I want it to –

And I do love thee: therefore, go with me;

And I love you, so you will come with me.

I'll give thee fairies to attend on thee,

I will give you fairies to be your servants

And they shall fetch thee jewels from the deep,

And they will get you jewels from the ocean

And sing while thou on pressed flowers dost sleep;

And sing while you sleep on the flowers.

And I will purge thy mortal grossness so

I will purge your mortal humanness

That thou shalt like an airy spirit go.

Until you are a spirit like me.

Peaseblossom! Cobweb! Moth! and Mustardseed!

Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Moth, and Mustardseed!

Enter PEASEBLOSSOM, COBWEB, MOTH, and MUSTARDSEED

PEASEBLOSSOM

Ready.

I’m ready.

COBWEB

And I.

Me too.

MOTH

And I.

Me too.

MUSTARDSEED

And I.

And me.

ALL

Where shall we go?

Where should we go?

TITANIA

Be kind and courteous to this gentleman;

Treat this man kindly and politely.

Hop in his walks and gambol in his eyes;

Jump and dance in front of him,

Feed him with apricocks and dewberries,

Feed him apricots and blackberries,

With purple grapes, green figs, and mulberries;

And grapes, figs, and mulberries.

The honey-bags steal from the humble-bees,

Steal honey from the bumblebees for him

And for night-tapers crop their waxen thighs

And make candles from their wax

And light them at the fiery glow-worm's eyes,

Which you can light with the glowworm’s eyes,

To have my love to bed and to arise;

So my love will have light when he goes to bed and wakes up.

And pluck the wings from Painted butterflies

Pluck the wings of butterflies

To fan the moonbeams from his sleeping eyes:

And use them to keep the bright moonbeams from his eyes when he is asleep.

Nod to him, elves, and do him courtesies.

Bow to him, my fairy elves, and do what he wishes.

PEASEBLOSSOM

Hail, mortal!

Hello, human!

COBWEB

Hail!

Hello!

MOTH

Hail!

Hello!

MUSTARDSEED

Hail!

Hello!

BOTTOM

I cry your worships’ mercy, heartily: I beseech your

Please, you fairies, tell me, what

worship's name.

are your names?

COBWEB

Cobweb.

Cobweb.

BOTTOM

I shall desire you of more acquaintance, good Master

I hope to get to know you better, Master

Cobweb: if I cut my finger, I shall make bold with

Cobweb. If I cut my finger, I can use you to bandage the wound.

you. Your name, honest gentleman?

And what is your name?

PEASEBLOSSOM

Peaseblossom.

Peaseblossom.

BOTTOM

I pray you, commend me to Mistress Squash, your

Do give my regards to your mother Mistress Squash

mother, and to Master Peascod, your father. Good

and your father, Master Peascod. I hope

Master Peaseblossom, I shall desire you of more

to know you better as well Master Peaseblossom.

acquaintance too. Your name, I beseech you, sir?

And your name?

MUSTARDSEED

Mustardseed.

Mustardseed.

BOTTOM

Good Master Mustardseed, I know your patience well:

Master Mustardseed, I know how patient you are:

that same cowardly, giant-like ox-beef hath

cuts of cow and ox have ended many

devoured many a gentleman of your house: I promise

of your relatives’ lives because of their use as a condiment on the meat. And to me,

you your kindred had made my eyes water ere now. I

your relatives have made my eyes water from their pungent scent. I

desire your more acquaintance, good Master

hope to know you better, good Master

Mustardseed.

Mustardseed.

TITANIA

Come, wait upon him; lead him to my bower.

Come and wait on him, and lead him to my room.

The moon methinks looks with a watery eye;

I think the moon looks like it does when the sky is about to rain:

And when she weeps, weeps every little flower,

And when the moon rains, every little flower does as well,

Lamenting some enforced chastity.

Both grieving from being forced to abstain from sex.

Tie up my love's tongue bring him silently.

Keep my love quiet, and bring him quietly.

Exeunt

Another part of the wood.

Enter OBERON

OBERON

I wonder if Titania be awaked;

I wonder if Titania has awoken yet.

Then, what it was that next came in her eye,

And then I wonder what came into her vision,

Which she must dote on in extremity.

What it is she is forced to love so extremely.

Enter PUCK

Here comes my messenger.

Here comes my messanger.

How now, mad spirit!

How are things, crazy spirit?

What night-rule now about this haunted grove?

What trouble have you created in this haunted forest?

PUCK

My mistress with a monster is in love.

Queen Titania is in love with a monster.

Near to her close and consecrated bower,

Near to where she sleeps,

While she was in her dull and sleeping hour,

And while she was still fast asleep,

A crew of patches, rude mechanicals,

A collective of commoners

That work for bread upon Athenian stalls,

That work for each day’s bread in Athens,

Were met together to rehearse a play

Met together to rehearse a play

Intended for great Theseus' nuptial-day.

They intend to perform for Theseus’ wedding.

The shallowest thick-skin of that barren sort,

The dumbest of that ugly group,

Who Pyramus presented, in their sport

Who play Pyramus,

Forsook his scene and enter'd in a brake

Left after his scene and went behind some bushes

When I did him at this advantage take,

Which is where I took advantage of him

An ass's nole I fixed on his head:

By changing his head into that of a donkey.

Anon his Thisbe must be answered,

Soon enough, Thisby called him out

And forth my mimic comes. When they him spy,

And he came forth, donkey head and all. When the group saw him,

As wild geese that the creeping fowler eye,

Like wild geese that see the hunter,

Or russet-pated choughs, many in sort,

Or spotted crows in a group,

Rising and cawing at the gun's report,

Rising from the ground and cawing at the sound of a gun,

Sever themselves and madly sweep the sky,

Break from the group and fly quickly away,

So, at his sight, away his fellows fly;

So to, at sight of him, his friends ran away.

And, at our stamp, here o'er and o'er one falls;

And of course here one falls again and again,

He murder cries and help from Athens calls.

While another cries out “Murder!” and seeks help from Athens.

Their sense thus weak, lost with their fears thus strong,

With their senses now weakened from their strong fear,

Made senseless things begin to do them wrong;

They made whatever was around them hurt them:

For briers and thorns at their apparel snatch;

Thorns and briars caught at their clothes,

Some sleeves, some hats, from yielders all things catch.

And sleeves and hats.

I led them on in this distracted fear,

I led them away, scared like this,

And left sweet Pyramus translated there:

And left Pyramus standing there, his head a donkey’s,

When in that moment, so it came to pass,

When right at that moment, incredibly,

Titania waked and straightway loved an ass.

Titania woke up and began to love this donkey-man.

OBERON

This falls out better than I could devise.

This is better than I could have planned myself.

But hast thou yet latch'd the Athenian's eyes

And did you put the potion on the Athenian’s eyes

With the love-juice, as I did bid thee do?

Like I asked you to?

PUCK

I took him sleeping,--that is finish'd too,--

I found him already asleep and finished that as well,

And the Athenian woman by his side:

The Athenian woman sleeping next to him.

That, when he waked, of force she must be eyed.