The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (346 page)

HELENA

Nor you, mistress,

Ever a friend whose thoughts more truly labour

To recompense your love: doubt not but heaven

Hath brought me up to be your daughter's dower,

As it hath fated her to be my motive

And helper to a husband. But, O strange men!

That can such sweet use make of what they hate,

When saucy trusting of the cozen'd thoughts

Defiles the pitchy night: so lust doth play

With what it loathes for that which is away.

But more of this hereafter. You, Diana,

Under my poor instructions yet must suffer

Something in my behalf.

Nor have you, mistress,

ever had a friend who has thought harder about

how to repay your love: do not doubt that heaven

intended me to provide your daughter's dowry,

just as it intended her to help me

to get myself a husband. But how strange men are!

They will have such a good time with someone they hate

when it comes to the secret pleasures of the night:

in lust they'll play with someone they loathe, thinking it someone else.

But more on this later. You, Diana,

under my poor orders must still suffer

something on my behalf.

DIANA

Let death and honesty

Go with your impositions, I am yours

Upon your will to suffer.

Even if it meant death, as long as I remain chaste,

to follow your orders, I am yours,

and will suffer if you desire it.

HELENA

Yet, I pray you:

But with the word the time will bring on summer,

When briers shall have leaves as well as thorns,

And be as sweet as sharp. We must away;

Our wagon is prepared, and time revives us:

All's well that ends well; still the fine's the crown;

Whate'er the course, the end is the renown.

Exeunt

Just wait, I ask you:

in time summer will come,

when the brambles will have leaves as well as thorns,

and have fruit as well as pricks. We must go;

the wagon is ready, and we will get better in time:

all's well that ends well; the prize is great;

however we get there, success will be our reward.

Enter COUNTESS, LAFEU, and Clown

LAFEU

No, no, no, your son was misled with a snipt-taffeta

fellow there, whose villanous saffron would have

made all the unbaked and doughy youth of a nation in

his colour: your daughter-in-law had been alive at

this hour, and your son here at home, more advanced

by the king than by that red-tailed humble-bee I speak of.

No, no, no, your son was led astray by a flashily dressed

fellow there, whose flamboyant ways would try

to make all the innocent youth of a nation

be like him: if your daughter-in-law was alive

now, and your son here at home, the King

would have done far better for him than that buzzing insect I speak of.

COUNTESS

I would I had not known him; it was the death of the

most virtuous gentlewoman that ever nature had

praise for creating. If she had partaken of my

flesh, and cost me the dearest groans of a mother, I

could not have owed her a more rooted love.

I wish I had never known him; he meant death to the

most virtuous gentlewoman that nature was ever

praised for creating. If she had been born from my

womb, and given me all the pains of childbirth, I

could not have loved her more.

LAFEU

'Twas a good lady, 'twas a good lady: we may pick a

thousand salads ere we light on such another herb.

She was a good lady, a good lady: we could pick

a thousand leaves before we found another herb like her.

Clown

Indeed, sir, she was the sweet marjoram of the

salad, or rather, the herb of grace.

Indeed, sir, she was like sweet marjoram in

a salad, or rather she was like rue.

LAFEU

They are not herbs, you knave; they are nose-herbs.

They are not for eating, you fool, they are for perfumes.

Clown

I am no great Nebuchadnezzar, sir; I have not much

skill in grass.

I'm no great gardener, sir; I'm no good

with plants.

LAFEU

Whether dost thou profess thyself, a knave or a fool?

What do you call yourself, a knave or a fool?

Clown

A fool, sir, at a woman's service, and a knave at a man's.

When I serve a woman, sir, I am a fool, when I serve a man I am a knave.

LAFEU

Your distinction?

And what's the difference?

Clown

I would cozen the man of his wife and do his service.

I could cheat a man out of his wife and be doing him a service.

LAFEU

So you were a knave at his service, indeed.

So you would indeed be a knave in his service.

Clown

And I would give his wife my bauble, sir, to do her service.

And I would give his wife my truncheon, sir, for her service.

LAFEU

I will subscribe for thee, thou art both knave and fool.

I will bear witness for you, that you are both a knave and a fool.

Clown

At your service.

At your service.

LAFEU

No, no, no.

No thank you!

Clown

Why, sir, if I cannot serve you, I can serve as

great a prince as you are.

Well sir, if I can't serve you, I can serve

a prince as great as you.

LAFEU

Who's that? a Frenchman?

Who's that? A Frenchman?

Clown

Faith, sir, a' has an English name; but his fisnomy

is more hotter in France than there.

Well sir, he has an English name; but his face is

redder in France than there.

LAFEU

What prince is that?

Who is this Prince?

Clown

The black prince, sir; alias, the prince of

darkness; alias, the devil.

The black prince, sir; also known as the prince

of darkness; also known as the devil.

LAFEU

Hold thee, there's my purse: I give thee not this

to suggest thee from thy master thou talkest of;

serve him still.

Hang on, here's my purse: I don't give you this

to drag you away from the master you're talking about;

carry on serving him.

Clown

I am a woodland fellow, sir, that always loved a

great fire; and the master I speak of ever keeps a

good fire. But, sure, he is the prince of the

world; let his nobility remain in's court. I am for

the house with the narrow gate, which I take to be

too little for pomp to enter: some that humble

themselves may; but the many will be too chill and

tender, and they'll be for the flowery way that

leads to the broad gate and the great fire.

I am a man of the woods, sir, and I always loved

a great fire; and the master I speak of always keeps

a good fire. But, to be sure, he is the prince of the

world; let his mobility stay with him. I'm going

to the house with a narrow doorway, which is

too small for great ones to enter: some may if they

humble themselves; but many will be too fond

of their comfort, they'll want to go on the flowery path

that leads to the wide gate and the great fire.

LAFEU

Go thy ways, I begin to be aweary of thee; and I

tell thee so before, because I would not fall out

with thee. Go thy ways: let my horses be well

looked to, without any tricks.

Go about your business, I'm beginning to get tired of you;

I'm telling you in advance, because I don't want to fall out

with you. Go about your business: make sure my horses are well

looked after, and don't use any shortcuts or tricks.

Clown

If I put any tricks upon 'em, sir, they shall be

jades' tricks; which are their own right by the law of nature.

Exit

If I play any tricks with them, sir, they will be

old nag's tricks; which are naturally theirs.

LAFEU

A shrewd knave and an unhappy.

A sharp knave, and a mischievous one.

COUNTESS

So he is. My lord that's gone made himself much

sport out of him: by his authority he remains here,

which he thinks is a patent for his sauciness; and,

indeed, he has no pace, but runs where he will.

He is that. My dead husband enjoyed him very much,

and left instructions that he should be kept on,

which he thinks gives him permission for his cheekiness;

in fact he's totally out of control.

LAFEU

I like him well; 'tis not amiss. And I was about to

tell you, since I heard of the good lady's death and

that my lord your son was upon his return home, I

moved the king my master to speak in the behalf of

my daughter; which, in the minority of them both,

his majesty, out of a self-gracious remembrance, did

first propose: his highness hath promised me to do

it: and, to stop up the displeasure he hath

conceived against your son, there is no fitter

matter. How does your ladyship like it?

I like him; I don't take offence. And I was about

to tell you, since I heard about the good lady's death

and that my lord your son was coming home, I

asked the King, my master, to speak on behalf of

my daughter; his Majesty, without being prompted,

remembered that he had first proposed that they should