The Complete Enderby (71 page)

S
PERR
: Thank you thank you (
no response to applause killer
) thank you thank you well this is what Id call a real dose of the (
laughter and applause
) I didnt say that I didnt say no I didnt. Seriously though (
laughter
) the rise in prices. I went to a new barber yesterday and before I even sat down he said thatll be one dollar fifty (
laughter
). Thats cheap I told him for a haircut (
laughter
). That he said is for the estimate (
laughter and applause
). Seriously though (
laughter
) the way they speak English in New York (
laughter
). I saw two men at Kennedy Airport the other day and one said to the other When are you leaving. The other said I am leaving in the Bronx (
laughter and applause
). I have a new tailor did I tell you or should I say
I HAD
a new tailor (
L
). I took the suit back and said this doesnt fit. Sure it doesnt fit he said. Youre not wearing it right (
L
). You have to stick out your left hip and your right shoulder and bend that knee a bit (
L and A
). Then it fits nice (
L
). So I did as he said (
visual. L and A
) and was walking along 46th Street when two doctors came by and I heard one say to the other Look at that poor feller a terrible case of deformity (
L
). Right says the other. The suit fits nice though (
L and prolonged A
). Seriously though clients and customers anybody here tonight from Minneapolis and St Paul (
A and jeers
). I thought not (
L
). That means I cant say I went out with a girl from up there (
L
). She was called the tail of two cities (
prolonged L and A. Sperr shouts over
). Be right back. A great guest list tonight folks desirable Ermine Elderley Jake Summers Prof (
Premature start commercial break
).

S
PERR
: So if you want to stay slim and feel overfed girls try it. My first guest tonight is a famous British poet at present visiting professor at … University of Manhattan. Weve asked him to come and say something about a movie that was all his idea and is at present causing a riot in the movie houses of the civilized world. Ladies and gentlemen – Professor Fox Enderby. (
Applause card applause. Visual unrehearsed guest trips on wire. A and L
).

S
PERR
: Must say we all admire the suit Professor Enderby (
A
). A bit of Oldy England (
A
).

E
NDERBY
: (
Unintelligible
) right name.

S
PERR
: Oh I see just the initials. Pardon me. Well an O is a zero right. And a zeros nothing right. So its just an F and an X. With nothing between. Like I said. FOX. (
prolonged A
).

E
NDERBY
: (
Unintell
).

S
PERR
: Are you married, professor? (
headshake no
) Do you have children? (
L
)

E
NDERBY
: A wise child knows his own (
?
)

S
PERR
: What I want to say is do you would you like children of yours to see a movie like Wreck of the Deutschland.

E
NDERBY
: Anybody can see what the hell they like for all I care. Anybodys children. Cluding (
?
) yours.

S
PERR
: I have a daughter of six. (
A
) You wouldnt object to her seeing a movie of nuns being er (
prolonged A
).

E
NDERBY
: Not the point. The point is to have a world in which nuns are not. Then it wouldnt be in films. Then thered be no danger of your daughter. Besides its adults only.

S
PERR
: Maybe. But there are disturbing reports of the young seeing the film and then committing atrocities (
A
).

E
NDERBY
: What the hell are they clapping for. Because of the atrocities. Would your six year old daughter go round raping nuns.

S
PERR
: No but shed be disturbed and maybe wake up crying with nightmares. (
A
) We like to protect our children professor (
very prol. A
).

E
NDERBY
: And wheres it got (
?
) you protecting them. More juvenile violence in America than anywhere else in the world. Not that I object to violence (
audience protest
). You cant change things without violence. You baggers (
?
) were violence when you broke
away
from us in 1776. Not blaming you for that of course. You wanted to do it and were term into do it (
??
). You were wrong of course. Might still be a bit of law and order if you were still colonial territory. Not ready for self gov (
audience protest and some A
).

S
PERR
: Your attitude ties up with your dress professor (
prol. A
). I understand then that youre very patriotic. But youre not living in Britain are you.

E
NDERBY
: Cant stand the bloody place. Americanized. The past is the only place worth living in. Imaginary past. Lets get back to what we were talking about before you introduced irreverences (
?
).

S
PERR
: You did it not me (
A
).

E
NDERBY
: People always blame art literature drama for their own evil. Or other peoples. Art only imitates life. Evils already there. Original sin. Curious thing about America is that it was founded by people who believed original sin and also priesty nation (
???
) but then you had to watch for signs of gods grace and this was in commercial success making your own way building heaven on earth and so on this led to American plagiarism (
?
).

S
PERR
: What words that professor.

E
NDERBY
: A British monkey called Morgan in Greek Plage us (
??????
) taught no national pensity (
?
) to evil. Errorsy (
?
). Evils in everybody. Desire to kill rape destroy mindless violence …

S
PERR
: I thought you said you liked violence (
prol A
).

E
NDERBY
: Never said that you silly bagger (
?
). Never said mindless MINDLESS violets. Constructive different.

S
PERR
: Oh I see sorry. Take a break now. Be right back. Dont go away (
prol A
.
MUSIC POMP CIRCUS DANCE
(
?
)). (
Commercial break
)

S
PERR
: Oh there you are. Hi. My next guest is also a professor youve met often on the show. Expert on human behaviour and author of many books such as er The Human Engine Waits will you please welcome back professor of psychology Stations of the Cross university Ribblesdale NY Man Balaglas. (
Applause card applause. Prof Balaglas
)

S
PERR
: Well hi. Its been quite some time professor.

E
NDERBY
: What did you say it was called.

B
ALAGLAS
: What.

E
NDERBY
: This university where youre at. I didnt quite catch the.

B
ALAGLAS
: Stations of the Cross.

E
NDERBY
: Catholic.

B
ALAGLAS
: Theres Protestant there too. Jews. Fifth Day Adventists. What youd call ecommunionicle (
?
).

S
PERR
: And do you like violence too professor (
A and some L
).

E
NDERBY
: I never said I like the bloody thing. Mindless I said.

B
ALAGLAS
: Most emphatic no. The great scourge of our age and one of the most urgent of our needs is to laminate (
?
) it and that is what my own department along with others in other universities regards as research priority. (
Pause then some A
).

E
NDERBY
: Youll never get rid of it. Original sin.

B
ALAGLAS
: I would there most emphatic disagree an urgent problem we have to make our cities places where people can walk at night without getting mugged and raped and killed all the time (
A
).

E
NDERBY
: (
Unintell
) all the time.

S
PERR
: And how can this be done professor.

B
ALAGLAS
: Positive rain forcemeat (
?
). Instructive urge is not killed (kwelled?) by prison or punishment. Brainwashing that is to say negative through fear of pain already tried but is fundamentally inhuman (
e?
). We must so condition human mind that reward is expected for doing good not the other way about.

E
NDERBY
: What other way about.

S
PERR
: Like he said professor. Psychology.

E
NDERBY
: A lot of simple (sinful?) bloody nonsense. You take the filament of human choice out of ethnical decisions. Men should be free to choose good. But theres no choice if theres only good. Stands to region there has to be evil as well.

B
ALAGLAS
: I emphatic disagree. What does inhabited or unconditioned human choice go for. For too much rape and mugging (
A
).

E
NDERBY
: In other words original sin. Which leads us to the stations of the cross.

B
ALAGLAS
: Pardon me.

E
NDERBY
: Youre not Christian then.

B
ALAGLAS
: An irreverent question. Were all in this together (
A
).

S
PERR
: You think its possible then professor that people can be made to be good by er positive er.

B
ALAGLAS
: Right. Its happening already. Volunteers in our prisons.
Also
in our universities. Stations of the Cross is proud of its volunteer record.

S
PERR
: Well thats just (
interrup by loud A
).

E
NDERBY
: What you mean is that the community is more important than the individual.

B
ALAGLAS
: Pardon me.

E
NDERBY
: Stop saying bloody pardon me all the time. What I said was that you think human beings should give up freedom to choose so that the community can be free of violence (
A
).

B
ALAGLAS
: Right. Youve said it loud and clear professor. Bloody clear if I may borrow your own er locomotion (
???
). The individual has to sacrifice his freedom to some extent for the benefit of his fellow citizens. (
Prolong A
).

E
NDERBY
: Well I think its bloody monsters (?). Human beings are defined by freedom of choice. Once you have them doing what theyre told is good just because theyre going to get a lump of sugar instead of a kick up the ahss(
?!
) then ethnics no longer exists. The State could tell them it was good to go off and mug and rape and kill some other nation. Thats what its been doing. Look at your bloody war in …

S
PERR
: Well be right back after this important message. Dont go away folks. Be right b (
prem start comm break
) (
Music. Band on camera. Audience shots
)

S
PERR
: This is the Sperr Lansing Show. Be right back after this station break. (
Station Break
)

S
PERR
: Were talking with two professors Professor Balaglas psychologist and Professor er Endivy British poet. Professor Balaglas …