The Complete Burn for Burn Trilogy: Burn for Burn; Fire With Fire; Ashes to Ashes (92 page)

At the same time Mrs. Cho and I say, “Size eight isn’t big!”

I strap my feet in. Suddenly I’m four inches taller, and the dress even hangs on me differently. “What if I mess them up? Mrs. Cho, do you have a cheaper pair of shoes I could borrow? Like, Aldo or Nine West?”

Mrs. Cho smiles at me. “Honey, you were made to wear these shoes with that dress. No arguments.”

When she leaves to go get me a clutch, Lil says, “Just promise me you won’t smoke in my dress.”

“I won’t. I’ve been really good lately.”

Lillia gives me a look like she doesn’t believe me. “Smoking gives you wrinkles around your mouth, did you know that? Plus, and I’m sorry to say this, but it makes your clothes stink.”

I groan. “Stop with the lectures, Lillia!”

As prim as can be, she says, “Fine, but please just don’t smoke in my dress, that’s all I ask.”

I roll my eyes.

We’re going back and forth over how to do my hair and what color lipstick, when I notice Nadia standing outside Lillia’s door with her arms crossed. Reminds me of when she was a kid and she would spy on Lil and Rennie and me. Our eyes meet. She says, “That color lipstick isn’t right for her. It’s too bright. It should be darker. Richer. More like burgundy.”

Surprised, Lillia says, “I don’t know if I have anything that dark.”

“I do,” Nadia says with a begrudging sigh.

I wink at her. “Thanks, beotch.”

She gives me a tiny smile back and disappears to find the lipstick. Lil falls back onto her bed and says, “I’m sad that high school’s almost over. It feels like you and I just found each other again but we already have to say good-bye.”

“Lil, we have the whole summer! Let’s just make it amazing, all right?” Lil nods a teary kind of nod. I go sit next to her on the bed, and in an instant we’re hugging and crying. Over Rennie, over Mary, over everything.

“M
OVE CLOSER TOGETHER, YOU TWO,”
Celeste urges as Alex’s dad snaps away with his fancy Leica camera. She’s at his side, directing every shot. We’re outside by our pool, and my parents are sitting on a chaise, drinking champagne and smiling at us fondly.

We’ve already done shots with us by ourselves, with our parents, with each other’s parents, pretty much every combo you can think of, all at Celeste’s behest. The way Celeste is acting, you’d think this was our wedding day. She had Alex’s dad take like fifty shots of Alex putting on my wrist corsage. It’s a calla lily. Just like his boutonniere.

I’ve got on the white Hermès bracelet Alex gave me. I showed it to him as soon as I walked in the door. He started to compliment my dress, but I kept holding up the bracelet in front of his face and saying, “Isn’t it so cute?” which made him laugh.

I do love my dress, though. It could be a wedding gown, if it was white. I borrowed it from my mom—it’s mint-green silk chiffon with a keyhole in the pleated front. The straps are twisted into ropes, and the back is completely open. My mom bought me a crystal belt to wear with it. My hair is up, away from my face in soft waves. I couldn’t have worn the dress I bought with Reeve. It wouldn’t have felt right. That was a dress for another girl, another night. I doubt I’ll ever wear it. I should just tell Kat she can keep it.

Alex’s arm tightens around my waist. He looks more handsome than I’ve ever seen him. His hair is freshly cut, and his tux looks like it was made for him. Which, knowing Celeste, it probably was. Her philosophy is that every man should have a custom-made tux.

“Lillia, find your light,” she calls out. My mom and I exchange a look. I swear, just because Celeste watches reality shows about modeling and photography, she thinks she’s an expert. My mom’s the one who actually used to be a model!

Through my smile I whisper to Alex, “Can you say something? We’re going to miss the whole prom if we don’t get out of here. Which would be weird, since it’s at your house!” Thank God Celeste is spending the evening here, instead of chaperoning the prom. I can only imagine how she’d follow Alex around all night. I hold back a giggle. She’d probably want to slow-dance with him.

Alex nods, drops his arm, and says, “I think we’ve got enough pictures, Mom.”

“But we didn’t get one with just you and Nadia.” She pouts.

Nadia’s long gone, back up to her room. She posed for a few shots and then got bored.

“Mom,” Alex protests.

“Just go get her,” I say with a sigh. “And then we’ll go.”

Alex bounds off, and Celeste comes over and puts her arm around me. “I get so happy thinking about the possibility of you and Alex in Boston together,” she says. “Your mom and I can do a girls’ weekend and visit you guys every—”

“What do you mean? Isn’t Alex going to USC?” I saw the acceptance letter on his desk last week.

She shakes her head. With a knowing smile she says, “You never know!”

My cheeks flush. Alex could be in Boston with me. I am
flooded with memories of our great weekend there together, when we almost kissed. I don’t want to assume he’d be going for me, obviously, because we’re just friends. The one thing I do know is that Alex giving up his dream is the last thing I want.

I
WRAP THE LAST SECTION
of my hair around the barrel of the curling iron as quickly as I can without burning the shit out of my arm, which I’ve done twice already. I flip my head over and shake out the curls and then give my whole head a spritz of hair spray. My hair is still damp from my shower, and the curl isn’t holding great. It’s looking more beach waves than vamp curls, but whatever. It’ll have to do. I’m in my black strapless bra and underwear, no makeup on, and I’m supposed to be at Reeve’s house in five minutes to take pictures. I suck at time management.

I race around my room shoving shit into Mrs. Cho’s beaded clutch. Nadia’s lipstick, a couple of Band-Aids. I’ve got one smudge stick left from what I made to burn in Reeve’s room, and I stick that in there too, just in case.

I hurry downstairs. The house is empty. I have no idea where Pat and my dad are. Maybe working on one of Dad’s canoes. Business has picked up again now that the tourists are back. He already has enough orders to last him through summer. Dad’s been training Pat for the last few weeks, which is good. Pat needs a long-term plan. He can’t ride bikes and fuck around in Dad’s garage forever.

I slip on Mrs. Cho’s stilettos. They are so freaking hot, I almost wish this dress was short, so I could really show them off. Then I head out the front door. On the landing I quick light a cigarette and take a few puffs. I know Lillia told me not to smoke in her dress, but I need something to calm me down. I’m nervous, about tonight going well, and of course about Mary. I’ll get the thing dry-cleaned. She’ll never notice.

Dad and Pat are standing in the driveway. Pat wolf-whistles, and Dad blinks like I might disappear. He says, “You look beautiful, Katherine.”

“I’d better. This dress cost more than our mortgage.”

Dad hurries to meet me at the stairs. “Come here, daughter,” he says quietly. He takes away my cigarette, and even though
it’s only half smoked, he tosses it into the grass. Then he tucks me under his arm. “My beautiful girl,” he says, and then closes up my hand inside his.

That’s when I notice Dad’s in a nice button-up shirt, a pair of slacks, and his motorcycle boots. He shaved his beard. He looks younger.

“What are you dressed up for?”

“I want to take a prom picture with you.”

Dad motions to Pat to come over. He’s got Dad’s camera around his neck, an old one that takes real film. He and my mom bought it the year Pat was born.

Pat hands Dad a plastic container, which Dad opens for me. Inside is a white rose corsage. “Dad!”

“I know you said that you and Reeve are going as friends, so I wanted to make sure someone bought you flowers.” He slides it onto my wrist.

It’s a good thing I don’t have any makeup on yet, because my bottom lip begins to shake, and my eyes fill up. I kiss his face. He smells like aftershave. It’s cheap shit he gets from the drugstore, but I love the smell.

*  *  *

The three of us walk over to Reeve’s house. While Reeve’s posing for a picture with his mom and dad, I take out Nadia’s
maroon lipstick, bend down to Reeve’s truck’s side mirror, and quick apply a coat.

Tommy comes outside and throws his arms around Pat, and they pound each other’s backs like they’re old war buddies. Tommy gives me a quick once-over, and I act like I don’t notice, but I pop my chest out a little.

When my dad and Pat go to say hi to Reeve’s parents, I’m about to follow, but Tommy grabs my wrist. “You look good. When you coming to my place for a sleepover?”

“Shut up, you tool! My dad’s right there!”

I ended up hooking up with Tommy one night while I was sleeping over at Reeve’s. He fell asleep in the recliner and . . . I don’t know. I might have climbed on top of him. I was in mourning or something. And he is hot.

Reeve comes across the lawn and puts his arm around my waist. “Leave her alone, Tommy.” Tommy trots back to the house, and at the last second he turns around and waves at me. “Not bad, DeBrassio,” Reeve says. “Where’d you get that dress from?”

“I borrowed it from Lil brand-new,” I brag. “Had the tags on it and everything.” He gets a funny look on his face, like something’s dawning on him. I elbow him. “What?”

He shakes his head. “Nothing.”

“You look good too.” Reeve’s body was meant for a tux. Even though it’s a
rental, it fits him perfectly. He has his hair wet and combed back, and with his strong jaw and bright smile—which was missing for so long that I forgot what it looked like—he looks like a leading man from some black-and-white movie.

He grins and puts his thumbs in his suspenders. “I feel good. I feel like myself again.”

We pose for pictures on his front lawn. I make sure to get some nice ones of me, Dad, and Pat. I’ll put one in a frame and take it with me to wherever I end up going to college, now that Oberlin’s out. No matter where I go, I’ll carry my dad and brother with me forever.

W
HEN WE FINALLY GET OVER
to Alex’s house, the prom is in full swing, and honestly, it’s even better than if we’d had it at the Water Club. The white tents and the twinkly lights look elegant, Gatsby-esque even. While Alex goes around saying hello to people, I make my way over to Ash and everybody. We’re exclaiming over each other’s dresses when I spot Kat and Reeve on the dance floor. Reeve’s behind Kat. She’s tucked up against him, she’s leading him by the suspenders, and they’re dancing in sync, laughing their heads off. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him happy. He looks so handsome and full of life. He
looks like the old Reeve, and I’m glad. Even though it’s over between us, I still want to know that he’s okay.

I’m stepping onto the edge of the dance floor just as Reeve’s walking off it, sweaty and flushed and out of breath. Smiling. When he sees me, his smile slips.

“Hi,” I say, trying to keep my voice from shaking. I’m scared he’s going to be cutting, or mean, or indifferent. “You look good, Reeve.” I try to say it warmly, kindly, the way an old girlfriend would.

It feels like whole minutes go by before he says, “So do you.”

I lick my lips. They feel very dry. “I’m—I’m glad you came.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t going to but Kat dragged me here.” Reeve takes a step closer to me, and without thinking I back away from him. He sees me do it, and his eyes go straight to his shoes. We’re standing in the shadows of the trees that surround Alex’s house now. The prom suddenly feels far away. “Can I just say something?”

I’m afraid to say yes. I just look at him.

“I’m sorry for what I said to you at the banquet. It wasn’t right. It was out of line.” Reeve’s looking at me steadily, waiting. “I wanted to tell you about what happened between me and that girl. And you know, what? I should have. It should have come from me, not from Alex or whoever. The only reason I didn’t was because I was scared that if you knew, you wouldn’t want
to be with me.” He shoves his hands in his pockets. “Which is exactly what ended up happening, so . . . yeah.”

My eyes fill up. I want to tell him that I knew. That I loved him anyway.

“It’s all right. I’m sorry too—for the way things turned out.” The words come out thin and without conviction. “I would like us to still be friends.”

Reeve shakes his head. “I don’t think I can do that.” He says it so softly, almost a whisper. “I’m sorry, I have to be honest. All night I’m thinking how it was supposed to be you and me. I know you don’t want to hear that. But we were supposed to be at prom together, Cho.”

“Reeve, please. I—”

“I’m never going to not want to be with you. I mean, I still love you, despite all the shit that’s gone down. I would do anything to be with you. So no, I can’t be”—he chokes—“your
friend
.”

“Reeve,” I whisper. I touch his face. He grabs my hand, holds it tight in his.

“I know why you can’t be with me now. What I did, what people here think of me. I get it. But school’s almost over and in a couple of months, we’ll both be off Jar Island. I’m still going to Graydon in the fall. I’ll be an hour away from BC. I’m not giving up on you. On us.” And then he’s pulling me against him,
and his mouth is on mine, and I’m kissing him back. I can’t not be kissing him back. The smell of him, the way he tastes, I’m drowning in it and how right it feels. How good.

Between kisses, he says, “Please. Please find a way to forgive me for what I did. I love you. I love you so much, Lillia.”

It wakes me up.

Mary.

I push him away, my fingers fly to my lips. Oh my God. What have I done? “Don’t ever say that to me,” I gasp.

“Cho, wait—” His arms are reaching for me.

“Don’t ever come near me again.” I turn tail and run, run as fast as I can away from the party, to Alex’s pool house.

I can’t be near Reeve. It’s too dangerous. I won’t go back to school, it’s pretty much over for the seniors anyway. Or . . . or I’ll go to Boston, stay in our family apartment until Reeve leaves for training. Whatever it takes to not be near him.