The Color of a Dream (11 page)

“I know,” Diana replied thoughtfully, “and
I’m pretty sure that’s why he agreed to meet us.”

I bent forward, scooped Ellen into my arms
and gave her a raspberry on the belly. She shrieked with
laughter.

“But where will this go?” I asked. “I hope
we’re not making a mistake. I feel like it’s a risk because, like
you said, we don’t know anything about him.”

“No,” Diana replied, “but something tells me
this is the right thing to do. I don’t know why, but I had a gut
feeling when I heard his voice. Otherwise I wouldn’t have suggested
we meet.”

Ellen squirmed in my arms so I set her back
down on the floor.

“And you’ve learned never to ignore a gut
feeling,” I mentioned. “So let’s cross our fingers that this
doesn’t backfire. It would really suck if he turned out to be an
axe murderer.”

“He’s not going to show,” I said to Diana as
I checked my watch for the tenth time.

Diana and Jacob each checked their phones.
“He’s only five minutes late,” Jacob said, “and traffic’s always
slow when it rains.”

The three of us were seated around a square
table in Imagination—a downtown restaurant known for its creative
main-course salads. I’d chosen to leave Ellen at home with a sitter
because I didn’t feel comfortable introducing her to Rick’s
estranged brother when we knew so little about him.

The waitress came by and refilled our water
glasses. I checked my watch again. “It’s ten after three,” I said.
“He’s not going to show.”

Just then the door opened and a man walked
in. He paused to wipe a hand over his hair and whisk the rain drops
away, then glanced around the restaurant, which was mostly empty
except for the three of us and one other couple.

The hostess greeted him, then picked up a
menu and escorted him to our table.

“It’s him,” I quietly said.

Jacob stood and turned when Jesse
arrived.

“Am I in the right place?” Jesse asked.

“Yes.” Jacob held out his hand to shake
Jesse’s. “This is Diana Moore and Nadia Carmichael. I’m Jacob
Peterson.”

Jesse looked to be about my age. He was slim
with medium-brown hair, blue eyes, and a goatee at his chin.

When he finished shaking our hands, he
removed his rain jacket and draped it on the back of his chair.
Then he looked down at Nadia and me as he sat down. “You’re twins,”
he said with some surprise.

“Yes,” Diana replied. “Identical, though we
weren’t raised together. We didn’t even know about each other until
two years ago.”

“No kidding.” The corner of Jesse’s mouth
curled up in a smile. “How did that happen?”

“It’s a long story,” Diana said, “but here’s
the condensed version. We were separated at birth and put up for
adoption. Then by some miracle we ended up in the same city,
working only a few blocks away from each other.”

“Wow,” he said, “that does sound like a
miracle.”

There was an awkward silence while Jesse
glanced back and forth between the two of us. “So which one of you
is—”

“The mother of Rick’s baby?” I finished for
him. Raising my hand, I said, “That would be me.”

Our eyes met and held for the first time and
he regarded me with curiosity, as if there were a hundred questions
he wanted to ask. “So you’re Nadia…”

I nodded, and felt a little flustered.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “my head is spinning
right now. This is strange.”

“My head is spinning too,” I replied. “It’s
been a weird couple of days.”

I was referring not only to the news of
Rick’s custody suit, but also to the letter I’d received from my
donor’s family. But Jesse didn’t know anything about my heart
transplant and I wanted to keep it that way for now. There were
other, more important things to discuss.

“You didn’t bring your daughter with you?”
he asked.

Diana leaned forward. “No, we wanted to meet
you first.”

He turned to her. “I see. To make sure I
pass the litmus test?”

She shrugged. “Well…I’m sure you can
understand…”

“Of course,” he replied. “You don’t know
anything about me. I don’t know anything about you, and this is all
a bit strange.”

There was a sudden tension in the air.

“Yes, it is,” I replied. “And I’m sorry we
caught you off guard. It must have been a surprise to hear from
Diana, and I’m sure you’re not exactly comfortable with the idea of
talking to us, because Rick is your brother and you don’t even know
us. But I love my daughter, Mr. Fraser, and I need to do everything
I can to—”

He held up a hand to stop me from completing
the sentence. “First of all,” he said, “call me Jesse. And second,
let’s not waste each other’s time here. You don’t want to lose
custody of your daughter, and I get that. So what is it, exactly,
that you need from me? Because whatever it is, I’ll give it to
you.” He picked up his water glass and reclined in his chair. “Just
tell me what happened between you and my brother. And what’s he
asking for?”

I nearly sprayed my water out on the table
because I didn’t expect it to be this easy. His reply absolutely
thrilled me.

Diana’s reaction wasn’t quite the same,
however. She frowned and sat forward.

“How long has it been since you’ve spoken to
your family, Jesse?”

Great. Let’s cross examine the witness. He
might be hostile.

“About a decade,” he replied.

She paused. “Can you tell us why you lost
touch?”

He gazed at her for a moment. “Are you
Nadia’s lawyer as well as her sister?”

“Today I am,” she replied. “But when this
goes to court she’ll be represented by a colleague of mine because
there’s a slight conflict of interest here.”

Slight
?

“How so?” he asked.

I kicked Diana under the table, because I
didn’t want to air our dirty laundry this early in the game. Jesse
had just agreed to help us. I didn’t want him to change his mind.
But Diana ignored me.

“I’m the reason Nadia got involved with Rick
in the first place,” she explained. “He and I were seeing each
other in LA when I found out Nadia was my twin. Then after I met
Nadia, Rick and I broke up. I moved back here to the east coast,
and he and Nadia started seeing each other.”

That was tactful, but she left out all the
juicy bits.

For a long moment Jesse said nothing, then
he turned his eyes to meet mine and spoke with understanding. “My
brother’s a real charmer, isn’t he?”

I had the distinct impression Jesse knew—or
at least suspected—that the situation had been far more complicated
than Diana let on. What he didn’t know was that all hell had broken
loose when Rick kissed me in a hotel elevator while he and Diana
were still a couple. When the elevator doors opened, there stood my
sister in the lobby, staring at us with a look of shock and horror
I will never forget.

The whole situation had been sordid and
ugly, and to this day I am still surprised she was able to forgive
me.

“He’s only charming at first,” I said to
Jesse, to make it clear I had come to my senses. Eventually.

The waitress arrived to take our orders and
when she left, another awkward silence ensued.

Jacob reached for Diana’s hand. “What do you
do, Jesse?” he politely asked. “Diana mentioned you work
nights.”

“I’m a helicopter pilot,” he replied.

My eyebrows lifted. “That sounds
exciting.”

“Sometimes it is,” he said. Then he smiled
at me. “But sometimes it’s not.”

Jacob and Diana laughed and nodded. “I think
it’s safe to say that about any profession.”

“And what do you do, Nadia?” Jesse asked
me.

My stomach turned over because I had never
done much of anything in my life—until I gave birth to Ellen and
survived a heart transplant.

“I’m not working right now,” I explained. “I
had some health problems recently, and then of course Ellen came
along. I’m just happy to be a stay-at-home mom at the moment.”

I avoided mentioning the cause of my health
problems because part of me was worried that if Jesse knew the risk
factors I dealt with every day, he might change his mind about
helping me keep full custody of Ellen.

“And what do you do?” Jesse asked Jacob.

“I’m a cardiac surgeon at Boston Mass,”
Jacob replied.

“I can’t imagine
that
ever gets
boring.”

“It keeps me on my toes most days,” Jacob
said pleasantly.

One thing about Jacob—he was always very
humble. He wasn’t one of those arrogant doctors who walked around
beating their chest.

“So I guess that’s enough chit chat,” Jesse
said. Then he turned to Diana. “You asked why I hadn’t spoken to my
family in ten years, Ms. Moore, and I’m happy to tell you. I just
don’t know if it’ll be of any help because it was such a long time
ago.”

Diana sat forward. “We’ll appreciate any
information you can give us.”

Jesse told us about a girl he had once
loved—her name was Angela—and how Rick had stolen her away and
gotten her pregnant. Rick then threatened to leave her if she
didn’t agree to an abortion, so she performed one on herself and
bled to death in his bathroom. Jesse was the one who found her.

The waitress brought our meals just as he
finished describing the events, but none of us could eat. We all
sat in silence.

“I’m sorry that happened,” I softly
said.

Then I thought about how Rick had withdrawn
from me so completely when I told him I was pregnant, and how he’d
accused me of trying to trap him. How he pressured me to take the
money and go away.

Now I saw how irresponsible he had been. In
so many ways…on so many levels. Yet he made the women feel at
fault, as if what happened had not involved him at all.

At least he never asked me to have an
abortion. Now I knew why.

Jesse picked up his fork and we all began to
eat, but the mood was somber.

“Did your parents know what happened?” Diana
asked.

Jesse nodded. “I told them everything when I
flew home, but they’d already talked to Rick and heard his side of
the story. They implied it was my fault she did what she did—that
if I had stayed out of it she would’ve gone to the hospital like
she and Rick had decided and she’d be alive today.”

I was horrified to hear that his parents
would suggest such a thing. “You can’t blame yourself,” I said.

His eyes lifted and met mine. “I try not
to.” He ate slowly. “My parents swept everything under the carpet.
They didn’t attend Angela’s funeral and they defended Rick to other
people. They basically threw me under the bus, and that’s why I
haven’t spoken to them or my brother in ten years.”

Diana and I exchanged glances.

“Rick never mentioned any of that to us,” I
said. “But he was pretty up front about not wanting to get married
or have kids.”

“Not at first,” Diana reminded me. “He
always said everything I wanted to hear. He presented himself as
perfect husband material and I honestly thought we’d end up
together.”

Jesse seemed to be listening, but he offered
no response.

“I tried calling him after I received the
lawyer’s letter,” Diana said, “but his phone was disconnected.
We’re wondering if he might be involved with someone new and maybe
that’s why he wants Ellen.”

I moved my salad around on my plate. “Maybe
he finally met the
right
woman who would be a perfect mother
and he’s a changed man.”

Diana gave me a look. “There’s no point
speculating. I’ll be talking to his lawyer soon enough.”

Jesse reached for his water. “I’m sorry I
can’t be of more help, but I really have no idea what’s going on in
Rick’s life these days. You probably know more than I do.”

“Probably,” I replied, “but what we do know
seems consistent with the brother you just described, so it doesn’t
sound like he’s changed much.”

Jacob’s cell phone rang. He reached into his
pocket to check the call display. “Sorry,” he said, “but I have to
take this.” He stood up and left the table to answer it. A few
minutes later he returned. “That was the hospital and I have to go.
Do you need a ride back to work?” he asked Diana.

“I have my umbrella,” she said. “I can
walk.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, you go ahead.”

He gave her a kiss on the cheek, shook
Jesse’s hand and said, “It was nice meeting you.” Then he hurried
out the door into the driving wind and rain.

“Do you work nearby?” Jesse asked Diana.
“Because I can give you a lift.”

“I wouldn’t want to trouble you,” she
said.

“It’s no trouble.” Then he turned to me.
“Where are you headed, Nadia?”

I wiped my lips with the linen napkin. “I
have to get home to Ellen. We live in Beacon Hill.”

It didn’t occur to me until after I spoke
the words that Diana had arranged for us to meet Jesse downtown for
a reason, and I had just upset that turnip cart by revealing where
we lived.

“I’d be happy to give you a ride too,” he
said, “if you need one.”

I met Diana’s gaze and she shrugged, as if
she was no longer concerned that he might be an axe murderer.

“That would be nice,” I said. “Thank you.”
Then Diana asked the waitress to bring the check.

* * *

After we dropped Diana off at her office,
Jesse headed toward Beacon Hill and I found myself rambling on and
on, confessing all my doubts and concerns about the situation with
Rick.

“It’s tough because he’s Ellen’s father, and
ethically and legally I don’t have the right to keep him from
seeing her. It’s not like he has a criminal record or anything and
he certainly wasn’t abusive toward me or Diana. He just didn’t want
the responsibility of a family. He didn’t want to marry me and I
can’t blame him for that. I’m no picnic. Not that I’m chopped liver
or anything, but you know, sometimes it just doesn’t work out. It
happens all the time and who am I to tell Ellen that she can’t know
her father? If I tried to keep her from seeing him, I’m sure when
she got older she’d resent me, and I don’t want that either. So
maybe I’m just going to have to accept that I’m not her only
parent, and Rick has rights too.”