The Cogan Legend (34 page)

“How did you get over it?”

“I didn't really have a choice.  I knew I had to move on or die.”

“I wouldn't have guessed that something that tragic had happened in your life.”

“People overcome a lot of things in their life if they live very long,” Mary said.  “The things you've gone through certainly fall into the same category, don't they?”

Ann nodded, suddenly realizing why Mary had shared her tragic story.  “You mean, about Rachel.”

“That's one thing, of course,” Mary said.  She reached over and took Ann's hand.  “There are so many things that we can feel guilt over.  The important thing is to remember that you can never go backwards in life, and you can't stand still.  You have to move forward.  That doesn't mean we shouldn't feel bad about the bad decisions we make, but we must vow not to make them again and not to let them keep us from being the kind of people we need to be.”

Ann studied Mary's face for a long moment.  “Do you think that's what I've been doing?”

Mary nodded.

Ann let go of Mary's hand.  She fumbled in the pocket of her dress for a handkerchief and dabbed at the tears that sprang from her eyes and slid down her face.  She nodded before she spoke.  “I didn't kill Rachel and yet I feel as guilty as if I had.”

Mary nodded.

“I really believed I was a horrible person.”  She looked up.  “Horrible isn't even the right word.  Is there a word worse than that?  If there is, I accepted it as a description of me.”  Ann dabbed her cheeks.  “Do you think it won't hurt as much some day?”

“What hurts is your loss. What makes it worse is the guilt you accept because you want to place the blame fully on yourself.”

Ann gazed at Mary thoughtfully.  “But I insisted that she come when my father exiled me to the lodge.”

“You couldn't make her come or do anything, Ann.  You don't have that kind of power. She came because she wanted to, for whatever reason.  Neither of you were responsible for what happened, though, were you?”

“No.”  Ann's voice was thin and laden with emotion.

“That's the right and honest answer, but you can't accept that – and neither could I for years and years.  In my case, it kept me here and allowed me to finally forgive myself and meet your father.  For you, I don't want you to let this turn your life upside down.  I think you and Phillip love each other, and you should start healing – and let him help you heal.”

“But I can't heal if I feel guilty,” Ann said, awareness creeping into her voice.

Mary nodded.

Ann rose from the table and rushed around it and fell into Mary's arms.  Both women cried.

After Ann washed up for supper that night, she found Mary getting ready to set the table.  She began to help her.

“Ann, I need some help with something in my life,” Mary said.  She leaned against the counter, a dish in her hand.  “I feel awful having to ask this question. You won't think terribly of me, will you?”

“Of course not!”  Ann paused and looked expectantly at Mary.

The words tumbled out in an embarrassed rush.  “Do you think I'll fit into Philadelphia life?”

“Of course you will!” Ann said quickly.

“No, I mean, I've never been used to having maids and servants…I like to do everything myself.  I'll probably make a mess of your father's life.”

“That's not possible!” Ann assured her.

Mary looked hopefully at Ann.

Ann grinned and walked over to Mary and hugged her.  “Don't worry. Mary. I know it will be a big change for you, but you'll do fine.  Besides, I'll be there to help you adjust.”  

“Can I ask you something else, Ann?”

“Well, I don't see why not.”

“Your father never told me why you were punished. Do you mind telling me?”
“No, not at all.”  

“Before you begin, I want you to know that this will be a woman to woman discussion and will never leave this room,” Mary said.

Ann nodded.  “As you know Rachel and I shared everything so she invited me to stay over one Friday night and attend a dance.  Rachel and Tom invited a young man to be my escort.  Father gave me permission to stay at Rachel's, with conditions of course.  I never told Father about the dance or the escort or he would never have allowed me to be out on my own.  I was excited to be away from the house with Rachel and with a young man.”

“Why didn't your father allow you out with friends?  Young people like you should have friends.”

“Father and my mother were very protective of me.  He became more so after Mother passed, and he didn't even want me to have callers at the house.

“That night, I was with Leonard.  I don't really know how it happened…” Ann looked at Mary.  “I should have been ashamed, but I wasn't.  I guess I was angry that my mother had died and that Father didn't trust me.  I guess he was right not to.”

 Mary said nothing.

“It was after that night I began to sneak out of the house without Father's permission.  I went out with a lot of men before Father finally learned about my escapades.”  

“Now, I finally know why you were punished, I guess I shouldn't say this, but I'm glad your punishment brought you and your father to the lodge.”  

“I thought I would never get caught.  Rachel warned me lots of times, but I didn't listen.  I deserved to be punished, Mary, but what happened to Rachel because of my punishment will be on my conscience forever.  One pleasant thing through all the horror is I met the man I want to marry.”

“Ann, you had no idea those two men would do what they did.   When he's found guilty, hopefully his hanging will ease some of the pain.”

“Perhaps.”  Ann smiled.  Then she sighed. “It can't bring Rachel back.  That's the biggest struggle.  I miss her a lot.”    

Ann dreaded the dreams.  She was hopeful, though, for the first time in her life that she might be able to sleep because of Mary's story.  She had forgotten to ask Mary if she had nightmares.  Time probably did heal all wounds.

That night, Ann didn't look forward to going to bed.  She tried to think of pleasant things before she fell asleep hoping it would help, but deep in sleep the nightmare returned.  She saw a man climbing down the coach.  He was now at the door, and she saw his face through the window.  It was the big ugly stranger, the man both she and Rachel hated more than anyone.  He pulled open the door and entered the coach wielding a knife, threatening and telling his intent.  He started ripping off Ann's clothes.
 
She could hear the screams and then the dream abruptly switched to Rachel dying in her arms.  She sat up in bed…sweaty, frightened and in tears.

At breakfast that morning, Ann told Mary about the nightmare.  “Mary, I never told you or Father, but since we returned to the lodge I've started to relive the attack in a dream.  At first it wasn't so vivid, but with the start of the trial it's becoming more real and I'm remembering more of the details.  I didn't sleep well at all last night.”

“Why didn't you tell us before?  Perhaps we could've discussed it.”  

“I did tell Phillip.  His presence comforted me. I only dreamt once when he was here.”

“Do you remember the dream?”

“Some but not all, I see his face and hear his voice.  Then he climbs in the coach with a knife, and starts tearing my clothes.  I become frightened and wake up.  I'm starting to remember more and more of that day.  I know my dream is what happened, and it's slowly coming back to me, and it's really getting scary.”   When she finished, she felt shaken, and Mary hugged her.

Mary poured coffee for Ann and a cup for herself.  “I had nightmares for a long time, but they eventually faded.  I haven't had a nightmare for at least five years.”

Ann shuddered.  “I don't want to have this nightmare another night, much less ten years!”

Most of the day Mary and Ann spent in the garden and by late afternoon they were both exhausted.  Mary had hoped Charles would return, but he didn't.  They retired early, and Ann immediately fell into a deep sleep.  As the night evolved so did her nightmare, and she relived all the events of that horrid day.  

Mary heard Ann scream. It frightened her, and she ran into Ann's room and shook her awake.

 Ann woke up frightened and crying.  “Oh Mary,” she sobbed, “I remembered what happened.  That man I thought was so horrible; he saved my life!  He pulled his brother off me and saved me!”

She fell into Mary's arms and sobbed.  “All this time, I thought he was horrible and evil, but he wasn't, Mary, he wasn't!”

Mary patted Ann's back.  “Maybe this will end the nightmares,” she said.

“No, it won't!” Ann said her voice a whisper.  “Don't you see?  I have to save him!  I have to save Poll Soll from hanging!”

Mary didn't speak.

“What can we do? We must do something.  The dream and the truth were intended for me to save his life,” Ann said, tears streaking down her cheeks.

Mary stiffened with a decision.  “Ann, can you ride a horse?”

“Yes,” Ann said, realizing that Mary had an answer.  She wiped her cheeks with her sleeves.  “Why?”

“We must get to Sunbury.  Maybe we can be there before the trial ends, and you can testify now that you remember everything.  As soon as the livery stable in Gratztown opens we'll get two horses and ride to Sunbury.  Let's get up and prepare ourselves.”  

As the dawn broke, they headed for Gratztown and the livery stable.  Kermit, the liveryman, agreed reluctantly to saddle two horses.

When the sun came up they were already heading through the Hanes Gap.  They approached the Cogan by ten o'clock.  Ann became nervous when she saw the directional sign.  “Mary,” she yelled. “Please stop.  I feel very uncomfortable. I just need to stop and regain my composure.”

 Mary understood, and they stopped and dismounted for a few minutes.  Mary looked at her watch but she didn't say a word.  

Ann asked, “Is there another way to Sunbury?”

“It's been a long time since I've been to Sunbury.  I'm sure there is, but I don't know it, and we don't have time to try and find it.  Let's stay close.  We'll try and get through the Cogan as fast as we can. Are you ready?”

Ann nodded, and they mounted up again.  As they started she became very apprehensive; she didn't want to go any further.

 Mary rode over to her. “Ann, you can do this. I know you can.”

Again she nodded, and took a deep breath, they started again.  As they entered there was no direct sunlight. It had disappeared behind the mountain, and the air became cooler.  At places hemlocks were growing beside the road, the leaves were now pushing from the branches of the tall trees, which made it even darker.  Ferns were growing up the sides of the mountain where there was a little sunlight.  

Ann took the lead and urged her companion to travel faster.

They were halfway through the Cogan when a loud bellowing roar sounded.  It frightened the horses who broke into an uncontrollable, headlong flight.  The women hung on for dear life, ducking branches, jumping fallen logs and screaming for their mounts to stop.

They galloped past the murder spot and the burnt out dwellings.  Ann could see the sunlight approach, and she knew they were almost through.  The horses slowed on their own as they entered the sunlight.  After they stopped the horses, Mary and Ann both got down and, trembling with fright, hugged each other.

“What was that horrible noise?” Mary asked.  “I never heard anything like it.”

“I can't even imagine what it was. That's why I wanted to get through there.  It has to be the scariest place on earth.  I'm never going through there again, ever!”

“We're almost in Herndon,” said Mary. “These horses deserve a rest; we really rode them hard.”  

As they passed Jim Soll's homestead, Ann stared at the house and an eerie feeling came over her.  She remembered the big stranger had told them he lived down the road a piece.  She called to Mary, “This is the murderer's house, Mary.”

They finally reached Herndon, and Mary again looked at her watch.  It was eleven thirty and they were both hungry and thirsty.  Mary decided to go directly to the livery stable.   “Do you have two good horses?  We must get to Sunbury as fast as possible.”

“Yes, Ma'am, I do.” He pointed to two good looking horses. “These are the two best I have.”

“We'll take them.  Can you get them ready while we rest and get a bite to eat at the inn?”

“Yes Ma'am,” he said.  

As they ate Ann asked the innkeeper, “Do you know of the trial going on in Sunbury?”

“I sure do, my boss was there Thursday for the verdict.  It's a big to do around here, matter of fact; he's there today for the hanging.  Most folks are there.”

“Today?” Ann asked.

“Three o'clock is what I heard.”

“How long does it take to get to Sunbury?”  Mary asked.

“Three to four hours, but that depends on how fast you ride.”

  Mary looked at Ann and threw some money on the table.

“We must get there before they hang him, Mary.”

****

Time was running out for Poll Soll.  They offered food but he refused.  Mentally he was preparing himself for what was to come.  He was taking himself back to better days and better times.  He decided he had to chant until they came for him.  He took the stone fossil and grasped it in his hands; it seemed to sooth his soul.  The crowd had already gathered and hundreds positioned themselves for the best view.  He could hear plenty of talking, and laughing, kids running and screaming. It sounded like a picnic.  He wanted to block all of that from his mind.  

Phillip gave Tom and Charles the best view possible.  This was the day that Tom had patiently waited for.  All the hate he had built up for this man was finally coming to conclusion.  He couldn't wait to see him hang.  Charles, too, was anxious to put it behind him; he felt it would help take away some of the guilt he bore.