The Children of Sanchez (85 page)

Manuel is the father of five children and he still doesn’t want to open his eyes. To get him to do the slightest thing for them, it costs me too much effort and too many sermons. With the help I have given him all these years he should have his own house by now, or be able to rent another room for his children. He went into partnership with a fellow in the market and he claims his partner ran off with their money, leaving a debt of five thousand
pesos
. But I don’t believe a word he says. It’s bad for a person to be telling lies all the time. Even when they tell you the truth you don’t believe them. They try to convince you that the next day they will turn over a new leaf. But they don’t fool me any more. I’m their father and I know them.

Consuelo has made me suffer because of her strong character. She is a headstrong girl, like her mother. She was jealous of Antonia. You know that usually half-sisters or brothers don’t get along well and they fight. Well, in our house there were no fights because I was right there in the middle of it. I had to bring Antonia to the Casa Grande because her mother worked at night and there were certain difficulties. Antonia grew up alone and was going to the dogs. I had to lock her in a room to keep her from going to dances and cabarets. I had never given her anything, absolutely nothing, but she sought me out and naturally I had to pay attention to the girl. I bought her a few clothes and things and, unfortunately, that bothered Consuelo and the others.

As much as I talk to Consuelo and give her advice, she doesn’t listen. She doesn’t give me a
centavo
. I don’t want anything for myself. I want absolutely nothing from my children. Thank God, I am working for everybody. What I build is for them. If she gives me anything, it would be put aside to pay for a lot to build a house for them.

Imagine my heartache when Consuelo wired me from Monterrey a few years ago. I didn’t have a
centavo
and had to borrow seven hundred
pesos
, a hundred here and a hundred there. I went and spent seven hundred
pesos
and there was no need to spend that money. Seven hundred
pesos
is a fortune. And then I left my work which I never do, even in vacation time.

I made a big mistake in not moving far away when I got together
with Delila. You know, when the children are grown they get angry if the father marries again. I read the other day that a mother was beaten up by her two sons because she married a second time. And in Mexicali the sons killed their father when he married again, but in that case it was because of the inheritance. They must have been savages to do that, or very drunk! I should be grateful because even though I have not always conducted myself at the high level a father should, my sons have never answered back or mistreated me.

When Claudia worked for us, Consuelo said, “Get married,
papá
.” Well, I got married and things changed. Her reaction was very different. It hurt me a lot. It is because my children don’t realize that, rich or poor, we need each other’s help. Only now are they beginning to learn what life is like, that alone one cannot do a thing. They think because today they are strong, they will need no help tomorrow. But two sticks burn better than one!

This Claudia was very light and pretty and plump. She was fifteen or eighteen and I was thinking of marrying her. But Delila was living there then and she was cleverer. When a person sets out to get something, if he has a little intelligence, he gets it. To tell the truth, there were two things involved for me. It wasn’t just my sex life I was thinking about, but I needed someone for the children. Claudia wanted to stay with me but when she noticed that Delila already was big with child, she went away to her people.

I did a bad thing when I chased out Consuelo. She went off with that fellow out of anger, pure anger, but it wasn’t I whom she punished, it was herself who was hurt. I said, “My little daughter, you stained your life forever.”

I went to the boy’s house and spoke to his mother. He said he would get a divorce and marry her. He promised a mountain of things but it was all a lie. He was one of those lazy fellows who didn’t like to work or bring money home. That, and Consuelo’s character and … nothing happened. Now my daughter must make her own way.

And just think of it, these three little girls of Marta! I worry about Marta a lot. Look what bad luck she’s had. It was lack of experience and because she didn’t want to listen to advice. I told her to go ahead and live with Crispín because she already had two little girls with him. She cried and didn’t want to for some reason or other. I don’t know why. But as her father, I couldn’t tell her to get out with her kids and see how they would make out, could I? It’s a question of
luck. It’s like a lottery, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. The world is full of these things. There are thousands of cases like mine.

Will power and the tremendous love I have for my little granddaughters is what is keeping me going, with the help of God. I rest only one day a year, May 1. There are always financial problems. You pay in one place and you owe in another. I’d like to leave a little house for each of my children when I die. With the building I’m now doing, I need lots of money. Why, man alive, with fifty or a hundred extra
pesos
I get, I can buy a load of sand and rocks and little by little finish that house I’m going to leave for my children, so they’ll have a place to live. What father would struggle the way I do to build a house, a room, to leave to sons who have turned out to be bums?

I do not fail to recognize my mistakes and my suffering is because of the bad atmosphere my children lived in. What can I blame: My own bad luck? My lack of experience in life? The absence of a guide? I don’t know but I don’t stop. I keep on going like a
burro
with a load on his back. I established my home with much effort, much work. What wouldn’t I give for my sons to do the same. I would live happier than a millionaire to see them working honorably and supporting themselves.

About religion, well, you see, I got this religion of mine from my parents and of course a man who studies, a man who is educated, has a different point of view concerning religion. And from the way I see things, I criticize the attitude of my people, Mexican Catholics, because they do a lot of foolish things. My way of being a Catholic is like this—I seldom go to church but I’m still a Catholic. I don’t like to go out and shoot off firecrackers and bring flowers to the saints and things like that so everybody will know I’m a Catholic. I’m a Catholic in my own way and it suits me just fine. As for other religions, I think they’re all right because people don’t go and get themselves drunk and killing one another and all the things my fellow countrymen do, the crazy things they do in order to show they’re Catholics. Not for me, I don’t like it.

Like a priest said in church a short while ago, God doesn’t want candles, he doesn’t need all these things, what he wants are more good deeds. The rest of the stuff is unnecessary. So that’s the way it is with these people. Leave me out, is what I say.

No, I don’t believe our souls will suffer in Purgatory. Who has been there and returned to tell us? We need proof. I say this cup is
round and white because I am looking at it. But who can tell us about his experiences in Purgatory? No, God has given no one permission to return. If there is a God, I’ll know it soon enough when I die, and I’m sure to go.

People say witchcraft exists, but I’ve never seen it, perhaps because no woman has ever put a hex on me. It could be that I’ve just been lucky because they say a jealous woman will stop at nothing; yes, she’s capable of murder and these things happen all the time.

I’m told there are people with special power in their eyes and the mother of a doctor, the one who operated on me, told me about a very curious case. Some people who lived in Toluca had a bird that sang, a very pretty thrush, and a woman came by and said, “
Señora
, sell me your thrush,” she says, “I think it’s a fine bird.” So the other one says, “No,
Señora
, I’m not going to sell it, it’s mine.” She says, “I got it as a gift.” So the woman says, “You better sell it to me because when I leave, the bird will die.” Well, so the woman left and she’d scarcely gone when the bird dropped dead. So maybe there are people with a special power in their eyes.

I once went to Pachuca to see a woman because they told me some one had put a hex on me. One of these women who sell birds knows a curer over there, but all they do is take your money, you understand. There’s no such thing as witchcraft, it’s foolishness, not witchcraft, because any one who leaves his money there is a fool.

Now as for my problem, I couldn’t get an erection, see? I was fine with Elena, but sometimes I couldn’t get an erection with Lupita and with Lenore. But, of course, any time you abuse something it’s harmful. You drink a lot of alcohol and you go under, you’re dead in a few days, eh? Well, it’s natural, if you abuse your sex life you can’t help getting a bit weak. Now add to this the two hernia operations I’ve had. The doctor told me some delicate parts were cut, and this weakens a man and his member. My doctor, Santoyo, told me about a fellow who liked to screw a lot; he used to live right here, and was very young, but he loved to do it. Well, he told me he’s given injections to him and to boys of fifteen and sixteen who were all petered out. They sure must have led a terrible life, those unlucky kids, and now what good are they? Like I say, I’m still in pretty good shape.

Once a homeopathic doctor told me women are more passionate than men. And that’s why, when you are with a Mexican woman—I don’t know anything about the others—the longer you are with her and the more you give her, the more she wants. You can’t satisfy them,
they’re very hot. There are some women that have to have a man every day.

Well, as I said, I went to Pachuca, and the
curandera
told me to bring a turkey egg, and stuff like that, and she took something else and started to “cleanse” me and do various things. She charged me ten, fifteen
pesos
each visit. I went five or six times. But I didn’t improve. The trouble I had was not the result of witchcraft; it was a case of sexual weakness.

I don’t know how I got the idea it was witchcraft. Some women … well, you see, I think it was over there where I was working, and here in the
vecindad
too. And, well, you understand, it’s a pretty mean trick to disappoint a woman when you’re already in bed with her, you feel ashamed. A lot of them grab hold of you and give you a rough time, they give you a beating. Of course, no woman beat me. Why, I’d leave Mexico City if that happened!

I didn’t go back to Pachuca because I saw it didn’t do any good and my condition was the same. You see, the trouble is I need the kind of woman I can have complete confidence in, one who will kiss and fondle me. Of course, I’ve had a lot of wear and tear. I’m tired and in my sex life I’ve had several women. I’m not a boy of twenty, so I need some fondling. Just let a woman caress me and I do all right. I need a feeling of security, like in this room, if somebody interrupts, if I hear a noise or somebody speaking, then I’m through, I can’t do a thing.

With Delila, we put the mattress on the floor, but I make sure all the kids are asleep because it would be setting a bad example for them. Very bad. Just on account of what they see, it’s terrible living in these tenements here in Mexico City. Many women take off what they put on when they’re menstruating and throw it over in a corner. And little boys and girls see it. So they go on learning, and after a while they know everything, because they’ve seen everything at home.

It’s hard for a man to satisfy a Mexican woman. I’ve been told personally, “Oh,
querido
, you’ve quit on me and I’m not halfway through.” Just like that, can you imagine. “Well, look,
mi vida
, I better get you a length of pipe because I’m finished now.” That’s the way Mexican women are. I’ve heard that some women who are happily married and always behave very well at home, go out once in a while and look around, discreetly, and find themselves a lover because their husbands don’t satisfy them. I’ve run into several like that. A fellow can’t satisfy them.

I take care of myself. Twice a week and like they say, the vulgar
way, you give them a couple of jabs. That’s about all I do, because I’ve never been very potent sexually. Even when I was younger I didn’t overdo it, understand? Once or twice at most, and I mean once or twice a week, and not every day. You see I’m sort of puny, or let’s put it, I’m not very strong, and naturally on account of I didn’t eat very well when I was a child, I think I’m affected by it today, in my sex life. I’ve practically stopped my sex life with Lupita a few years ago. But with Delilia its different. Even though I’m old, she likes me a lot, really. She’s a hard-working girl who is worth her weight in gold, believe me. An honest woman, hard-working. Yes, Lupita was also very decent, she was, and honest. You never heard her say a bad word, you never heard her say anything. Once she did get mad when she found out about this thing with Delila, and I talked to her, see? seriously: “There’s no reason for you to make such a fuss,” I said. “In the first place, you’ve got board and lodging, which not everybody has. I’ve had two daughters by you, all right, they’re working now, they can take care of themselves. So if you keep on nagging me about this, you’ll have to get out of here and you don’t get any more expense money from me. I’ll turn this place over to one of the boys if you don’t want to stay here.” She became very angry. She had been in bed about two or three months with rheumatism. Of course, a fellow feels guilty up to a certain point, but, well, I ask you, what would I do with my four grandchildren, practically abandoned if it weren’t for Delila, who has been a mother to them, their second mother.

They all need shoes right now. My other two little ones need clothes, money for a doctor, for medicine. Delila is pregnant again. If I had money I would like to have her operated … to have her tubes tied up … so that she cannot have more children. I spoke to her about it although I don’t have the money. I belong to Social Security but we don’t use their hospital or services; I lose a lot of time there, as much as half a day. The baby cannot be born there because I am not married to Delila. I would have to present a paper from the Civil Register to get her in. That’s why I say that one of these days I may marry Delila … for the children. It is because the Maternity Hospital gives good care.