The Changing Wind (9 page)

Small Elk also found himself reluctant to go out and mix with the other young people, as would be the usual custom. There would be the risk of encountering Crow Woman, Stone Breaker, or both.

Never was a lodge so meticulously aligned, so carefully set, or the thongs which held the cover to the poles tied and retied so many times. At first Dove Woman attributed her son’s overattentiveness to his happiness at the reunion. Gradually she began to see his preoccupation but was puzzled by it.

“Let him alone,” advised White Buffalo. “He will work it out.”

Reluctantly, Dove Woman did so. She tried to ignore the repetition of tasks, the meticulous tying and retying of the lashings, the readjusting of the laces over the door, and the interminable fussing with the smoke flaps.

Finally, it was apparent even to Small Elk that there was nothing more that he could do to help his parents establish the camp; He must settle down to make small talk, and the the subject of Crow Woman’s marriage would surely come up. Another idea struck him.

“I will bring some fuel,” he said, and was off like an arrow from the bow.

His mother shook her head.

“What is the matter with him?” his mother asked. “Why is he behaving so?”

“I am not sure,” White Buffalo said slowly. “He will tell us, when he is ready.”

“Is it about Stone Breaker’s marriage?” Dove Woman wondered. “He should be happy about that.”

“Maybe,” his father answered. “He knows of it, because he told us that the traveler stopped with them.”

Puzzled, they settled down in their new campsite to wait for Small Elk’s return.

Shadows were lengthening, and Small Elk had gone far upstream to gather wood and buffalo chips. He had felt a need to escape the social pressures of the day. He wished there was some way he could leave the entire tribe for a few days—until after the Big Council and Sun Dance,
maybe. A vision quest still seemed like a good idea, but he really wished to discuss that with his father.
Aiee
, growing up, assuming the duties of a man, was difficult.

He picked up a dead cottonwood limb and added it to the stack in the crook of his left arm. Already, he had almost more than he could carry. But it would soon be dusk, and if he waited a little longer, he could unobtrusively slip back to his parents’ lodge. Now the sleepy sounds of the creatures of the day were becoming fewer as they settled for the night. A great blue heron beat his way overhead, hurrying to his lodge before darkness fell. There were sounds of some of the night-creatures, coming alive with the departure of Sun Boy and his torch.

Small Elk turned to start back and noticed a figure on the path ahead of him.

“Ah-koh
, Elk,” said Crow Woman.

For a moment, he felt that he had lived this before. The girl carried an armful of sticks, but somehow he doubted that an accident had brought them together. He remembered well their last, emotional meeting. He had a moment of anger. Why would she repeatedly torture him this way, seeking him out to imply things that never were and never could be? He could not stay angry, however. The look in her eyes would melt any but the coldest heart.

At their last meeting, he had thought that he had never seen her more beautiful. Even that was eclipsed now. She stood there, straight and tall, not moving, looking directly into his face, and her spirit reached out to touch his.

“I followed you,” she admitted.

“I know. Crow, you should not have—”

Now anger flared in her face. He was distressed by it, but
aiee
, how it accentuated her dark beauty. Her eyes flashed, and she stamped her foot impatiently.

“Elk, what is the matter with you?” she demanded.

As she moved, the fringes at the bottom of her buckskin dress swayed, and the motion caught his attention. He looked at the attractive exposure of long tan legs, from above the knees downward. He should not be appreciating this, but he had always admired Crow’s appearance, even before the advent of her womanhood. Now she was another man’s wife, and it was wrong to look at her with the thoughts he was thinking. Forcibly, he tried to raise his eyes, trying not to stare at the womanly curves that he
found so appealing. The willowy shape of her hips, the flat belly… wait! Even in the dim light… The traveler had told him, three moons ago, of her pregnancy. This was not…

“I heard you were pregnant!” he blurted.

Immediately he felt like an idiot, but it was too late. If she was angry before, now her face showed a rage that was frightening. For a moment, he thought she would hit him with her firewood. Instead, she threw it to the ground and stepped toward him.

“What?”
she demanded. “Elk, I should walk away and never speak to you again!”

Now his anger rose. How could a woman for whom he had such high regard be acting so shamelessly?

“Yes, you should!” he snapped. “You shame your husband.”

“My
husband?
Elk, you have gone mad!” she shouted at him. “You know I
have
no husband! I would not come here—”

She turned and started away.

“Wait!” he called.

He dropped his own firewood and ran to catch her.

“Crow! You and Bull… Stone Breaker. I was told… the Falling-Leaves Moon? You were not married?”

Slowly, a light began to dawn in her face.

“No!” she said flatly. “Stone Breaker and Cattail. You remember her?
She
is pregnant.”

They stood, staring at each other in disbelief for a moment, and then both burst out laughing. In another moment, they were in each other’s arms, both trying to talk at once, interrupting, and dissolving into laughter again.

“Elk,” she whispered in his ear, “there has never been anyone but you in my heart.”

“Or you, in mine!”

Now both were laughing and crying at once, holding tightly.

“I did not know what was wrong!” she murmured.

“Nothing is wrong, now!”

“We must tell Stone Breaker,” she said, laughing. “He will be pleased for us.”

“Our parents too,” Elk agreed. “I am sure my mother thinks something is wrong with me.”

“Mine too,” she said. “We will go and tell them. But first, let us stay here a little while.”

She snuggled closer in his arms, shivering a little, only partly against the chill of the prairie night.

T
he world was bright, happy, and exciting after the reunion of the two childhood sweethearts. They threw themselves wholeheartedly into the celebration of the Sun Dance and all that it stood for.

For Small Elk, the prayers of thanksgiving for the return of the sun and the renewing of the prairie would carry a broader meaning. His ritual prayers would also hold the gratitude for the return of Crow Woman. At first, he could hardly understand what had happened. How could he have been so wrong, have misinterpreted events for so long? Gradually, he came to understand. His jealousy had been one of the major obstacles. He had been unable to see objectively, to realize that the relationship between Crow and Bull Roarer had been one of friendship, not romance. Bull Roarer had badly needed a friend, and Crow had seen that need. Small Elk was now feeling a guilt that he had not been there to help. He had nearly destroyed himself with jealousy. First he had been jealous of Crow’s attention to their friend, then jealous of Bull Roarer’s success.
Aiee
, it was not pretty.

In his jealousy, he had completely overlooked the fact that Cattail, the quiet, sweet child who was their childhood playmate, had also matured. Now, with the clarity of hindsight, he realized that she had been around all along. Probably she too had been jealous, jealous of Crow’s attention to the rising career of Stone Breaker. But Cattail had been persistent, patiently waiting. Small Elk would never know whether Stone Breaker had first asked Crow Woman to join him as his wife and been refused. He knew that Crow Woman would respect such a confidence, and for this he loved her even more.

Regardless, Stone Breaker, now the respected weaponsmaker
of the Southern band, had now taken a wife. Small Elk had gone to visit their lodge early in the morning after his meeting with Crow Woman. His reception was cool. Cattail, her belly large with the expectation of the child, apologized for the disarray of the lodge.

“We only arrived yesterday,” she explained.

“Yes, I know. And only last night I heard of your marriage. I wanted to wish you well, both of you.”

Gradually, the atmosphere warmed as they began to recall incidents from their childhood. Then Crow Woman stopped by, and soon they were laughing together. The intervening years were stripped away, and they were children again, giggling and reveling in the joy of one another’s successes.

“You wintered with your grandparents?” Stone Breaker asked.

“Yes.”

Small Elk was reluctant to reveal the bitterness and jealously with which he had left the band last autumn.

“I needed some time away,” he explained.

The others nodded in understanding. It was apparent that for Small Elk, life had not been as kind. Privately, he was just beginning to realize how his jealousy had nearly devoured him from within. Much of his bad luck, it seemed, had been self-inflicted.

The moment seemed good now, and he related the story of the traveler’s visit, when he learned of Stone Breaker’s marriage.

“He did not know the name of your wife,” he finished, “and I thought it was Crow Woman. I was very jealous.”

“You thought…
aiee
, Elk, it is no wonder you avoided me yesterday!”

Stone Breaker collapsed into laughter.

“When did you learn?” Cattail asked.

“Only last night. I encountered Crow Woman while we were gathering wood. She did not seem very pregnant, so…well, then she told me.”

Now all four were laughing. Finally, Stone Breaker paused, wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes.

“Ah, my friends, we have been apart too long. Now, when will you two be married?”

There was a moment of embarrassed confusion. Crow
Woman blushed becomingly, but did nothing to help Small Elk answer.

“I… we… ah… there has not been time to talk of it,” he mumbled.

“Of course!” Stone Breaker broke into laughter again. “Last night!”

Maybe a trifle too much laughter, Small Elk thought. Maybe he
had
been rejected by Crow Woman. No matter, now. Stone Breaker and Cattail obviously had a good marriage and were pleased and proud about the pregnancy.

“We will talk of these things,” said Crow Woman, relieving some of the pressure that Small Elk was feeling.

The others nodded.

“I will speak with my father, also,” Small Elk explained. “I have not seen him since last season.”

“About your marriage?” Stone Breaker asked, puzzled.

“No, no. I may take a vision quest.”

“Yes, you should do that first,” advised Stone Breaker.

The women laughed.

“No, I—”

“We understand, Stone Breaker,” Crow Woman said, teasing. “You have hardly been out of your lodge since last fall!”

“Will you follow your father’s medicine?” asked Stone Breaker, attempting to change the subject.

“I do not know,” Small Elk answered slowly. “I am not sure I have the gift.”

He had been so preoccupied with his jealousies, he realized now, that he had given little thought to such things. He should be making these decisions. It was quite usual for the son of a holy man to follow his father as an apprentice. However, he must first have the gift, the visionary second sight, to make such a choice. Even then, some who were endowed with the gift refused it, unwilling to accept the responsibility and sacrifice required for such a career. Small Elk’s older brother, Blue Owl, had not chosen such a path. Small Elk was not sure whether it was due to a refusal or whether Blue Owl had not received the gift. One did not ask such things. While it was permissible to ask whether such an apprenticeship was upcoming, the reasons for the decision were quite personal.

When he was younger, Small Elk had often imagined himself following his father’s footsteps. In recent moons,
the past two years, such thoughts had rarely occurred to him. He now regretted the wasted time.

“It is one of the things that my father can help me with, to find the answers” he explained to the others.

The next afternoon, Small Elk went to talk to his father. White Buffalo was pleased with the change in his son. He and Dove Woman were not certain what had caused the change, but it was certainly for the better—something that had happened that first night, it seemed, when the Southern band arrived at the camp on Turkey Creek. Elk had spent the morning with his friends, and it was apparent that the reunion had been a happy one. Probably joy over the marriage of Stone Breaker and Cat-Tail, they decided.

“Father, I would speak with you,” Small Elk began.

White Buffalo remained silent, waiting.

“I asked of a vision quest, before,” the young man went on.

His father only nodded.

“I was not ready, then. You told me, but I did not believe. Now I know I was not ready, but maybe I am now.”