The Catalyst (16 page)

His hands moved to her back to unclasp her bra, then
it joined the rest of her clothes.

“Give me some sign you’re in this with me,” he
said.

Fiona felt her face heat, and it wasn’t from the
steam of the shower. She pushed her panties down over her hips and
stepped out of them, then she tossed them out onto the floor with
the rest of her clothing.

He nodded his approval. To his credit he didn’t stand
there and gawk too long, nor did he do anything else to make her
uncomfortable. Instead, he grabbed the bar soap. It was a
masculine-scented deodorant soap that smelled like him.

He worked up a lather, and then his soapy hands were
on her. Fiona couldn’t help the moan that escaped her lips. He
wasn’t touching her anywhere intimate yet. It was her shoulders,
and her arms, but there could be no separation of safe zones and
unsafe zones when naked in a shower with him. All those lines and
boundaries dissolved away, leaving two aroused adults with nothing
stopping them but scruples. What were those again?

She couldn’t pretend this was just an exercise in
hygiene. She wasn’t
that
innocent. It was an exercise in
foreplay. He led her down his path of seduction, and she followed
without even a weak whimper of protest.

He turned her around and placed her hands on the
tile, one on either side of her face. She leaned forward, her
forearms resting against the shower wall as he soaped up her back.
Z’s hands wrapped around her waist, moving over her belly.

This is really happening. Of course it’s happening,
you head case. Naked in a shower with a werepanther. Did you think
he’d stand in his corner and you’d stand in yours?

Fiona tried to shut off the inane mental
commentary.

Z’s voice rumbled over her. “Relax. Don’t think so
much.”

“How do you know I’m
thinking?”

“Because your jaw is set like
you’re being tortured in an inquisition, and every muscle in your
body is so tense I’m surprised you haven’t strained something.” He
was quiet for a moment. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this.”

Fiona spun to face him, almost losing her balance in
the process. She grabbed his arm for support. “Now who’s
flip-flopping? If you think you’re getting me all naked and
vulnerable in a shower, then rejecting me, you are out of your
mind.” She hooked one hand around the back of his neck, and without
thinking, pulled him to her, her mouth crashing against his.

She was tired of playing the lamb to his wolf. He
growled as his hands roamed over her ass. Or maybe she wasn’t tired
of it. But she was tired of pretending it was awful.

Z shut off the water and abruptly got out.

Fiona stood dazed, trying to figure out what had just
happened. But the next minute a towel was wrapped around her, and
he carried her to the bedroom. He tossed her on the bed and shut
the door like he thought they’d be interrupted otherwise.

“Tell me now if we’re doing this or not. This is your
last chance to back out. I mean, no pressure, but I keep telling
you the wild animal thing. Past a certain point I don’t have the
ability to stop. I need you to understand that. You know what I
am.”

There were drops of water coming off his hair and
rolling down his body. She licked her lips. Yes, she knew what he
was. Over six feet of raw, primal male power. Tight muscles that
had pressed against her in the shower, strong hands that had killed
a man to protect her—but had been nothing but gentle when they
touched her, a kiss that lived up to his caveman reputation and
then some. She was never getting a better opportunity than
this.

Fiona laid back against the pillows like some
fainting damsel. “I understand. Do what you have to do.”

His eyes narrowed. “Are you being smart?”

“Maybe.”

Z joined her on the bed. She was surprised when he
spooned with her. She hadn’t thought of him as the cuddling type,
and right after his big warning, she hadn’t expected another tender
gesture.

“Before we do anything, you’re going to relax. If
you’re not relaxed, I’m not doing this. It’ll hurt you too much,
and I’m not an ogre. So we’re going to work on that, yeah?”

“Okay. Although… you
did
chloroform me,” she
pointed out helpfully.

Z smacked her ass. Before she could get indignant
about it, he rubbed over the mark she was sure he’d made. She
settled against him, letting go as he kneaded the tension from her
body. Then a sound started, and she felt a vibration against her
back.

“Are you purring?”

“I’m a big cat. It’s a thing. Be quiet and let me
take care of you.”

Fiona had to work to stifle the giggle bubbling out.
His hand moved between her legs, turning the giggle into a
moan.

“That’s the sound I prefer,” he whispered in her
ear.

When he talked to her that way, she came undone. She
wasn’t sure if she was supposed to be offended or scared. She knew
if she stopped thinking for two seconds, nothing in the world would
matter but the way he played her body.

***

Every part of Z screamed this was a bad idea. She was
too innocent. But he pushed the voice down. He wanted what he
wanted, and if the way she shuddered in his arms was any
indication, she did, too.

Her hips began to rock as he eased two fingers inside
her. So lovely and wet and… tight. He pressed harder and she let
out a cry. He could smell her tears.

Z didn’t move, just waited, trailing kisses down the
side of her neck. He’d had sex with a virgin twice before Fiona.
The first time he’d been clueless, popping her cherry with the
first thrust, traumatizing the poor girl. The second time, he’d
tried the fingering approach.

He’d found the pain was almost as much psychological
and fearing it as it was the actual event, so he’d learned to treat
it like a Band-Aid and rip it off while nobody was looking.

“Shhh, relax. That’s all the hurting part.”

“Really?” It didn’t seem as if she believed him.

He withdrew his fingers to let her see the blood in
the dim light. “That’s my sneak attack method.”

She giggled, finally relaxing. Z rolled them so she
could straddle him. When he looked up at her, Fiona’s face didn’t
have any of the earlier anxieties. It was serene and free of worry
lines.

He wanted her in this position for his own selfish
reasons. He wanted her breasts hanging free in easy reach of his
hands. He wanted to feel her writhing on top of him. Nothing was
hotter to him than a woman riding him, seeking her own pleasure.
And after the bit of pain, he wanted to be sure she had that.

Z guided her, and she let out a gasp to match his
answering groan as she sank down on him. He couldn’t imagine what
it felt like for her, but he was in heaven.

Her cheeks flushed, the pink almost swallowing her
freckles. Her lips parted as her breath deepened. Then his gaze
made the mistake of moving to her eyes. He avoided too much eye
contact during sex; it was too intimate, but he couldn’t avoid it
with her. Something inside wouldn’t let him abandon her right now.
As she rode him, he felt something that had nothing to do with his
anatomy. He felt connected. And it scared the shit out of him.

***

As soon as Fiona fell asleep, Z bolted for the
kitchen. He was on his second pot of coffee.

He tried not to think about how he’d been with her.
Sweet. Soft. Caring. No. This was bad news. It was just because she
was a virgin. That had to be it. He wasn’t a monster. What was he
going to do, toss her down on the ground and do her doggie style
her first time? Clamp a hand over her mouth while she screamed past
the pain? He’d
had
to be more gentle with her. Her first
time shouldn’t be a bad memory, even if he couldn’t offer a
commitment afterward.

But he wasn’t convincing himself. He didn’t like to
sleep with virgins because they were too much trouble, but he’d
done it before and he hadn’t felt warm and fuzzy and
protective
. They’d wanted him to be their first. He’d
agreed. It was as simple as that. Nothing about Fiona was
simple.

“Hey.”

Z looked up guiltily, worried she might be able to
sense too much of what was going on inside him. Did her gift only
work when he was in animal form? How much information could she get
with no direct dialogue? He wasn’t sure.

She leaned against the refrigerator, her hair mussed
up, wearing one of his T-shirts. The look on her face was… she
looked so vulnerable. Had he put that look on her face? If anybody
else had put that look there, he would have kicked their ass.

“Do you want some coffee?” he asked. He hadn’t
bothered to put clothes on when he’d come into the kitchen, and now
that they were at an awkward moment, she was trying to avoid
looking at any particular part of him, especially the part he
couldn’t be bothered to cover up.

She shook her head. “It’ll keep me up. I’m not a big
coffee drinker.”

“You’re up already.”

“I rolled over and you weren’t there.”

An instinctive look must have crossed his face, the
kind that signaled his willingness to fight to the death to protect
his bachelorhood, because she flinched in response.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “I didn’t mean… I’m going to
try to go back to sleep, I guess.” She turned away, the tension
evident in her body. And after he’d done all that work to relax
her.

“Do you want to just sit with me, then?” Z didn’t
know how to do this. He didn’t know how to talk to a woman he’d
just slept with. Up until now he’d orchestrated his sexual
interactions so he wouldn’t have to carry on a conversation after
the initial seduction, and definitely not after the main event.

When he’d chosen human women, he’d become the master
of sneaking out of strange beds in the middle of the night. He’d
been stealthy to begin with, but he’d tweaked the skill to such a
level that he’d never once been caught by a groggy woman with
fairy-tale-princess dreams. Until now.

This time, he’d chosen to sleep with a human woman in
his own cave—a woman he couldn’t just dump, who might not be able
to leave without a panic attack. Fuck. Z stared at the steam coming
off his coffee cup.

Fiona pulled out the chair he’d indicated and sat.
“Now that you’ve had me, are you going to toss me out?”

He looked up as if he’d been caught with his hand in
a cookie jar. “What? No. What kind of monster do you think I am?”
Subtle, Z.
“You think I’d abandon you?”
Keep lying to
her. She knows.

“Why not? You were ready to abandon the pup.”

He didn’t know what the hell he was going to do with
her. The more time they spent alone together, and the more attached
he became, the more danger he was in of losing his freedom. But
actually tossing her out hadn’t crossed his mind. It was more the
terror of where this might go. If he’d thought just getting rid of
her was an option, he wouldn’t have a reason to be afraid.

“Nobody abandoned the pup. The pup was taken. Tell me
how to find him. Do you have a plan? Do you have a map? Maybe you
put some kind of tracking chip on him?” He knew he was goading
her.

She looked at her hands as she clasped and unclasped
them on the table. “You know I don’t know how to find him anymore
than you do.” Then she started crying. “All this is my fault.”

Oh no. Not that again. Z had never met a woman who
cried so damn much, and it wasn’t some female problem. He’d know if
it was that. He knew the exact times to steer clear of a woman to
keep away unwanted offspring and to avoid hormone meltdown.

“All what is your fault? Let’s try to narrow this
down to a single topic.”

Fiona shot him a glare. “I’m the one who let my guard
down. I should have kept him in his cage while I worked the
protection spell. I’m the one who screwed up the spell and left a
magic trail that could be found. I’m the one who hesitated about
going out after him when I could have kept him from going too far.
Should I go on, because I’m sure the list is longer?”

“You sound insane. Did you choose to be involved in
any of this in the first place? I lost the pup the first time,
landing him on your doorstep and involving you to begin with. I
kidnapped you and brought you back here. I left you alone with him.
I knew your fears when I left you here. It’s not your fault. All
right? Please, please stop crying.”

He got up and paced the floor, watching her agitation
grow. She wiped her face with the back of her hand and settled
down. Kidnapping her to help him understand the pup had seemed
smart at the time. But who was he going to kidnap to help him
figure Fiona out?

“Come here.” He was struck by the notion that he was
uncomfortable with how close they were in the small space of his
cave. But he was equally uncomfortable by how far away they were,
and the fact that he wasn’t touching her.

She looked unsure, but got out of the chair and
crossed the kitchen to meet him. He pulled her to him and wrapped
his arms around her. After a second of shock at the unexpected
gesture, she laid her head on his shoulder and he stroked her
hair.

Well weren’t they just domestic? If his panther
buddies could see him now. They’d never stop laughing.

Z kissed the top of her head. “Everything is going to
be okay. We just need some sleep. In the morning when we’re fresh,
we’ll figure something out. But no matter what happens, it’s not
your fault. The pup wasn’t your responsibility. I don’t blame you
for any of this, and you shouldn’t blame yourself.”

She nodded against his shoulder, and some of the
tension started to drift out of her. He led her back to the bedroom
and pulled back the covers for her to get in. He joined her and
tried not to think too much about why he pulled her flush against
him to spoon with her until she fell asleep, or why he wrapped one
arm around her waist and left it there.