The Broken Road (19 page)

“Megan. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I know Shane means a lot to you. I know that. But he’s just bad news.”

Flashes of the last couple months played through my mind. Dinners at my mom’s, spending time together, making love practically every night. How could the man I love be this person that Tommy claims he is? I wanted to refuse to believe Tommy’s lies, but the doubt that had been in the back of my mind crept in. The late night phone calls, the long work hours; it never made sense.  Shane’s words came back to haunt me, “People have gotten hurt because of me
.”
Is Shane really this person?
I felt like I didn’t know Shane at all. “I want to see him. Now,” I managed to blurt out.

Tommy nodded. “I have to go talk to my boss, but as soon as Shane gets back, I’ll allow five minutes.”

I just nodded, my body turning numb. Tommy left me in the room, alone with my thoughts and worst fears. I had to hear the truth from Shane before I jumped to any conclusions. Did Shane really shoot my brother? Why? And if he’s lying about the drugs, what else is he lying about? I didn’t know what to think and my emotions were all over the place.

About forty minutes later, Tommy brought Shane to the door, looking tired and defeated. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, I didn’t want to believe Tommy’s crazy story. However, when I saw Shane, he had changed; sadness filled his eyes.

“Shane!” I ran over to him and wrapped my arms around him. Tommy stood in the doorway.

“Megan, you have five minutes.” And he walked out.

“Please Shane. Please tell me that everything Tommy said is a lie,” I begged, as tears started falling. Shane just looked away.

“NO DAMMIT.” I snapped at him. “Look at me Shane! Tell me the truth. Tell me that Tommy is lying and that you aren’t dealing. Tell me that you didn’t shoot Kyle!”

“I can’t,” he uttered, gruffly.

“What do you mean ‘you can’t’?” I asked, shocked. I grabbed his face and forcibly turned it towards mine.

“Megan. I can’t tell you that Tommy was lying. I can’t. It is what it is,” he said, his voice turning hard as steel.

“Is Tommy right? Did you shoot Kyle?”

Shane hung his head, like he was ashamed. I took that as confirmation and anger flowed through. I shoved him with both hands, but my fury was no match for his size. He barely moved.

“You shot my brother? You sonofabitch. Why? He’s my family and practically your brother! How could you? I guess that means you’re still dealing too.” I shoved him again, with as much power as I had. He finally stumbled back, hitting the wall. I backed away and shook my head in disbelief. “You lying bastard. You told me that you stopped. You are better than that! Why would you put yourself through this web of lies? Why drag us into this?” I yelled.

Shane's eyes narrowed and his body tensed. “It wasn’t supposed to end up like this.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I demanded. “What wasn’t supposed to end up like this? Were you not supposed to shoot my brother? Did you not mean to lie to me for the last four months?
Did you not mean to make me fall in love with you?”
I screamed the last sentence. All that time, emotion, pleasure; it had all been a lie. I felt my heart breaking like glass, showering down like confetti. I was devastated and used.

“I didn‘t mean to hurt you.” he said quietly, finally looking me in my eyes. It hurt too much to look at him anymore. I turned away.

“Well, it‘s too fucking late for that. I thought you were feeling the same. But I guess that was all part of the act too,” I whispered. I roughly wiped away the tears.

“Dammit Megan. Do you think I want to be here? Do you think I really meant to hurt you? I didn’t. I'm sorry this shit happened, but I can’t help it. I didn’t want to get you or your family involved!” he shouted back at me. “This was just supposed to be a quick thing, not some long drawn-out drama.”

Not thinking, I pulled back and punched him. Tears flowed but I didn’t care anymore. That bastard didn’t care at all about me or what he had done.

“Meg, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that...,” he stuttered, holding his jaw in shock. I put up my hand to silence him. I couldn’t let him finish. I couldn’t let him have the last word.

“Fuck you Shane. You really deserve what’s coming to you.” I said coldly, walking over to the door and knocked, knowing that Tommy stood just outside. I knew he heard every word, but at this point, I didn’t care. He looked at me with sadness in his eyes when he opened the door, then he put his arm around my shoulder to lead me out.

Crying freely now, I sat down on a bench along the wall and broke down. Everything that I thought was good had gone horribly wrong. My chest heaved with crushing sobs. Questions floated in my head, questions I didn’t dare voice.
Had everything been a lie? Our nights together, was that all part of the act
?
How could he do this to me? To my family
?
My heart felt broken, destroyed. I didn’t notice that Uncle Bob had put his arm around me until he spoke.

“Megan, let me take you home. Your mom is waiting for you,” he said gently, as he handed me a tissue. Nodding, I blew my nose and stood up. I headed into the ladies room and washed my face. He used and betrayed me.
Holy shit, I need to throw up.
I walked out of the bathroom and let Uncle Bob take me outside. It had gotten cloudy, threatening rain and it suited my mood. We drove back to my house in silence. My mom was there when we arrived and rushed out to greet us.

“Megs! What happened?” she asked, drawing me into a hug. “Are you okay?”

I nodded and walked into the house without sharing a word. I saw the glance that my uncle shot her. I could hear their muted conversation as I closed the door. Let Uncle Bob explain that my heart was broken, that Shane had led everyone on. I walked upstairs and laid on the bed. Penny whimpered and jumped up next to me. She put her paws on my arm and gently licked my hand.

“Oh god, Penny. What am I going to do?” I whispered, as the sobs racked my body.

Chapter 17

When I opened my eyes, it was dark outside. Penny followed me as I went downstairs. I felt sick. My nose was all stuffy and my eyes were swollen. Mom was puttering around in the kitchen when I walked in. Immediately, she pulled me into her arms.

“Oh baby doll. I’m so sorry that you’re hurting,” she murmured. I could feel myself growing weak as tears started to form. I pulled back and wiped my eyes with my sleeve.

“Don’t Mom,” I muttered, as I sat down at the table. Mom set about making me a cup of tea with honey, my comfort drink from childhood. I was grateful that she was here, but at the same time I wanted to do nothing more than wallow in my sadness and self-pity. I sniffed. Dinner. And by the smell of it, roast chicken and sweet potatoes. My mom’s comforting tactics. “It smells good, Mom,” I said, sipping the hot tea.

“Dinner will be ready in half an hour. Why don’t you go take a hot shower? It will make you feel better.” I just shrugged. It would be worthless to argue with her. Even with the tea, I still felt like garbage. I was exhausted and I had the beginnings of a migraine. I took my tea with me into the bathroom and started the shower. I grimaced at the zombie staring back at me from the mirror. Dark shadows circled my red, dry eyes. I was pale and sickly looking. I climbed in and stood underneath the spray. Visions of Shane tortured my battered mind. His haunted look; the guilt on his face; the ease that he seemed to have to be able to push away any sort of attachment that we shared. My emotions were on a roller coaster. I was so angry at Shane. He lied to me. The betrayal and the lies and the dealing crushed my heart. I tried to push past the fact that he wasn’t in love with me, but I couldn’t. I felt like the most stupid girl in the world, used, and made a fool of. I broke down, feeling like I was going to break open.

When the water started to cool, I got out slowly. I walked into the bedroom in just my towel and was shocked at the scene. I didn’t notice this before, but the room was trashed. There were clothes everywhere; books and trinkets knocked over, drawers were out of my dresser and lying on the floor. The detectives must have been searching for evidence. A flash of nausea hit me. Like a movie, the entire scene of the officers breaking into my room played over in my mind. Rage overcame me and I quickly got dressed, pulling on the first items that I could find. I flew into the guest room, pulled out a large box of books from the closet and dumped them on the floor. I darted back into the bedroom and started throwing Shane’s clothes and shoes into the box. I swore loudly, cursing every article of clothing, blaming inanimate objects for my despair. His favorite cologne, the boxers, the shirts, and the Stephen King novel he was reading, the extra pair of glasses, everything went into the box. I went into the closet and took out all the hooded sweatshirts and jeans. A woman on a mission, I was determined to get rid of everything that reminded me of him.

I had just reached for a t-shirt when a picture stopped me in mid-reach. I picked up the picture and sat back. It was my favorite picture of us. I remember this day. Jen and Matt came by to play some games and I had just beat Shane at Scrabble. I remembered that day as if it was yesterday. He picked me up and threw me on the couch in objection to my winning word. Our faces were flushed and you could tell that we were laughing hard. I was leaning back against his chest, his head on my shoulder. The laughter was still in our eyes, and we both had a huge smile. Seeing this picture, my heart crumbled into a million pieces and my rage deflated.

The false bravado that had been building up came crashing down in a fresh wave of sadness.
I can’t do this. I can’t just get rid of him. I will never be able to get rid of him like that out of my heart, out of my thoughts as quickly as he left my life
. I picked up the box filled with the remnants of Shane and shoved it in the corner of the closet. I quickly cleaned up the rest of the room. I wanted to erase any traces of what transpired today, but I know that’s stupid. The memories would be burned in my mind for the rest of my life.

I headed back downstairs. Mom had kept dinner warm for me. She wordlessly pulled out a plate from the microwave. I sat down and poked through my food. It was my favorite, but I couldn’t eat. The mere thought of eating made me feel sick.

“Mom. I’m sorry. This is really good. I guess I don’t have much of an appetite,” I said, finally pushing away my plate.

“It’s okay baby. I understand.” She got up and put my plate in the sink, then came around to my chair. She sat next to me and took my hands into hers. She still wore her anniversary band that my father had given her a month before he died. They celebrated their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary with a huge party in St. Michaels, Maryland. It was a fantastic night with our closest friends and family. Shane had been there. Ugh. I pushed the memory of him in a suit out of my head.
When will everything stop reminding me of him?

“Megs. Uncle Bob told me what happened. I’m shocked that it’s true. It doesn’t sound like Shane.”

“Well, he was good at fooling people wasn't he?” I grumbled. I toyed with her ring and then pulled my hands away. “I really don’t want to get into it Mom. I really don’t. He lied to everyone. He shot Kyle. He broke my heart. What’s done is done,” I muttered.

I took a bottle of water out of the fridge and headed upstairs. I know I wasn’t being very hospitable, but Mom didn't take it personally. She had a key and would lock up when she left. I crawled back into bed and watched the clock move. I was physically exhausted but my mind wouldn’t shut down. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he had said about his intent. What was his actual plan? Why did he move in with me? Was it just for the sex? Did he truly have feelings for me or was this a plan to hide from the police? My thoughts were interrupted by the cell phone ringing. I picked it up, not bothering to look at the ID.

“Yeah.” Rude, yes, but I was in no mood for pleasantries.

“It’s me. Why was Shane on the news?” Jen’s voice came on the line. Crap. I should have called her. I sighed and then went into the whole story. Jen was speechless. As close as she and Shane were, she had no clue this was going on.

“Holy shit. How are you doing? How are you handling it?” she asked gently. I could feel the tears start again and I angrily wiped my face.

“Jen, I am incredibly furious at him and so betrayed at the same time. I made the stupid mistake of opening myself up to him, trusting him. Falling in love with him. I guess I was wrong. He lied to everyone. It  makes me wonder who Shane really is."

“Oh Megan.”

I didn’t want to hear her sympathy. I didn’t want to hear the pity in her voice. “I gotta go. I’m exhausted and I think I’m getting sick.” We ended the phone call and I turned off my cell phone. I didn’t want to hear from anyone at this point. I just wanted to go to sleep. I threw the covers on and closed my eyes, allowing the exhaustion I felt to finally take over.

Chapter 18

I woke up the next morning feeling just as tired as when I went to bed. I forced myself to get up and put on a pair of cotton capris and a long-sleeved gray shirt. I turned my cell phone back on and realized I had ten urgent text messages. Among them, Rachel, Kyle, Sarah, all probably wanting to talk about Shane, I surmised. I deleted them, not bothering to read them. I didn’t want to re-hash the whole story to every single person. I’m sure my mother would fill in Sarah and Kyle. I went downstairs to make some coffee. I needed something to get rid of this fog in my head.

Mom had left sometime last night and left a note. I had to smile. She made jokes about my cooking and, just because Shane is gone, I should still eat regularly. She left the chicken and sweet potatoes in the fridge. I made coffee and took it into the living room and mindlessly flicked through the TV channels, only stopping when I turned on the news channel.

Former hockey prodigy, Shane Turner, was arrested by federal agents in a drug sting yesterday. Investigators allege that Mr. Turner was part of the Cruz Cartel, a drug ring located here in Crofton that stretches across the country.  It is thought that his friend, the recently deceased Eric Morrison, was also part of that ring. Turner will appear before the U.S. Federal court today to be indicted on charges of extortion, possession, and intent to distribute as well as others. Turner is also being questioned for the shooting of Edgewater police officer, Kyle Connors. This is Melvin Booms. Back to you.”